XIII: New Year’s Resolutions

Oh, if JKR knew what we are doing to her characters. Have to thank her for letting us play, though.

Thanks go also to Apple Blossom for beta reading.

Chapter XIII: New Year's Resolutions

'Don't you want to have a glass of champagne before you go home?'

Severus shook his head at the nurse. 'No, thank you, Björk. I need to get going.'

'Come on, Severus.' Björk formed her lips into a fake pout. 'It's New Year's Eve. Everyone has a glass of champagne before they go home.'

'Then I will be the exception that proves the rule.'

'Come on. Just one glass.' Björk's voice was becoming quite annoying, and Severus figured that she had already had more than just one glass of champagne.

'This is because that girlfriend of yours, isn't it?' Björk went on. 'You want to get lucky before midnight, that's all.'

He cocked an eyebrow at her. 'If it were so, would there be any problem with that?'

Björk took some steps towards him, swaying slightly, and now Severus was certain that she had had enough to drink already.

'Do you have any idea how many of the nurses have been swooning for you over the last years? You could have shagged every last one of them, you know.'

He couldn't help but smirk. 'I apologise to have disappointed you all. You should go home now, Björk. You have had quite enough champagne.'

Again she pouted. 'Do I not even get a New Year's kiss?'

'No, you do not.'

'Go ahead then,' Björk slurred. 'Go home to your special someone. Tell her she's a happy woman.'

Severus looked after his colleague as she made her way down the corridor towards the nurses' lounge and smiled. 'I might just tell her that, Björk. I just might.'

~ ~ ~

Ever since Christmas, Severus had made it a habit to Apparate directly from his flat to Cassandra's back door. There was no risk that anyone would notice. The back door was only accessible from the garden and surrounded by thick bushes.

The light was on in the kitchen and the living room, but as Severus entered the house, it seemed to be deserted. There was not a single sound to be heard.

He walked through the living room and entered the kitchen where he found a handful of rune stones spread out on the table. Curious, he contemplated the signs. He had never excelled in Divination, but he still recognised most of the signs: Gifu promised that dreams would come true, As urged to action, and Tyr foretold victory. If Cassandra had cast the runes for herself, she had an exciting and successful year ahead of her.

But where was she? It wasn't like her to just leave without tidying up after herself or not turning off the lights. But then again, she had not quite been herself since Christmas. Ever since they had returned from Hogwarts, she had been silent, thoughtful, almost brooding. But he had decided not to pressure her. If she wanted to talk, she would have to open her mouth. And he would listen.

There was a cup of tea standing on the counter. Lukewarm, Severus thought. Cassandra must have abandoned it a while ago. Where the hell was she?

A loud bang from the hall made Severus spin around, his wand drawn. He had been carrying his wand for about a week now and was now ready to cast a spell on the alleged intruder. But it was only Nicodemus.

'One fine day you will get yourself hexed, you silly cat,' Severus growled as he bent to pat the cat on its head. 'Where is your mistress?'

As if Nicodemus had understood the question, he turned and made his way to the hall where he started scratching at the front door, which had blown shut behind him.

'Is she out there?' Severus asked, and Nicodemus meowed.

Cassandra was indeed out there, sitting on the steps that led up to the front door. She did not seem to hear the door open and close again, and she did not seem to notice Severus as he stepped out into the cold night.

'You are going to catch pneumonia,' he pointed out.

Still, she did not react. He laid his coat around her shoulders, and his eyes caught sight of the long, thin object she was twirling between her fingers.

'Is this your wand?' he asked as he bent to sit down beside her on the step.

She nodded. 'Oak and dragon heart-string. I left it at Grimmauld Place ten years ago. I never wanted to see it again. I hated it for being the proof of me being a witch. Filius insisted that I take it with me on Christmas Day.'

'Have you tried it out?' Severus wondered.

Wordlessly, Cassandra pointed the wand at the small heap of snow that was lying at her feet. It glowed faintly for a moment and then turned into a mound of white feathers.

'Once a witch, always a witch,' she murmured. There was a strange tone in her voice, which Severs failed to define. Was she sad? Or just lost in memories?

'Have you ever thought about going back, Cassandra? To return to the Wizarding world?' It felt strange to ask that question, especially as it applied just as much to himself as it did to her. Would she have an answer, Severus wondered.

She sighed deeply and turned the feathers back into snow. The movement seemed natural, as if she had been handling a wand every single day since her eleventh birthday.

'I have nothing to return to,' she finally said. 'My family is dead. And my friends from my school days have certainly forgotten all about me by now. I would be all alone.'

'I would be there,' Severus said calmly, surprised by his own words. Up until this very moment, he had not been sure that he actually wanted to return.

For the first time that night, Cassandra looked at him. Her face was composed, but he could see clearly that there was a question burning in her eyes.

'Are you going back?' Her voice reflected the calmness of her face, but Severus knew her well enough by now to know that she was bluffing. She was anything but calm.

He took her hands into his. They were icy cold, and he started rubbing them gently, his eyes never leaving hers.

'I might,' he answered. 'I am starting to understand that the only thing that has been driving me forth was my own fears. And fears cannot be defeated by running from them.'

Again this was a statement that applied to both of them.

'Is it time to stop running then, Severus?'

He nodded. 'I think it might be.'

She closed her eyes and let her head fall against his shoulder. 'I am not sure I can do this, Severus. I am scared. I am still so scared.'

He laid his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close towards his chest. His chin came to rest on her head, and he inhaled deeply. He loved the smell of her hair. It always smelled of honey.

'You do not need to be scared, Cassandra. You will not be alone. I will be there, right by your side. If you want me to.'

She didn't answer. But the way she wrapped her arms around his torso and the way she snuggled up against his chest made words unnecessary. She would hold on to him and let him protect her. And he would never let her go.

~ ~ ~

The bathwater was warm and smelled of vanilla and roses. Severus was sitting on a wooden stool beside the tub and was gingerly washing Cassandra's arms with a soft sponge. She had been sitting out in the cold winter night far too long, and her lips had been blue when they had come inside and her fingers stiff. And still it had taken him all his persuasion skills to make her take a hot bath.

As he moved behind her to wash her hair, she let her head drop gratefully into his hands, and Severus smiled contently. There had been a time when people didn't dare turn their backs on him, and now he had someone who trusted him. It was a glorious feeling.

He let his hands slip over her neck, her shoulders and down to her breasts. His chin came to rest on her shoulder, and he couldn't resist covering the soft skin of her neck with tender kisses.

'May I make love to you tonight, Cassandra?' he whispered softly into her ear.

He felt her rest her head against his and heard her murmur: 'You have never asked for permission before.'

'No, I have not,' he whispered before he continued kissing her neck and gently massaging her breasts. But then again, this was the first time that he would truly be making love to her.

He dried her off with a fluffy light blue towel, covering her dry skin with kisses. He started at her neck, softly nibbling at her collar bone, and then made his way down to her breasts, his lips barely touching the rosy skin. He heard her moan softly and felt her hands on his shoulders as he encircled one nipple with his lips, suckling gently while cupping the other breast in his hand.

He continued downward over her belly, breathing lightly onto the soft skin, enjoying the goose bumps it created. He stopped shortly under her belly button, taking in her sweet scent. Her most sensitive spot would have to wait until later. For the time being, she would have to be content with the soft kiss that he placed on her red curls.

She shivered as he traced the inside of her thighs with his fingertips, and he felt the grip of her hands tighten around his shoulders. He raised his head to smile at her and found her looking at him with her eyes filled with love and desire.

Slowly he got up, letting his fingers make their way up at either side of her body. As he stood before her, he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her towards him, while his free hand supported her head as he leaned in to kiss her. Her lips were soft and warm and still tasted of the honey cake she had had for desert and the sweet wine she had drunken afterwards.

He wrapped a bathrobe around her body and took her by the hand to lead her to the bedroom, his dark eyes never leaving hers. Her blue eyes made it impossible to look away. It felt as if he could drown in those eyes.

Softly, he pushed her against the bed so she came to sit on the edge of the mattress. He positioned himself between her legs and started to unbutton his shirt at the top while her fingers busied themselves with the bottom buttons. When all the buttons were undone, he felt Cassandra tug at the soft fabric, and he let it glide down over his shoulder and onto the floor. Then he felt her soft lips on his abdomen and her small hands on his buttocks.

Her hands slid upwards over his naked back, over his ribcage and to his chest. He inhaled sharply as her palms made contact with his erect nipples, barely touching them but still sending jolts of pleasure through his body.

Her lips were now exploring the skin right above the waistband of his trousers, and he unzipped his fly to give her access to more intimate parts. She let her hands slide down over his chest, his abdomen and his waist and pulled down both his trousers and his underpants with an agonizingly slow movement, while her tongue played around his belly button.

His long fingers slipped under the collar of her bathrobe and slowly pulled the fabric down over her shoulders. Her breasts looked milky white in the dim light of the bedroom, and he sank to his knees to cover her breasts with tender kisses once more. He pushed her down on the bed and slowly made his way down over her belly and towards her core. With his hands firmly placed on the sides of her hips, he pulled her closer towards the edge of the bed. He needed access, because this time, he would not neglect what was hidden beneath her silky red curls.

She tasted sweet and smelled of musk and honey. He barely touched her rosy flesh at first, just breathed on it, softly, teasingly. When he flicked against her clitoris with the tip of his tongue he heard her gasp and felt her hand grab a fistful of his hair. Slowly he lets his tongue explore her wet folds, savouring her sweet taste. Up and down he licked, finding a rhythm that corresponded with her pulse. And with the same rhythm he stroked his erection with just the right pressure, up and down, up and down.

'Severus, please.'

He heard her plea and smiled. He would do anything to hear her call his name in such a manner.

He let his thumb replace his tongue and stood up, his right hand still stroking his erection. Once positioned between her thighs, he slipped in between her folds, just an inch, just a single inch. He felt her tighten around his tip and longed to thrust into her, to feel her hot flesh around his whole length, but he held back. This was not about him, not yet.

'Please, Severus. Please.'

He looked deep into her eyes and saw her plea reflect in them. And this time, he would comply.

He entered her ever so slowly, inch by inch, his thumb still rubbing against her most sensitive spot. One more well-placed movement and she would be lost.

'Come for me, Cassandra. I want to look at you.' He increased the pressure of his thumb, and with one swift movement he buried himself inside her to the hilt. He felt her whole body tremble under his as her orgasm hit, heard her scream his name and felt her muscles contract around him. The sensation was almost enough to drive him over the edge as well, but he resisted the urge to move. His deed was not yet completed. He placed soft kisses on her trembling lips and brushed the tears from her cheeks with tender fingers.

'Are you alright, my love?' he asked.

'You are calling me love,' she replied with a husky voice.

'I know,' he whispered. 'I know.'

He pulled out of her ever so slowly, inch by inch, just to bury himself inside her again moments later. He couldn't explain why, but it had never felt so good before. His whole body seemed to tingle, from his toes to the tips of his hair.

When Cassandra peaked for the second time, she took him with her, and he spilled his seed into her womb, crying out his love for her.

~ ~ ~

Cassandra's pulse had slowed down, and her breathing had become slow and regular. She was fast asleep. But Severus didn't sleep. He did not want to fall asleep, afraid he would miss something. He was holding Cassandra in his arms, close to his chest, enjoying the warmth of her body against his, enjoying being able to look at her. There were still traces of tears on her cheeks, but he resisted the urge to kiss them away, lest he wake her up.

What was it that made him feel that way about her, he wondered. He had known her for only six months, but he felt closer to her than he ever had to anyone. Was it because of the history they shared? Was it because they were both refugees, shipwrecked on a faraway island? Or was it because she insisted on seeing the best in him?

When she shifted in his arms, he tightened his grip. He did not want to let go of her. He had become used to having her close. He needed her by his side, both physically and mentally. She had opened the door to his past, and maybe it was indeed time to step through.

But would she come with him if he decided to return to the Wizarding world? He had been thinking about returning a lot since Christmas. He wanted to return, he really did. He had realised that he could not outrun his past, his fears.

But what if Cassandra would not come with him? What if her fears held her back? Would he dare to return without her? Would he want to? Or would he turn his back on his past and instead build a new future with the woman he loved?