Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Severus stared through his tunnel vision at Hermione. She was sitting across from him with her nose buried in a book. She hadn't lifted her head in a long while. Her brow was furrowed as she read. Muttering something to herself, she looked up and over at the table. Severus couldn't see the table, but he knew there was a cage with ten mice in it placed there.

He had been seated at the table when Hermione had brought in the cage, along with a smaller one, and set both there. She'd taken one of the mice out of the large cage and had placed it alone in the smaller one. Casting the Insevio Spell, she'd then gasped as the mouse was thrown into the side of the cage and began to shake. The mouse had continued to shake violently, no matter what Hermione had tried. She'd been forced to kill the poor creature to end its misery.

That disturbing episode had sent her into her book. She hadn't emerged again until now. She turned from the table and looked at Severus.

"I'm going to try the spell again. I think the problem was my intent," she informed him. Blanching, she continued. "I didn't really want to do it before. I couldn't make myself want what has happened to you to happen to any creature, even a small mouse." She grimaced as she looked once again to the mice in their cage. "But I have to, don't I?" she said absently. "Without the intent, the mouse was condemned to a more horrible fate than Hollowing. I killed him by trying to save him."

Severus' heart constricted within him. Hermione was truly one of the most compassionate women he'd ever met. Who else would bemoan the death of a small rodent? In fact, who else would bemoan his fate? No one.

He yearned to envelop her in his arms and tell her everything would be all right. Unfortunately, he neither knew that everything would be all right, nor could he move to console her. Anger rushed through him. There was so much he wanted to tell the woman before him, but he was incapable of it.

The day she'd confessed her feelings to Potter, Severus had been shocked. His mind reviewed his reactions as his body continued to stare blankly ahead.

She likes me?

There is a chance for us! We just have to both be able to speak! Hermione, I care about you, too! Don't think that our being together is impossible. It's not! I will do everything in my power to convince you of that!

Her confession had driven the darkness from him. He no longer felt the urge to withdraw and sulk. He wanted to jump up and shout to the world that she loved him. He wanted to throw himself at her, pick her up, and twirl her around in happiness. He wished he could simply touch her and feel her skin under his fingers. His condition clearly made that impossible.

Now, however, he was a bit worried. She'd apologized for saying her feelings aloud. For some reason, she thought he wouldn't reciprocate. Well, if he really looked at himself and his persona, it wasn't hard to see why she thought the way she did.

They'd worked for a week together to get his trial ready. He'd been quite civil then, but all of Hermione's previous memories of him had been tainted by the Death Eater persona he'd been forced to take upon himself. Granted, he tended to enjoy being surly and frightening, but he wasn't that man always.

As he'd told Hermione before, he wasn't always the snarky bastard that the students thought him to be. Even his friends, though, didn't really know who Severus Snape was. He had gotten lost a long time ago in a character that needed to be developed to keep him safe from the Dark Lord.

If the truth be known, not even he knew who he was. He knew who he wanted to be, but could he truly be more than what he'd become? He hoped so. The witch before him deserved someone who was whole and mature. His actions as a spy had been very self-serving and, to some extent, immature.

He'd been forced to do and say things to many that were hurtful and uncaring. Even those who were close to him, those who'd known him well, had been on the receiving end of his caustic tongue. Despite his outward nonchalance, he'd been disturbed at times by the length in which he'd go to insult others.

Ah, and you, my dear Hermione, have gotten the brunt of it, haven't you? My insults toward you, the friend of the hated Harry Potter, were always more venomous because of who you were. It's no wonder you think I could never love you. I hope to dispel those misgivings soon.

"Severus, come over here. You should probably be able to see what I'm doing."

Severus felt his body jerkily stand and move to the table where Hermione now stood.

"Go ahead and sit down, Severus," Hermione told him as she motioned to the empty chair at the end of the table.

He awkwardly moved to it and sat down. Gazing at her as she studied the table with the cages, he longed to touch her. He reached out an imaginary hand and pulled her to him. He whispered his affection into her imaginary ear and eased her misgivings about his possible reaction to her. The vision dissolved in smoke. Cursed spell, making my life impossible!

Hermione heaved a great sigh, bringing Severus' attention fully upon her. The second mouse now sat in the single cage like a zombie. Her spell had worked.

"I suppose that's a good thing," she muttered to herself. She pointed her wand and cast the spell over and over again. Soon, all the mice were in the same catatonic state. She took out the separated mouse and placed him with his brothers. None of them moved a muscle but only stared blankly ahead.

Hermione looked sadly to Severus. "Is there anything I can get you?" she asked. Severus saw her frown to herself. "Maybe you'd like it if I read to you? Go ahead and go back to the couch," she ordered.

Hermione moved out of Severus' tunnel vision for a few minutes. By the time he had jerkily returned to the couch, she had returned. She came up to him and bent low to look into his face. "Why don't we see what the newest issue of Potions Today has in it, hmm?"

She sat down next to him and began to read an article on rare ingredients from Australia. Severus listened attentively, but felt a bit wistful as he could no longer see her. However, Hermione's thigh was pressed up against his, and he had the most delightful reaction to her nearness.

Delightfully frustrating, actually. What hell is this? The touch of a lovely woman next to me, yet I am frozen and unable to enjoy it fully. There must be something I can do! A noise, a movement... something!

He tried. Oh, how hard he tried. First he was bold and tried to pick his arm up and maneuver it onto Hermione's shoulder. That task was definitely beyond him, as not even a finger twitched. Trying to turn his head proved futile as well. Resorting to something hopefully simple, he tried to make a sound. Nothing.

I shouldn't be surprised. I've been trying to move and speak for days with no luck. It's just that with Hermione so close, I just want to let her know I'm here.

Hermione had stopped reading and was speaking to him now. He tried to pay attention.

"I wonder if I could reach you through Legilimency?" she mused, almost to herself.

He saw her face come into view again. She was looking at him curiously. "If you're in there, somewhere, I should be able to talk to you, shouldn't I?"

Severus' heart leapt into his throat. Yes, oh, yes! I hope it's possible!

Hermione knelt before Severus and pulled out her wand. "Legilimens" she called.

Severus felt something within him. A vague something. Maybe he could help by calling to her.

Hermione, I'm here!

Hermione?

In his mind, he was jumping up and down and shouting on top of his lungs. Still, he did not feel her presence. He could hear her moving about in his mind, but something blocked the way between the two of them. That devil had thought of everything with this spell. The monster certainly had gone to great lengths to ensure that Severus Snape would never communicate with the outside world.

Severus mentally sunk to his knees in despair. He cried out once again.

Hermione, please! Can you hear me? I'm right here... right here...

He felt her withdraw, and she was once again close to his face. He felt her hand touching his cheek in a tender caress. Even his despair was evaporated with that touch.

"I'm sorry, Severus. There's some sort of barrier. I can't get past it. I don't see anything when I'm in your head."

Oh, Hermione, don't stop touching me, please.

Her thumb rubbed his cheek, but then she seemed to think better of it, and withdrew it awkwardly.

"I'm sorry!" she cried. "I shouldn't have done that. I know you don't feel that way. Neither should I."

Severus reached out for her in his mind. He felt nothing. Even his ability as a Legilimens was gone. Oh, why couldn't he just touch her once? Just to show her that he cared, that she was wrong, and that he wanted her just as much as she wanted him?

Hermione... I love you too...

She withdrew then and left him to himself. Worry filled him. What if she couldn't come up with a counter-spell? Worse yet, what if by the time she did, all those feelings for him were gone? How long could a woman pine away for a shell of a man? Would he miss yet another opportunity at happiness?

Please, Hermione, don't put me out of your head. I know this seems impossible, but if you just hold out, I promise I will return all of your affection. Don't give up on me yet.

His eyes stared at the wall. His arms sat limply next to him. On the outside, Severus Snape was a lifeless shell. On the inside, however, he was filled with deep emotions and feelings for a woman whom he'd like to someday call his.

Please, Hermione, get the counter-curse quickly.