Do You Think It’s Enough?

A/N: This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, there is a lot of changes, angst, and realizations that come about during this time, which covers a period of three years. Thanks again to my beta, MadBrilliant, and to all who have faithfully stuck with this story.

***

July, 2010

Severus Snape was enjoying his retirement in Italy. He loved the Rivera. He could relax in the sun and read for hours. After so many years in the dungeons, it was a pleasant change. He was sitting out on the balcony of his hotel suite with his scrapbook. He had kept up with Katherine's career. She had indeed overcome the disaster of her failed marriage and gained the respect and fame due her. After all, she was Britain's first Potions mistress in over 200 hundred years! Snape kept all the press clippings he could find and kept them in an album. Sometimes, like today, when he was lonely, he would sit and look through them. Her first published article and the reviews on the lecture circuit she went on last summer, he kept them all. She was, from what he had heard, a very talented orator, although he never had the fortitude to actually go and hear her speak. She had only stayed on at Hogwarts for that one year. The demand for her knowledge and abilities could not keep her contained behind the castle walls. She had won numerous awards for potions she had created, and the press loved her. She was bright, beautiful, and at the top of her profession. A celebrity. Severus would smugly drink to her successes as they came and was content that she was finding her way in the world. He reminded himself that it was important that she learn to live life without him being her safety net, but it was hard to accept because deep down he actually liked being her hero...although he would never admit it to himself.

And he missed her. She had been a good friend over the years. He wished her all the happiness and joy she could get. More importantly, he prayed she would find a kind and decent wizard who would treat her with the respect and admiration she deserved. He even kept clippings of her pairings with promising young wizards. There weren't many, only two or three over the past three years. And they were respectable wizards, not bad choices, but they never seemed to last long, a couple months at most. Perhaps they could not keep her interest or satisfy her need for stimulating conversation and the high priority she placed on her work. But she was so young, she should take care in deciding who would be worthy of her. He was confident after the debacle with Luddington, she would never fall for another bastard again! All in all, from what he heard through the academic grapevine, she was doing just fine by herself. And it chaffed him for some reason.

He remembered as he turned the pages in his scrapbook of the trouble Luddington caused Katherine last summer. All her success, her cures for various diseases, and awards won caused the bastard to open up all the old wounds. He had given an interview in The Daily Prophet about their ill-fated marriage and his claim that she was a harlot.

***

June, 2009

"That son-of-a-bitch!" Snape swore as he read his morning paper. Oh, if I were only in England, I would tear him limb from limb!

He immediately went to pack up and depart for England. Paris was still calling him, and he was not done haunting the city, but Katherine had to be helped. He couldn't allow her to be maligned and deal with that tosspot by herself! She might have another breakdown!

As he furiously packed, an owl tapped on his window. He frowned and went to the window to open it. A fluffy little white owl hopped inside and offered her leg. Snape untied the scroll and tossed some toast to the little fluff ball. He knew it had to be from Katherine.

Severus,

How she can understand me is downright scary! he thought. Fine, if that's what she wants, I'll back off, but she doesn't realize what a prick he is!

He spent a couple of days worrying and grousing to himself over it. He couldn't understand why she just wouldn't let him come there and kick that upstart's arse! He could finish him off in a minute! She doesn't need to be involved with this nastiness. Obviously, she doesn't need me anymore, he thought sadly. She probably has another wizard taking care of her and protecting her. I should be happy, but I'm not!

The following day there was a rebuttal from Katherine. It was on the front page! She flat out refused to dignify anything Luddington had said to malign her.

"My reputation as a Potions mistress speaks for itself. My colleagues and leaders in my field have the utmost respect and faith in my abilities and talents. That is the yardstick I wish to be judged by."

Katherine Hannover

Snape was impressed. She had taken on the gossip-mongers and held her own firmly with grace and poise. And what impressed the Potions master the most was that she did it all with no man by her side. Katherine was all grown up in every sense of the word. She didn't need him anymore to protect her...she didn't need any man anymore to protect her. Maybe that was a good thing. She owled him every once in a while to keep him informed on all her various successes. She kept her correspondence upbeat and happy and never once mentioned the hurtful part of their past. He had become less consistent with his own correspondence after the Luddington interview. He didn't want to complicate her life. She seemed to be fairing just fine by herself. It was time to really let her go. And it hurt...a lot.

***

October, 2007

Katherine was into the full swing of her first semester as Potions Professor at Hogwarts. It was hard, some days seemingly impossible to spend her days and nights in his space. These had been his chambers, his classroom, his desk, and his chair at the High Table. Every night she cried. She missed him. She missed his reassurance, the safety she felt that he would always be there to take care of everything. He had killed for her so she could be safe, she had his protective nature to thank for that, but she felt lost. She felt like a child in shoes far too large for her to fill. It was going to take time to make this job Katherine Hannover's. But who was Katherine without Severus? She sat at what was her desk now, and she could still smell his scent in the room. She laid her head on the desk and cried.

***

2nd Term, 2008

Life started to turn for Katherine. She was in high demand. She found working on her research to be extremely therapeutic. She was being sought after for articles she had written for various academic publications in her field. She also was starting to work on cures for various diseases. Some had been extraordinary. Some were only steps towards eradicating certain magical diseases. Nonetheless, Katherine was making a name for herself, and slowly she started to figure out whom she was.

She still felt his presence, even if her own scent had eradicated his. She finally wrote him a letter, telling him of her successes and challenges she faced as a first year teacher. He wrote back, his letters stiff and formal, but slowly as time passed, they became less so. Katherine longed for the day they would be able to resume the friendly banter they had enjoyed so much.

Minerva had cornered her around Easter Hols, and they had finally had a long chat about what she had seen in the Pensieve. There was a lot of anger that came out. So much that after she left Minerva's office, she went down and blew apart the storeroom. She had saved some things that had belonged to Severus, but he hadn't known what to do with them and as the new teacher she might have had a use for them, so they had stayed. She destroyed them all and got rid of the desk as well. She could not keep herself tied to the past. She started making small steps forward and developed friendships with wiser wizards and witches with whom she could share her trauma and pain. But by the end of the term, she knew she could no longer remain at Hogwarts. She put in her resignation and started to place herself out in the public spotlight. She still felt a great deal of anger for a quite a while until she met a very nice young wizard later that fall...

***

Present time – August, 2010

He was packing up to leave Portofino for Rome. There were many things he had wanted to see the last time he had been there, but had decided not to spoil the experience by inhaling what the entire city had to offer in one go. He was almost finished when there was a knock on his door. He went over and opened the door. He was shocked!

There was Katherine. She was beautiful in her Muggle sundress. Her brown hair hung loose and free, and her eyes sparkled brightly. She looked different, freer, and happier.

"Hello, Severus." He was taken aback slightly by her voice. It was the voice of a woman confident in her meaning.

"Katherine, this is such a pleasure! What brings you to Portofino?" he asked slightly nervous.

"You, of course," she replied smoothly.

He stepped aside, and she entered his room. "It's a good thing I caught you in time! You're leaving?" she asked.

They sat in the sofa chairs across from each other.

"Yes, I'm going to Rome. There are some sights I wish to see... libraries and all that."

"You are quite the globetrotter these days, Severus," she mused.

"I am loving retirement. But I daresay, after a while I shall tire of shuttling myself hin and yon and settle somewhere," he said in a far-off voice.

"And where would that be?" she asked.

"Perhaps France, or Spain. I quite enjoy the Continent. The atmosphere, not to mention the climate, is far more cheerier than England or Scotland." He tried to analyze the situation he was in. Why is she here? he thought.

As if she had read his thoughts, she got to the point. "Severus, I miss you. I've missed you a lot these past three years. I admit the first year was hard. And I need to tell you that I hated you for a while. I had anger towards you and Minerva, but I was able with some help from older and wiser witches and wizards to place my life into a broader perspective, and I found myself able to forgive, although I will never forget, I can see you now with different eyes and appreciate you and our friendship more. Life has been everything we planned: the fame, the accolades, and the successes. But I've no one with which to share it. You were the one I always knew who would truly appreciate my accomplishments."

"What are you trying to say, Katherine?" he said darkly.

"I want to be with you." The expression on her face was simple and uncomplicated. It was clear she had no second thoughts or reservations.

"Impossible!" he spat as he jumped up from his chair. He went to the window. He couldn't believe this was happening.

She walked to his side. Her lips were quirked to one side. He snorted.

"What?" she snapped defensively.

He smiled at her as he gestured with his hand. "You...you do that thing with your lips when you think I'm wrong."

"I know you are wrong, Severus," she said in all sincerity...but also with her trademark smugness.

He looked at her in disgust and amazement all at once. "How can you even think of this? After everything that happened?" he said in an embarrassed whisper.

"It was a terrible thing that was forced upon us, Severus. I am 23 now. I know what I want in my life, and I know whom. You have been and still are my best friend. You have loved me more than anyone ever has. You can't tell me that after Marcus left me you didn't feel...something between us. In the hospital, you were so loving and caring. The way you stroked my hair, held my hand, and told me you believed in me. You stuck by my side when no one else would...not even my own parents! It kept me sane! And don't you dare tell me it was all guilt and pity!"

Snape swallowed thickly as he continued to stare out of the window. "No, I...I knew there was something when I found you on my bathroom floor that day. You had always been little Katherine, even when you were my apprentice. Because of what had happened, I had to keep you a child. I could never see you past that day. But when that bastard threw you away, I felt such rage, and I started to recognize you for the first time as a flesh and blood woman. Then when I saw you on my floor naked, it shook me to the core. You were a woman, and I wanted to be the one to care for you. But I don't want this, Katherine. Our history, for the most part, is a good one, but we can't erase what happened."

She leaned into him. "One day that neither of us wanted to happen. Does that eradicate all the good times? During these past three years, I realized something. I have loved you since I became your apprentice. But I thought love was only lust. That was what I thought I felt for Marcus Luddington, but never the simple joy of just being with a person with whom you can feel at home. I feel that with you. You are my home, and I want to come home!"

He finally turned and looked into her honest eyes. "Katherine, what you say is a foundational part of a successful marriage, but lust, desire, and passion should also be a component...an important component of a good marriage. You have said nothing about feeling that way for me." He looked away from her. This is too painful to handle. I don't want to hear her tell me she can't think of me that way! End this now, Severus! he ordered himself.

"I don't know if I could ever be sexual with you, Katherine," Snape admitted. "I will admit I have imagined it, since we parted, but the guilt I feel is so strong. I just don't know, and if it doesn't work out, we'll have lost something very precious. And I care too much for you to risk it." He looked deeply into her eyes for understanding.

She leaned further into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she stood in front of him. "No, it won't fade away. Give me a chance. I want to stay. I can't imagine entrusting myself to anyone but you. We can take all the time in the world, Severus. I have thought of us too. Even before I knew what I know now, I remember working with you in the lab, and I could smell your scent behind me when you were so close. I wanted to kiss you so badly." He slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, and she slid her arms around his neck, sliding her fingers through his hair as she continued talking.

"I think that was the reason I never could be with Marcus before the wedding. All those years, I couldn't imagine being with him in reality, only in my mind. Then, when I would see him, I couldn't do it," she explained. "I always pushed him away. But when I was with you, I wanted to kiss you and hold you. That has never changed. There hasn't been anyone, Severus. No one. Believe me, I've tried to have lovers! I really tried, but I couldn't do it. Your face, your voice, your hands, everything about you haunted me. I love you." She leaned farther in and stood up on her toes and slowly found her way to his lips. She just barely grazed them with her half-open mouth. He wrapped his arms around her as he responded to her kiss. He hungrily tasted her lips. She moaned and opened her mouth to invite him in. He accepted her invitation and responded to the woman standing before him. He couldn't believe what he was experiencing! She was kissing him as if she would die if she couldn't taste him. He flicked his tongue against her lips, and she responded by capturing his lower lip between her own lips. It was pure ecstasy.

When they broke apart, he swallowed hard, and the familiar tears sprang in his eyes when he looked into her bright eyes. She was happy! And that was all he ever wanted. Katherine is happy. She wrapped her arms around his head as he lifted her from the ground; his arms secure around her waist as they passionately kissed. They finally broke apart, and she said, "We'll take our time. Small steps, agreed?" she asked shyly.

"I will do whatever makes you happy. That is all I ever wanted: Katherine happy." He put her down so they could talk.

She smiled brightly and hugged him hard. "You make me happy, and you make me feel loved, and like I'm home just you being near me. I love you, Severus."

"I love you too, Katherine. I've missed you so much! I missed talking with you..."

***

September, 2005

"Severus...goodness, will I ever be able to say that without it sounding strange?"

Snape smirked at her.

Katherine smiled shyly at her mentor. She really had come to deeply care for him since she started her apprenticeship. Being an adult and no longer a student changed so much in her mind! They were equals as adults, although he still was her mentor. Whenever she was around him, she felt so safe and secure. She could relax and feel so cozy like she could let her guard down and be herself. But she knew she loved Marcus. But why when I'm with Marcus can't I be physical with him? she thought. It was starting to bother her.

Whenever she thought of Severus: he was her friend, her mentor... but lately, when she was close to him, images of grabbing him and snogging him senseless were all she could think about! Every day she was growing more attracted to him, and she couldn't understand why. It's just that we are such good friends. We respect each other; maybe I have a complex for older men, or maybe it's because he is my mentor, she told herself. But it never went away. Day after day, they would be talking about a potion or some latest development in their field and her eyes would start to gloss over, and she would imagine what it would be like to feel him pressed hard against her, how his erection would feel if he pressed it against her back? Would she even be attractive enough to get such a reaction from him? Would he moan? Would he whisper her name? Whenever he happened to stand close to her, observing her work, she felt like she would melt. He was so intelligent and self-assured. He listened to her and respected her. Marcus could care less about her work and research! By the end of the workday, her knickers were saturated and an ache so deep inside her throbbed so badly she didn't know how to get it to stop. It was torture. Whenever he stood behind her to watch her work, she wanted him to wrap his arms around her, pull up the front of her skirt, dip his hand into her knickers, and run his fingers across her clit until she cried out his name. I don't even feel like this when Marcus and I snog! And I get this randy by Severus just standing behind me? Every day after her work was done, she would race to her room and find her own release, but it was never enough, not even close...

The first year of her apprenticeship was excruciating. By the end of the year, she had allowed things to progress with Marcus physically because of her secret sexual frustration for Severus to the point that her boyfriend had gotten through her blouse and had released her breast from her bra. In her mind, she envisioned she was on Severus' lap and it was he that was doing these things to her. She snapped back into reality and stopped things progressing any further. That was it. A decision had to be made. Marcus Luddington was her future, and Severus Snape was just a friend. After all, she had invested years into Marcus and Severus, well...it was insane to think he would want to marry after being her teacher and then her mentor, not to mention he'd been alone for so many years! So she forced the door closed. But every now and again when he would stand near her in the lab and she would feel his strength next to her, the old want would rise in her. Just one kiss...