XXIV: Happy Birthday, Severus Snape

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Chapter XIV: Happy Birthday, Severus Snape

'Are you sure about this, Severus?'

Minerva was looking at him over the rim of her glasses, using the scrutinising look that could make the most mischievous students confess their nastiest prank.

'Yes, Minerva, I am sure,' he replied with a steady voice. 'I want to return. I am ready.'

'I've been hoping to hear those words for so many years, Severus. And there were times when I feared that I would never hear them.'

The slightly shaking tone in the Headmistress' voice made it clear that she was deeply moved. And Severus averted his eyes, suddenly feeling uneasy.

'Tell me, Severus,' Minerva went on. 'What brought about this sudden change of mind?'

'I have realised that I cannot outrun something that is part of who I am.'

It felt strange to verbalise that thought. Not so long ago, he had been convinced that running away was the best option. But he did not believe it anymore.

Minerva was still looking at him, her eyes slightly narrowed. 'Have you made plans for your return yet?'

'No, I have not. This decision is quite recent.'

Again, Minerva nodded. 'Have you talked to Cassandra about it?'

He had known that she would ask, but still he was not prepared.

'I have ... mentioned the possibility of my return,' he answered, hoping Minerva would not ask any further questions. But of course, she wanted to know more.

'And?' she asked, leaning in slightly and giving him a piercing look.

'And ... nothing,' he replied. 'I have just mentioned the possibility.'

He rose from his chair and started pacing the office. Minerva had sure struck a sensitive spot, and he had to fight hard to keep his emotions under control.

Yes, he had mentioned the possibility, he had tried to find out how Cassandra felt about it, if she would come with him. But she had not given him an answer. And what was even worse, she had started to change topics every time he tried to talk to her.

'She might not react too positively. You are aware of that, aren't you, Severus?'

He nodded absentmindedly. His gaze was wandering over the now empty grounds of Hogwarts. He saw Hagrid's hut in the distance. Its illuminated windows glowed in the dark like the eyes of a mighty dragon.

'What is it that she is so afraid of, Minerva?' His voice seemed to come from far, far away. And he was quite surprised that he had uttered the question.

He heard Minerva sigh and turned around to face his old friend. She had taken off her glasses and was rubbing her eyes.

'I do not know, Severus,' she said and put her glasses back on. The stern look had disappeared from her face and had been replaced by a look of concern. 'She has always had so many reasons to keep away from our world. At first it was all about the Blacks. Cassandra had made a choice and turned her back on the family who had disowned her. And then Voldemort returned, and – naturally – she wanted to keep out off the war that wasn't any of her concern. And then Thorbjörn got killed ...'

'What happened to her then, Minerva?' Severus asked. 'What did the Death Eaters do to her?'

'I do not know, Severus. I am not even sure I want to know.'

He turned back to stare out of the window once more. Something was wrong, terribly wrong.

'The Dark Lord is gone,' he mused. 'So are all the Death Eaters. Yaxley fell at the Great Battle. There is nothing left for her to fear.'

'Per might know,' Minerva suggested. 'He was the only one she would talk to after she had returned to Iceland. He was the one who made her reply to my letters and keep up at least some contact with her past life, with England. Maybe you should talk to him.'

Severus nodded. Yes, maybe he should. Per had known Cassandra for more than twenty years. He – if anyone – would know.

'I should be going now,' he said as he looked at the big clock in the corner. 'It is past midnight. And I have to start working at eight. Thank you, Minerva. For everything.'

'You're most welcome, my dear boy,' Minerva replied, looking at him with a motherly look in her eyes.

He had already reached the fireplace when she called his name once more: 'By the way, Severus. Happy birthday.'

~ ~ ~

He was overwhelmed by the amount of noise that assaulted his ears as he entered the school building. Surely the students at Hogwarts had never made such a racket. Or had they? No, they could not have. There would have been no house points left in the hourglass by the end of the first week of term.

He made his way down the right-hand corridor. According to the information chart by the entrance, the main office was at the end of that corridor. He scowled at a group of teenage girls who stood loitering in the middle of the corridor, blocking his way, and they scattered like a flock of birds. Severus allowed himself a smirk as he passed them. He obviously hadn't lost his touch yet.

'How can I help you?' the middle-aged secretary asked the moment he entered the main office. She had reddish-blond hair, freckles and an incredibly kind face.

'I am looking for Cassandra Svensson,' Severus replied politely. 'Could you tell me where I might find her?'

'Just give me a second,' the secretary responded and started flipping through a stack of schedules that was lying in front of her. 'Our computers are down, so I have to do everything manually. Don't you just hate it when that happens?'

'Actually, I prefer paper over computers.'

'You do?' She sounded as shocked as if he had just told her that he was a Martian, or a wizard for that matter.

'Ah, here we are. Cassy is having an English class in classroom thirty-two. That's on the third floor.' She smiled broadly and pointed towards the clock on the wall. 'The lesson's just about to end. If you go up now, you'll meet Cassy on her way to the teachers' lounge. And in case you miss her, you come back here, and I'll help you find her.'

Severus thanked her, braced himself for more yelling teenagers and left the office. The girls were still standing in the corridor, whispering, but fell silent at once as they caught sight of him. He gave them a dark look, and they lowered their heads, blushing.

He heard Cassandra's laughter before he had even reached the third floor. And when he swept around the corner, he found her sitting on a bench outside her classroom with a bunch of students huddled around her. One of them was obviously telling a funny story. And Cassandra was the one who was laughing the hardest.

She was just about to wipe the tears from her eyes when she caught sight of him. 'Severus!'

'Woo, is this your boyfriend, Cassy?' one of the girls asked, and her classmates started giggling and wolf whistling.

Cassandra playfully nudged the girl into the ribs. 'You stay away from him, little lady.'

The laughter that erupted proved that bantering like that was rather common between Cassandra and her students, and Severus observed the scene with an almost wistful feeling. He had never had a student laugh with him. The only reactions he had ever gotten had been fear and disgust, even hatred. But then again, he was not the type of person to joke around with anyway.

Cassandra shooed her students away, and they scattered like a flock of silly hens, laughing and giggling.

'What are you doing here?' she asked as the last of the students had disappeared.

'I came to thank you for these,' he replied, pulling up his right trouser leg and sporting his shiny new snakeskin boots. 'How did you get them into my locker at work?'

'Magic,' she whispered into his ear. And the mischievous grin on her face made it impossible for him to figure out if she had bribed the hospital caretaker to open his locker or if she indeed had used magic.

'But you didn't come here to show off your new boots, did you?' she went on. 'I have seen them, you know.'

'I am here to ask you out to dinner.'

'You are asking me out for dinner?' She cocked an eyebrow at him. 'You do realise that this is your birthday, right? You're not the one who's supposed to do the asking.'

'It is indeed impossible for you to just say yes, isn't it?' he inquired in a tone that would have made a troll shiver. But Cassandra just looked up at him with a grin that was becoming broader by the second.

'Yes,' she said and burst into yet another fit of laughter.

~ ~ ~

Would you return to the Wizarding world with me?

Severus had been burning to ask Cassandra that question all night. But somehow, he had failed to do so.

After the starters he had asked her if she preferred Icelanders over Englishmen. And she had said that she wasn't sure.

After the main course he had asked her if she really enjoyed teaching. And she had said yes.

And after the desert he had asked her if she would like to teach at a British school. And she had said that she would consider the possibility if it offered itself.

But he had not dared to ask her if she would come back to the Wizarding world with him.

It wasn't until they had returned to his flat and he was holding on to a glass of Scotch that he plucked up the courage to take the first step.

'I have applied for a sabbatical year today,' he burst out.

Cassandra looked up at him from the couch she was sitting on. 'A sabbatical? To do what?'

'I am considering returning to the Wizarding world.'

A shadow passed over Cassandra's face, and suddenly Severus was glad that he had not told her at the restaurant. This had the potential of getting ugly.

Her voice was surprisingly cool when she spoke. 'And what are you planning to do there?'

'Minerva has offered me a teaching position at Hogwarts.'

Cassandra snorted. 'You hate teaching.'

'No,' Severus replied in a calm tone. 'I hated teaching Potions.'

'You need to stop drinking, Severus,' Cassandra stated, raising her eyebrows. 'You're talking rubbish. You love Potions.'

'Yes, Potions is my passion,' he explained in a voice so calm that it would have fitted to explain the dangers of a hot cauldron to a four year old. 'I have always loved Potions and have hence been reluctant to share it with anyone, especially with students who do not appreciate the subject.'

'You're out of your mind,' Cassandra said and put down her glass on the coffee table with a loud clank. Instead of holding on to it, she started fidgeting with her cuticles.

Severus just stared down at her. He shouldn't have dropped the bomb on her like that, he thought. He should have prepared her better. Now she was upset, and there was no point in asking her whether she would come with him.

'Why, Severus?' she asked after what had seemed like an eternity. 'Why do you want to go back?'

'I have been running from my past long enough,' he replied. 'You said it yourself, Cassandra. It is time to stop running.'

'But what about all the things you have achieved here, Severus? You're a doctor, for heaven's sake. You're helping people. Doesn't that mean anything to you?'

'Do you mean that I need to be helping people now in order to make up for all the pain I have caused earlier?' he asked. His voice was still calm, but there was now anger bubbling under the surface. How dared she try to make him feel guilty about his decision?

As if she had sensed his emotions, she apologised. 'Forgive me, Severus. Of course that's not what I meant.'

She buried her face in her hands for a moment, and Severus could hear her taking deep, ragged breaths. Was she about to cry?

But when she raised her head to face him again, there were no tears in her eyes. Instead there was that look which had always defined members of Ravenclaw house: analytic, diagnostic, curious. She was not going to let her emotions get in the way now that she had decided to figure out the puzzle that was Severus Snape.

'Why now, Severus?' she asked. 'I thought you were happy here.'

'I am. I am very happy here, Cassandra.'

I am happy with you.

The thought was crystal clear in his mind, but he didn't dare utter it.

'Then why?'

'I have realised that there is no point in regretting what I have done,' he started. 'Believe me, Cassandra. I am not proud of my deeds. I have lied, I have killed, and I have hurt those I had meant to protect. But all that made me into the man I am today. My past is part of me, and me running from it does not make it disappear.'

'No, I guess it won't.'

She was chewing her nails now, and Severus noticed that her breathing had become shallow, her eyes empty. He recognised the signs. He had seen her react like this before. He knew where this was going.

As he approached the sofa, she bounced up and started to stagger away from him.

'Cassandra, look at me.'

He needed her to listen. He needed her to calm down. But the look in her eyes made it very clear that she was in no condition for either of these.

'Cassandra, look at me,' he repeated. 'You need to calm yourself.'

But she kept backing away from him, her eyes darting around the room as if looking for an escape route.

'I'm sorry, Severus,' he heard her whisper. And in a blink of an eye, she was gone.