Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A memo dropped onto Dolores' desk. She opened it and read it.

Leaky Cauldron at noon.

She crumpled the note and incinerated it with her wand.

The man stirred his cauldron until the liquid inside turned clear. He quickly pulled a ladle from the table and scooped some of the liquid into a vial, filling it halfway to the top. He placed the stopper into it and examined the elixir. Before his eyes, the liquid disappeared. The man smiled evilly.

Placing the vial into his pocket, he wandered into another room. He approached a bed, where a figure lay. The man on the bed would have appeared to be sleeping, except that his eyes were wide open and staring at the ceiling. No movement came from his body except for the painfully slow rise and fall of his chest. The other man approached and looked down at the motionless slip of a man.

"Soon..." the man announced. "Soon there will be no one who will know of your existence," he crooned. "Then there will be no hope for you to ever become what you were before." He threw his head back and laughed. "Imagine! A lifetime of awareness, yet unable to move a muscle! Preserved in a frozen state, unable to die, yet prevented from living." The man came close to the still man's ear. "It's only what you deserve!"

He withdrew then, leaving the statue-like man to his own private hell.

Dolores sat nursing a cup of tea in the pub, awaiting her contact. She didn't need to wait long. A short squat man with round glasses and a balding head soon joined her. Once he spoke, Dolores recognized the man she'd been in contact with earlier in the week.

"Shacklebolt didn't go for the plan?" he asked gruffly.

Umbridge frowned. "No, he thought it was too invasive. What do we do now?"

The portly man produced a vial that appeared to be empty.

"This should solve all of your problems."

Dolores bent low and looked at the vial. "It's empty," she said.

"It's filled with a gaseous potion, you dolt."

Umbridge harrumphed and sat back, glaring at her partner. "Ahem! I am no dolt. How was I to know there was anything in there?!"

"Why would I give you an empty vial?" the man sneered.

Umbridge's lips thinned. "How should I know?"

"This..." the man said as he lifted the vial, "is an Influencing Potion. It works similarly to the Imperius curse, without the repercussions of using an Unforgivable. If opened in a room, it will make all within its walls open to suggestion." The man glared at her for emphasis. Umbridge's eyebrows had lifted as she looked eagerly at her partner.

"I suggest you use this on your colleagues in the Wizengamot right before the start of the trial. You can then order them to convict Snape and explain exactly what the punishment will be."

Umbridge opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she took the vial and rolled it between her fingers.

"What happens after the trial, when this wears off? Everyone will realize they were duped into a false conviction!" Umbridge looked at her partner with a smug look.

"That's the beauty of this potion. Once the suggestion is planted in the victim's mind, it becomes their own thought. They will always think that it was their own idea to do what they did. It is a foolproof way to accomplish our task."

Dolores' hand fisted around the vial before it disappeared into her robes. She grinned conspiratorially at the portly man across from her.

"You've done it," she said. "You've found a way to get rid of Snape forever!"

The man grinned, his chubby cheeks bulging out with the movement of his lips. "We'll celebrate when the deed is done."

Dolores lifted her tea cup. "To success," she toasted.

The man nodded. "To success."

Hermione turned to Severus and smiled as the guard locked the cell door behind her. She settled herself on the far end of the bed and set her large trial folder in between them. She gave Severus a concerned look.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Severus scowled. "I'm wonderful. The highlight of my life has been being locked up in this cell. Really, Hermione, you should try it. It does wonders for one's mental state."

Hermione's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. I'm sure this is hard for you."

Severus softened slightly. "It is not your fault that I am locked up in here."

Hermione nodded, figuring that would be the only apology she would receive from him. "All right," she said as she removed a small packet from the file folder on the bed. "Look that over and see if there's anything I've missed." She handed the papers to Severus, who took several minutes to peruse them. When he'd thoroughly looked them over, he handed them back to her.

"Everything seems to be included," he acknowledged. "There's nothing more to add."

Hermione put the papers back into her file and scooted to the back part of the bed. She rested her back against the wall and stretched her legs out in front of her. Severus followed suit and got into the same position.

"When you testify, Severus, please try to stay as calm as possible. The lawyer for the Ministry has studied your personality extensively, I'm sure. He'll try to rile you. He'll want to make you look like a ruthless Death Eater. You'll need to stay calm, no matter what the man says."

"Can I take a Calming Draught before the trial?"

"No. You cannot take any potions or medications whatsoever before the trial. Any drugs like Veritaserum will be administered while you are in the courtroom."

Severus folded his arms in front of him. "I will do my best to curb my temper, then."

"You should also refrain from sarcastic remarks."

Severus looked at Hermione shrewdly. "You take all the fun out of everything, don't you?"

Hermione's look was a mix between humor and frustration. "I'm just trying to help you make a good impression."

"If I'm going to be cast away for life, I might as well have some fun at my own trial."

Hermione straightened up and faced Severus head on. "Severus, stop it. We will prevail. With the memories you gave to Harry, plus your own, and the testimony under Veritaserum, you will prove to them whose side you were on."

Severus looked down and flexed his fingers. "You are an eternal optimist, aren't you?"

"I have high hopes for the outcome of this trial. That's all."

"You have high hopes for everything. I'm surprised the war didn't tarnish your view on the world."

Hermione looked away. "It did for a while. After the war, I was terribly depressed. I left the country and spent a good deal of time with my parents in Australia. After I restored their memories, they helped me to work through my grief. It helped all of us, really. It helped me to get over everything the war had changed in me, and it helped my parents to understand why I modified their memories. In the long run, it was very therapeutic for all of us."

She looked over at Severus now. "Did you ever do that?"

Severus arched an eyebrow at her. "Do what?"

"Unburden yourself of everything you'd been through during the war."

Severus scoffed. "Who would listen to me? I found the neighbor's cat wanted nothing but a good scratch behind the ears. I haven't really spoken to anyone in five years. I've been in hiding, remember."

Hermione gave a grim smile. "I do remember. That's why I asked."

Severus was the one to look away now. "There isn't really anything to unburden, anyway."

"No, I would imagine there wouldn't be," Hermione said wryly. "It must have been really uplifting to have an entire school rallying against you... trying to undermine you at every step. Having those who used to be your friends give you evil looks... that was probably fun, right?"

Severus scowled, but did not look at Hermione.

"Killing your friend, whether you really killed him or not. That was probably really easy. Did you have a good laugh after you Apparated away from Hogwarts that night? Did you look in the mirror and say, 'Great job killing Albus!'?"

"Enough!"

"You said there was nothing to unburden, Severus. I was just agreeing with you."

"Do not make fun of me!"

Hermione scooted over next to Severus, reaching over to put her hand on his. "I'm not." She squeezed his hand, causing him to look over at her finally. "It took me a long time to be able to talk about how I felt, and I was surrounded by people who loved me. I can't imagine how it must have been for you. How it must still be for you. I will listen if you would like to speak about it."

Severus scowled and looked down. Hermione kept her hand on Severus'. She didn't move. She knew it was important to stay quiet and let him come to his own decision about whether he would say anything or not. She knew that to push now would send him far away from her and keep him from telling her anything.

They sat in silence for a long time. Finally, Severus cleared his throat.

"Even though I knew that Albus wasn't truly dead, I... I didn't handle it well. I had to report to the Dark Lord. He told me how valued I was. He spewed on about what a wonderful job I had done. I wanted to vomit on the spot. I left as soon as I could and retreated to my home at Spinner's End. I warded it, put a repelling spell on it, and made it impossible for anyone to be able to tell whether I was within it or not. I crouched in a corner in the dark as I heard Aurors Apparate nearby and try to get to the house. They couldn't find it. Soon, they gave up, but I didn't leave that dark corner until the next morning." Severus looked off into space, deep in thought. "I must have called myself every nasty name I knew that night. I have never loathed myself so much before or since that incident."

Hermione squeezed his hand again. Severus turned his hand up into hers and held it. He was a bit surprised that she even wanted to touch him, but he welcomed her little bit of comfort. It was calming just to have her hand in his.

"I fought a nightly battle with myself from then on. Becoming Hogwarts Headmaster made me even more miserable. I never wanted such a position, but just the fact that I'd attained it, not through my own merits, but because I was the Dark Lord's plaything, was quite demeaning. The reactions of the staff and students were understandable, actually. I would hate myself if I had believed I'd done what everyone else thought I'd done."

They were quiet again. "My parents said something to me that I've always tried to remember," Hermione said at last. "They said, No matter how much you feel what happened is your fault, remember, you only played a small part in those events."

Severus scoffed. "Why would you feel that anything was your fault, Hermione?"

Her eyes got big as she looked over at Severus. Tears formed in them. "I was standing right next to Fred Weasley when that explosion hit. If I had only stepped forward three paces, I could have shielded him from the rubble."

It was Severus' turn to squeeze Hermione's hand. "Your parents are right. It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done. If you had, you would be dead."

"I would have gladly given my life for Fred."

"That would have been quite a sacrifice. I don't even think Fred Weasley would have wanted you to do that for him."

Hermione put her head back against the wall. "It's just that so many good people were killed. I felt that I should have been one of them. Why did I get the gift of life when so many others didn't?"

"I have often wondered that myself. Why that fool-of-a-phoenix decided to swoop in at the last minute and cure me is beyond my comprehension."

Hermione's eyes snapped to his. "That's how you survived?"

Severus nodded. "Fawkes came in only a minute after you and your friends had left. His tears cured me within a few minutes. I debated fighting more, but I was still very weak. I managed to Apparate without splinching myself and stayed at my home until I felt well enough to really disappear."

"Why did you do it, Severus? Why did you visit Lily Potter's grave? You must have known they'd look for you there."

"She was my friend. I swore an oath to protect her son. I wanted to honor her death on the anniversary of it. The thought that the Aurors might stake out the graveside after so many years seemed rather paranoid to me. In essence, I fooled myself into feeling secure."

"I thought you were in love with her."

"Yes, so did I," Severus said wryly. "After I had a chance to breathe again...after the battle...I had a lot of time to really examine my feelings. I had mistaken obsession with love and guilt with devotion. She'll always be dear to me... always. Nevertheless, I realized soon after the battle that I hadn't truly loved her for years."

"It all seemed to be a creepy kind of wonderful anyway."

"Whatever does that mean?" Severus asked curiously.

"Who wouldn't want such devotion given to them?" Hermione removed her hand from his and placed it on her lap. "There are few who could love someone so fully that they would endure it for the time you did. Yet, she was dead, and had loved another. Forgive me, I really don't know anything about the two of you, but it seemed a bit obsessive to me in the long run." She glanced over at Severus to make sure she hadn't angered him.

"A very diplomatic response," Severus said with a glower. "I suppose what you really wanted to say was that I was insane for hanging on to such feelings for so long."

"No, that's not it at all!" she exclaimed. She looked to her lap, trying to find the right words to express her feelings. "It's just that I think you are worth more than just having an unrequited love to long for."

Severus stared at her incredulously. "I'm not worth anything, Hermione."

She scoffed. "How could you ever say such a thing?"

"I'm serious. After everything I've done, I don't deserve any such happiness. I'm a loner, and a loner I will be forever."

Hermione shook her head. "You're wrong, Severus. You, out of anyone who fought in this war, deserve to be happy. You have sacrificed the most."

"I have done the most harm."

"You have done the most good."

"I have sold my soul."

"You made it possible to win the war."

"You are living in fantasyland."

"Would you like to come join me? It's quite pleasant."

Severus frowned, not sure what to say to that comment.

Hermione shifted and turned fully toward him. "Look, you did do harm when you became a Death Eater. Then you redeemed yourself by turning spy. You were on the side of evil for far less time than you were working against it."

"Nonetheless..."

"Severus, stop it. Throw away the shame and guilt." Realization suddenly dawned on her. Her eyes grew wide. "You wanted them to lock you up! That's why you showed up at the Potters' gravesite. You wanted them to punish you!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus said as his eyes shot to the wall.

"Why? How can you think you need to be punished? Haven't you punished yourself enough?"

"No! No, I haven't. I should be cast away for what I did."

"Stop it!"

"No! You wanted the truth. You wanted my feelings?" he railed. "I deserve this!" His hand shot out as he gestured around the cell. "Dumbledore is nowhere to be found. I as good as killed him! If he weren't dead or who-knows-what, then he'd show himself. He wouldn't hide away for over five years! It's my fault, and I should be punished for it."

"Stop this, Severus, it is insanity. Something happened to him, yes, but you can't blame yourself for that. You followed his instructions to the letter. If anyone is to blame, it's him! Someone must have known about your plot. They were probably waiting for him wherever his Portkey took him. They probably killed him or kidnapped him right then. You had nothing to do with that!"

Severus looked at her with a bitter expression. "Why haven't I been able to find him? He couldn't have just disappeared! For all I know he's been killed and turned into a stick or something!"

"Severus, Harry is searching for him. He's got connections that you didn't as a man on the run. Something will come up. We'll find him."

Severus could only stare at her. He'd given up on finding Dumbledore a long time ago, but he'd still gone through the motions. Maybe a new set of eyes could uncover something about what had happened to him. He could only hope. Unfortunately, it seemed that Potter would not have success before his trial tomorrow.

Hermione began to look uncomfortable with his staring. She cleared her throat and looked at him levelly. He cleared his throat also and looked away.

"I should be going," Hermione said after a long silence. She conjured her Patronus, which was sent to get the prison guard.

Severus nodded but did not look at her. He felt a hand on his and raised his head to find Hermione stooped over him.

"We will prevail, Severus. You will be free soon."

With a slight nod, he acknowledged her statement.

"I will see you tomorrow, okay?" she reassured him.

"Yes."

Hermione gave him a little smile. "Get some rest. You have a long day tomorrow."

She straightened and went to the door. The guard had come and was unlocking the cell with his wand. She stepped through the cell gate and turned back to Severus.

"I will be right beside you tomorrow. They will listen and believe."

"Thank you, Hermione."

"Good afternoon, then," she said and was gone.

Rest, Severus thought. That's the last thing I'll be getting tonight.

He lay down again and tossed to get comfortable to await the morning and the sealing of his fate.