Survivors, Victors and Victims

A huge thank you to my betas, MadBrilliant and Southern_Witch_69, for typo hunting for me and helping me clean up my mistakes. I appreciate you both dearly and really feel blessed to count you both as my friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o 20 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Survivors, Victors and Victims

~Summer 1998~

As soon as the fighting had stopped, Hermione had run over to the spot where she'd last seen Severus, looking for him, and then she'd hurried down to the Hog's Head, praying he had made it back there. But Severus had been nowhere to be found. He was gone.

Aberforth had insisted that Severus had never returned to the Hog's Head after he'd stormed out to go make his appearance on the battleground. "He'd have been too weak to have walked off on his own afterward, girl," he'd said as he'd filled a few pints for his customers. "I have no idea how he had the strength to get as far as he did. That man was a walking corpse when he left here." Aberforth had then walked off, and she'd known it was pointless to keep asking him.

Hermione had made several trips between the battleground and the Hog's Head, casting every kind of tracking spell she could find and asking anyone she could question if they'd seen him, trying to determine where Severus might have gone after the fighting. But no one had known anything helpful. The Aurors investigating Severus' disappearance had claimed that someone must have absconded with the body, which had only angered and frightened her. However, the portrait for Severus in the Headmaster's office still only portrayed an empty, comfortable-looking chair and bookshelves that resembled the ones in Severus' office when he'd been at Hogwarts, assuring Hermione that there was hope he was still alive, although where, she had no idea.

There had been numerous funerals that followed the battle. For those who had died defending the wizarding world, their graves had been dug on a hill that overlooked the village and Hogwarts castle with the white marble headstones all spaced out in perfect rows. The memorial services for the fallen of the Great Battle, also called the Final Battle of the Voldemort War, had been held at Hogwarts, although there had been individual services throughout the country for the families. However, the fighting was far from over. There were still pockets of resistance causing trouble and leaving the Death Mark as a reminder, as well as many small skirmishes while the Aurors tried to search out the last of the Death Eaters.

Hermione had attended the service at Hogwarts the day the bodies had been buried even though she hadn't needed to be among those surrounding Dumbledore's grave to remember all the lives lost. She could picture their faces. She could still visualize them fighting in her mind. She could still see the blood, burns, lacerations, missing body parts, and vacant eyes. She could still smell the smoke and dust, see the flames, and hear the explosions. At night, the friends she'd lost haunted her dreams, refusing to let her sleep. But her worst dream was the one in which she saw Severus collapse on the field and vanish into smoke before she could get to him.

She'd stood among her friends the day the members of Dumbledore's Army had been given special awards for services to the school, although several of the DA members were still in St. Mungo's, a few buried a few days before, and some just unable to attend. There were candle vigils to mourn those who'd fallen: the heroes, the victims, and the innocent casualties. There were plaques, statues, and monuments, each with a dedication ceremony. And there had been parties, celebrations, awards handed out, medals, and honorariums. And for each event, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the surviving members of the DA had been expected to attend.

And Hermione had stood beside Harry, Ron, George, Seamus, Neville, Ginny, and Luna at the rededication for the rebuilding of Hogwarts castle and again when the monument in Ministry atrium had been dedicated to the defenders of the Wizarding world. Hermione and Harry had searched the monument for Severus' name, and both had become so incensed when they'd realized he'd been omitted that Hermione had had Harry help her as she'd added his name herself.

Between appearances, Sundays at the Burrow, and the occasional summons to testify during a trial, Hermione had searched for Severus. She refused to accept his death, had refused to attend his memorial service or to acknowledge his grave.

For the rest of the month of June and well into July and August, the Daily Prophet had been filled with conflicting announcements. The paper had had one article after another in celebration of the fall of Tom 'Voldemort' Riddle interspaced with announcements of endless funerals, wakes, births, deaths, weddings, the reopening of businesses or new ones, and the completions, refurbishments, and reconstruction of properties that had been damaged in the war. Readers even learned that this time Lucius Malfoy had not escaped conviction and had been given a twenty-five to life sentence in Azkaban. Even Draco had been arrested because of his Dark Mark. In fact, just having a Dark Mark was a guarantee of internment.

Narcissa had appealed to Hermione and her friends to testify on Draco's behalf. Harry had testified that Draco had lied to protect him when he'd been caught by Snatchers and that he had switched sides after the incident in the Room of Requirement, fighting against Tom Riddle in the end, which Hermione had confirmed. Luna had said Draco had snuck food and potions to her, Ollivander and the others when they'd been held at the Manor, and Seamus and Neville had both stated that Draco had helped them elude the Carrows a few times in the last few months of school when they'd tried saving students from being tortured in the dungeons.

But even after their testimony, Draco had been sentenced to six months of house arrest, community service, and one year of probation under a tracking spell. Surprisingly, Narcissa had sounded grateful in her last letter to Hermione, thanking her for her help in not only saving her son but for also giving testimony as to his change of heart. Hermione actually had done nothing of the sort – she'd simply told the truth and answered the questions she'd been asked honestly.

As August came to an end and Hermione prepared to return to Hogwarts to finish her education, she still couldn't sleep well, but when she did, she dreamed of making love to Severus only to have the dreams turn into nightmares of him fading away on her or falling to the floor dead, bleeding from his neck. Occasionally in her dreams, she saw him lying in the Shrieking Shack, dying as she tried every way possible to save him, or she'd dream about searching the grounds during the battle, screaming out his name because she couldn't find him. On those nights, she woke up crying out for Severus, frequently screaming for help. Harry, Ginny, or Ron would come running to try to comfort her, as she shook and sweated profusely, crying inconsolably from her nightmares. Even Luna came regularly to sit with her, just holding her hand or hugging her when she cried. However, everyone just assumed her emotional unbalance was from posttraumatic stress.

Throughout the previous year, Hermione had held onto the hope that when the war was over, she'd find Severus and tell him she loved him. She wanted to try every way possible to convince him it was real and not just the spells from their tower room. Hermione knew logically it was hopeless that they'd end up together, but in her heart, she'd hoped that she could convince him. But now, almost four months after the final battle, months of searching, utilizing every resource and spell she knew to try to find Severus, she was beginning to think he was deliberately hiding from her. But regardless of how many times she was told by her friends, or anyone else, that he was dead, Hermione refused to believe them.

He was out there, somewhere, and she knew it. Where simply eluded her.

As the construction on the castle continued, Hermione stood on the grounds each morning, looking up at the East Tower, thinking about Severus, and wishing she knew what had happened to him. She'd had all of Severus' possessions boxed up and safely stored away before looters could ravage through them, except for a shirt, his pillow, and his soap, which she kept in her bedroom. As the weeks passed by, she'd cried over his loss, wearing his shirt at night. In her daydreams, he came to her in her bedroom or in the tower room. Every morning, Hermione drank a cup of tea and remembered him as she watched the sunrise. On the wall by her desk was a portrait with a background of a comfortable, dark green chair in front of a large, overstuffed bookshelf in a gilded frame, matching the empty portrait in the Headmaster's office. Every day, Hermione checked the portrait to see if his image had materialized and felt reassured whenever she saw the empty chair.

*

When Severus had awoken the first time, all he remembered was being surrounded by white: wispy, fluffy, soft white, bathed in beams of sunlight, and the noted absence of shadows. The second time he'd been awake, he remembered seeing white gossamer hangings, pale blue sky, and being surrounded by beams of pale gold sunlight. But the first time Severus could lift his head, he'd realized that he was in a huge bed in a simply furnished bedroom with a house-elf staring at him nose-to-nose. The elf had grinned before it popped out. Minutes later, Narcissa had followed behind the elf. She had tried to answer all his questions as the house-elf helped him eat. Thankfully, the potions Severus had made when Arthur had been bitten by Nagini were still in Lucius' storeroom and viable.

Narcissa frequently went to his bedchamber to see him and had brought books for him to read. She had changed, becoming more thoughtful and demure than he'd ever known her to be. The loss of her husband was a part of it, but there was more to it than that, Severus was sure. In the mornings during his recovery, Narcissa had read the paper to him while the house-elf had fed him breakfast. She had provided for his potions, most likely buying them from some private Healer. But in order for a full recovery, he'd had to instruct her on which potions he'd wanted and dictate the directions for the more complicated ones. At least Narcissa had the frame of mind to listen and follow his instructions precisely.

Because of Fawkes' tears, he was able to move his head easily enough, his throat and voice had fully recovered, and the wound on his neck was nothing more than a series of tiny scar marks from Nagini's fangs. But it had taken nearly a week before Severus could sit up in bed unaided and three weeks before he was strong enough to walk because the toxin of Nagini's venom had greatly damaged his nervous system and atrophied his muscles. Severus had been relieved when he could finally sit on a stool and brew his own potions with Narcissa's help. After that, his healing progressed much quicker. Nevertheless, Severus had stayed hidden in Malfoy manor for two months.

Draco returned to the Manor near the end of July after his trial. Severus had watched Draco closely over the few weeks they'd spent together, and he'd noticed a vast difference in the young man who had been an arrogant child as a student. The war had changed him, and Severus was glad to say it was for the better.

Like his mother, he'd developed a respect for Potter and his friends, especially, and most surprisingly, for Hermione. Narcissa continued to read to him from the Daily Prophet every morning, however her tone when she read articles about Potter and his friends carried an inflection of respect she had never used before.

When Draco had told him about the outcome of the war, about Potter, and even when he'd spoken of Hermione, he hadn't sneered as he'd had in the past. Draco never explained what had brought on his change of heart or why he'd defected from the Dark Lord the day of the final battle, but Severus had his suspicions.

If that much had happened there, in Malfoy manor, he wondered what else had changed. Neither Malfoy spoke of their changed attitudes openly as Draco kept it to himself, and Narcissa never said anything more than, "Harry Potter and Hermione Granger saved Draco's life," which left him with little to speculate on.

~Summer1978~

Severus had been practicing Warding Charms right up until the end of the school year. He'd amassed a vast collection of spells, both Dark Arts and not, in hopes of increasing the wards, not only on his house but Lily's as well. He'd tried every variation of the spells he could come up with to either strengthen the wards or make them obscure enough so that they wouldn't be recognized and easily undone. Listening to his friends talk had made Severus realize that he was in grave danger as well if the Death Eaters ever found out that he was a half-blood, actually less if he believed what some of them did. He'd overheard a few of them saying more than once that being a half-blood meant one parent was Muggle-born and the other had acceptable blood, not having a Muggle parent. To those men he'd, having a Muggle parent was akin to being a Mudblood. It had sent a chill through him he couldn't shake. Each time he remembered the conversation, he worried for his mum's safety as much as for Lily's.

He had sent an owl to his mum, warning her about what he'd heard and pleaded for her to abandon the house on Spinner's End for somewhere more secluded and easier to hide. She'd written back that his father was ill and that he didn't want to move. Severus knew Tobias' illness was alcohol related. Nevertheless, try as he might to persuade her, he hadn't been able convince her to move. Once again, she'd chosen her husband's wishes over good old common sense.

When Severus and his friends had disembarked the train, Mr. Avery and Mr. Rosier had been waiting to collect them. At the Rosier's house, Mr. Rosier's family and friends had warmly greeted Severus and his friends. The dinner party had gone on well into the evening, and there had been plenty of drinks served. By the time the Dark Lord had made his appearance, Severus had been snockered.

Lord Voldemort had been charismatic and enigmatic. He was tall, lean, moved with a masculine grace, and exuded power. He'd spoken softly, but when he'd spoken to Severus, his voice had carried well over the other conversations in the room, and his manner toward the boys had been open and friendly. Severus could tell that many of the young men and students at the party were eagerly desirous of joining the Knights, but for him, he felt like he was being drawn in without a choice. Lily's comments about Severus becoming a Death Eater rang in his thoughts as he'd listened to those around him talk.

Severus had left the party feeling shaky and Apparated near Lily's street instead of his own. Her house was dark when he'd arrived, and after close inspection, he knew no one was there. Severus could feel several of the wards that had already been placed on the home, but they were ones Severus knew had been taught at school and that anyone at Rosier's party would know how to circumvent them. He added his own versions of the spells, tying the magic from the existing wards to his own, strengthening Lily's protection. He also added a few warning spells on the perimeter of her property and as far as he could extend them. That will give Lily some warning of an attack.

He was nearly done when a car pulled into the drive. Severus quickly ducked out of sight and adjusted the wards to recognize Lily's parents and Petunia as they entered the house, wondering where Lily was. He was uncertain if he'd be welcome if he went to the door to ask, not knowing what Lily had told her parents about him.

He waited in the dark, watching the house for Lily's arrival, but she never showed up. Finally exhausted and hungry, Severus turned to go home.

The next week, both in the afternoons as well as in the evenings, Severus had waited outside her house, but he hadn't seen Lily. He didn't see her the following week either. It was becoming obvious that Lily was apparently spending the summer somewhere else.

At home things were bad. His father was just as abusive as Severus had ever seen him, and most of the fights had to do with him, his use of magic, and the cost of his schooling. Not that his father had ever paid one shilling toward his education; he was on a scholarship. At first, Tobias had been livid that Severus wouldn't give up his wand to him, choosing instead to carry it around in his pocket in plain sight. Tobias had tried to use his belt on Severus for his supposed insolence, but Severus had simply made the belt vanish into smoke. Tobias had then tried the poker to no avail. Tobias had even tried to take his frustration at Severus out on his mum, but Severus had hexed him to make him leave off her each time. Another time his father had become violent toward him, Severus had tossed his dad across the room effortlessly with a flick of his wand.

The problem was that his mum had desperately intervened each time, trying to pacify Tobias, and had yelled at Severus to leave the room. But his father had only gotten more violent toward his mum each time, blaming his mum for Severus' actions. Now, Tobias glared at Severus when they passed each other in the house or sat at the table to eat. His father refused to speak to him and drank even more. Severus hated his father, although each time he'd said it out loud, he'd cried hurtful tears.

Severus had shut himself in his room, sulking most of the time he was home, until an owl from Lucius Malfoy had arrived with his invitation to come stay a few days at Malfoy Manor. Severus read the invitation a few times, knowing that if he accepted it, he would be faced with the expectation of accepting the Dark Mark and pledging his allegiance to the Dark Lord. He'd been dreading the invitation ever since leaving school. But he knew that he had little choice.

He knew that if he declined, his friends would turn against him, he'd be marked as a blood traitor and Muggle sympathizer, and both he and his mother would be placed on a hit list. If he managed to escape death, he'd be on the run without any place to go that would be safe for very long, and he didn't know how or if he'd have access to his money in Gringotts. That and his mum would be killed for his defiance. On the positive side, if he accepted he might be able to protect his mum and Lily. If he were in the good graces of the Dark Lord, then he'd know if they were in danger and might be able to do something to save them. Regardless, no matter how he weighed his options, he knew he didn't have a choice.

He couldn't eat, and he couldn't sleep. He took a walk by the river the next day, deep in thought about his options. His mind warred between what he knew he had to do and his will to live, against his common sense telling him what was right. If he took the Mark, he'd be choosing what was easy.

He went to see Lily's house one last time, slipping through the wards and peering into the window. Petunia was sitting at the table with her parents. He watched as they talked and laughed as they ate. This is how a family is supposed to be, he thought as he sighed and turned away.

He hung around Lily's house, wishing he could talk to her about his problems like they'd used to. As the street lights turned on, he finally accepted the fact that Lily wasn't going to be home at all over the summer hols, and if she had, she probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to him at all anyway.

Sighing, he returned home. His father was yelling at his mum again. Severus waited outside, leaning against the wall until his father stormed out of the house for the pub. He entered the kitchen, and his mum refused to look at him. "Mum, I've been invited to Malfoy Manor for a few days," he announced, leaning on the doorframe.

She turned around, her eye swollen and discoloring and her nose bleeding. "Are you going?"

"Damn it, Mum! Why do you let him hit you like that? Yes, I'm going," he said, standing up and walking toward her. "You should come too."

"I can't," she said, turning away from him.

"Won't," he sneered, coming to a stop. "You won't! He treats you like dirt! He beats you, and you just take it! You're nothing but a punching bag to him – his scapegoat because he's a drunk, out of work, too lazy to get a job – any job, and he's not worth a shilling. He's nothing!" He regretted his words the moment he said them.

She faced him, anger flashing in her good eye. "How dare you talk about your father like that?"

"He's killing you, and you don't even raise your wand to him," he shouted, his hands clenching in a fist. "Instead you just cower from him like a dog and won't defend yourself!"

"He's my husband!" she shouted back. "And you have no right saying that to me! I'm your mother! You are never to speak to me like that again!"

"Yes, you're my mother! But I will not stand by this summer and watch him beat you senseless!" he shouted back. "He will beat you to death if you don't stand up to him – don't you see it? I should turn him into a chair! At least he'd have a purpose!"

"Severus Snape, you will not raise your wand against your father! Is that understood?" she shouted, pointing her finger at him.

"If he hits you – don't count on it!" he snapped back, his anger nearly making his magic surge within him. "He's just a filthy Muggle! We are better than him! When the Dark Lord rises, he will be put in his place!"

Eileen's eyes grew large as she backed away from him. "Where are you getting this from? He is your father!"

"He's a drunken, good for nothing Muggle that hasn't been able to hold a job since the factory closed!" he spat, his hands in tight fists at his side. "We would be better off without him!"

His mum paled and staggered back. "You can't mean that... He's had difficulties..." she stammered, but Severus crossed his arms and smirked at her. She straightened up and pointed for the door. "Go to your room! I will not hear this – such disrespect from my own son! Go. Now!"

"Fine," he snapped, turning and running for the stairs. She was defending him – once again taking his side and making excuses. He wished that she'd let him help her, wished that she'd leave him.

Severus packed his best robes. His mum was with his father in their room when he was ready to go. She didn't even look up when Severus said good-bye. Severus Apparated to the place Lucius said he'd meet him, wondering why he even bothered to care about his parents.

~September 1998~

By September fifth, the school had been nearly finished; all the dormitories, major classrooms, and the Great Hall had been reconstructed. But in several places the roofs, a few turrets, battlements, and exterior walkways were still being repaired. The kitchen and greenhouses had been completely refurbished. The gamekeeper's hut had been rebuilt into a larger, two room cottage to accommodate Hagrid and give him a bit more living space. And on one side of the school gates, where the wall had been rebuilt, one large block of stone bore the words: Together we stood strong, the Houses united, and won back what was Ours. Never tickle a sleeping dragon. 2 May, 1998.

Hogsmeade had a new street that intersected the main lane with several new businesses and three new inns. A large memorial statue stood in the center of what was now called Hogsmeade Square of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville, and Draco standing in a ring back-to-back, wands drawn as if ready to fight. Hermione and her friends had attended the resurrection and dedication of the monument and received their Order of Merlin first class just before school started.

Hermione had returned to Hogwarts in mid September with Ginny and Luna, when the school was deemed fit for students, even though there was still some construction being done on several sections of the castle. Hermione had noticed as she'd walked to lessons that those sections were magically roped off to keep students from crossing into hazardous conditions. The castle seemed to have almost as many students as before, but even with all those who were not allowed to attend the previous year returning to Hogwarts to complete school being placed in the year they missed, the loss of those who had died was quite noticeable in the classrooms and dormitories.

The Sorting Hat had apparently decided to make some changes, too. It had quickly become apparent at the Sorting Feast that the restriction of blood preference was no longer a factor for placement, since the new first-years seemed to have been placed without any regard to heritage. The Sorting Hat had taken longer placing some of the students, especially the Muggle-borns. Slytherin finally had Muggle-borns in their dormitories, and the returning Slytherins were put on strict warnings to get along or be expelled and possibly lose their wands from both the Ministry and Headmistress McGonagall.

Hermione found returning to castle for her seventh year to be different from what she'd expected. For one thing, she was a national heroine. She had to put up with people whispering about her, being the brunt of constant gossip, and there had been the occasional request for a picture or autograph the first few weeks. Thankfully, Ginny and Luna were getting a little of the same treatment as well, but it was odd being treated like a celebrity. Hermione was also now in the same year as her friends, and sharing dormitories with the girls who had been a year behind her. At first, the other girls had been shy around her, whispering together or had suddenly become quiet when she and Ginny had entered the room. By the second week, Lorraine and Adrianna had asked if they could sit next to Hermione in the common room, and had begun asking her questions about her adventures with Harry and Ron. By the weekend after that, even the shyest girl, Allison, had been attempting to make friends.

There were also additional professors hired to teach in several subjects. Classes were no longer simply divided by house anymore to promote better inter-house relations. There were clubs organized in each subject, and inter-house study groups were highly encouraged. Even the Great Hall was available after dinner hours so students could congregate and revise together. Only Quidditch remained as it had been, each house having its own team, but the stands were no longer by house. Both sides of the Quidditch pitch were decorated in the colors of the teams playing that particular day, the same way professional teams did. Post-game victory parties were frequently held in the Great Hall so that friends from other houses could gather and help celebrate the winners.

And punishments were now regulated under very strict guidelines. The new guidelines were posted in Deputy Headmaster Flitwick's office, as well Filch's office, much to Filch's dismay, and the dungeon detention chamber was cleared out of all its chains and torture devices. Filch even had to surrender his shackles to the Aurors in order to keep his job as caretaker.

And for Hermione, her sanctuary quickly became the one of the places she wasn't supposed to go, the old East Tower.

The good thing was that, since no one seemed to know about the secret door, no one noticed where Hermione went to every morning. It was serene and comforting to be up in the tower room, even though memories of Severus would hit her more strongly there, and sometimes she'd end up crying into her tea. Kippy and several other house-elves were usually cleaning up the common room when Hermione went downstairs, and Kippy, delighted to see her again, always had a steaming hot cup of Broken Orange Pekoe for her. Hermione hadn't had the heart to tell the smiling elf that she'd stopped drinking the blend because it reminded her of Severus' kisses.

She'd also given up trying to solve the mystery of the spells on the tower room, instead trying to focus on her classes and preparing for her N.E.W.T.s.

~September 1978~

Severus was enjoying his time with Lucius and the Lestrange brothers, exploring Wizarding Britain. His new friends took him to all the magical places and introduced him to numerous people. Lucius would sit with Severus in the library, talking about how great it was to be so connected with the right sort of wizard and how good an impression Severus was making on the members of proper society. Severus was allowed to brew anything he wanted in Malfoy's potions lab, and he was even encouraged to experiment. He was making a name for himself and earning Sickles and Galleons for his work. He was dressing better than he'd ever dressed before and now had two pairs of dragon hide boots.

He was sipping on his drink after dinner when he heard the men in the study say that the Dark Lord had offered Lily Evans and James Potter a place in his circle and had even given them a second opportunity to join him. The men were outraged by the Dark Lord's audacity of offering a Mudblood to become one of them and questioned his reasons, something Severus knew they'd never do when the Dark Lord was around. Severus was not surprised to learn that Lily and Potter had refused both times and had drawn their wands against the Dark Lord. He listened as Nott scoffed at the fact that the Dark Lord must have let them go, but regardless, Lily and Potter apparently had barely made their escape alive.

Severus felt like his blood had gone cold as he listened to the recounting, although he managed to hide it from the others in the room. Mr. Nott began telling the story of how Frank and Alice Longbottom, the newest Aurors of the Ministry, had faced the Dark Lord in Devonshire, and that they too had refused to accept the Dark Lord's offer to join the ranks. "At lest they are pure-bloods – blood traitors if you ask me – but pure-bloods," Mr. Malfoy said snidely. "They will get what's coming them, mark my words, they'll pay. Pure intolerance, defying the Dark Lord... the very thought."

"Always believed all that nonsense Dumbledore spouts about love being the most powerful of all magic, that it's our choices that define us, not our blood or..."

But Severus was barely listening. He was staring into his glass of firewhisky, thinking about Lily. His Lily. She was nearly killed for standing up against the Dark Lord – the Dark Lord himself! Twice! What was she doing standing up to him in the first place? I know that somehow Potter is to blame for her being anywhere near... What if he'd killed her? Potter is just the type to fight against the Dark Lord – and he's dragging Lily down with him. He will get her killed for sure!

"I should've been there," he mumbled as he took a sip.

"That can easily be arranged, son," Warrington said with a wide, goofy grin.

Severus looked up at him, trying to piece together what he'd missed by letting his thoughts wander.

"He'll be here tomorrow, lad," Nott said, clamping his hand on Severus' shoulder.

Lucius was smiling at him proudly. "It will be good to have you as one of us! Just think of what we can achieve!"

Severus felt his heart sink. They had been talking about someone accepting the Dark Mark. He downed his drink as he tried to figure out how to get out of this predicament. He quickly weighed his options and realized he really had no choice. If he was going to protect Lily, it had to be from the inside.

The next night, he found himself in the grand ballroom room of the Manor, surrounded by his friends with Lucius Malfoy, Mr. Avery, and Mr. Warrington standing behind him as Voldemort encouraged him to kneel and declare his pledge. His conscious warred with his sense of self-preservation, one side saying there was no other way while the other told him he was becoming exactly what Lily hated. He lied to himself that this was what he wanted, even as Lily's condemnation of what he was doing rang in his ears.

Severus said the words being fed to him by Mr. Warrington from a scroll. "I solemnly swear allegiance to you, my Lord, body, mind, and wand; that I will support my fellow Knights, and defend our world against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear loyal and faithful service to you, my Lord; and that I will obey your orders and be a true and humble servant, obedient to your will; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the Knighthood upon which I am about to enter; so help me. This I swear to you upon my blood and my wand."

As the Dark Mark was seared into his skin, Severus had only one thought: by taking the Mark, he was certain that he'd at least be in a position to protect Lily.

~Autumn 1998~

The biography on his life had come out, and it made Severus want to Avada Kedavra Rita Skeeter on the spot. Draco had been given his copy as a gift from Goyle, and he'd shared it with Severus. Rita had dug into every corner of Severus' life that she could to ferret out any and every tidbit she could find to twist around and create the novel on his life. Much of it was grossly exaggerated, some outlandish, and the rest was half-truths and lies. It seemed that everyone who had survived the war and remembered anything about him or had any story to tell about Severus' life was quoted. Even Potter had apparently spoken to the reporter. The only person who'd seemed to have refrained was Hermione, as she wasn't quoted much except to praise his efforts as professor, Order member, and Headmaster.

The book claimed that he had been so blinded by his attraction to the dark side, so insecure as a teen, so alone and vulnerable as a child, that he'd craved membership of something he thought would make him great. Something Lily would find impressive, he snorted in derision. I thought if I joined, I could protect her. I foolishly thought that if I became a Death Eater, I would know in advance if and when she'd be attacked and be able to prevent it from happening. I was wrong. In the end, it was my loyalty to that narcissistic megalomaniac that cost Lily her life.

Not only that, but the Daily Prophet had devoted several pages regarding the investigation of Severus' part in the war. It seemed that Kingsley Shacklebolt and Harry Potter were trying valiantly to proclaim Severus a war hero and an essential part of the Order, dedicating his life to defeat of Tom 'Voldemort' Riddle. A few members of the Order had even come forth and had declared him a martyr.

Severus decided that he didn't want to hide anymore.

The trial over his posthumous Order of Merlin was underway when Severus Snape, in disguise using Polyjuice Potion, slipped into the Ministry of Magic. He stood aside and listened to the new Minister, Kingsley Shacklebolt, give reporters a few statements about his investigation, smirking at the questions and answers. As the Minister began to wave off the crowd, Severus slipped into the lift and made his way to the level one. It didn't take much to befuddle the receptionist into accepting that he had an appointment. Severus watched as Kingsley arrived, addressed a few concerns of other Ministry officials, and entered his office. Severus rose and walked into the Minister's office unannounced.

"Did you mean what you said about Severus Snape, Kingsley? You think he's innocent?" the old wizard asked as he watched Kingsley for any clues of deceit or lies. The old man's vision was somewhat poor, but his hearing was very acute.

Kingsley looked up from his parchment, momentarily startled by the old wizard's appearance, but apparently recognized him from the group in the atrium earlier. "I think he played a significant role in the war – yes. May I help you with something, Mr. ... ?"

"No, I was just wondering about Severus Snape's investigation. He was a Death Eater," Severus stated, trying to draw the wizard out. "He is no hero. He was a murderer, turncoat, traitor, and committed acts you know nothing about. He was responsible for many of those atrocities we read in the paper. Why spend all this effort on a war criminal?"

"Severus Snape is no traitor. He was a valuable resource into Tom 'Voldemort' Riddle's plans. He was a spy, working on our side from inside Tom Riddle's inner circle at great personal risk to himself. Many more atrocities were prevented because of Severus Snape's warnings. Yes, there were many unfortunate incidents and tragic deaths, but many more were avoided by his valiant efforts. If you have followed the papers, you know that I have been trying to clear his name and have him acknowledged as the war hero he is." Kingsley laid his wand casually on the desk next to him. "Do I know you?"

"Yes, and no." Severus looked at the cane in his hand, listening carefully to Kingsley. So far the wizard seemed sincere. "So you really do believe in his innocence?"

"Yes, I do," Kingsley said with conviction.

"And if he's still alive?" Severus asked, still trying to draw out the wizard into talking. "What then? Another trial to disprove his innocence to have him locked away in Azkaban?"

Kingsley set down the parchment and gave the old wizard his full attention. "No trial. All of that is being covered in his hearing for his Order of Merlin – and no, he wouldn't be sent to Azkaban. Not if I can help it."

"No? Why ever not?" Severus asked. "Isn't that why the Aurors are searching for him?"

"Yes, we are still searching for him. We have no idea what happened to him. His body was never found," Kingsley stated. "He was last seen on the battlefield. He apparently survived the attack of Tom Riddle's snake long enough to have made a stand against Tom Riddle at the final battle and walked away – or he was taken by another Death Eater. We don't know for certain." Kingsley looked at him earnestly. "I would like to find him. If he's alive, help him if I can – if there was anything he needs. I want to congratulate him, have him acknowledged for his contribution. I want to thank him personally for all he did. If you have any information in regards to the whereabouts of Severus Snape, the Ministry has offered a substantial award."

"I'm not interest in an award for turning him in." Severus smirked at the mention of Aurors. "How substantial?"

Kingsley began to look interested. He eyed the old man sitting in front of him speculatively. "We've offered one thousand Galleons for solid information regarding his whereabouts. If you have any information regarding where he is, you must tell me," he said earnestly, rising from his chair. "I want to help him. I want to see him."

"Why?" Severus wanted to believe him. He waved his hand to indicate that Kingsley should sit and leaned back in the chair facing his desk. "Don't get me wrong, but I have little trust in the Ministry lately. I don't believe that he won't be sent to Azkaban. He has the residual of the Dark Mark still branded on his skin. Why should I trust you?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Although Kingsley had offered some assurances, Severus wasn't going to show himself without knowing for sure. "He would be better off dead," Severus said solemnly. He didn't have much more time. If he stayed any longer, the Polyjuice would wear off before he could exit the building. "He's much better off where he is – left alone to his own devices, away from everyone and everything."

"You're insinuating that you know where he is," Kingsley said, sounding hopeful. "Please, tell me."

"Yes, he is alive. Yes, I know where he is. I have all the information you need to know," Severus stated, starting to believe that he could trust him.

Kingsley leaned forward in his chair, obviously desirous of the information. "He must come in – or I'll go to him. But he must turn himself in so that he can be fully cleared," he said earnestly.

"He is only now recovered from You-Know-Who's snake bite," Severus stated. "But he trusts no one."

"He can trust me!" Kingsley exclaimed. "Look, he was my friend. We worked together in this war. I have all the facts I can gather regarding his involvement. But if he's alive, he must speak up for himself, answer questions. He has to come to the Ministry."

Severus had been startled by the Minister's declaration of being his friend. He had no idea Kingsley considered him so. "No jail time, he is still recovering," he stated firmly.

Kingsley shook his head. "No! Of course not! But if he's still hurt, we can help him. St Mungo's..."

"And whom do you think provided the anti-venin and restorative potions for those bit by You-Know-Who's snake?" Severus asked, nearly laughing at the suggestion. "St. Mungo's cannot do any more for him than he is receiving."

"Tell me where he is!" Kingsley demanded, his hands placed firmly on his desk as he leaned forward a little further.

Severus clearly detected a note of sincerity in the wizard's voice. There was no deception. Still, he wanted assurances, but he was out of time. He could feel the creeping in his skin that signaled the change. "Promise me he will not be sent to Azkaban. I want your word. House arrest or under supervision is acceptable, but not Azkaban."

"You have my word as Minister of Magic – as his friend and comrade. I swear to you, no jail time. He will not set foot in Azkaban," Kingsley said reassuringly. "Where is he?"

Severus was surprised that Kingsley considered him a friend. The roiling in his gut was starting. He had no choice but to believe the wizard now. "Not far."

"Well, take me to him," Kingsley said, rising from his chair.

"No need," Severus said as the Polyjuice Potion began to wear off.

Kingsley grabbed his wand as he watched the first changes take place.

Severus simply crossed his arms and settled back in his chair. "I am he."

~ T B C ~>

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o0o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Notes: