Chapter Eight

JKR owns it all. I'm just having fun.

Chapter Eight

Christmas Day, 1998

St Mungo's Hospital

Severus looked at the small blue bundle in his wife's arms with trepidation and awe.

"Go ahead," she said. "Hold him."

His eyes flitted to an exhausted Hermione. Her labour had been long and arduous, and she looked awful; her hair was matted and damp, and her face was flushed and splotchy. Yet her eyes sparkled under half-closed lids, and a small smile lingered on her lips. Severus was quite certain he had never loved her more than he did in that moment.

"Go on," she encouraged as the bundle began to squirm and fuss.

Severus swallowed and gingerly took the child, cradling him in the crook of his elbow. He sat in the chair next to Hermione's bed to examine his son. Loosening the blanket, he first uncovered the boy's slightly oblong head and discovered a wealth of dark hair which stuck up in all directions. He then removed the blanket altogether so that he could study the infant in earnest.

The diminutive face was red and wrinkled and slightly squished, but upon closer scrutiny, Severus could see that his son would look much like him. The shape of the baby's eyes, brow, and chin were miniature copies of his own. His mouth, however, was absolutely Hermione's. He would know that mouth anywhere.

"He looks like you, doesn't he?" Hermione asked.

Severus did not trust his voice, so he nodded and then continued his inspection. Ten tiny fingers were counted, as were ten tiny toes. Severus marvelled at the softness of the baby's skin as he touched the impossibly small hands and feet.

"He's amazing," Severus breathed as his son yawned, his little mouth stretching impossibly wide.

Hermione smiled tiredly. "He is."

Severus stared at the tiny creature in his arms and remembered the unique circumstances that had led them all to that exact moment. "Thank you, Hermione," he whispered as he gently ran a finger along one downy cheek.

Then the baby's eyes opened, and the corner of Severus' mouth lifted into a small smile.

"Hello, Benjamin Prince Snape. Welcome to the world."

March 15, 1999

Chelsea, London

Severus eased himself from the bed, careful not to awaken his sleeping wife. Ben had just recovered from a cold, and Hermione was exhausted after a week of interrupted sleep. She deserved a bit of a lie-in, and he could tell from the whimpering cry that Ben was not hungry but rather needed a nappy change.

He grabbed his wand from the nightstand and then padded into the nursery, walking directly to the cot that held his fussing son. "Good morning," he said as he picked up the now wailing infant. "Is that any way to greet your father? What seems to be the problem, hmm?"

Ben stopped crying at hearing his father's voice, and his dark eyes opened, blinking owlishly. Severus smiled as Ben's face lit up in a toothless grin.

"Much better."

Severus was now a deft hand at changing wet nappies, but the other variety continued to turn his stomach. Hermione insisted on changing the baby the Muggle way, which caused Severus no small amount of consternation. He was of the opinion that magic was best used in such malodorous circumstances.

He groaned as he checked the nappy and then scowled at his son, who merely grinned and babbled in response. Glancing at the open door, he looked to Ben conspiratorially. "What Mummy doesn't know won't hurt her," he whispered. "Tergeo. Isn't that easier? Yes, I see you agree."

Severus swiftly replaced the nappy with a clean one and then tossed the dirty nappy into the deodorising rubbish bin, which had been a gift from Molly and Arthur. He scooped the now clean baby into his arms and sat in the rocking chair Hermione had purchased for the room.

"Let's have a look at you today, shall we?" he said. Ben seemed to change on a daily basis, and Severus did not want to miss a single thing. "Hmm. You appear quite similar to yesterday, but I do believe you have a new ticklish spot ... right here," he said as his fingers stroked behind the baby's knee.

Ben grinned and squirmed, his cooing laughter filling the small room until both father and son were chuckling loudly.

Severus cleared his throat and then scowled at his laughing son. "I believe it is you who should be laughing, not I."

Ben chuckled at his father's expression and then did the same, his little brow furrowing and his eyes narrowing in a perfect imitation of Severus.

"Are you teaching our son to scowl already?"

Severus looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway, her arms crossed under her breasts and her eyes filled with mirth.

"Don't be absurd," Severus replied as he stood and handed her the baby.

She dropped a kiss onto the top of Ben's head and then rose on her toes to press her lips to Severus' cheek. "Good morning," she said as she assumed Severus' previous position in the rocking chair.

"Good morning." He pulled up a small stool and watched in fascination as Hermione pushed aside the neck of her nightdress and fed their child. Something from their brief exchange niggled at his brain, however, as he stared at the tiny mouth suckling at Hermione's breast.

"Are you teaching our son to scowl already?"

He hadn't been, of course...not intentionally...although, Severus supposed that most things Ben would learn from him would be unintentional. His son would watch and observe...indeed, he already was...and would thus learn from his father what it meant to be a man. And if that were true, then it was equally so that Severus had learned in the same manner from his father and would pass that knowledge to Ben.

With that troubling thought, Severus left the room without a word.

April 2, 1999

Chelsea, London

Ben must have sensed the excitement of the day, as he awoke early, his shrill cry piercing the morning silence.

Severus lay on his side in his warm bed, his eyes open as he forced himself to remain still. He heard Hermione's exhausted sigh as she roused and then left the bed to care for their son. When he was certain she had gone, he rolled to his side and buried his face in her pillow, inhaling her scent. He missed holding her; he missed rushing from the bed to the nursery to allow her a few more minutes rest.

But it was for the best. His influence would only taint the boy. Severus had spent the past few weeks poring over every tome and text he could think of, searching for what he believed was the only solution. If he could find the right spell .... Yes, that would be the best thing for them, his wife and child. They would be better off without him. In the meantime, he would continue to distance himself. It was painful for all of them, but it was the right thing to do.

Severus could hear her talking with Ben as she changed him, and he listened as she hummed a lullaby as she fed him...the same lullaby his mother had sung to him when he had been a child.

It was such bittersweet agony, to be so close to them and yet so far.

He dragged himself from the bed, and limped to the bathroom to shower. They were visiting his mother that afternoon, and Severus mentally prepared himself for another long day spent with his family, yet apart from them.

*******

It was a surprisingly warm afternoon in Mousehole for the time of year, and Eileen had insisted that they all go outside to enjoy the sunshine. She, Hermione, and Ben were sitting on a blanket they had spread out on the ground, surrounded by a vast assortment of playthings.

Severus leaned against the stone wall in his mother's back garden, watching from a distance as she and his wife rolled a ball to his son. At just over three months of age, the baby could not yet sit by himself, so Hermione had propped him up with some sort of Muggle device. Severus had been sceptical, but Ben appeared to enjoy it.

His lips twitched in a faint smile as Ben's infectious laughter rang in the air. The ball bounced against the baby's chubby legs, and his arms flailed wildly as he reached for the toy and laughed.

"Severus, don't just stand there. Come play with us," Eileen called.

Severus shook his head and entered the house, ignoring the confusion and hurt on his wife's face...something he had become quite familiar with over the past few weeks.

He sat at the kitchen table, alone, his shoulders slumped as he ran a weary hand across his face. He wanted to join them, to laugh and be free from care. His decision to distance himself from his wife and child was slowly killing him, but he had no choice.

The door opened, and Severus immediately straightened, his spine rigid.

Eileen sat at the table across from him, her brow furrowed in concern. "What's going on, Severus?"

"I do not know what you are talking about. Everything is fine."

Her hand hit the table with a loud bang, and her expression darkened. "Do not lie to me! Everything is certainly not fine! You have a wife and a child just outside that door, Severus, who love you and need you. And what are you doing? Hiding."

"I am not hid..."

"You are," Eileen interrupted. "Hermione has reluctantly told me some of what has been happening over the past few weeks. You are never home, and when you are, your nose is stuck in some book, researching Merlin knows what."

Severus stiffened but remained silent.

"She says you no longer touch her," his mother continued, "not even in the most perfunctory manner. Even more disturbing, to her and to me as well, is how you are behaving toward Ben. You don't pick him up, you don't hold him, you don't play with him ... you don't seem to interact with him at all. This certainly was not the case when I last saw you. Now, what is going on?"

His jaw clenched with the effort to retain control, and he could not meet his mother's eyes. "I am doing what is best for my family."

"And just how are you doing that?" Eileen asked, incredulous. "Because what I see are a confused and unhappy wife and a baby who is begging for his father's attention. How is that of any benefit to them?"

"It is for the best!" Severus shouted, horrified as his vision blurred with tears. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, schooling his features into an impassive mask.

"Don't," Eileen said sharply. "Don't hide behind that damn façade, Severus Snape. It may work with everyone else, but it does not with me."

Severus seemed to deflate, his chin touching his chest as he struggled to contain his tumultuous emotions. "What if something I do or say somehow teaches Ben to be like me ... to be like him?" he whispered, his gaze fixed upon the top of the table.

He felt his mother's fingers in his hair as she gently stroked his head. "Like who?"

Severus raised his head, his expression bleak. "My father."

"Oh, Severus!" Eileen's face was filled with sudden comprehension. "You think you're like Tobias?"

"Am I not? Ben watches me, he observes and learns how to behave from me. Not just what I say, but what I do. I must have done the same with my own father. What if I somehow cause him harm or teach him something wrong, something that will make him hate me?" Like I hated my father.

"Severus, surely you know how ridiculous that sounds?" Eileen said soothingly. "Let me tell you something. You are nothing like your father."

He looked at her, his disbelief evident in his eyes. "No?"

"No. You would never hurt anyone the way Tobias hurt me ... and you."

"But I have," Severus whispered brokenly, sounding much younger than his thirty-nine years. "Not physically, but he called you horrible, terrible names that would make you cry. I remember it well. And ... I did the same thing. I called Lily a Mudblood."

Eileen placed a hand upon his cheek. "You were fifteen, and I do believe you learned your lesson."

Severus shook his head. "I could hurt them. I could."

"And you're not now?" Eileen asked, not unkindly. "Of course you could hurt them. You are at this very moment, in fact, and you most certainly will again. Your feelings will be hurt, as well. It's normal, Severus. Loving someone and being loved in return is an amazing thing, but it also makes us vulnerable. It does not mean that it isn't worth the struggle, however."

He scoffed, though inwardly his mind was spinning. Her assertions rang true, but .... "And you learned this from marriage to Tobias?" he asked with a sneer.

To his surprise, two bright pink spots appeared on Eileen's cheeks. "Surely you don't believe that I've been alone for the last two decades?"

Severus' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Of course not," he lied.

They sat in silence as Severus considered his mother's words carefully. He closed his eyes. "I am confused."

"Obviously," she said with a smile. "Do you love them?"

"More than anything."

Eileen stood, bending to kiss his cheek. "Then go to them, love. They need you."

Severus remained pensive for a few more minutes, and then, finally, he nodded. "Pardon me," he said as rose to his feet. "I believe I shall go spend the day with my wife and son."

He paused for a moment, then wrapped his arms about his mother in a warm embrace. "Thank you, Mum."

He joined his family in the back garden, their welcoming, happy smiles soothing his battered heart.

April 7, 1999

Chelsea, London

Hermione sighed. "If you'd stay still," she said to the squirming infant as she struggled to get his little leg inside the footed pyjamas, "we would be done by now."

Ben merely smiled and gurgled, his little hands reaching for his mother's hair.

"Ah, ah, ah. No pulling Mummy's hair."

Hermione finally managed to get one foot into the leg of the pyjamas. She blew a straying lock from her face and then groaned as Ben managed to kick his leg free.

"Is my assistance required?" Severus asked, entering the room and standing behind her, his hands on her hips.

She craned her head to smile at him. "He's a wiggly little thing. I'm afraid he isn't cooperating at all this evening."

"Hmm. Budge over. Let me try."

"By all means," Hermione replied, stepping to the side.

"Right. Now, Benjamin," Severus said to the grinning baby, "let's show your mother how it's done." He spoke to the child in low tones about nothing particular, and in less than half a minute, he had Ben dressed and ready for bed.

Hermione stared at him in wonder. "How did you get him to stay so still? He never does that for me."

Severus shrugged. "He likes to listen to my voice ... much like his mother," he added slyly.

Hermione laughed and shook her head. "You're incorrigible."

"You wound me, madam," Severus replied, placing one hand dramatically over his heart.

Ben chuckled at his father, and both Hermione and Severus turned to look at their son.

Severus picked the baby up and handed him to Hermione. "I need to go out for a few minutes. I will return shortly."

"All right," Hermione said, accepting a small kiss. "Come home safe."

He winked at her as he rubbed a hand over Ben's head. "Always."

*******

Hermione was fixing a cup of tea when Severus returned to the flat.

"Hermione?"

"In the kitchen," she called and then entered the sitting room, a cup of tea in her hands, only to find that her husband had not returned alone. "Eileen! I didn't realise Severus was bringing you for a visit. It's good to see you!"

Eileen laughed. "I didn't know I was coming for a visit, either."

Severus cleared his throat. "Hermione, there is something I would like to discuss with you. Mum has come to stay with Ben for the evening."

"Oh," Hermione said. What could he possibly have to discuss with her that would cause them go outside their home? Setting aside her reservations, she asked, "Do I look all right? Should I change?" She ran a hand down the leg of her trousers.

Severus nodded. "You might want to put on a jumper and grab a cloak. It will be cooler at our destination."

Hermione looked at him curiously but left the room to do as he suggested.

She went to the wardrobe, grabbed a jumper, and quickly pulled it over her head. Butterflies had erupted in her stomach. Something had been bothering Severus, but over the last few days it seemed as though whatever he had struggled with had been resolved. Now, Hermione was not so certain. Gathering her courage, she picked up her warm cloak and returned to the sitting room.

"Is this all right?" Hermione asked.

Severus nodded and grasped his walking stick. "Perfect. Let's go. We'll be back in a few hours, Mum."

"Ben just fell asleep," Hermione said as she put on her cloak and fastened the clasp. "He shouldn't be any trouble."

"That's fine, dear. Now go," Eileen said with a wave of her hand, "and have a good time!"

Hermione smiled tentatively and stepped into her husband's arms. He held her close, her head resting against his shoulder, and then Disapparated.

*******

Pop!

Severus kept a hand on Hermione's elbow as she caught her balance.

Hermione immediately recognised their location as the cliffs near Shell Cottage. "What are we doing here?" she asked, turning to him in confusion.

He took her hand and placed in the crook of his left arm. Walking toward the cliffs, he asked, "Do you know what today is?"

She smiled...he had remembered. "It's our anniversary."

Severus smirked. "It is."

He stopped at the exact location where they had stood a year before, when she had inadvertently been irrevocably bound to him. He tossed his walking stick to the ground and took her hands in his, looking down at her with serious eyes.

"You know that I have been doing some research of late, but I have not yet shared with you the subject of my quest." He tightened his grip on her hands and said, "I was looking for a way to dissolve the binding."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock and then filled with tears. "What?" She tried to pull away, but Severus held firm.

"I wanted you to have some recourse, in the event that you ever wish to be rid of me."

Hermione took a shuddering breath and blinked away her tears. "I love you, Severus. I'll never want to be rid of you."

He flashed a lopsided smile. "I love you, as well, and I've found a way to prove it."

Hermione shook her head. "You don't need to..."

"I want to," Severus said firmly. "The binding that married us and gave us our son is an imbalance. You are bound to me, but I am not bound to you. I want to change that."

"How?"

Severus rubbed his thumbs across the back of her hands. "During my research, I found another spell. The Iugo ex Eternus Amor."

Hermione tilted her head to the side as she translated, then stared at him with wide eyes. "The Binding of Eternal love?"

He nodded. "Yes. It will bind me to you just as you are bound to me."

"You would do that?" That he would even consider binding himself to her, after decades of being bound to two masters, astounded and amazed her. She was overwhelmed by the trust and love such an act would mean, coming from the man standing before her.

Severus looked at her intently, as though willing her to believe him. "I would like to, yes."

Hermione threw herself into his arms and clung to his neck. "Yes!"

Severus held her tightly to him for several minutes before releasing her.

"Let us begin," he said, just as he had the last time they had stood together by the cliffs near Shell Cottage. Severus drew his wand, and cast the spell.

Hermione smiled as the magic swirled and danced about them once more, uniting them for all time.

A/N: Only the epilogue is left. It will post in a few days!

Thank you, once again, to my fabulous beta readers, Subversa and DeeMichelle, and my wonderful Brit picker, LettyBird.