XVII: Anything For Love

Thanks go to JKR for letting us play around in the HP universe.

Thanks go to Apple Blossom for beta reading and to you for reading and reviewing.

Chapter XVII: Anything for Love

Cassandra was trying to comb her unruly hair when Severus entered the bathroom. She had already put her clothes back on, and the dark fabric clashed violently with her still pale face.

Severus kept glancing at her while he got dressed. She was indeed awfully pale, but at least the haunted look had disappeared from her face. Hopefully, the lack of colour was just a result from lack of sleep.

‘How long since you have practised Side-Along Apparition?’ she suddenly asked, looking at him in the mirror.

Severus stared at her, puzzled. ‘Side-Along Apparition?’

‘Yeah, I wonder if I can trust your skills,’ she replied with an uncertain smile.

‘Why would you need to?’

‘Because I’d like to get home as fast as possible, and I haven’t got my wand on me,’ she explained in a tone that suggested that she considered her statement to be the most logical one in the world.

‘What do you mean, you do not have your wand on you?’ Severus was confused. ‘You Apparated here last night.’

‘I did what?’

Severus cocked his eyebrow at her. She had turned around and was looking straight at him now. And under normal circumstances, he would have interpreted her question as a joke. But the way she was clutching the comb in her hand told him that she was not in a joking mood.

‘You Disapparated from my flat shortly after midnight,’ he explained in a soft tone. ‘Do you not remember it?’

She put down the comb and started fidgeting with her fingernails and cuticles. This was not a good sign; Severus knew that. He stepped closer and took her hands in his. They were icy cold.

‘This has happened before,’ he stated. ‘This is how you got away from Yaxley. This is how you ended up at Grimmauld Place. You Disapparated.’

He felt her hands shake in his and saw her chew her lip. And he sensed clearly that she was upset.

‘It is alright, Cassandra,’ he whispered as he pulled her trembling body towards his chest. ‘I will take care of everything.’

Once back at her house, Severus sent Cassandra to take a hot shower and busied himself making breakfast, strong herbal tea and toast with butter and honey. Nicodemus was meowing piteously at his feet, rubbing its head against his legs.

‘I know, Nicodemus. I know,’ Severus whispered and knelt down to pat the tabby on its head. ‘I am worried about your mistress, too.’

He certainly was. The breakdown he had witnessed the night before had scared the living daylights out of him. So had the memories Cassandra had shared with him later. She had been through a lot, too much maybe. And the fact that she had basically run away from her past without ever talking about what had happened had certainly not made things better.

And now she was performing magic again, without her wand.

That kind of magic was not unheard of. It normally occurred with Wizard children. They often produced magic without a wand. When confronted with strong emotions, they could move objects, perform Transfiguration, even Disapparate. Could this be the case for Cassandra? Had she twice been able to Disapparate without her wand when she had been in severe emotional distress?

But why could she not remember it?

Severus sighed. This was not his area of expertise, and he would have to consult somebody else about it. The sooner, the better. But for the time being, he would take care of Cassandra’s physical well-being.

He picked up the breakfast tray and followed Nicodemus to the bedroom. As he opened the door, his nostrils filled with the sweet scent of musk and honey and just a hint of vanilla. Obviously, Cassandra had used her favourite soap. It was his favourite as well.

She lay curled up under a dark blue blanket. Her hair was still wet, and there was a rosy colour on her cheeks. Severus wasn’t fast enough to hinder Nicodemus from jumping up onto the bed, and he was afraid that Cassandra would wake up. But the tabby landed on soft paws and cuddled up against its mistress’ shoulder. A soft smile appeared on her lips, and Severus stood like hypnotised, unable to do anything than stare at her for a while.

‘Take care of her now,’ he whispered as he patted the cat on its head. ‘I will not be long.’

He placed the most tender of kisses on Cassandra’s forehead, inhaled her sweet scent. He would have loved to slip under the covers with her, hold her and make love to her until she called out his name, but there were more urgent matters he had to attend to. For one, he had to get to Hogwarts.

‘Severus, dear boy. We weren’t expecting to see you so soon again,’ sounded Dumbledore’s cheerful voice from the portrait on the wall. ‘Minerva is in the Great Hall for lunch. We could …’

Severus cut the old Headmaster short. ‘There has been an incident. And I actually came here to talk to you.’

Dumbledore was eyeing him over the rim of his glasses. The twinkle was still there, but at the same time, he looked very serious.

‘What do you know about involuntary magic?’ Severus pressed on.

‘You mean the kind Wizard children perform when they find themselves in danger?’

‘No, I mean with adults,’ Severus interrupted. ‘Is an adult witch or wizard capable of performing involuntary magic without a wand?’

Dumbledore frowned slightly. ‘It it possible, however rare. Once a witch or wizard is magically trained, they tend to lose the abilities they had as a child and depend on their wand to perform magic. Nevertheless, when faced with threatening situations or severe emotional stress, it is possible that they might perform involuntary, wandless magic in order to save themselves. One could call it survival instinct.’

Severus nodded. He had figured out that much himself already. And that was not the bit that was bothering him. ‘Is it possible that the witch or wizard would not remember their magic afterwards?’ he went on.

‘It is Cassandra, isn’t it? She is doing it again.’

Severus spun around to see Minerva standing in the door. The old witch looked concerned.

‘What exactly do you mean?’ Severus snapped. He hated it when people kept secrets from him, especially when it resulted in somebody getting hurt.

‘We knew that Cassandra had used magic to get to Grimmauld Place after the Death Eater attack. We did not, however, find out how she had done it,’ Minerva explained. ‘Her wand had been safely packed away in her suitcase at the time.’

‘Why does she not remember having performed magic?’ Severus asked.

‘This kind of magic requires a great deal of strength, physical, mental and magical strength,’ Dumbledore explained. ‘It drains the body of most of its energy and can leave the witch or wizard in a very confused and vulnerable state.’

Severus took a deep breath. He had seen that. Cassandra had been a mess when he and Per had found her in the shower. They had been afraid that she would hurt herself. Per had said that she had tried to before.

‘What can be done to prevent this from happening?’ he inquired, desperately hoping that Dumbledore would have an answer.

‘Is Cassandra performing any other magic? With her wand?’ the old Headmaster asked.

Severus shook his head. ‘She played around with her wand on New Year’s Eve, but that was it. As far as I know, she has not touched it since.’

Dumbledore nodded pensively. ‘You see, Severus, Wizard children are able to perform involuntary magic because they have not been properly trained yet and do not know how to handle their magic.’

Severus frowned. ‘You mean Cassandra has forgotten how to channel her powers?’

‘She hasn’t done proper magic in twenty years,’ Minerva mused. ‘It is highly possible that she indeed has forgotten.’

‘And what are the consequences of this?’ Severus wondered, once more turning towards Dumbledore.

‘Eventually she might just lose all her magic. And you know what that means.’

A shudder went down Severus’ spine. Yes, he knew. He had seen it. Losing one’s magic meant losing a part of one’s soul. His mother had lost her magic. After that she had changed. She had started to neglect the house, herself. And one day, she had killed herself.

‘What can be done to prevent this?’ he asked, his voice suddenly shaky.

‘Teach her,’ Dumbledore said. ‘Train her.’

Severus sank onto the nearest chair. Making Cassandra use magic again might just be beyond his powers.

Minerva thrust a glass of Odgen’s into his shaking hands and sat down beside him. But Severus did not drink. For several minutes, he did not even look up. His mind was racing. How the hell was he supposed to make Cassandra use magic again?

‘She is afraid of performing magic,’ he mumbled. ‘That is why she has not done it for so long. She is afraid that her magic will hurt her and the ones she loves. I cannot make her …’ His voice broke off.

‘Is there another option, Albus?’ Minerva asked. Severus heard her, but her voice seemed to come from far, far away.

‘Yes, there is,’ the old Headmaster replied. ‘She can renounce magic, destroy her wand and break her contact to the Wizarding world for ever.’

Severus snatched his head up. That was indeed an option, but it would mean …

Minerva took up the thread before him. ‘This would mean that she would never return to the Wizarding world with you, Severus.’

Her voice was thick with tears, and Severus felt a lump forming in his own throat. He knew that Minerva had hoped that he and Cassandra would return together. So had he. And now the chance for this to happen seemed less than slim.

He inhaled deeply, forcing the lump in his throat to disappear and rose from his chair. ‘In that case I will stay in Reykjavik with her.’

For some moments, Dumbledore and Minerva stared at him, both of them speechless. Severus, too, was surprised at his words. Just twenty-four hours ago, he had been sitting here in this very office, discussing his plans about returning to the Wizarding world. Minerva had even offered him a teaching position. And now he had just said that he would stay in Iceland, in the Muggle world.

When Minerva placed her hand on his shoulder, he shrank away and started pacing the room.

Why was this happening? Why did he never get a break?

He had planned it so nicely: he would return to Hogwarts, he would take Cassandra with him, and they would be together in the world where they both belonged. And now all his hopes had been shattered into smithereens.

It couldn’t be. It mustn’t. There had to be another option. He must have missed something. He was sure of it. But what? What?

Then there it was: a straw of hope, brittle, frail, but still a straw of hope. ‘Cassandra suggested that I used magic,’ he exclaimed.

‘She did what?’ Dumbledore asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

‘This morning,’ Severus explained. ‘She suggested that we should use Side-Along Apparition to get back to her house. She wanted me to use magic.’

Dumbledore leant back in his chair with a contented smile on his face. ‘It looks like our problem child is not beyond hope after all.’

Severus exhaled audibly and rubbed his tired eyes with both his hands, a wave of relief washing over him. If she had asked him to use magic, then maybe there was a chance that she would slowly but surely face her fears and start using magic herself. Then maybe there was a chance that she would return with him.

When Minerva reached out for him this time, he did not shrink away. The warmth of the older woman’s hand on his shoulder actually felt rather comforting.

‘You would really do that for Cassandra, wouldn’t you, Severus?’ Minerva asked, tears welling up in her eyes. ‘If she were unable to take up magic again, you would really give up everything for her.’

Severus nodded. ‘I have once turned my back on the woman I loved. And I have regretted that step for the greatest part of my life. I am not going to make that same mistake again.’

‘You love her,’ Minerva stated in a soft voice. ‘You really love her.’

Again, Severus nodded.

Minerva looked straight at him, narrowing her eyes. ‘Have you told her?’

To that question, Severus shook his head. He had told her while making love to her, but he had never actually looked into her eyes and said I love you.

There wasn’t a sound to be heard in the house when he exited the fireplace. Cassandra was probably still asleep.

He went to her bedroom and silently pushed open the door. She was lying on her side with Nicodemus curled up on her hip. One piece of toast was missing, and the tea cup was half empty. She must have woken up while he was gone, Severus thought, and wondered if she had missed him.

When he approached the bed, Nicodemus stretched his legs and swiftly jumped to the floor. He rubbed once against Severus’ legs and then left, and Severus stared after the tabby, slightly taken aback. He had asked Nicodemus to take care of Cassandra until he came back. But surely the cat could not have understood this. Or could it?

He stripped off his shirt and jeans and slipped under the blanket behind Cassandra. The sweet scent of musk and honey encircled him, and he gingerly put his arm around her waist and pulled her sleeping form towards his body. He was just about to nestle his head against her neck when she stirred beneath his arm.

‘Glad you came back,’ she murmured, her voice sleepy.

‘I hope you never doubted that,’ he whispered, softly nudging her neck with his nose.

She shifted slightly, pressing her body closer towards his, giving him access to the side of her neck.

‘No, I haven’t.’

He started placing tender kisses on her neck, enjoying the soft moans that escaped from her lips. His hand had found the hem of her nightie and was slowly making its way up her thigh when he stopped in mid-movement, gasping in surprise. He had not noticed that Cassandra had moved her hand behind her back and into his boxers.

Her hand was soft and warm, and the gentle touch it offered made Severus shiver. Instinctively, he thrust forward and found her fingers tighten around his length. He groaned and started rocking his hips in a steady rhythm, burying his face at her neck. Her fingers tightened and loosened with the rhythm of his thrusts, and soon Severus found himself close to losing control, close to the edge.

‘No,’ he breathed into her ear. ‘Not like that.’

With a swift movement he turned her over and pulled her on top of him. She lowered herself slowly onto him, so slowly, so agonising slowly. But it gave him a chance to regain control.

He let his hands slip over her thighs, her hips, up under her nightie, and she leaned slightly forward to give him access to her breasts. The sudden coldness around his balls made Severus hiss, but he soon forgot about it when he felt Cassadnra's nipples harden under his touch and saw her look down at him, her eyes heavy with need.

He pulled her down towards him, coaxing open her lips with the tip of his tongue, and she started rocking her hips in the same rhythm his tongue darted in and out of her mouth. Honey, he thought. She always tasted of honey.

She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him up into a sitting position. Tightly enwrapped in his arms, she started circling her hips in a slow, barely noticeable movement that made Severus gasp. The new angle had made him slide up into her to the hilt, and her muscles were clutching him tightly.

He placed his right hand on the small of her back and pushed her backwards, letting his left hand trail down from her neck, over her chest and belly down to her core. He heard her gasp his name as he pressed his thumb against her nub and smiled. He would do anything to hear her call his name in such a manner. Her muscles tightened around him as he increased the pressure of his thumb, and he found himself bucking up against her, trying to bury himself even deeper inside her. He heard her moan and saw her claw at the bed sheets. She was close, he knew that. Her muscles were pulsating around him, and he too was nearing climax.

She gave a small whimper as he abandoned her core, but he needed both his hands to pull her up against him again. Neither of them would last much longer, and he wanted to look into her eyes when they drove each other over the edge.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck to keep her balance while he grabbed her hips to pull her closer towards him. She moved in the perfect rhythm, steadily increasing the pace. She would ride him to heaven if he let her. Her nails scratched his back as she peaked, but he ignored the pain, his own orgasm too close for him to care about anything. Once more he bucked up against her, burying himself inside completely inside her, and tumbled tumbled over the edge with her name on his lips.

Breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against hers, feeling her fingers trailing down over the sides of his torso. Her touch made him shiver, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. If it had been up to him, he would never have let go of her again.

Then his eyes darted towards the clock on the nightstand, and his heart dropped. ‘I have to go,’ he groaned regretfully. ‘I have to go to work.’

He took her face between both his hands and looked into her eyes. Gone were the ghosts from last night, gone were the tears. And all he could see in her eyes now was the same happiness he felt in his own chest.

‘I love you, Cassandra,’ he whispered.

She smiled and brushed a strand of hair from his face. ‘I love you, too, Severus Snape. I love you more than life itself.’