Chapter 26 – Questions and Answers

Chapter 26 – Questions and Answers

Being in Severus’ arms was a balm to Ginny’s soul, and gradually her sobs became less and less until they stopped altogether. As she let herself be soothed by the rhythmic stroking of her hair and the strong pounding of his heartbeat, she began to calm down and try and arrange her thoughts into some kind of order.

It was an amazing relief that Severus had agreed to come to the Wizengamot with her, and that was one obstacle overcome at least. Had he decided to refuse for whatever reason, she and Harry would have had to stay married. The thought of living in a loveless marriage for the rest of her life chilled her to the bone. She could see it now: silent meals at the dinner table which would be punctuated by the scraping of cutlery against plates, fending off awkward questions from the kids, having to put on a show for friends and family that all was well at Christmas and other gatherings... Day by day, the colour would drain from her life; her soul would gradually be sucked from her like a slow-motion Dementor’s Kiss.

But the reality of getting divorced was just beginning to dawn on her. There were plenty more challenges ahead from this point on and tons of unanswered questions. Such as, how was she going to break the news about the divorce to Ron and Hermione, her family, and the kids? And how would they react? Would they shun her? She didn’t want it to turn into a situation where people chose sides, especially the children, even though it was her that was in the wrong. Would they turn against her?

Then there was work. The Daily Prophet never usually turned down an opportunity for a story. But the last thing she needed right now was for her personal life to be plastered all over the very paper she worked for. And what of her professional reputation? Could her divorce harm that somehow?

And of course, there were the practical issues. Where was she going to live? Would the kids stay with her, or would they stay with Harry? Would the court decide?

But the biggest question of all was: did Severus feel the same way as she did? She’d heard him say that he’d do anything for her... Was that true? She needed to know.

Ginny shifted her weight so she was looking up at Severus. He’d had his eyes closed at first, looking more tranquil and relaxed than she’d ever seen him in the past, when he was her teacher. The deep crease that appeared so often when he frowned had gone. His nose, always a thing of ridicule when at school, actually seemed to fit his face better when he wasn’t habitually scowling. And she saw that his mouth, when not pursed in anger or pulled back into an ugly sneer, was actually quite kissable. His black hair was not greasy; on the contrary, it had the sheen of a raven’s wing. Underneath the many layers of bitterness that Severus usually hid behind was a man who, if not classically handsome, was certainly striking.

Seeing him without teaching robes also gave him another dimension. His infamous bat-like appearance did nothing to flatter his tall, lean physique, whereas the white high-collared shirt and black trousers he was wearing now were beautifully tailored and fitted him well. Ginny would bet her last Knut that these were Madam Malkin’s finest and that no expense had been spared on them.

As she studied Severus’ relaxed countenance, Ginny thought that it should have felt strange, being so close to her former teacher. But if anything, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Because she’d seen the man behind the mask, and it was that man that she loved.

As Severus felt Ginny pull away from him, he opened his black eyes and looked down at her.

‛Did you mean it when you said you’d do anything for me?’ Ginny asked, her voice slightly hoarse from crying.

Severus gazed at the forlorn witch in his arms. Even with the tears still damp on her cheeks and her hair ruffled, she was beautiful. And just holding her made his spirit feel at peace. If this was what love felt like, then he was head-over-heels. He was usually terrible when it came to discussing emotions, but he knew it was now or never.

‛Ginny,’ he muttered, his rich baritone like a caress. ‛No witch has ever touched me the way you have. Not even Lily.’

His stomach flipped at this revelation. He’d never had anything physical with Lily, apart from some clammy hand-holding and one awkward kiss as teenagers. And his sexual encounters as a grown man had been few and far between; one-night affairs which were perfunctory, almost clinical, without feelings or attachments. But with Ginny, his undeniable carnal attraction had blossomed into something much, much more.

His soul was now laid bare. If Ginny walked away from him for a second time, he didn’t think he’d be able to survive it.

Ginny’s chestnut eyes searched the onyx, her heart swelling so much that it might burst. ‛Oh, Severus. All this time I’ve been away from you, it made me realise... It wasn’t Alfric’s looks that I’d fallen for at all.’ She reached up a hand and gently placed it over Severus’ heart. ‛It was the man that’s in here.’

Severus almost felt dizzy with Ginny’s confession. It had been so much easier under the guise of Polyjuice Potion to let his guard down, and so he’d been able to show a side of himself to her that no-one but Lily had ever seen before. He’d sheltered his softer side, the side with feelings and humour and passion, from the world for so long that there was a time when he thought that side no longer existed. But Ginny had awoken something in him; he realised that before she came along, he was half a person. That Ginny had feelings for the “real” him was a complete surprise, however. Never had he thought anyone could feel that way about him, not since the day Lily abandoned him. But more than that, Severus had never believed he was worthy of such love.

He desperately wanted to pull Ginny to him and kiss her until there was no breath left in him. Instead, he cupped her face and wiped away a tear-track with the pad of his thumb. This was far more complicated than either of them could have imagined.

‛What are we going to do, Ginny?’ he murmured. ‛Are you sure you can be with a man like me? I’ve never wanted to be a father. What about your children? And what will your family say?’

Ginny bit her lip and looked down. She hadn’t got that far yet. ‛I don’t know what will happen,’ she admitted. ‛All I know is: I want to be with you.’

Suddenly, Severus felt very protective of Ginny. Of course she was confused; there was so much that was out of her control at the moment, the last thing she needed was him putting any kind of pressure on her. He immediately regretted making her feel bad. She needed time to process this; they both did. If they were going to stand a chance of being together, it was abundantly clear that each of them would have to make certain sacrifices. It was going to be a long, hard road for each of them and he was pretty sure there would be a great deal of soul-searching involved.

‛I want to be with you, too.’ He pulled her close again, wrapping his arms around her once more. ‛It’ll work out, Ginny. We’ll just take it one step at a time.’