Chapter Ten

Hermione made dinner later that night while Severus sat at the small table and watched her. She browned some chicken with a light peppering of seasoned salt and garlic powder, and she sautéed some peppers and carrots together. It was simple but tasty, and Severus enjoyed it very much. She urged him to sit on the sofa and relax while she cleaned up from dinner and returned the kitchen to its normal condition.

"I could help you, you know," he called to her from the sitting room.

"It's been a long day, Severus," Hermione called back to him. "And you didn't nap long."

He smirked. "If you call falling asleep on your shoulder as we sat in the swing 'napping'. I'm starting to behave like an old man." His voice was filled with disgust.

Hermione had finished in the kitchen and so came to stand over him. "You're recovering and it's going to take time," she lectured him. "Potions can only do so much. You need to rest between small excursions. It's the only way to build up your stamina." She ran her finger down the side of his face, bent and kissed him. The corners of his eyes wrinkled up in a smile.

"You're spoiling me; I won't be able to live without your kisses. It's a wondrous gift, Hermione." He pulled her down next to him.

She snuggled against him. "It is for both of us. I never thought to find a man I feel such an affinity with: your knowledge and your wealth of experience, your conversation and your sexy body."

That earned her a self-conscious laugh, and Severus said dryly, "Hardly, this body has seen way to many miles. You'll take one look and run screaming."

"I've got some miles on me as well," she said. Knowing it was time, she took a deep breath and with trembling fingers undid a button or two and exposed the top of the scar that Dolohov had given her.

Severus eyes got wide, and then his brow creased with anger. "Who did that?" he demanded.

"Dolohov, many years ago, but he's gone and dead now. I'm showing you because we both have scars, Severus. I hope you won't go running when you see this one. It goes across my upper body." She made a slow slash with her hand to show him were it was. She had considered plastic surgery when she was younger. Her brief romance with Ron had proven to her it did matter. He had been repulsed by it, and she had often worn a chemise when they made love. It had been one of the things that proved to her that Ron did not really love her. After he had left, she was reluctant to open herself up again for that kind of hurt and convinced herself she did not want another relationship. She used her scars as a reason not to even look.

Severus closed his eyes and took some deep slow breaths to help let the anger go. He did not want to frighten Hermione again. If Dolohov had still been alive, he would have eviscerated the wizard. When he opened his eyes again, she was rolling up a sleeve.

Hermione had not realised he had been so affected by seeing the result of Dolohov's attack. She was still under the impression he needed to see all her imperfections. Hermione exposed her second scar, revealing the word carved into her arm. "Bellatrix," she said flatly, staring at the hated word. "Dolohov's was a curse; there was no way to heal it without leaving a scar. Poppy thinks Bellatrix's knife had a poison. I was so sick after it. I could have them removed the Muggle way, but I keep them now to remind me of how much better my life is. It makes me grateful for what I have now."

"Hermione," he whispered and took her arm and pushed the sleeve back further and placed small, soft kisses along the scar. He looked deeply into her eyes. "You're more beautiful to me now than you were ten minutes ago. You are a strong, amazing woman."

"It's the same when I see you, Severus; you stood before us in the face of danger many times, taking the pain and the torture so that we would grow and learn enough to survive the war, and we did survive and thrive. I have been happy working at Hogwarts. You have no idea how much safer I feel when I am there...." She paused. She had never admitted that to anyone. She had never told anyone she was still frightened of being kidnapped and tortured again.

"Hermione, the scars are not only on your body are they?" Severus asked.

She began to tremble, then tears started to stream from her eyes, and she found herself gasping for breath. It had been years since she had let her guard down and allowed herself to cry like this. Years...not since Ron had left her, tearing her heart out in the process. Sometimes she hated him. He had betrayed her in the worst way, taking her security and love away. She had not seen him in years, and she would be happy to never see him again. Until Severus had called to her mind, she had been happy to stay in the secure walls of Hogwarts.

He took her face into his hands. "Hermione, please let me join with you, take the pendant in your hand, and let me see."

She nodded, craving for him to be a part of her. She grabbed the pendant and felt that familiar coolness of his ordered mind slip into hers. She unconsciously allowed him to take control of her. She was unaware that he stood her up and walked her to the bed. He used the old wand to change her into her nightgown and him into his nightshirt. He placed her on the bed and pulled the covers up around her, crawling in beside her. As soon as their heads hit the pillow, they slept and immediately dreamed.

Hermione found herself drawn back to a time just after the war; she was staring at Ron as he was backing out of the house, some of his belongings clutched in his arms. Several items he clutched fell to the floor, but he did not try to retrieve them. "I'm sorry," he was saying, "I can't stand the sight of the scars. It reminds me of my failure to save you." Hermione felt Severus holding her against him.

She heard Severus mutter, "The bastard."

She felt safe looking at the memory. Her brow creased as she heard Ron's words for the first time. At the time, when he had uttered the words, "I can't stand the sight of the scars," a roar had filled her ears, her sight had dimmed, and she had heard nothing else. But now she heard him: he was not leaving because he did not love her; he left because of his own failure. "Severus, did he really say that?" she asked.

"It is your memory," he reminded her stoically, trying to give her a steadfast anchor. He wanted to strangle the man. How could anyone be so superficial as to not look past imperfections on the skin? By Weasley's logic, he would also have rejected her for a scar on her knee sustained at some point when he failed to keep her from falling! He hoped he never saw Weasley again; he would show the idiot boy just what it was to have to live with scars.

Hermione turned away from the memory, and it vanished like smoke. She stared into Severus's eyes. "Please, make love to me, here. In this dream, we can both be strong; we can be scar-less. We can be anything we want to be."

He looked into her eyes. "I don't want anyone but you, Hermione, as you are. I will make love to you here, but I want to see you as you really are. If we are not true to ourselves, we can be true to no one."

Hermione nodded, gulping and breathing deeply to calm herself. The scenery around them formed, and they were in their bed there in the cabin. Hermione knew it was just in their minds. She knew neither of them had the strength to make love right now. But here in their dream, it could be perfect.

He drew her close and kissed her. His tongue slipped out to taste her, and she opened for him. Their kisses deepened for several minutes. When the need for oxygen became great, Severus slowly broke from her lips and began to kiss her face and neck. His hand slid down the sleeves of her gown, and with his mind, he made them vanish. He felt her stiffen. "Hermione," he said her name silkily, "I've already seen your arm, and I'm here... Let me fill your mind with love and beauty; let me heal your heart with the love I want to give you."

Hermione relaxed and stared at the top of his head, her hand caressing his hair as he moved over her arms kissing and tasting her scarred flesh. She ran her hands over his neck and felt the scars there. Slowly and with care, he peeled the gown from her upper body, and his lips bathed her body with gentle kisses. Hermione clutched in turns at the bed covers or at Severus as he lit her body on fire and took her to places she had never thought to go. Fingers touched silken places and circled hard flesh. Hermione tasted, touched and caressed him until they clutched at each other, gasping for breath as their bodies joined and reached for the stars. Once they had achieved their desired release, Severus slumped against her, gathering her close and kissing her a few times. They then fell into the arms of Morpheus together.

Hermione's eyes opened in the morning as the warmth of the sun's rays moved across the bed and touched her first. She looked down at herself and found she was still swathed in her flannel nightgown, Severus holding her close. Severus' face in sleep looked even younger, healthier and happy. Yes, it had happened in their minds, but it felt just as real. She had made love to and with Severus Snape, and she was happier than she had ever been.

He sensed her state of alertness and opened his eyes. Hermione immediately gave him a firm, gentle kiss with an accompanying smile.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "Was it the right thing to do?"

She nodded. "It was amazing, Severus," she assured him.

He smiled in response. "I hope I can compete with that when I am able to be with you physically," he said, some of his own insecurities showing.

Hermione laughed. "If, in the extremely unlikely scenario, you can't, I think I would be more than happy to practice enough so we will get that good. You know the Muggle saying, 'practice makes perfect.'

"I could accept that," he said, drawing her closer for another kiss. As if on cue, his stomach rumbled.

Hermione laughed and pulled away. She crawled over him and made a dash for the bathroom. Once inside, she quickly used the loo then stripped and showered in ten minutes. Today she decided to dress in simple shorts and a tank top. When she came from the bathroom, Severus was standing by the door, looking a little pained. She smiled and caressed his face, which actually had some stubble; he would need a new potion to prevent that. "Sorry, you should have told me you needed the loo. I'm going to go make breakfast."

He slipped passed her and shut the door.

Hermione heard the water of the shower go on. She smiled and went to make breakfast, all the while thinking, Once he's stronger, he can take his turn in the kitchen. She had never been one to cook much, and she had about exhausted her abilities to make anything different. She chopped some leftover peppers from the night before. Adding a fresh onion to the mix, she scrambled some eggs into an omelette. She made some toast and checked their supplies. There probably was enough left of the staples to last the week, but she had arranged for a delivery of some more fresh vegetables, fruit, and meat tomorrow. She liked this rental. All their needs were supplied. She would have to remember to take the wards off in the morning. She scrambled for a pen and paper, jotting a note and sticking it to the fridge with her wand. Really, she knew the wards probably were not entirely necessary, but it was an old habit, and she felt safe behind them. It also hid their use of magic from any other wizard in the area.

Severus came into the room. His hair was still a bit damp from his shower, and he was wearing a clean white shirt and the dark jeans Hermione had packed for him. His hair was quite long, and it made her heart pitter-patter to look at him. He had a nick on one side of his face from physically shaving. She smiled and came close, raised her wand and healed the tiny cut. "You did pretty well with that disposable."

"I think they used a cream on our faces to rid us of hair. It lasted a few days, saving them some time. I look forward to taking a potion for it again."

"You might look quite handsome with a beard." She scrutinized his face, imagining a beard. "As long as it was neatly trimmed," she clarified.

"Not happening. I've been on long missions in the summer, and I've had to wear beards as a disguise. They itch," he said with disgust, and he rubbed at his face from the memory.

"Well, perhaps you will let me see in a dream," she ventured.

"You want to go there again?" he asked as he took his seat at the table and eyed his food with interest. He took up a napkin and laid it over one thigh.

Hermione trailed her fingers over his shoulder and then slipped into the chair opposite him. "Most definitely," she replied enthusiastically. "I have never felt more cherished," she said earnestly, placing her hand over his.

"Get used to it, Hermione. I plan to do a LOT more cherishing. Oh, and by the way, I like your outfit. It's nice to see some skin." He smiled.

Hermione blushed, then bent to eat her food. "You could do with a little skin exposure yourself. But, then again, Severus Snape in shorts and a tank top..." She giggled.

Severus felt a warm fuzzy feeling and frowned, I'm becoming weak! But then he thought further, It's my life. I'm just a wizard, not a spy. If I want to be softer, I will be.

Hermione reached up and caressed the wood of the pendant without thinking, and Severus felt her thoughts drift past his. I like the softer man.

"Oh," she whispered out loud, "Sorry. Do you want me to take the pendant off? I will touch it occasionally without thinking. I've grown too used to it being with me all these months."

He reached out and touched her hand. "Wear it, Hermione; it's a link to me only a few people know of, and we can trust those people implicitly. I like having you in there with me." He pointed to his temple. "If we see something we don't like of each other, we can talk about it."

Hermione chuckled. "Severus Snape talking through his problems."

"Scary, isn't it," he admitted with a mock scowl. A laugh soon followed though. "It feels good to be almost normal," he said, a slight tone of wonder to his voice. "I haven't had normal in my life for nearly any of it. Being a man with a real relationship is quite new and really quite pleasant. I am becoming someone I don't recognize when I look in the mirror, and then I think, why not? Don't I deserve to be happy?"

Hermione threaded her fingers through his. "Yes, and you know what, Severus? I do too."

They went back to eating, and after the dishes were done with wand power, they took a walk about the garden.

"Severus," Hermione ventured, "I saw on the website there is a stream about a ten minute walk down the path out the back gate. Maybe we could take a picnic and go sit by the water and read. Would you like that?"

"That's sounds nice." He was sitting on the little love seat, fingering the old wand. He was actually caressing the wood idly as he talked.

Hermione smiled. "It is really filled with memories good and bad."

When Severus realized she was watching him, he told her, "This wand is quite special. With all I went through, I never took a life with it. Albus either. It has a feeling of goodness about it. Something that was not in the black ebony one I carried for so long."

She came and sat by him. "It may be an old wand, Severus. But it's here to help you start a new life. It was a gift from a man who loved you and asked terrible things of you. But he knew you needed that to remind you you're a good man at heart."

Severus stood, blinking tears. "What is this a therapy session?" His voice had a rough edge to it.

"I'm hardly a therapist, Severus. You and I both need therapy. If talking it out with each other - or dreaming it together - helps us what does it hurt? It will only make us that much stronger together," she explained. She kept her voice level, knowing he was working through some of his demons. Her getting upset would not help the situation.

"I'm s..." he started to say. "It is hard for me to talk about certain things, and Albus is one of them."

"No, I don't want apologies. We have nothing to apologize to each other about. We both have had some rough times, and though mine were far fewer..."

"... but not any less traumatic to you," he told her.

"Yes," she said, putting her arms around his waist and feeling the tension drain out of his body.

"You are a balm to me, Hermione. One hug or a kiss and I believe I can be normal." He pushed her gently away. "Let's gather our things for the picnic, and we can make our way there slowly before it gets too warm."

Hermione smiled, glad to get away from the heavy discussion.

The day was warm, but not too warm. They lowered the wards and slowly made their way down the path. The birds were singing, and the wind was blowing the leaves, making a wonderful rustling sound through the woods. Before leaving the cabin, Severus had asked Hermione to let the pendant rest against her skin so they could communicate but not really talk on the way to the stream. He could save his breath that way. It was wonderful to feel him there in her mind and not have to voice anything. They knew what each other thought about the hues in the leaves and the buzz of bees or the many colored flowers. This method of communication really allowed them to feel in tune with the nature surrounding them.

Hermione was pleased at how detailed everything was that Severus saw around him. She heard him chuckle and felt embarrassed; of course he was observant. Observing had been his life. They even stopped here and there to gather a few potion ingredients. Hermione realized that with her kitchen tools she could brew Severus a potion to stop the growth of his beard. It had always been one of the first things she had taught her students who were old enough to begin growing facial hair.

It took a good thirty minutes to get there with their delays, but they found a delightful flat area at the base of the path, no doubt maintained to be a picnic area but still looking quite natural. There were trees to shade the sun and a small water pump to bring the water from the stream to the bucket beneath for use there at the site. The stream had variety after variety of plants and herbs growing nearby, and there were fish, birds on occasion and butterflies of every vivid color. Hermione and Severus spread the blanket and then sat to rest.

Severus used his newly obtained wand to cushion the tree before he leaned back against it. Hermione sat close, leaning back against his chest with his arm about her shoulder.

"I wish I had a wizarding camera," she said wistfully. She suddenly sat up, exclaiming, "Oh, the cell phone! It has a built-in camera." She got to her feet, and Severus watched with amusement as she pulled out the cell phone and opened the camera application. He was quite amazed at the little pictures. He knew cell phones communicated by satellite, but he had no idea they did all the things Hermione told him about as she went around snapping picture after picture.

She even took a few of him and had him take a couple of her by the stream. "I can download these on my Dad's computer and have prints made. They won't move, but it's better than nothing."

"I'm sure we will enjoy them for years to come," he said.

Hermione finally sat cross legged before him and smiled. "I like that, Years to come."

"I cannot imagine the future without you, Hermione," Severus said seriously.

She moved toward him, and he held out his arms, drawing her into his lap. Hermione found her mouth covered by his. His kisses were deep and longing. They kissed for several minutes. Hermione felt his hand touching her breast through her shirt. She pulled back slightly and said, "Severus."

He sighed and stopped. He held her tightly. "I want you so badly. In this world while we are awake. I know it's not time. Dreams are one thing, but its only information from both of us about our own bodies. Reality will be different."

"I know, I want you too," she told him, pushing his hair back over his shoulder. "I want to wait until you're completely well. Such activity may prove too much for you, and I don't want our first time to be laced with disappointment."

"I hardly think you would be disappointed. I don't have to expend a lot of energy to satisfy you. It could be done slowly and with great pleasure for me as well," he informed her with a smirk.

"Severus, please understand," she implored. She hid her face in his neck.

He sighed and caressed her back. "I do understand," he assured her. "I agree in my mind; it's my desire that's warring with me. I know my strength is not there. Well, since we can't play, why don't you get that book out and read to me," he suggested.

Hermione pulled back relieved, kissing him gently before moving to sit in front of him. She pulled the book out of the satchel she had brought and began to read.

That evening, after the dishes were done and put away, Hermione brought out the herbs and other potion ingredients. They prepared the items for the depilatory potion. Severus was surprised when Hermione pulled a small cauldron from her never-ending supply bag. She had some simple tools, and they also used kitchen knives to cut and chop some of the ingredients. Hermione found such a joy in the mutual preparing of the potion. They worked well as a team, and they didn't have to talk much; she didn't wear the pendant against her skin that night, and Severus didn't try to tell her how to do anything. He watched her hands and found a new joy in potion making that night.

As they washed up, he said, "I was working on some potion research before that fateful battle. I would love to show you my notes, assuming they are still around. We could develop potions together."

Hermione gave him a warm smile. "I would love that. I do have your notes...," she hesitated and then continued, "I have looked at some of them and I have done further research on a couple. I haven't published anything. I'm sor-"

"Belay that," Severus instructed, holding his hand up to stop her apology. "I'm glad you found them stimulating enough to continue. I look forward to seeing what you have done."

"I would have given you the rightful credit," she still tried to explain.

"I have no doubt you would have. You are honest to a fault, well most times when you're not deceiving your teachers in an effort to save the world."

Hermione laughed, coming to him to give him a tight hug. "Come on, I'm tired, and you're probably exhausted. Let's go to bed."

Severus said, "Actually this has been a stimulating day and I am tired, but I would love it if we finish that last chapter of the book before we sleep."

"Sure, but you may have to read it to me." She stifled a yawn.

"I think that can be arranged. Go get ready for bed, and Hermione, can you alter your gown to have no sleeves and not so high a neck?" He grinned a bit evilly. "I can at least look."

She smiled, "I'll see what I can do." She left the kitchen and went into the bedroom. She took a different gown from her bag. It was deep blue and had more feminine features. She took a shower and then used her wand to dry her hair in soft curls. Severus seemed to like them, and she was tired of trying to manage them.

He was waiting in the bedroom and slipped past her to take care of his night time ritual. As he passed he whispered, "You're beautiful, my Hermione." His fingers caressed hers as he continued on into the bathroom and shut the door.

Hermione retrieved some light-scented creams from her bag and moisturized her face. She chastised herself for forgetting all week. She had been so caught up with caring for and being with Severus that she had forgotten to take care of her own rituals. She could not afford to neglect them any longer...she was not getting any younger!

Hermione climbed into the bed as Severus came from the bathroom wearing only pajama bottoms. "Hey, that's not fair," she complained as he climbed in beside her.

"I usually don't wear anything to bed," he whispered near her ear once he had climbed into bed.

Hermione blushed and then playfully socked him. "You're not making this easy," she complained. She tucked the blanket up to his armpits to hide his enticing chest and then stubbornly opened the book and picked up the story where she had left off that afternoon.

Merrin, thank you for the beta work you are doing for me. I know it takes a lot of time, and I really appreciate it.

Suzanne, thank you for your Brit picking, and any other improvement's you have made to my work.

Becky, as always, you're my first reader, and keep me encouraged.