XXIII

AN: Huge thanks go to Keladry and Southern for their awesome betaing powers. *Hugs them both*

They Apparated beside the castle gates with the smallest pop and promptly made their way up the hill. Hermione felt rather giddy as they rushed toward the castle, their sense of propriety having properly given way to their hormones and only maintaining enough say to get them into a more private domain, because neither of them were naturally exhibitionists.

Hand in hand, they made their way down into the dungeons. Hermione found it hard not to giggle and even more difficult not to let her smile grow out of control, though several reminder scowls from Severus as they passed by some students did help. A little.

They finally made it into his chambers, closed the door behind them, and had thrown themselves at each other when a little cough sounded from the settee.

Instinctively, they both had their wands trained at the person who'd coughed in an instant, though Hermione dropped her wand arm as soon as she recognized Professor Dumbledore. Severus didn't.

"What are you doing here, Albus?"

Dumbledore rose from his seat and said somberly, "My apologies, Severus. I received a note today and felt it best that you deal with it immediately."

Severus' wand didn't falter. "And you could not have charmed it urgent?"

"I was going to, but then I noticed you had arrived, and judged, by the manner of your arrival, that my charms may not be as effective as usual." He looked at Severus and Hermione's joined hands and then back at their rosy faces. Hermione blushed and broke away.

"Modesty is not your strong suit, old man," Severus snarled while dropping his wand. "So give me the note and then kindly leave."

Dumbledore serenely nodded and handed over the parchment. He then laid a hand on Severus' shoulder and squeezed.

"I am sorry, Severus."

And then he left. Hermione closed the door behind him, and when she turned back to Severus, she found him reading the note, his body rigid.

She stepped up beside him, placing her hand on his arm, and was startled and alarmed when he looked at her with unconcealed fury. She stepped back immediately and gripped her wand more securely, just in case, but all he did was look back at the parchment in his hand.

He fisted his hand, crumpling the parchment, and dropped his arm to the side. He looked at the wall as he tried to store his emotions behind the stony facade.

"Lucius is dead." His voice was dangerously soft, and Hermione wasn't sure she'd heard him properly, but before she could wonder, the tea tray across the room exploded.

"DAMN HIM!" Severus roared, and several wineglasses shattered, the shards flying everywhere. Hermione cast a shielding charm and stepped further back, unsure what Severus was going to break next. As if answer to her question, Severus roared and picked up the chair next to him and threw it as forcefully as he could. She jumped as it smashed against the wall, breaking into a mangled mess of limbs and torn fabric.

Hermione looked at the broken chair, shocked and horrified. She looked up just in time to see Severus grip a vase with every intention of hurling it against the wall. She also noticed that his face and hands were peppered with cuts from the flying debris.

"STOP!" she yelled and was surprised when he did. He looked at her, and she could see that the fury was being held in check for the moment, but it wasn't gone.

"You're hurting yourself," she explained and cautiously approached him as he looked at his hands. She waved her wand at the settee, clearing it of shards before gently taking his arm and guiding him to sit.

As soon as he sat down, his fury seemed to evaporate, and he deflated. He bent over to hold his head in his hands, though Hermione forced him back up, looking at his face to see if any shards were embedded in his skin. When she was sure there weren't, she cast a couple of quick cleansing charms, then summoned the dittany from his bathroom.

"I didn't realize you were still so attached to Lucius," she said softly as she applied the herb to his face.

He winced. "I wasn't. I'm glad the bastard is dead."

"Then why the rage?" she asked, looking at him obliquely.

He sighed and shooed her away so he could put his head back in his hands. She simply treated his hands as she waited for his answer.

"He didn't die soon enough," he finally said.

"What do you mean?"

Severus sighed again and sat back, allowing her access to his face again. "He died only after he had thoroughly and completely corrupted Draco."

He closed his eyes, his face a grim mask of grief. "I know you've never got on with Draco, and that it's been mostly his fault, but as a small child, he was such a delight. He was so warm-hearted and eager, always trying to impress us grown-ups, especially his father. As a baby, Lucius did nothing but dote on him, but as Draco grew, so did Lucius' demands. By the time Draco entered Hogwarts, he knew what he had to do to impress his father and gain his acceptance. And now look at him. He's a replica of his father. Elitist, bigoted and a murderer to boot."

"Murderer?" Hermione asked, shocked.

Severus held up the crumpled parchment as if it were proof of Draco's guilt. Hermione took it, scanning it quickly, but found nothing beyond the official report. Lucius had been found dead in the morning. Manner of death was likely the Killing Curse.

"I told Draco that revenge rarely solves anything. I told him that being sent back to Azkaban in such circumstances was the worst fate Lucius could suffer, but the idiot boy had to go through his plan."

Hermione frowned at Severus. "Plan?"

Severus sat up again and slouched back, defeated. He didn't look at her, and she doubted he was focused on anything in the room. "I could tell he was planning something. His look at the trial... I know that look. Lucius had that look on his face when he started planning Fitzwilliam's downfall by Amortentia. Because how dare Fitz look at Cissy that way...

"I tried to correct Draco's course," Severus said, suddenly looking Hermione. "And when he helped Potter in the battle, I thought it wasn't too late. I thought he had a chance to avoid Lucius' fate."

"How do you know that... that he was the one to kill Lucius?"

Severus just shook his head. "Oh, I'm sure his wand holds no record of it, but..."

"Lucius was a horrible man. I'm sure there were more than a few people who wanted him dead. It might not have been Draco's fault."

He shook his head again, first slowly, then more quickly as if to regain focus. He stood up.

"Perhaps you are right," he said with obvious doubt. "But, whoever is to blame, I need to go congratulate Draco on his status as an orphan." His tone was stiffer and more cutting than she'd heard in weeks.

Hermione stood as well, unsure of what to do. Severus, however, didn't even glance back as he left. Hermione looked around the wrecked room, her mood now far from giddy. She waved her wand, repairing the destroyed tea set, chair and glasses. Looking around the room, she tried to think of anything else she might be able to do for Severus to improve his mood, but besides an air cleansing charm, nothing came to mind.

Standing in the empty room, she noticed a chill creeping into her bones and decided she'd rather be in her rooms. She wrote Severus a quick note, then left the dungeons promptly.

XXX

Dinner came and went, but Severus wasn't there. Nor was Draco. She tried not to let it worry her, but she couldn't help feeling disappointed and a bit worried. She hoped Severus hadn't done anything drastic and tried to reassure herself that he only seemed to lose control around her. Which wasn't particularly reassuring, but if it meant that he hadn't vented his anger on Draco in a magical or physical way, she would be glad for it.

Her friends noticed her mood, but wisely remained silent, though she caught them watching her warily a few times throughout the meal, and she'd been sure Harry wanted to ask her what was wrong. She was grateful Ginny could read her, at least, and had a pointed elbow to silently guide Harry. She did not want to talk about it. She didn't feel it was her place to talk about it.

She barely touched her food, but she managed to give her friends a reassuring smile as she left the hall for her room. They waved goodbye, though they were obviously worried and unhappy at her behavior. She winced at the thought that they might think she was relapsing and made a mental note to eat a good meal at breakfast to reassure them that all was relatively well.

When she finally made it to her room, she opened the door to find a lovely fire going in the grate, a pot of tea steeping on the coffee table and a furious husband pacing back and forth, muttering obscenities to himself. Silver sparks were shooting from his wand at random intervals, although Hermione wondered if he was even aware that he had his wand out.

Observing how tightly wound he was, and how oblivious, Hermione decided it was best to lean on the doorjamb until Severus caught sight of her. She really didn't want to startle him; his display earlier had reminded her of just how scary he could be.

She was rather amused, though also quite alarmed, that it took Severus four turns around her couch before he noticed her. What humor she had felt was quickly banished when his reaction to her presence was to growl, "Are you waiting for a bloody invitation?"

Hermione frowned dangerously, but was careful to close the door behind her quietly.

"Good evening to you, too," she said as she turned back to find him pacing again. She crossed her arms, the relief at finding him there safe and sound replaced with anger. "I see you've made yourself at home?"

Severus shot her a look usually reserved for Neville, at which point Hermione found herself losing control of her temper.

"Don't you dare look at me like that, Severus Snape! After our conversation earlier today – TODAY! – about the invasion of privacy and the like, you dare to growl at me in my own home?"

Snape stopped pacing long enough to grab a pretty glass vase full of flowers and throw it at the wall with a resounding crash. Hermione jumped, startled, and then felt all control slip.

Before she knew what she was doing, she had her wand out and had petrified Severus. Then she advanced on him.

"You have crossed the line, Severus," she hissed, controlling her voice by the skin of her teeth. "You've already let it be known that you're angry. You've already destroyed your own belongings in a violent fit. That's your prerogative. But if you think you can break into MY ROOM and destroy MY THINGS and generally take your anger out on me, THINK AGAIN!"

She flicked her wand, and Severus lifted off the floor from where he'd fallen. She couldn't decipher his expression, but she guessed a portion of it was shock as she relatively calmly levitated his body to the door and then out into the hallway.

"Come back only when you have some semblance of control and a grasp of civility, Severus. I will NOT be your whipping post in ANY way! EVER!"

She then canceled the Full-Body Bind, slammed the door and put up her best wards, all in very quick succession. She had no idea how Severus would react to her hexing him like that, but she guessed that in his current state of mind, he could well be murderous.

She wondered if she should have canceled the body bind, in fact, though she was positive that he wouldn't actually harm an innocent bystander.

Quite certain.

Pretty sure.

She worried her lip, wondering if she should Floo Dumbledore to let him know Severus was on the rampage, but after listening at the door and hearing nothing, she decided that Severus had probably regained some of his mental facilities. Either that or he was lying in wait for her to open the door to check the hallway, thereby making herself vulnerable.

She shivered at the thought and quickly shoved it from her mind. He hadn't been a raving lunatic. He hadn't lost all his senses. He'd just been very, very angry and obviously thought she was safe to vent to. On some level, she thought she should be flattered that he felt comfortable enough around her to be able to show his darker, more violent side. It implied some sort of trust. Didn't it?

That's when she noticed she was shaking. She quickly moved to the couch and sat down just as her legs gave way.

She was terrified. He had terrorized her. Again.

Her shaking became almost convulsive as she brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. She didn't know what to do. She could only barely deal with his temper when it came out verbally, but the physical violence... it made her ill.

This is how it starts, a voice inside her mind said. First, he'll only destroy things, but eventually, it won't be the wall he throws the vase at.

She felt dizzy at that thought. And nauseous. Suddenly overwhelmed by the nausea, she untangled herself and staggered blindly for the bathroom, barely making it in time.

XXX

An hour later found Hermione curled up on the couch in her dressing gown, a mug of tea in hand and rational thought once again rearing its reassuring head as she stared blankly into the fire.

She still hadn't sorted out what to do, precisely, although looking back over the evening, she came to the conclusion that she certainly wasn't helpless. She was a witch. Not only was she a witch, but she was a powerful, talented witch. He was a powerful and talented wizard to be sure, but she had managed to deal with him efficiently and, depending on his reaction to the whole affair, effectively. Granted, his reflexes had probably been hampered by his rage, but then, he wasn't a threat when he wasn't raging.

That was the sticking point, though. She was almost positive that while he was in his right mind, he would uphold his promise to never hurt her. His sincerity had been palpable. But...

She hated that she didn't trust him completely. She hated that niggle of doubt. She hated that she'd had to raise her wand against him.

And then she wondered if she'd had to. The first tantrum she'd stopped with a word. Perhaps he would have stopped again if she'd only asked him to. But she'd lost control of her temper...

What if she'd hurt him? What if, one day when he was angry and out of control, she used something more harmful than a Full-Body Bind? How would she live with herself? And how could she be certain she wouldn't?

A knock on the door roused her from her musings. Not sure who it would be, she went to open the door cautiously and was only somewhat surprised to find Severus on the other side, looking thoroughly repentant, as well as a trifle drunk.

"May I come in?" His tone was unsure and vulnerable, and her heart ached for him.

"Of course you may," she said, opening the door for him. He walked in and sat down on the couch, looking up at her invitingly. She wanted to sit by him, but she chose the chair by the fire instead. His face dropped slightly, and he looked down at his clasped hands.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to take everything out on you."

Her heart ached a little more. "I know you didn't. That's what scares me. Well, that and the fact that I lost control of my temper."

He looked up at her, and she had the impression that he was surprised to be able to see her. She smiled at him softly, wondering how much he missed his long hair.

"You had every right to hex me. I was out of line."

"Yes, you were, but what if a more dangerous hex had come to my mind? I don't want to hurt you."

He looked down again, a pained expression on his face. "I deserved it."

"Don't say that!" Hermione cried. "No one – no one – deserves to be abused! I wouldn't tolerate it if you harmed me, and you sure as hell shouldn't tolerate it if I harmed you!"

He stood up, obviously agitated, and walked around the couch a few times before stopping behind it. He bent over to grip the back as if in need of support and shook his head.

"You need to defend yourself and your boundaries, though."

"But not with offensive spells. There's no need for offensive spells when there's an entire litany of defensive spells to use."

He peeked up at her, and she thought she could see the barest glimmer of a smirk. "Some would deem the Full-Body Bind as offensive."

"Yes, well, some would say using magic at all is offensive."

It was definitely a smirk, although it was already fading back into a somber, melancholy expression. After a few moments of silence, he said, "I promised I wouldn't hurt you, but I never did make a wand oath to that effect. Would you like one?"

Hermione thought about it. Wand oaths were serious matters. He would be effectively binding himself to a promise. She didn't know exactly what the consequences were for breaking a wand oath, or if it was even possible, but the idea of being bound to obey a promise, even if it was willingly made, smacked of coercion. It did not feel right. And it also felt like making a wand oath would undermine what faith and trust they already had in each other.

"No," she said hesitantly. "I don't want to ask that of you. I don't want to bind you in that manner. Even if I were to make a similar oath to you, it wouldn't feel right. It would feel like we're cheating."

He walked over to her and knelt before her, lightly placing his hands on her knees. "I don't want to hurt you, Hermione. I want you to feel secure in the knowledge that I would never hurt you."

She smiled and placed her hands over his. "And I don't want to hurt you, Severus, but wouldn't it be better to use our own wills to not hurt each other? With the compulsion of the oath, it feels like there would always be an edge of mistrust. I don't want to mistrust you, and I don't want you to resent me."

"I wouldn't resent you! I meant it when I said I would rather die than hurt you."

"And I believe you."

"But..."

"Perhaps," she interrupted, "if you ever do harm me physically, or if I ever do harm to you, perhaps then, if it happens, we can make an oath. But since we're both loath to do such harm... why take away that trust in our intentions?"

He gazed up at her with conflicted eyes. "Because I don't want to hurt you even one more time."

She smiled again. "Then don't."

He shifted till he was sitting on the floor and lowered his face to her lap, resting his cheek on her knees while his hands wound their way around her calves. She ran her hand through his hair, unconsciously trying to soothe his troubled soul.

"How can you trust me, Hermione, when I don't trust myself?"

"Well, you didn't harm me today, and I don't know that I've ever seen you so upset before. You scared me, but that's a different matter.

"I've also seen how hard you try," she said, still caressing his head. "I've asked a lot of you these past weeks, and you have more than lived up to my expectations. You've been wonderful to me, Severus. You've been wonderful for me."

He gave her legs a squeeze and her exposed knee a kiss.

They sat like that for a while, content to just feel one another's touch. But Severus' position was not a comfortable one, and soon he was shifting, trying to find a better position. When he sat up, she was concerned to see how upset he looked.

"What's wrong?" she asked before she could think better of it.

He closed his eyes with a sigh. "Draco..." He paused as if looking for words. She took the opportunity to get up and silently suggest they move to the couch. He nodded and got up carefully, stretching his joints with several pops and cracks that made Hermione shudder.

Once they were settled on the sofa, side by side, Severus let out another sigh.

"I never expected to have children. First, I didn't think that any woman would have me, then I was trapped in the Dark Lord's service and completely unwilling to give him any further leverage on my loyalty. So when Cissy and Lucius had Draco and named me his godfather... It wasn't proper parenthood, but I think only Lucius was prouder than I was."

He stopped and buried his head in his hands. "I've failed him, Hermione. I was supposed to help raise him, watch over him, guide him, and somewhere in there, I failed him."

She reached out and stroked the back of his head and let her hand rest on his shoulder.

"He was happy to hear his father had died. Not only was he happy, but he knew what news I brought. He knew. He as good as admitted to arranging the murder."

Hermione closed her eyes, hearing the pain that Severus was experiencing. She didn't know anything she could say that would comfort him, though, so she just wrapped her arms around him. He tensed at first, then leaned into her embrace, wrapping his arms around her as he sought solace.

She hugged him tightly, wanting to ease his guilt and suffering, but unable to do anything more than hold him. When he pressed his head to her shoulder, she found herself murmuring, "How do I help you?"

He withdrew and, for a terrible moment, she thought she'd offended him. But when his hands wove themselves into her hair, and his lips descended on hers, she knew he was responding to her instead. She felt his plea and opened herself to him, willing him to take what comfort she could give him.

He plundered her mouth eagerly for a minute, but then pulled back again. She opened her eyes to see him looking at her tentatively. He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head, placed her finger on his lips and made a quiet, soothing sound. She then guided his lips back to hers.

He melted into her, his kisses remaining slow and almost tremulous, though his hands found their way out of her hair and down her torso, caressing her back and hips, flexing impatiently. She shifted slightly so that his arms could encircle her completely, and he immediately did so, pulling her toward him firmly.

Too soon, they found their positions restricted, and Hermione stood once more, motioning that they should find a more comfortable location. He took her offered hand and, without a word, kissed it before he stood up and accompanied her into the bedroom.

She felt almost shy as she reached the bed and turned to face Severus, but he didn't give her time to fully realize her modesty before his hands were on her, pulling her into his kiss once more. She was all too eager to feel his lips against hers again.

When she noticed his hands sliding underneath her dressing gown, she reached up and started the arduous process of undressing him. Her raised arms prevented her robe from falling off completely when he slid it off her shoulders. Instead, it bunched up at her elbows, exposing her shoulders and breasts to the cool air of her room.

She pressed against him as close as she could, feeling his wool coat rub against her skin while still working at his buttons. He pulled away a little, though his lips never left hers. He parted just enough to bring out his wand and tap his jacket, charming all his buttons, coat and shirt, undone.

Murmuring her pleasure, she helped him shrug out of his clothes, barely noticing when her own garment slipped to the floor in the process. His hands quickly found her breasts, cupping them tenderly.

He broke away from their kiss and looked down at her breasts, delicately stroking the areola, making her nipples tighten. Uncomfortable with his scrutiny, she pulled his face up to kiss her again as her hands found their way to his cock. He groaned as she wrapped her hands around him, all of his attention being focused for that moment on what her hands were doing, but an instant later, he had Hermione on her back in the bed and was beside her, kissing her like a demon.

She was somewhat startled at the sudden change of his demeanor, but she didn't object as his fingers slid down through her curls. She moaned her approval as he felt her up, and parried his tongue for every thrust. Her grip on his cock tightened as she felt the beginnings of an orgasm start to swirl, and she thrust her hips up to meet his hand.

Suddenly, the hand was gone. Instead, his thighs were pressing their way between hers, and soon she felt him at her entrance. He pushed in without preamble, making her gasp and tense at the tight, rough feeling of not being quite ready. He paused at that, rising up to look at her with worry etched on his face.

She smiled at him and lifted up her head to kiss him before he could apologize, trying to let him know it was all right. He kissed her back, his body relaxing into hers, but didn't move again until she wriggled against him, asking for more.

When he did move, it only took two thrusts before he gasped and looked down at her again, this time with a wild, desperate and apologetic face. She understood and smiled encouragingly, knowing that this time was for his comfort, not her pleasure. He started to shiver, and she rocked her hips forward. He closed his eyes and groaned, and then he lost his self-control. He tried to keep it slow and even, but it wasn't long before he was fucking her desperately, unaware of anything but the need to be in. It was over before she could come, but that allowed her to watch him as he came undone above her. She was amazed at how much emotion he showed and how large the gamut was.

He shakily dropped down onto his elbows and kissed her on the forehead before rolling off her in an exhausted motion. He was breathing heavily with his eyes closed, but when she propped herself up onto an elbow so as to observe him better, he cracked open an eye and looked her way.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head and pulled his arm away from his chest. He didn't object, but he looked at her warily. "Don't worry about it," she said and cuddled up next to him, her ear to his heart. "Holding me will make up for it."

He ran his fingers through her hair, lingering around the nape of her neck before coming to rest on her shoulder. She was just drifting off when he said, "I should go soon."

She tensed, at once offended and needy, but then reminded herself that he might have other engagements that required his attention. However, she couldn't quite keep the put-out tone from her voice when she asked, "Why?"

"People will talk if they see me leaving from here in the morning," he said hesitantly.

"In case it escaped your notice, we are married," she huffed. "Married couples are expected to have intimate moments now and again," she quoted.

"Yes, but do you really want the students to speculate on that?" he replied with a smirk.

She chuckled slightly, but said, "Humph. Well, that's what the Floo is for, isn't it?"

She felt his laugh vibrating his chest. "Don't tell that to the students."

His hand started running through her hair again, and she allowed herself to relax a little, hoping that he wasn't going to leave after all. When his motions stopped with a pat and he started moving out from under her, however, her stomach tightened nervously.

She grabbed his arm as he sat up, getting his attention. "Please don't go, Severus."

His face instantly softened into a gentle smile, and he bent down to kiss her tenderly. When he straightened up, he said, "I just need to use the loo, my dear."

She smiled and relaxed again, bringing up the covers to snuggle under. She watched him enter the bathroom and lazily closed her eyes as the door clicked shut, a smile on her face. She cuddled the covers happily, replaying his smile in her mind until it was embedded in her memory.

She figured she must have dozed off when she opened her eyes to see Severus putting on his frock coat. She sat up, holding the covers up modestly.

He stilled his motions and looked over at her, slightly consternated. "I didn't mean to wake you."

She didn't say anything as she felt her throat closing with emotion. She did try to smile, though, as he leaned down to kiss her.

"Thank you, my dear," he said, stroking her cheek tenderly before straightening up and resuming the buttoning process.

She watched his fingers moving, hiding him away, and had the urge to grab his hands to still them. Thinking about it, she saw no reason not to, and did so.

His hands did stop, but she found she couldn't look up at him as she whispered, "Please don't go."

He didn't say anything for a long moment, but then said, "I snore."

She laughed weakly, appalled to find a tear had escaped. She looked down at the bedspread and hastily wiped the evidence away.

"I don't care."

"There are classes tomorrow; we have to be up early."

Her heart sank at the pitiful excuse. They'd been spending their mornings together for the last week. She knew his schedule.

"Oh, right. Okay." She didn't look up, not wanting him to see how hurt she was. She lay back down, rolling over immediately to keep her back to him. "Please turn out the light when you leave."

She heard the rustle of his clothes again and wished he'd leave quickly so she could cry in peace. The light turned out, and she held her breath, waiting for the sound of the door closing behind him. She was very surprised, therefore, when the bed dipped beside her, and she felt his arms reaching out for her, followed shortly by his body as he curled around her.

"I do owe you a cuddle, don't I?" he said, giving her a squeeze and kissing her shoulder. She didn't trust her voice, so she nodded. He gave her another squeeze and kiss.

"When I came out of the bathroom, you were already asleep. You looked so peaceful – I didn't want to disturb you."

She let out a shuddering breath at his explanation, earning her yet another squeeze. She squeezed his hand in response, unable to find the words to explain to him the reason she had been so peaceful in the first place.

Instead she whispered, "Just... please don't leave without saying goodbye."

He gave her another squeeze. "I wouldn't dream of it."

Although she believed him intellectually, she didn't relax into sleep until his even breaths and heavy arm soothed her worried soul.

AN 2:Oh, and for your pleasure (and to challenge myself), I drew an illustration for this chapter. You can find it at: http://averygoodun.deviantart.com/art/Comfort-78351484