I'd Like To Buy A Vowel, Please

Nevermore by Pearle

Summary: The war is long over and life has settled into a comfortable routine. Harry and his team of specialists have been charged with tracking down and dismantling Dark objects. While not part of the team, Harry has had occasion to call on his best friend's husband to help them. What started out as routine turned out to be anything but. One question remained: how was he going to explain to Hermione her husband had been turned into a bird?

A response to SouthernWitch69's chapter challenge. Challenge rules follow chapter one.

Disclaimer: The characters, settings, etc., of the Harry Potter series are not mine; they belong to J.K. Rowling and Co. I promise to return them when I am through. Well, most of them anyway.

~~~ Nevermore ~~~

Chapter 5 – I'd Like To Buy A Vowel, Please

"Thomas, the fifth rune, is that comet? I can't quite make out the symbol." Hermione had attacked the problem with a vengeance. They had made more headway that morning then the team had the entire day before.

"No, that should be common. See the end of the line forming the tail at the bottom? It curves down and to the right. If it was comet, it would turn up."

"Right. So, what do we have so far?" Hermione stuck her quill haphazardly into the mass of hair piled on top of her head and watched as Remus filled the word in on the parchment in front of him.

Harry tried not to laugh, but it was already the fifth quill she had speared through her unruly curls. At the rate she was going, she would be able to rival Severus in terms of plumage.

The mirror had eight runes on the left side, starting at the bottom and ending at the top, and eight runes running from the top on down the right side. Both the front and back of the frame had the same markings.

Silently, the group studied the paper Remus laid in the centre of the desk.

A _____ _____ for common _____ might not

bring _____ _____ _____ out _____ I can

"It looks like a game I played as a kid. Except instead of filling in letters, we're filling in words." Hermione sat back annoyed.

"Hangman," Harry said quietly.

"Yeah, that's it."

"Hangman, you mean that game where you have to spell out words?" Tonks looked from Harry to Hermione questioningly. She vaguely remembered the game from her own childhood, spending rare visits with her father's Muggle relatives.

Hermione nodded. "You guess the words by filling letters in the spaces. If you don't guess your word, your guy gets hanged. Well, not really, it's just on paper. It's a Muggle game." Though after watching Harry and Ron play wizard chess for so many years, she was glad they didn't have a wizarding version of Hangman. It would probably be a pretty brutal game, and no doubt appeal to wizards everywhere if the popularity of wizard chess was any indication. She remembered Fred and George saying something about developing a magic version one time, but she never heard any more about it.

Thomas pointed to the second and third blanks. "I think the key to breaking it lies in one of these two spots."

Hermione looked up. "You've been awfully quiet, Bill. This should be right up your alley."

Bill shook his head. "It's not any type of curse I know. I think it's more of a spell, really. It would make sense if it forced Severus to transform. Curses tend to be violent and painful. Usually they're Dark Magic. There's nothing good about them."

She fixed Bill with a piercing glare, reminiscent of the missing Potions master. "And would you like to tell me what's good about my husband turning into a raven?"

"That's not what I meant. It's just that curses usually involve pain."

The fireplace flared to life; Minerva's head hung in the green flames. "Hermione? Hello?"

Harry walked over to the hearth. "We're all here, Minerva. Come through."

The Headmistress stepped out of the flames. She smiled tightly at the group, before silently raising a questioning brow in Harry's direction at the sight of Hermione elbow deep in books and parchment.

"Good morning. Hermione, we missed you in the Great Hall this morning."

"Oh, sorry. Severus and I had breakfast here. I don't think he wanted the school to see him."

Minerva laid a gentle hand on the witch's shoulder. "You need rest and proper nutrition. You shouldn't push yourself too hard in your condition."

"My condition?"

"The baby."

"I'm pregnant, Minerva, not dying. Really." Hermione shook her head.

Minerva was about to make a sharp comment of her own until she realised how tired the young woman looked. Understanding how distraught the witch must be, she looked around the desk and said instead, "It looks like you've made quite a bit of progress."

Bill nodded. "Mostly due to Hermione."

The raven flew in through the enchanted window, cawing shrilly. He glided to a graceful landing on the back of Hermione's chair; gently the bird nuzzled the feathers protruding from her hair.

Minerva nodded to the bird. "Good morning, Severus."

"Stop that," the young witch said with a laugh. "That tickles."

"I hate to ask, but it is Sunday. I don't assume the odds of having a Potions master for tomorrow's classes..."

The bird cawed stridently, his wings flapping.

"...A human Potions master to teach classes looks very promising?"

Harry sighed. "Let's see how today goes."

.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

By lunchtime, they had managed to fill in two more words. Minerva and Bill had got into a heated debate on whether it was a curse or a spell that had transformed Severus.

Tempers were already starting to run high when Hermione blew up. "Who the bloody hell cares whether it was a spell or a curse? It was Dark Magic. My husband's a bird! A ruddy bird."

"Well, this looks like a good time to take a break. I'll Floo the kitchen for some sandwiches." Knowing better than to try and calm Hermione's ruffled feathers, Harry sent an order to the kitchens for lunch.

They had been able to decode two more runes. The parchment now read:

A _____ used for common _____ might not

bring _____ _____ _____ out as I can

They were able to determine the second rune had a 'P' sound, but could not decipher anything past that point.

Darkness fell and still they pressed on. The raven would circle the room periodically, flying out the enchanted window and back in again, stopping now and then to nuzzle Hermione's hair.

Tonks pointed excitedly to a symbol in the book she was holding. "I think I may have found the word for the tenth rune."

Hermione nodded. "That's definitely a 'Y' with an 'O', but the end doesn't match. You? Your? Yours? Young? Youth? I don't know."

Remus looked from the book his wife was holding, then back to the parchment. "It could be any of those."

The raven hopped excitedly across the parchment.

"Severus, do you know what curse this is?" Hermione's face flushed as she watched the bird circle the room, knocking down three books in the process. "Harry, quick, bring those here. Maybe they have the answer to the curse."

Three more books joined the growing stacks around the desk. Hermione handed Remus and Tonks a worn, black leather-bound book titled Magick Most Evile. The book let out "a ghostly wail" when Remus opened the cover.

The raven cawed loudly, pecking at the pages, causing the book to moan louder.

"Severus, stop it. I can't quiet the book if you pull at it." Remus waved his wand over the moaning book, hoping he could stop the unearthly sounds. "Silencio!"

The raven continued to open and close its sharp beak, but no sound came out. Both the bird and the book had fallen silent. The crowd around the desk broke out in laughter.

"Well," said Remus smiling, "Two for the price of one."

The raven glared daggers at him, flapping his wings in righteous indignation, his beak still opening and closing soundlessly.

"All right, I'm sorry. Hold still so I can end the spell."

A wave of his wand, a muttered "Finite Incantatem", and suddenly a series of loud caws filled the chamber again.

Hermione rounded on the enraged bird. "Stop it! He did tell you to leave the book alone. Just like Harry told you to wait for the rest of the team before examining that mirror. This is all your fault! Everyone here is giving up their time to help you. But are you appreciative? No, you flap around here shifting the papers, dropping feathers all over the place, and shouting at the top of your lungs. A thank you now and then wouldn't hurt. Wouldn't surprise me if the lot washed their hands of you and shipped you off to St Mungo's." Hermione's eye blazed with anger, daring the raven to contradict her.

The room had gone quiet, everyone glancing between Hermione and the raven.

Somehow, the bird managed to look contrite. He walked over and rubbed his beak softly against Hermione's hand before moving to the side and grooming his feathers as if he hadn't a care in the world.

"You could apologise to the others, too."

The raven looked up and offered her a glare that said: 'Don't push your luck.'

"It's fine. Hermione, the book?" Harry gestured to the over-sized green book she was holding.

"Sorry, Harry. I guess the last two days are catching up with me. Here."

The book was larger than normal, its frayed edges looking purple and almost bruised in the candlelight. The gold-stamped letters of the title along the spine had frayed in spots, giving testament to the age of the volume. Harry could just make out the title: Dark, Darker, Darkest - The Edge of Light.

Hermione closed When Chocolate Isn't Enough and reached for the third tome, Magical Hieroglyphs and Logograms. Not fifteen minutes later, her startled shriek broke the silence surrounding the group. "This is it! This is the sixth rune. And look here..." She jabbed excitedly at the page. "...This is the tenth rune." The rest have to be here, too. Now all we have to do is decipher the curse and we can come up with a counter-curse."

Hermione reached out and hugged the startled raven. The bird squawked indignantly. "You'll be human soon, Severus." With renewed vigour, she set out to decode the remainder of the curse.

TBC

Order of the Phoenix

The raven continued to open and close its sharp beak, but no sound came out.

A/N: Alas, we are coming to a close. Dual endings will be posted tomorrow, the epilogue, which will go with either ending, will be up on Monday. Look for the quote, "Nevermore" to be buried in the final chapter.

Dark, Darker, Darkest The Edge of Light and When Chocolate Isn't Enough are titles of my own creation. For anyone interested, I will be signing copies of the aforementioned books, along with my best seller, Unleash the Animal In You, at Flourish and Botts on the 30th of this month.

From The HP Lexicon-

Magick Most Evile - Refers to Horcruxes in its introduction, but only to call them "the wickedest of magical inventions" and to say that the book will not speak of the subject further. At that, this book was the only book Hermione could find in the Hogwarts Library, including the Restricted Section, that referred to Horcruxes at all; that particular copy let out "a ghostly wail" when Hermione slammed it shut in irritation

Magical Hieroglyphs and Logograms - The book was on the top of Hermione's "tottering pile of Ancient Rune books" in Order of the Phoenix.

Actually, as stated in HBP, Fred and George have developed a wizarding version for sell: Reusable Hangman – Spell It Or He'll Swing! A toy for playing Hangman - not on paper, but with a tiny wooden man and a real set of gallows to scale, where apparently the little man will march up the gallows steps as the game progresses. Since Tonks's father is Muggle-born, she may have spent time with the Muggle side of her family and know the game.

A grateful thank you to my beta, Nakhash, for her corrections, suggestions, and never-ending supply of commas, she is truly the best of the best. Another set of eyes is always helpful, the mistakes, however, are still mine.

Let me know what you think. I love hearing from you! As always, thoughts, comments, reviews, whatever are most welcome.

Pearle