Nine

Thanks to fizzabella for the read through!!

Hello there, I am R. S. Zeal and have been head of the Yenta Livery Agency for over eighty years. I founded the company after my aunt passed away and her business, another agency, was closed. I saw how happy she made couples, and I wanted to do the same. That's the reason I couldn't refuse the Ministry when asked to join its ranks to head the new Geneamorological Agency. Geneamorology is the magical study of matchmaking, psychology, romance, and genealogy. Our company proudly uses this system, which has been in place for well over two centuries, and our workers are trained in clinical and social psychology. We vow to help find compatible relationships with potential for long-term success for every person who signs up with us.

*Pre-marital and marital counseling are available for an extra fee; contact your case manager for fee schedules and availability.

Hermione read over the man's words slowly and then glanced down at the questionnaire. "I expect he's trying to set everyone at ease by sounding so informal." She smiled to herself, albeit shakily. "It sort of works, doesn't it?" She skimmed through it once more. "I guess I'd better not read it out loud," she said, wondering if anyone else had been foolish enough to do so without realizing that their words were binding. She then gave the long list of questions a once over, ending with the section she'd have to place her signature.

I, _______, do hereby declare the above to be honest answers to the best of my ability certify my answers as complete.

"Well," she said aloud, "I guess they need to know all this to be thorough and make the best match for us." Hermione dipped her quill in ink and began filling out the questions. She had nothing to lose. All she had to do was see who her matches were and meet with them. Nothing said she had to marry any of them. If Ron and Neville could do it, she could as well.

She conjured up the image of someone she'd want and tried to push away thoughts of Ron. She'd need someone who was the complete opposite of Ron: dark hair, dark eyes, and more intellectual with a full education and training beyond. Blood status never mattered to her, but she wondered how many who'd filled out the forms had requested purebloods only.

Would her prospective matches look down on her for being estranged from her family? For her part in their decision to remain so far away? No, she didn't want someone who'd been married before or who had any children. Previous ties might cause problems for them. Salary was important. She wanted a mate who made a comparable amount of money so that they contribute equally to the marriage. Her recent diagnosis of Endometriosis had made her realize that she did want a child or children, and while she still didn't want to become pregnant right away, she didn't want to put it off for a decade while she established her career either. She only wished she'd had her epiphany earlier. Then she'd not be filling out a damn questionnaire for the Ministry's Geneamorological Agency.

Sex didn't matter to her. She liked sex well enough and had enjoyed it with Ron, her only partner. However, it would be awkward to just start having sex with someone new, especially if it were someone she'd never met before. Of course she'd have to have it to become pregnant, and so she jotted this down in an attempt to be honest. Several questions were left blank, as she felt the need to think on them for a while before answering. When she heard the Floo flare up, she put the parchment away and strode into her living room to see Ginny's head floating in the fire.

"Can I come through?" Ginny asked.

"Of course. I've been expecting you."

"Harry told me a little," Ginny said. "Wait. Hold that thought." Ginny's head disappeared for a moment and was replaced by her entire body. Soon she stepped out and dusted off the soot from her dress. "Now, I think you need a woman's advice, right?"

"A friend's at least," Hermione said, beckoning Ginny to follow her back into her kitchen. "I'll put on some tea for us."

The house-elf popped into the kitchen when Hermione placed the kettle on the hob. "Is Shorty being needed?"

"No, sorry, Shorty. I want to speak with my friend in privacy."

"Very well." The house-elf then disappeared.

Once Ginny was seated and Hermione had placed a tin of biscuits on the table, she sat across from her friend. "The tea will only be a moment."

"That's fine," Ginny replied, reaching for a chocolate biscuit. "What's going on?"

"What did you think of Ron's match?"

"She was nice. I sort of remember her from school, but not all that well."

"What do you think he thinks of her?"

"I think he's trying hard to not compare her to you. I think he does like her, but he probably feels like he's betraying you."

"Do you think she could make him happy?"

"I think you could make him happy, Hermione. I can't believe you're even considering not telling him what you feel."

"Well, looks like Harry told you more than just a little."

"Well, maybe he did, but only after I swore not to tell anyone else. Why would you do this? You know Ron wants a life with you."

"Did Harry tell you about my visit with the Healer?"

"Well, he did mention that, but you know as well as me that with magic, anything is possible. You'll be all right, I'm positive!"

"But it's not guaranteed. Even for us magical folk." Hermione rose to get the teapot and poured them each a cup. "I've read over the information my Healer gave me, and I've looked up information online. Sometimes the outlook is grim, witch or no."

Ginny shook her head. "Hermione, Ron would want to weather this with you. There are other options."

"Ginny, think about it. Think about Ron. Then tell me that he wouldn't be disappointed to never have children the normal way? Sure he'd love any adopted children, but you know was well as I that he wants to be a part of the entire process, wants his own blood to carry on his family name." She sighed. "The way she looked at him... I used to look at him that way."

"You still do."

"No, I don't. We're used to each other, know about each other's faults and have been arguing about them. She looks at him with wonder and curiosity and possibilities. Not long ago I was saying that I would not be forced into marriage, I would not be forced into having babies before I was ready, and here I am, wanting marriage and a baby."

"I think it's normal, isn't it? Seeing what you might be losing? Then finding out you may develop problems in the future? That can't be easy."

"I love Ronald enough to give him this chance with Samantha. I told Harry that if it turns out that he and she don't work out, I'll tell him the truth. However, if he can be happy with her, I won't stop it. Not when there's no guarantee that I can give him what she can."

"How do you know she can? You don't know that!"

"I'd feel like I am trying to trap him by luring him back to me knowing that I might not conceive."

"It was only the once, Hermione. That doesn't prove anything."

"I've been thinking about that. I thought it was only the one time, but it's about four times all together."

"Oh?"

"Yes, the first time we ever had sex, we were unprotected. It was a spur of the moment thing. Then there was the night after one of the Ministry balls and the night you married Harry." She took a sip of her cooling tea. "So that might be three other times that I didn't conceive."

"I don't approve of this," Ginny said sadly, "but I love you and want you to do what your heart says. I only wish you'd be honest with Ron. It's not right. It's his life, too, and he should have a say in it."

"How can I know for sure if he wouldn't just act noble? Stay with me because it's what he should do?"

Ginny drank some of her tea and popped another chunk of a biscuit into her mouth before answering. "You're grasping now. You'll never know the answer to that unless you talk to him yourself."

Hermione nodded to the parchment she'd set aside earlier. "I've started filling out a questionnaire for the Geneamorology Agency."

"What's the rush? Why? Don't do that!"

"It's like a clock is ticking inside me! It feels like if I don't act now, it will be too late."

"Then act now with Ron! Trust your instinct!"

"My instinct is also telling me to let Ron go, that it's best for him, that I should do this with someone who knows up front that it may not happen." She tapped the parchment with her finger. "I'm putting this all down in writing so the person knows before meeting me. If I end up being an inadequate wife, then he was warned beforehand."

"Is that what you're afraid of? That you'll be inadequate for Ron?"

"He wants... he wants someone like your mum, and I don't know that I can ever be her. Even if I could, I don't know that I'd want to. I still want my career and will have to make sacrifices to see that realized, children or not."

Taking another sip of tea, Ginny frowned. "There's no talking to you when you're like this."

"I just wish you could see my side of things."

"I guess it's hard."

"What if you'd found out that you might not be able to have children? You know Harry, like Ron, wants a family of his own more than anything. Wouldn't you feel as though you were letting him down?"

"I would, yes, but I'd still talk to him about everything. I love him that much and know that he loves me enough to be honest. Not telling Ron is unfair. You should trust him."

"That's the problem. I do trust him. I trust him to choose me, despite what he might feel for this Samantha, despite that we might never conceive." She pushed her cup aside. "And then he'll be the one wondering what might have been if he'd only chosen the other woman. I can't live like that. I can't ruin his chances at a normal life."

Ginny rose. "I need to get back."

"I'm sorry you don't understand."

"I do. I just don't have to like it. I think you're doing yourself...and Ron...a disservice by keeping this to yourself." She turned away and then looked back. "And now you've got me and Harry in on it. It feels... wrong to me." Ginny tried to smile. "Just think about what I've said. What Harry's said. No matter what, we're still your friends and consider you family. That doesn't mean we have to agree all the time, right?"

Hermione nodded. "Yes, I know. Thanks for coming."

"I can only hope my words helped a little."

After Ginny left, Hermione gazed at the questionnaire but didn't finish filling it out. Maybe they were right. Maybe she should speak to Ron. She stood, fetched something from her cabinet, and then made her way into the living room to use its grate.

"Hermione," Ron said in surprise. "Do you want to come through?"

"I'd like that very much. Er, are you alone?"

"I am, yeah."

Hermione stepped further into the grate and walked out into Ron's living room. "I want to talk to you about some things."

"All right. I was thinking about going over to your place." There was an awkward pause before he said, "About the other day... Uh..."

"That's what I want to talk to you about." She took his hand and led him over to the couch. "I want you to be very honest with me about some things."

"Of course. You know I will."

"Sit here. I'll fix us a drink. What would you like?"

"Anything is fine."

Muffin padded into the room and sniffed Hermione's feet before moving over to sit beside Ron on the couch possessively.

"She's really taken a liking to you I see."

"From the start," Ron said, scratching the small dog behind the ears.

"I think I'd like some pumpkin juice. Have any?"

"I do. Want me to get it?"

"No, I'll be right back."

Hermione quickly found the kitchen, poured two glasses of pumpkin juice, and then pulled a small vial from the pocket of her robes. She placed a few drops in Ron's glass and then put it away before returning to the living room.

"Looks good in there. I see you changed things up a bit."

"Yeah," he said, reaching for his glass, "been getting rid of some of the old lady's stuff. Mum likes a lot of the junk I've tossed out. Naturally."

"Bet your dad's having a field day with some of this Muggle stuff."

"You know it." He smiled and took a deep drink from his glass. "Now, what do you want to talk about? I could tell that you had something else to say the other day. I've been trying to figure out how to approach you, but... I wasn't sure what to say. What you'd want me to say."

"It shouldn't be what I want you to say but what you want to say to me."

He nodded and took another sip of his juice. "I know. I just don't want to hurt you."

"What I'm about to ask might hurt me, but I'd rather know the truth. Promise?"

"Yes."

"Do you like her?"

"Who?"

"You know who. Samantha."

"Yeah, I do."

"Do you think you could love her?"

"Yeah." He opened his eyes wide. "What the...? I didn't mean to say that."

"Yes, you did," Hermione said softly. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," he replied immediately.

"I went to see my Healer, and I found out some things."

Concern flitted through his eyes. "All right? What did you find out?"

"I have something called endometriosis. Remember those pains I have when it's my time?"

He nodded. "What is this endometeors?"

"Endometriosis. It's some tissue that is latching on to the wrong place and causing pain."

"Well, what kind of potion can they give you?"

"Pain potion that's supposed to be really good. And there are other options, such as trying to lower my estrogen levels or even surgery."

Ron blinked uncertainly. "What are you going to do? Is that necessary?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'm only at the early stage so far, but there's something that endometriosis plays a major factor in."

"You're scaring me. Are you going to die?"

She smiled. "No. It's not like that. It's just that about forty percent of women who have infertility problems also have endometriosis. Healers believe that it releases something into the body that stops eggs from implanting, making it hard for a woman to get pregnant. There are a lot of theories actually."

"So... there's only a slim chance that you can't get pregnant."

"I was thinking about us...when we had sex. There were four times that I know of that we had sex, and nothing came of it." She took a sip of her own drink. "The only time that I'm sure that I was ovulating was the last time we were together. I hadn't taken the potion, and yet, nothing happened, so I'm worried that I am one of the women that it affects."

"Well, you said there was treatment, right?"

She nodded. "Not guaranteed of course." She placed her glass on the table next to the couch. "Ron, if you and I were together, how would you feel if we could never have children?"

"Disappointed," he said immediately before slapping a hand over his mouth. "I mean to say... initially, I'd be disappointed, but we'd just have to keep trying."

"What if you'd never be a dad?"

"That would be hard, but..." His eyes widened as he looked at his glass. "Hermione, what did you do?"

"Veritaserum. I had to be sure you would be honest with me."

"Without my permission! What's got into you?" He tossed the glass across the room and jumped up. "Don't you trust me?"

"I think you'd try to be noble and do what you think is right instead of what your heart is telling you!"

"I love you. I want to be with you more than anyone else in the world," he said angrily.

"And would you be completely happy if we never had children?"

"No... shite."

"How would you feel about adoption?"

"I'd do it."

"And you wouldn't feel as though you've missed out on something?"

"Of course I would." He glared at her. "It's not coming out right! Fucking Veritaserum!"

"Would you resent me later in life, thinking that you'd missed your chance at a normal life if you choose me instead of pursuing Samantha?"

"I don't know," he said quietly. "Are you saying you want me back? Is that what this is?"

"I would, yes, but now that I know this, I'm afraid I won't be what you want."

"You're everything I want in a woman. I just hope you can..."

"Bear your children?"

"Yes."

"If you had a choice of a life with a wife who could have your children or one who may not be able to give you any, what would you choose?"

His face turned red, and he blurted, "One with children." He grimaced, as if at war with himself, and sat down on the couch again, putting his head in his hands. "This isn't fair, Hermione. How could you?"

"I realized that I want to have your children, that I don't want to wait, and then, like a slap in the face, I find out that it might not be possible. It's definitely not fair. And now... now you've found someone else, and I hate it. I hate her. I don't want you to love anyone else, yet I can't see any other way for us. The best thing I can do for you is let you move on. I love you that much, enough to make sure you can find the complete happiness that I might not be able to give you."

He began sniffing loudly, and though she couldn't see his eyes, she knew that he was crying. She slid closer and held him, each lost in thought for a long time.

"So that's what you wanted to tell me the other day," he said. "I knew that you must have come to work things out. Then I saw your face, could hear the hurt in your voice..." He looked at her evenly with teary eyes. "You say you don't want to hurt me; well, I don't want to hurt you either. How can I move on knowing that you love me, that you want me? I love you too much to leave you alone."

"I want you to be happy."

"We can try to be happy together."

"But would we succeed? That is the question. Do you think I could be happy knowing that I'd let you down?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Just know that I love you, Ron, and that you have my blessing to move forward with your life. I would have chosen you. I would have wanted what you want. The choice seems to be out of my hands."

"Hermione..."

She pressed her lips against his for a chaste kiss. "I'm going to use the agency, too."

Ron stood up at this. "You're off to find someone else?"

"Not really. I just want to see what matches they show me. Maybe there will be someone who doesn't have children that high on his priority list. Someone who just wants a companion."

"This doesn't make sense! What are we doing here, Hermione?"

"We're making the best choice, I think."

"You're making this choice."

"No, we both are. You gave me honest answers." She stood up and went to him, but he shied away from her touch. "You know that this is right."

"I don't know that it's right."

"Do you want to try to make a life with Samantha?"

"Yes, but only if I can't have that life with you."

"That's what I mean. That life. Us, kids, a big happy home."

"Yeah," he said softly. "I can live without being a father by blood, Hermione. See? I'm saying it with your bloody truth serum!"

"You're saying that you could live with it, but it wouldn't be your first choice. Would it?"

He shook his head, unable to reply.

"Exactly." She took a step away from him. "From this moment on, we'll only be friends. I'll always love you and support you, Ron. Know that you can always come to me if you need anything."

"Anything but you in my bed as my wife?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"So am I." He turned away from her and scooped up Muffin, who'd been clicking her claws on the hardwood floor as she walked back and forth nervously.

"Goodbye, Ron," she whispered and headed for the Floo, hoping that what she'd done was the right thing and already regretting her manipulation of him.

AN: Hermione's really making some emotion-driven decisions here.