Part 9

Part Nine – Harry

Tomorrow we’ll be leaving New Orleans. These past months have been the best I’ve had in a long time. Severus… I’m going to miss him. After I confessed that I felt something for him, things didn’t change between us at all. In fact, if I’m honest with myself, we seemed to get even closer. Other things happened.

He takes time to talk to my kids—really talk to them—and seems to really enjoy spending time with them. I think he now knows as much about them as I do. I might be going too far to say that he loves them, but I know he cares about them. I can feel it. I suppose I’ve gone a bit mad. Sometimes I find myself pretending that we’re a family, the five of us.

Severus asks about Teddy, and he tells me stories about Lupin that I never knew. I’ve come to realize that he didn’t hate Lupin as much as he hated my father, Sirius, and Pettigrew. I think that if Lupin hadn’t passed away, they might have been on friendlier terms one day.

Wait. Maybe not. Snape does hold a grudge for a long time after all.

What would Lupin say if he knew that I toyed with the idea of kissing Snape? For that matter, what would my father or Sirius say? I know they hated him. What would Mum say? Deep down, I think she would be glad that someone cares for Snape that way—the way she couldn’t. And if she were anything like me, she would want her son to be happy. That’s all I can ask for my children when choosing their partners. Otherwise, I might not have appreciated my son becoming involved with a Malfoy.

As far as the kids, I think they know and even approve. Al often mentions, in private, that I look at Snape almost the way I used to look at Ginny. How can someone do that? Care about two people so much, I mean? I still love Ginny and always will. For some reason, I don’t feel guilty about this, about Snape. I think maybe if it were a woman that had garnered my attention, I might feel guilty, but this? I just don’t. Perhaps I’ll try to talk to Hermione about this one day. I’m sure she would have an opinion. She always does.

I know that Severus likes his coffee black, and he’ll have a cup at any given point during the day, just because he likes the taste. He doesn’t like a very big breakfast—unless it’s a day his store is closed and only after he’s been up for an hour or so. I know he doesn’t mind doing manual work instead of taking the easy, magical way out. I know he makes his own cologne, and it’s a scent that I’ll never forget—fresh, woodsy, like the forest after a rain. I think Lily had it right when she first pegged his scent.

Good grief. I’m wallowing in my misery today it seems. All I can think about is what I’ve had here and what will be missing. And the way he looks at me sometimes. Those smoldering, intense black eyes. What I wouldn’t give to be the one able to use Legilimency.

Tonight is our last night. Should I try to talk to him again about us? What if he has changed his mind? Would he come back to England with us? Would he expect me to move here? I would welcome him into our lives without question. I know I would. It would be harder for me to relocate here. I have so many ties back home.

“Shite. Maybe it’s for the best to just leave well enough alone.”

Part Nine – Severus

Harry is gone. He and his family flew out of New Orleans this morning. I knew that it would be hard to see them leave, but I had no idea that it would feel as though a part of me flew off into the sunrise with them. There were so many things that I wanted to do this morning, and if I were a stronger man, I might have done them.

Oh, I was at the airport to see them off. They simply didn’t know I was there. I said my goodbyes to the children last night when I went to fetch Potter for our evening flight. While Potter was still in the shower, James asked to speak with me privately. I was a little taken aback at first, but now I can appreciate the courage it must have taken to tell what he and his siblings had to say.

‘Mr. Severus,’ he said, ‘Lily, Al, and me, we all talked about this, and we want you to know that we think it’s all right.’

I knew what he was referring to, of course. How could anyone close to Potter not know that his feelings for me had progressed into something more than friendship. After he admitted as much to me, it was easy enough to see. His children, knowing him so well, were not oblivious. They only seemed to be unable to detect my feelings, though I think they guessed them well enough.

To play it off, I told him, ‘I’m sure that the friendship I have with your father would be a welcome one. Why would I question it?’

‘Is that all?’ he asked me, brown eyes so wide and earnest.

Never in my life have I ever dreamed of being taken aside by a James Potter and given his blessing to date someone whom he loved. That’s exactly what this boy tried to do for me. I decided to be honest with him. I replied by saying, ‘It’s all it can be, son.’

The way he smiled at me, I couldn’t help but feel the outpouring of fatherly affection, and I seemed to convey that to him without words somehow, for he said, ‘We have a Mum already, and we already have a Dad, but it would be wicked to have two of you. If it ever can be, that is.’

I am still touched by his honest approval. When I turned away from him to think of something to say, the other two were there, just at the door. When I saw them, they both sprinted forward to embrace me, James joining them after. The feeling of near completion overwhelmed me. It is what I’ve always longed for: family who respect and care for me.

Those words spurred my later action. I wouldn’t have had the courage to do anything otherwise, but when it was time for Potter to leave afterward, I knew he had something he wanted to say or something he wanted to do. I simply told him goodbye in the only way I could convey all that I feel: affection and regret being the frontrunners.

He was so close to me. I leaned forward slowly, my eyes darting from his lips to his eyes a couple of times, enabling him to realize what I was about and allowing him to back away if he so chose. My lips met his, and I could swear that I felt heat flood through my body in a rush.

Harry’s lips are very soft, yet firm, and they perfectly fit against my own. The beautiful green eyes that fascinate me didn’t close but met my own in an attempt to express his longing. When our tongues met and tasted and tangled, I knew that I would never want anyone but him again. Never wanted anyone the same way I want him. It’s horribly wrong, isn’t it? Yet it’s so right.

All was right in the world for approximately three minutes. And then I had to end the kiss with a light brushing of my lips against his. After a bow of my head and a last squeeze of his shoulder, I Disapparated to the safety of my home… where I’ve been brooding since. Pain, it is something the Cruciatus inflicts on its victims.

However, what I feel at this moment is far worse than that. I swore long ago that I would never suffer this fate again, the fate of one who loves and is spurned. Oh, I’m not spurned, but I might as well be for all the good it will do me. It is I who’s done the rejecting this time. I’ve come a long way from the cold, selfish man that I once let myself become. Now I am attempting to be noble and put others before myself.

More the fool I am.

AN: Only one chapter left! Thanks go to beaweasley2 and rdholmantx for reading over this!