Searching

Thank you to Karelia for her wonderful beta skills and infectious enthusiasm.

"Draco was admitted," Lavender said as they were heading through the canteen with their trays.

"Really? Is his dad still here?"

"Yeah. Alicia said she saw Mr. Malfoy when his door was left open. He's really bad. She said his skin was black."

"Good lord! What would cause that?"

"I don't know. The Healers won't talk about it. They're taking extreme measures to ward off contagion, so no volunteers are allowed in that area at all now. But the rumor mill says they have no idea what they are dealing with."

"Gods, I hope it isn't some new kind of epidemic. Things are just settling down. That's all we need."

They sat down and started in on their lunch.

"So are you and Ron getting better?"

Hermione shook her head sadly. "Honestly? No. We seem to have split up, but I'm not sure we were ever really going out. I think maybe if we had some space..."

"Really? Because you're kind of here all the time. That seems like space enough."

Hermione sighed. "I know. I just don't know what to do. In my head, I can admit that it's over. In my heart, the idea of not being with him feels like a knife in the gut. We cared about each other for so long. So many years. It seems stupid to throw in the towel after only two and a half months of being together. And think about what's been going on these last few weeks. I mean, he didn't even kiss me until the final battle. Not the most auspicious time to start a relationship."

Lavender tutted in sympathy.

"And if we're not together, where am I supposed to go? I mean, I live with him and his family. I've no home. It's such a mess."

"You could always move in with me and my parents. We have room."

Hermione smiled and gave Lavender's arm a quick squeeze. "You're lovely, but I think I want to stick it out and try and make it work. I think once the grief starts to fade, we'll be stronger for having tried, you know?"

Lavender gave her a sympathetic look. "Honestly? I never bothered to make it work. I just stomped off in a huff, cried prettily, and then found another. I got over Ron in a week. Jeff in two days, and Antoine in one. I think I don't even bother actually falling for them anymore. I just bop along until they dump me."

"Ugh," said Hermione. "That sounds awful."

"It does, doesn't it? But it's not. I get to go out to eat free a lot. For instance, I have a date tomorrow night with Michael after we both get off work. He's taking me out for Sushi."

"Wasn't he was seeing Cho?"

"Not lately. She dumped him last month. She's having a hard time not seeing herself as a cripple. I try to get her to understand it will get better. I even showed her my pictures. But she's pretty depressed. I think the stress and the battle and even Cedric have all become mixed up with her burned hands. She's got it pretty bad."

"Maybe you shouldn't let her know her ex is taking you for sushi."

"I'm not that stupid." Lavender scrunched up her face. "Okay, I'm not that stupid anymore." They rose from the table with their trays. "Hey, I'm going out with Parvati and Padma after work tonight. You want to come? Girls' night out."

"I don't think I would be very good company."

Lavender just shook her head. "You need to figure out what you want, Granger. You always knew what to do once you figured out what you wanted."

Hermione just nodded vaguely and headed for the stairs.

:

She hit the door with her hip, balancing the tray on one hand and a new pillow in the other.

"Ta da! Look! Your first meal! And to celebrate, I brought you a replacement for the pillow you've managed to squash flat lounging around in bed all day like a pasha."

He scowled at her, but his eyes held enough humor that she knew he wasn't really offended.

"Has there been any more pain since last night?"

No.

"Good."

She set the tray down on the table and wheeled it over to the bed, sliding it across his chest. After adding the new pillow to his pile, she sat down next to his hip and picked up the spoon. Her hand paused as she saw his expression.

"Oh. Would you like me to get a house-elf to feed you? It didn't occur to me that you'd object. I mean, after yesterday... I'm sorry, I thought you'd be happy to eat something, even if it's just broth."

He stared at her, and then his eyes flicked down to the bowl. He sighed.

She bit her lip and stepped out into thin ice. "You're not helpless, sir. You're just injured. You're getting better every day. There were dozens of other patients that couldn't feed themselves after the battle. You're not alone."

He raised his eyes to her, and they were full of sad irony.

"Okay, you're not alone anymore. I'm here, and I'd like to think that we've become friends of a sort."

His eyes spoke volumes.

"Don't look at me like that. We have every reason to be friends."

Another look.

"Um, well, okay... We have a lot of things in common. Stop that, give me a moment. Okay, we both like to read, we're both smart, and we both got swept up in things bigger than we could really handle at a young age. Yes, I know I'm still young, but I feel positively ancient. I'm sure you did as well by the time you were my age."

He gave her a look of understanding and sadness and blinked once.

"And I suspect both of us have spent far too much time being misunderstood. Am I wrong?"

His eyes slid away from her, off toward the wall for a long moment, before he blinked 'No.'

"So there, you see? We're just alike. Practically the same person. Don't think of me as feeding you; think of me as an extension of your will." She smiled, but it faltered in the face of his obvious discomfort. She dropped the spoon back in the bowl and reached under the table for his hand. "I know you remember me as that irritating know-it-all, and one of the damnable Golden Trio, but I think the last year changed us all. If you squint your eyes, you can see I'm not that bad." She sighed. "I actually assumed you already had."

He let out a soft sigh and squeezed her hand, flicking his eyes at the bowl.

She smiled at him, but he wouldn't look at her. She had a feeling they had just rounded an important corner, and it made him uncomfortable.

"Are you ready?" She lifted up a spoonful of broth.

He blinked, and his eyes darted to the spoon. They held a note of anticipation that made her breath catch. His mouth opened awkwardly...he could move his jaw, but didn't have much control of his lips...and she tilted the broth onto his tongue.

She'd fed dozens of people in the last few weeks, but this was different. It was only in that moment that she realized what an intimate act it was.

When he closed his mouth around the spoon, she withdrew it slowly. He sighed, and his eyes slid closed. She watched his reaction intently, and when he swallowed, so did she. When he opened his eyes again, she had to clear her throat.

He darted a look at her, and his eyes widened as she blushed. He looked at her with a mixture of surprise, humor and embarrassment.

"I'm thinking I should have had the soup for lunch," she quipped.

His eyes softened, and he snorted his laugh before looking back at the bowl.

"Is it warm enough?"

Yes.

"All right then."

She fed him slowly, giving him time to get used to manipulating his tongue again. "While we are on the subject of friends, I never see any other visitors besides me. I know Minerva had said she wanted to see you, but she hasn't been allowed. Is that by choice?"

Yes.

"Is there anyone you would like me to contact?"

No.

"So, I'm it then? Well, aren't you the lucky devil."

No.

His eyes held a spark of humor, and she laughed, trying to turn it into a scowl. "Don't blink with food in your mouth."

She couldn't help the feeling of possessive pride she felt knowing he didn't want any other visitors but her. Not that he'd had a whole lot of choice about her in the beginning.

Snape was a creature of intimidation and power, even terror, if one were on his wrong side. In having him allow her to tend him, humor him, and bring him books and such-like, there was a sensation of slipping inside a wall and being firmly ensconced on the other side. She liked that feeling.

She fed him, dabbing at his lips with a napkin every so often, until the spoon clinked into the empty bowl. "Was that enough?"

Yes.

"Good. Your Healers want to see how your body takes to that. Then they'll decide if you can maybe have something with a bit more bite to it."

He gave her the all-purpose eyehug, a simple thing with as many nuances as leaves on a tree. She gathered up his things and pushed the table out of the way.

"Would you like to read more? No? All right. Is there anything I can do for you?"

He blinked twice and then closed his eyes.

"Professor?"

He opened them again.

"I'm glad we're friends. I really needed a new one."

He rolled his eyes, but then peered at her with a look of concern.

She shook her head. "You nap. I'll be back later."

Hermione sat at the end of the bed and carefully clipped Professor Snape's toenails, while he read the current copy of The Modern Potioneer Digest.

"Sir? I'm going to be taking a couple of days off, and I wanted to know if you would like a volunteer to help you with your books, or a house-elf?"

His eyes switched from the journal down to her, and he raised an eyebrow. He didn't look pleased. At all.

"I haven't taken a full day off in forever. There are some personal things I need to tend to. Even I have to admit there's more to life than looking for opportunities to play with your feet day after day."

His right cheek twitched.

"Oh, look! You almost sneered!"

He rolled his eyes and then gave her an ominous scowl.

"If you must be nosey, I need to find a new place to live."

He gave her a questioning look, and she scowled back at him.

"I've been staying at the Burrow since the battle. It's time I went looking for my own place."

His eyes turned speculative, and he raised his eyebrow and flicked his hand to her.

"No, I'm not going to tell you more. It's late, and you need your sleep." She cleaned up the trimmings and sterilized the clippers and file. "So, What's it going to be? House-elf? Or Lavender Brown?"

House-elf.

"All right. I'll bring you a stack of books to tide you over as well. More Eco?"

Yes.

She stood up and patted at his foot. "I'll miss these feet. They really are far too sexy for their own good."

She twitched the sheet back over them and ignored the look he was giving her. She washed her hands in the small bathroom and then came back over and dropped a kiss on his head.

"I'll leave a few things at the front desk tomorrow morning before I head out. They should keep you busy for a few days. Good night, Professor."

He gave her an eyehug, flicked his hand at the door, and went back to the Journal.

Hermione woke up and dressed hurriedly, leaving Ron sleeping in Ginny's bed. She pulled out her marked-up copy of the Daily Prophet, shrank down a pile of books for Professor Snape, and jumped into the fireplace without bothering to even make a cup of tea.

She had carefully checked her finances and figured out exactly how much rent she could afford to pay and still be able to eat before things became dire.

She lifted up her chin and headed out of the Leaky with a determined stride.

:

Six hours later, Hermione walked out of another dump in Knockturn Alley. She ignored the smell of rot in the alley around her and made her way over to a cracked stone bench. She flopped down in utter despair.

She'd thought it would take about two days to look at all the rentals on her list. She'd imagined herself spending the third day tallying up the good points and bad points for each one and then making an informed decision.

She'd even brought along parchment and a self-inking quill to take notes.

The parchment was still blank.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to shout, 'It's not fair!' However, if her life so far had taught her anything, it was that life wasn't fair.

She closed her eyes and tried to keep her lip from wobbling, but it was a lost effort. She dropped her head in her hands and cried.

The flash of a camera bulb sent her scurrying away.