Missing Home

Hermione and Snape were in the basement lab preparing ingredients when they heard Harry's voice carrying through the house above them.

"Hello? Severus? Hermione? Is anyone there?"

They exchanged perplexed looks and hurried up to the Floo in the sitting room to see Harry's head in the green flames.

"Oh, there you are! I tried Grimmauld Place first but Kreacher said you were here. Sorry, Severus, I hope I'm not interrupting anything important."

Snape shrugged, frowning in concern. "Just preparations. Is everything all right at Durmstrang?"

Harry averted his eyes and it was entirely possible that he was blushing, but the glow from the fire made it hard to tell. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just... I really need to talk to Hermione."

Hermione met Snape's worried gaze and said, "Of course. I'll meet you back downstairs when we're finished talking, okay?"

Snape nodded slowly. "Certainly. There's no rush. I hope you're well, Harry. I'll leave you two to carry on."

Snape retreated to the basement stairs, hesitating as he descended. It didn't take Legilimency to see that something had Harry rattled, and Snape was worried the training was pushing him too far, too fast. Knowing Harry's stubbornness, he wouldn't want Snape to know his struggles. Thus it was that Snape reached into his bag of tricks from his spying days and cast a spell that let him hear their conversation even from his vantage point in the lab.

The voices were tinny, like they were on the Wizarding Wireless, but their words were clear.

"Harry, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

There was a pause, then Harry whispered, "Hermione, you're my closest, dearest friend. I don't want to ruin that."

"What are you talking about? Harry, you couldn't ruin it. Just talk to me, please."

"You can't tell Ron. Or anyone. Promise me."

"I promise. Honestly, Harry, you're really making me worry. What happened?"

"It's... last night... um... Viktor and I... well, not really..."

"Viktor? Is he all right?"

Harry's sigh was audible. "Yes, yes, he's fine. It's what we did... last night. I'm just really confused."

"What did you do?"

"We flew. For hours. I couldn't believe how much my legs hurt. He used a potion and massaged it into my legs and...and arse."

"O-okay. Are you still hurt?"

"No, not at all. It's just... Hermione, it... turned me on."

"Oh! I see."

"I didn't know what to think or do! But then I went into the shower and he...he was..."

The silence lengthened until Hermione prompted, "He was what?"

"Oh, gods... he was wanking in the shower..." Hermione's gasp interrupted him. "...and I did too. I joined him. We didn't touch or anything. It wasn't like that, exactly. But... I liked it. And he told me he's been with men. Even with the Astronomy teacher here. Hermione, am I gay?"

Snape leant against the table, both hands flat and holding himself up as his gut roiled at the panicked tone of Harry's voice. How he wished he could go up there and ease the boy's mind.

"Well, uh, that depends, I guess."

"On what? Hermione, please tell me you're not mad."

Hermione hastily said, "Of course not! There's no reason to be mad at you. You aren't with Ginny, so you're not cheating."

Harry made an impatient noise. "I know that! I meant...you know how Ron is. If he ever knew about this, or even about Viktor, you know the awful things he would say. But what about you?"

Hermione's voice was gentle as she said, "Harry, I don't care if you're gay, straight, or anything in between. You're my best friend and I love you, no matter what."

In the pause that followed, Snape heard faint sniffling, and relief at Hermione's staunch acceptance welled up in his chest.

In a tiny voice, Harry said, "I love you too, Hermione." There was another pause, then Harry continued, "You said it depends. Depends on what?"

"Well, sexuality isn't just about behaviour. It's about intention and desire."

Unable to stop himself, Snape smiled and murmured, "Clever girl."

Hermione continued, "Are you attracted to men? Do you desire them sexually?"

Harry let loose a shaky breath. "I have for a while now, but I tried to ignore it. You know how dangerous that would be if Ron and the rest of the guys found out. I'd have probably been beaten in my sleep if their violent remarks were even half accurate."

Hermione crooned a comforting noise. "I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"Thanks. So, if I'm attracted to blokes, then am I gay?"

Voice once again taking on her brisk lecturing tone, she said, "Ah, but are you attracted to women? You seemed pretty into Ginny before. If Mrs. Weasley knew how far you two had already gone, she'd go spare."

Harry snorted. "Of course I'm attracted to her. I couldn't get in her knickers enough sixth year."

Hermione groaned. "Harry, really, I don't need the details!" Harry uttered a faint laugh and Hermione huffed. "So, you do realize that there are more than two options, right? It's not just gay or straight."

In the basement, Snape's guilt at eavesdropping faded under the surge of fondness for Hermione. "Where were you when I was your age, you brilliant girl?"

Hermione forged on. "I've never told anyone this before, but, if Viktor enjoys being with men, then he must be bisexual, since I know he enjoys being with women."

"Huh?"

A trifle arch, Hermione said, "It was our secret, but... Viktor and I did more than just snog fourth year."

"What?"

"Oh, give over, Harry. I'm older than you and I knew what I wanted. Don't you dare shame me."

Breathless, Harry hastily said, "I'm not! Really! I just... I had no idea." Then, his impressed smile was evident in his voice as he added, "You were so prim and proper, but that was just a sham!"

Hermione huffed and Snape could practically hear her glare. "Don't you breathe a word to Ron. He thinks he was my first."

Harry laughed. "You keep my secret, and I'll keep yours. Fair enough?"

"Deal. Anyway, the point is that Viktor is likely bisexual. And you may be too. The question now is what do you want to do about it?"

Harry gave a long sigh. "I don't know. I just... it's kinda overwhelming, y'know? If I had never come here, I might never have realized or admitted it."

Humour rippling her voice, Hermione said, "Hmm, just another thing to add to your list of things you owe Severus."

Harry voiced an inarticulate noise of affront. "Bloody hell, Hermione, he can't know about this."

Snape frowned, slightly offended.

Harry continued, "I'm serious, Hermione. I don't want to mess up my chance to learn from him. Who knows what he might think if he found out I...I'm... bisexual."

Heaving a weary sigh, Snape murmured, "I'd think that I'm one of a few who can truly understand what you're going through, although I didn't have the luxury of having a friend like Hermione."

Snape heard Hermione saying, "It's not my news to share, Harry. You can tell or not; it's your decision. But don't make assumptions about people, okay? Especially Severus," as he made ready to end the spell. Her statement made him pause.

"Fine. But right now, you and Viktor are the only ones who know anything and I want to keep it that way."

Grimacing at the pang of guilt that twisted his gut, Snape ended the spell. He busied himself with the ingredients, and it didn't take much longer for Hermione to come back down. Affecting polite interest, he said, "Is everything all right?"

Hermione looked pensive but said, "Oh, yes. He's just missing home and it all hit at once. He says it's hard to make friends there."

Treading carefully, Snape said, "But what about Viktor? I thought they got along well."

Hermione blushed but kept her gaze firmly fixed on the root she was mincing. "They do. But they're busy and it's all strange. He'll be fine. Looking forward to coming home at Christmas. You know, first one without Voldemort and all that."

Snape voiced an affirmative grunt, marvelling at Hermione's dissembling and peering at her from the corner of his eye. She had even managed to control the flush of her cheeks. Really, it was a performance worthy of a Slytherin and Snape was duly impressed.