Chapter 19: Coming to Terms

When Severus opened his eyes, the sun was just filtering in through the enchanted stained glass window. He found Hermione staring at him with warm, brown eyes. She leaned in and kissed him softly and then snuggled close.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

He nodded. "I should be asking you," he said, caressing her cheek with his hand. She kissed his palm. He noted there was a small smile, but it did not reach her slightly haunted eyes.

"I'm okay, for now. I cannot imagine what he might have done to you if I hadn't already disarmed him."

"You were spectacular, Hermione."

She trembled. "I didn't know what else to do. I really hurt him."

"He might have killed you if you hadn't. Sometimes we must do the thing we don't want to do to survive." He seemed to withdraw inwardly.

Hermione took his face in her hands. "You also did what you had to. I understand that more now. You did what you were ordered to do, Severus."

Severus pulled himself out of the past. "It's gone, just as yesterday is gone, Hermione. Don't let that bastard rob you of your joy. It gives my life meaning when I see you're happy."

Hermione cringed. She would not be able to stand to see Severus hurt, and right now she felt disconnected from nearly everything but the small lifeline she had holding on to him. "I need your joy right now," she told him.

Severus looked shocked.

She let hot tears flow again, and Severus chastised himself. But heaven help them, they were in trouble if he needed to have joy to bring her out of this. Joy was one thing he only glimpsed when Hermione shined hers at him. He wanted to cry with her. But he just held on and let her cry. Later he took her to the loo and helped her shower and dress. He tried to get her interested in books or a discussion, but she seemed to want to sit by the fire and watch the flames in silence.

He was grateful when her parents came and begged her to show them the castle. It seemed to draw her out of her shell. He went along, holding her hand, as she gave them a tour. They were fascinated by the moving paintings and a little freaked by the moving stairs. The Great Hall amazed them. Most of the students were still on holiday, so there were only a few people in the Great Hall for breakfast. Hermione insisted they stay and have breakfast there so they could meet some of the people who would one day be her colleagues. Her father was quite taken by Filius, and they got into quite a discussion. June sat back and just watched. Minerva made some effort to talk to her, and she finally convinced June to tell funny stories about Hermione when she was a child. Hermione joined in now and then. Severus saw that it helped her to act as if she was fine, so he encouraged her mom and enjoyed Hermione's protests about the secrets being shared. Whatever distracted her now was a good thing.

He saw her looking at her hands sometimes. Her fingers would twitch a bit, and then she'd wipe them on her robes. He realized she was still seeing the blood on them. He remembered feeling that way the first time he had been forced to kill someone without magic. The horror gave him nightmares for years. Then he'd gotten jaded and, for a time, allowed himself to inflict that which he was forced to without cringing. The thought made him cringe now, and he saw a shadow pass over Hermione's eyes as she glanced again at her hands.

He covered her fingers, and he felt her try to draw away. "Hermione, your hands are clean. There's nothing there," he whispered.

She looked into his eyes and saw the truth and relaxed a bit, but the haunted look stayed.

He wondered how he would be able to help her. He could take the fear away with his skills, but he thought the idea would be repugnant to her. Maybe he could teach her to push the fear behind a wall. It might give her some peace of mind. He knew the best way was to just let time take the sting away.

He'd wished Alan had given him a reason to kill him. If Alan had been armed, the man wouldn't be alive today.

When breakfast was over, they took a short walk out to the lake. The snow wasn't too deep. With a warming charm over the group, it was quite pleasant, and the scenery breathtaking.

June said, "I can see the beauty of this place, Hermione. I understand now why it means so much to you. You'll be an excellent teacher. You've always had such a love of learning, darling, and you will love passing that knowledge on."

Hermione smiled at her mother. "Thanks, Mum. I really feel safe here." It was all she said before turning to look out on the lake.

Suddenly the giant squid popped out, and its long tentacles reached out to them. Paxton gasped and drew June away from the edge as her scream was dying in the frozen air.

Hermione started to laugh. She laughed and laughed until tears came from her eyes. She grabbed Severus' robes, and her tortured eyes bore into him.

He realized she was hysterical. He grabbed her up and ran back to the castle, down into the dungeon and into their quarters, depositing her on the bed. He got a calming draught, and she drank it down. The laughter died, and she sobbed. "Oh, Severus." She clung to him. "I couldn't stop."

He held her close and said, "It's okay. The outing was too much. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while."

"How will I ever go back to school or to my apartment?" she asked. "I realize now he was stealing my things: a letter my mom wrote, my hairbrush, other small items. He'd been in my apartment several times. How was he able to get in through my wards undetected? I will never feel safe there again."

Severus rubbed her back to comfort her and said, "He's in Azkaban, Hermione. He cannot come for you. Never the less, I am going to ask Kingsley for a special request to the university. I want to have them allow me to finish this year with you. You completed the Theory class this term. If they do not agree, I will take leave for the rest of the year and go with you. You can get another apartment, Hermione. I know the problems seem insurmountable to you, but they can be worked out one at a time. Let me work it out. You concentrate on finding peace again."

"How?" she whimpered against him.

"I can teach you how to wall up that fear. You could look at it only when you're stronger, or I could take the memory from you."

"No!" she drew back and looked at him in horror.

He smirked. "I knew that would be your answer, my Gryffindor Lion, but I had to offer." He had pride in his eyes, and she let a small smile play across her lips. The calming draught was making her sleepy, and she snuggled down into the bed. There was a knock on his door and he said, "Hermione, your parents probably want to see you. Should I let them in?"

She nodded.

He went and opened the door and found her parents standing there with worried faces. Snow was still packed on their boots.

He banished the snow and said, "Please come in. I gave Hermione a calming draught, and she's resting. Please go in." He followed them into the bedroom, and Hermione immediately went into her mother's arms.

"Mom, please lie with me," she begged.

June looked at Severus. When he nodded, she crawled onto the big bed and laid on her back. Hermione went into her arms and laid her check against her mothers shoulder. It was a beautiful sight, Severus thought.

"Daddy?" She held her hand out.

Paxton looked a bit embarrassed but joined them when Severus said, "Please. Do whatever she needs."

Severus said, "Hermione, would you mind if I go to Minerva's office and make that connection with Kingsley?"

Hermione shook her head sleepily. "No, I'm okay with my parents."

He turned away and went through the door. He was feeling a little left out, but there was no room for him in the bed. He smirked at himself at such a thought. He knew he should not be jealous of the fact that she needed someone else beside him. He didn't understand the deep connection with a parent. His father had been abusive, and his mother had been a strict and elusive woman. He found he envied Hermione more than he was jealous. He was grateful her parents had come and wanted to help her through these first days. He had to button down his anger at Alan's attack. He wanted to go beat the man to a pulp.

By now he had arrived at the gargoyle. "Chocolate creams," he said, and it leaped out of the way. He rode up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Come," Minerva called. "Severus, how's Hermione?" she asked when he got close to the desk.

"Fine for all appearances one moment and panicked the next. Her emotions are all over the place." He wearily sat down, his shoulders showing his defeat.

"Be patient. She will come around. What can I do for you?" Minerva asked.

Severus told her his purpose, and for the next hour they spoke to Kingsley and explained what had happened. Then they spoke to the magical administrator of the university. The man had been horrified at his student's behavior. Wanting to placate the Minister of Magic, he agreed that Hermione could finish her work at Hogwarts. They would send someone periodically to monitor her work, and she would have to come take the exams at the university.

Once the connection was broken, Severus sat back wearily in his chair. Running his hands through his hair, he leaned on the desk and covered his face with his hands and sighed. "That was easier than I thought it would be, but I'm exhausted."

Minerva called Dobby, and he brought them tea.

Severus took the cup thankfully in his hands, and it warmed him a bit. He sipped the strong tea and found it calmed him. He had always found Minerva's presence calming. She had an ancient wisdom about her. Once they had gotten past the period of his headmastership here, they had slipped back into a camaraderie. He'd never held her mistrust of him against her. He had fostered that to make the situation more real. Knocking out the Carrows before escaping had been in his plan from the beginning.

He sat, and they talked about Hermione's parents and how Severus would handle her instruction among all his other duties. Severus asked Minerva if she would allow Hermione to teach the first and second years. It would give her something to do and free him up for the administrative duties he'd agreed to take on. They both agreed distraction and love would work toward her healing more than anything.

Severus finally thanked Minerva and returned to his quarters. He found Poppy just leaving. "That's quite a sight." She indicated the three people, now sleeping. "I didn't want to disturb them, so I just did a wand check. She's agitated, but the draught helps." She squeezed Severus' arm and said, "You're doing a good job. Her parents' support means a lot right now."

"I feel helpless. She's in so much pain."

"Just be there for her in any way she wants you to be, Severus. She will want to reconnect soon, so take it slow."

He nodded, and Poppy took her leave. He watched for a few minutes as the three people slept on his bed. He smiled and then stretched out on the couch and fell asleep.

*****

A light kiss on his lips woke him, and he found Hermione once again gazing into his eyes. She smiled this time. "I'm sorry we displaced you."

He sat up, drawing her into his arms. "Think nothing of it. I was perfectly comfortable." He smirked, and she giggled. He gave her a big smile, realizing that her giggle was such a wondrous thing. He saw a genuine smile back. Joy reflecting joy. Maybe I do have some to share, he thought.

Paxton came from the bedroom, tugging at his wrinkled clothing. He said, "Thank you for letting us take care of Hermione. Were you successful in your endeavors?"

June had followed him out of the bedroom. She was combing through her hair with her fingertips.

Severus nodded. He took Hermione to the chair opposite the couch and sat and pulled her into his lap. Then he nodded for the Grangers to sit on the vacated couch. He told them all what he had discussed with Minerva, Kingsley and Mr. Hallings.

Hermione hugged him tightly and said, "Thank you, Severus. I could not face going back. I would have had to quit or find another school. How could I be farther from you?" She seemed to have gained some confidence now that some of her biggest fears were no longer an issue.

Severus chose not to remind her that he had told her he would have gone with her.

Paxton stood, and they all stood. He reached out his hand and said, "Thank you, Severus. June and I know you will take good care of Hermione. I think we will go up to our rooms and get ready for dinner. I missed my lunch, and I can be right cranky when I'm hungry."

Severus smiled and said, "We will meet you in the Great Hall in two hours. I think we are all hungry...though I did have tea with Minerva. Just call Dobby if you need a snack or even lose your way to your rooms."

Hermione kissed and hugged her parents and watched them leave, still clinging to Severus' hand. When they were gone and the door was locked and warded, she dragged him into the bedroom. "Please, Severus, make love to me," she begged. "I need you. I need you inside of me. I need to be with you." She'd pulled her wand and changed the sheet and blankets, wiping out all evidence that she'd been laying in the bed with her parents.

"Hermione, do you think this wise? It's only been a day." But she was already pulling his robes off and opening the buttons on his shirt. He wanted her, but it struck fear in his heart. What if she panicked or froze? Would she be unable to separate his hands and his body from Alan's? The idea that Alan had been so close to her while she was naked was something he'd been wrestling with.

But God help him, he wanted her. He wanted something between them that was after this attack. He surrendered when she nipped one of his nipples. Her hands were everywhere, and her aggression only seemed to increase as she shed her own clothes and pulled him into the bed. "Severus, take me, please!" He could see tears now; her desperation to be with him was overwhelming her.

He took her arms gently and said, "Slow down. Let's do this right, if that's what you want. You have no idea how much I want to be with you, too." He lay in the bed and held his arms out to her. "Come to me, Hermione. Come to a bed filled with gentleness and love."

She scrubbed the tears away. With a small smile, she threw herself on him, and they kissed deeply. It was a slow process of getting back in touch. Hands softly caressed warm flesh, and lips tasted damp skin and salt tears on occasion. Fingers caressed warm depths or hard ridges. Hermione lay on top, feeling his large hands, gentle and soft. She finally interlaced her fingers with his, and he supported her as she lifted herself to slowly sheath him in velvet warm. She moved slowly, a slow rocking motion. He stared into her face and saw her bliss as she closed her eyes and her paced stepped up. Their fingers tightened. Their breathing became more rapid, and then they were both crying out softly from a shared orgasm. Hermione collapsed on his chest. "I love you, Severus. Nothing or no one will ever take me away."

He murmured against her ear. "That's good, because I will never let anyone take you, Hermione."

*****

The next days they were busy getting the work set up for Hermione's first classes and then New Year's Eve came. Minerva had a staff party in a small ballroom in a seldom-used wing. Hermione thought it might be the same room as Slughorn's party years before. But the room had gold and white drapes, and sparkling snow drifted from an enchanted starry sky, only to vanish when it touched you. Everything sparkled, and the night was magic. Severus held Hermione close on the dance floor. He wore black dress robes, and she wore a midnight blue silky, flowing dress. Her parents were still there, and she loved watching them dance and share a kiss occasionally. She smiled as Filius danced with Minerva; he was enchanted to float before her. Hagrid, Madame Maxim, Harry, Ginny, Tonks, and Remus were there, too. Ron came, bringing a lovely witch named Sara. She had fiery red hair to match his

It was magical. She laughed out loud for the first time as they reminisced, and Severus smirked at all their antics. Their kiss at midnight was magical, and when they fell in bed that night and made love, the world seemed to nearly right itself a little more for Hermione.

Her parents left the next morning. There were lots of tears and hugs. Harry saw them home safely. Hermione and Severus walked hand in hand back to their rooms. She sat on the couch and stared into the fire, and Severus' heart skipped a beat. Would she slip into depression? He knew it was too soon for her to be all right, yet these last days she'd been up, having her friends and family to reflect joy off of. Now it was up to him, and he wondered if he could do it. He sat down and pulled her to him. "You okay?"

She said, "Yes, but you have to stop asking me that."

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I've never been good at reading emotional needs, Hermione. I only know if I ask."

She smiled up at him. "I know. It was easier to be happy when there were so many people here. I loved spending time with my parents and friends. But I also love being with you. I think I will take you up on those Occlumency lessons. I don't want to forget, Severus. But maybe I can dull the images...put them behind an opaque wall. I'd like to dull the actual touch of his hands."

Severus held her a bit tighter. "I think that's a good idea. I can also teach you to direct your dreams at night so you can push the nightmares away. You cannot take much more Dreamless Sleep."

She turned in his arms and kissed him. "You've been wonderful, Severus. I would welcome any help you can give me. I'm a bit nervous about Monday, but I'm excited."

He smiled at her. "I will be in the classroom for a few days to start you. But I will only be there as an observer and for support. You will be the teacher."

"I would have gone stir crazy in our rooms with you teaching all day. I am glad of a task in the morning and my studies in the afternoon. I hope I will not be to hard for you to work into your schedule."

Severus let a chuckle out. "I dare say, Hermione, you could teach yourself. You probably know all of it by now. Exactly when did you read the texts you are using now?"

She blushed and said, "In my seventh year."

He laughed now and said, "I thought so." He kissed her until she sagged against him. "Your mind is so sexy to me. You have so much ability and potential. I find it turns me on," he admitted.

She was surprised and grinned. He had never told her that before. "That's a good thing because I'm not beautiful."

"Hermione Granger, you are the most beautiful woman there is. I even love your bushy hair. The sight of you makes my insides mush," he admitted, his face coloring.

She looked at him curiously and said, "You're so much more open."

"Your love has opened me. I'm starting to feel that I can finally let go of all the past and have a normal life."

That really set her laughing. "We live in a dungeon of a magical castle, that's normal?"

Loving her laughter, he smirked. "For a wizard and witch, I guess it is."

"I suppose it is." She proceeded to kiss him back, and they ended up back in bed.

*****

The days stretched into weeks and then months. There were good days and a few bad ones. Depression usually hit around Hermione's cycle, and Severus made a potion to ward off those bad days. With a little trial and error, he was finally able to help her even out her feelings. The Occlumency lessons helped a great deal.

Hermione loved teaching, and she loved working with Severus through her own lessons in the evening in the lab and their quarters. Many late nights would also find them amongst the stacks of books in the library.

Finally the end of the year loomed, and exams were coming up. She knew she was going to have to go back to the university for the tests. Hermione was stressed, and it brought back a few nightmares. Severus had NEWTs to give and couldn't go with her, so Harry took her to London and to the university.

It took several long days and, Hermione thought, even longer nights, but she passed her exams and was declared an official Apprentice to Severus Snape Potion Master of Hogwarts. A huge party was held in a ballroom decked out in Gryffindor colors. Hermione's parents, many students, as well as old friends and dignitaries attended the celebration.

They were dancing, and as the music faded Severus got on his knee and asked, "Hermione Granger, you know how much I love you. Will you Bond with me? Be my wife?"

She fell to her knees crying and hugging him. She cried out, "Yes! Yes!" before kissing him.

He pushed her back, gently holding her arms and looking her in the eyes. "Everyone we know and care about is here right now. Bond with me now, right here, tonight...?" He let his love wash over her.

She looked to her mother and saw her mother nod slightly. She turned back to Severus, leaned in, and kissed him softly. "Yes, Severus, being your wife in a bonded marriage would make me very happy." He drew her to him and sighed with relief.

Hermione said, "Silly man," as she kissed him again.

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