Heartbroken

LEMONSSS!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 3

Severus arrived back at Hogwarts just as the sun was rising in the sky. Scowling, he made his way through the halls toward the dungeons. He wanted nothing but to make his way to his private chamber and drown himself in a steady supply of fire whiskey. His mood was so obviously foul, it made anyone in his path immediately stand aside to let him pass.

'Fool!' he cursed himself. 'What an idiot you have become. You let yourself open up to a Muggle-born witch who doesn't even care for her craft anymore!' Once in his chambers, he moved straight to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of fire whiskey. Drinking straight from the bottle, he winced as the liquid hit his tongue. 'No,' the voice within his head reasoned, 'you don't blame her for hiding herself away from the wizarding world. What unsettled you was that she rejected you.' Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, he scowled in an even harder, harsher grimace at the thought.

It was true. Finally, to have had the courage to let her know how deeply his feelings ran; at last, being able to touch her, only to have her pull away and accuse him of something so low as trying to manipulate her decision.

But weren't you? the voice within his mind pried sharply. Would you have been able to let her go if she had given you a night of passion, then told you she was not coming with you?

Closing his eyes, he considered what his mind asked. He was hurt and angry. What hurt him was her rejection, but what angered him was that he believed she considered him a package she could only have if she came back to Hogwarts.

Sighing, he asked himself out loud, "Well, aren't you?" He turned and tossed the bottle, shattering it within the fireplace. He could not leave Hogwarts. He owed Albus too much. Even if he could, what would he possibly do in America – help her raise and ride horses? An absurd idea, if ever he'd heard one.

Turning, he moved to throw himself into his most comfortable chair. Occasionally, drinking the fire whiskey helped to dull the unhappiness he forever felt. But now, it just soured within his mouth and made the pain in his heart worsen further more. There would be no comfort in the bottle tonight.

The popping noise alerted him to the Floo being used. He knew instinctively the instant he heard the sound, the older wizard had arrived and was staring at him expectantly; he didn't have to look. "She refused to come, Albus," he said softly. "There was nothing else I could do."

He expected the headmaster to be reproachful in his response. Instead, Dumbledore said softly, "So that is it, then?"

Sneering, Severus turned to look into the eyes that regarded him without any of their normal twinkling. Instead, a deep sadness shone there. "What would you have me do, Albus – throw her over my shoulder and bring her back against her will?" He blew out his breath in an angry sigh. "Even I am not that unfeeling. She doesn't want to come back. She doesn't want to re-associate herself with this place." His voice broke when he said the last in a whisper. "She doesn't want me."

Albus shook his head, replied, "No, my friend, I would never ask you to force her. I just feel it is a pity, that is all."

At that, Severus nodded and agreed, "Yes, it is at that. She would make an ideal instructor, and would have been good for Hogwarts." Suddenly, the anger drained out of him as though taking all his muscle with it and Severus slid to sit on the floor, his head sagging. "I am sorry I wasn't able to bring her back, Albus," he said miserably.

Albus knelt beside the younger wizard and patted the man's shoulder. "It is I who am sorry, my friend. It is very sad to watch soul-mates dance around each other, each never finding the other. I thought this time might be different."

Severus raised his head to look at Dumbledore, a puzzled look in his eyes. 'Soul-mates?' he thought. 'Hermione and I are soul-mates?' Severus looked at Albus with an emotion akin to shock gradually turning into surprise. The older wizard's eyes misted over before clearing. "I recognized her soul was meant for yours in her sixth year. It is just sad you both have been hurt so badly that you can't let yourselves try yet again. For each other." That said, the headmaster stood and left the potions master alone.

Severus shook his head sadly. The fight had left him and he felt as if he had lost the one thing more important to his existence than breathing. Yes, he thought in resignation. It is indeed sad.

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Hermione lay on her couch, staring at the empty fireplace, her book tossed aside, forgotten in her melancholy. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of the last words he had spoken to her. Normally, those words would have brought her great joy, for they meant he had wanted her, too. His confession meant his desire for her was as deep as hers was for him.

However, it was not his confession of love which ran rampant through her thoughts. What broke her heart was he had given up so easily. Worse still, she deserved it. Her fear of losing someone else she loved, yet again, had made her push him away. Now she hated herself for it.

Suddenly, a popping noise sounded and she found herself staring at the fireplace, hoping against hope that Severus had returned. When Dumbledore crawled out of the fireplace, she could not hide her look of disappointment.

"Headmaster," she said softly in respect, as she sat up and regarded him. "How nice to see – " she began, but fell silent as he waved his hand to hush her.

"I have not come to exchange pleasantries, Hermione," he said softly once he had moved to sit beside her on the couch. "For once, I intend to talk and you are simply going to listen." His gaze caught and held hers as he paused in a meaningful silence.

Hermione fell silent and nodded her understanding. Dumbledore's eyes had lost their usual sparkle and instead, for once, he looked aged and tired. "I am old, my dear," he said softly in answer to her unspoken thoughts. "There are not many times when I step in and try to correct the mistakes my young wizards and witches make. I usually feel they must clean up their own messes. It is a good way to learn."

"For once, I think in your case, it is warranted," he said with a sigh as he peered over his spectacles at her. "Severus has not left his quarters in three days. He has not eaten. He has done nothing to begin preparations for his classes, and I am beginning to fear for his sanity if this continues." Albus regarded Hermione. She was dressed in a pair of sweats and an old baggy t-shirt. Her hair looked as if it had not been managed in days. Judging by her sallow complexion, he doubted she had eaten much either. He had always looked upon Hermione much as a father would a daughter, and since her parents were gone, he felt himself stepping into the role of guardian. "Enough, my dear child, is enough."

With a wave of his hand, everything inside the house began to move. Pictures flew off of the walls, books sailed off the bookshelves. Everything began to shrink and swirl in the direction Albus sent them, up the chimney; popping noises filled the room as her belongings went to wherever it was he'd chosen to send them.

Hermione gasped, "But – but what about my horses? What about my riding lessons?" She stood and faced him. "I can't just leave everything I have worked so hard to build!"

Albus reached out and smoothed the tears from her cheek. "Why not, my dear?" he retorted, "you have done it before, when you left us. Come home where you belong. Hagrid has already prepared a place for your beloved horses. There are chambers prepared for you where your things are already making themselves at home." The twinkle crept back into his eye as he added softly, "And there is a wizard there who loves you beyond all reason."

Hermione looked into those kind eyes and found herself sobbing uncontrollably. "But I was awful to him, Headmaster. I accused him of trying to seduce me into coming back. How could he ever forgive me?" she asked through her sobs.

Albus reached out and gathered Hermione into his arms. "My child," he said gently, "all he'll need to do is look at you." He smiled and patted her shoulder. "For now, come. Your horses will need to see you soon in order to adjust to their new home without further fear."

Confused, she asked, "What do you mean?"

He smiled and said, "I mean, Hermione, your horses have been in their new home for well over an hour now, and they are none too thrilled with the way Hagrid is trying to keep them calm." His eyes gleamed with mischief as he smiled lopsidedly at her. "I don't know why they have no interest in his singing and dancing a jig for them; they just don't."

Despite herself, she found herself laughing at the image his description gave her. Looking around the room, then back to Albus, she said softly, "Are you sure he will still want me?"

The older wizard tilted his head to search her fearful eyes. She was scared Severus would turn her away. "My dear," he said with a reassuring smile, "how could he not? He has wanted you since before he could understand what it was he felt."

With a gesture of his hand, a window shattered as something flew to him. It landed in his palm and he inspected it for a moment before handing it to her. Hermione's wand fit so well in her hand, she found herself wondering how she had ever been able to pry it out of her grasp to bury it.

"Come, now," he said as he pointed to the fireplace, his smile deepening when Hermione winced.

Waving her wand, she expanded the size of the fireplace. "You know," she said softly. "Severus was right." She shook her head. "That fireplace is entirely too small for travel."

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Upon arriving in Albus' office, Hermione looked around, not greatly surprised to see everything was the same as it had been when she had fled. It felt good to be home. Suddenly, she realized the truth of that emotion. This was home to her; it always had been. She felt something furry winding around her ankles and looked down, gasping when she saw her old familiar, Crookshanks, purring as he looked up at her. He was older and his fur had grey streaks in it, but his eyes still held a wealth of affection for her.

"Crookshanks," she said softly, bending to pick him up. "How could I have left you here?" Ashamed of herself even as he purred within her arms, she looked back at Albus, "Oh, I've been terrible! I abandoned Crookshanks, too? I abandoned everything I knew."

Dumbledore smiled at her as he gestured to the half kneazle and said, "You have no idea how hard it was to convince him and Fawkes to play nicely while you were away."

Hermione smiled at the thought and asked, "Where is he, Headmaster?"

"You remember the dungeons? His quarters are where they always were. Yours are next to his," he replied with a smile and handed her a jar of Floo powder. "Care to take a shortcut?"

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Severus lay on top of the coverlet on his bed. He had dragged himself to the shower this morning simply because he had grown tired of the way he smelled and he had never much cared for the lingering odor of refreshing spells. After bathing, he had dressed in a pair of black trousers and thrown on a white shirt, but had left it unbuttoned. He saw no reason to dress fully when he would not be leaving his quarters.

He was so immersed in his feelings of self-pity and misery, he failed to hear the Floo activate and even missed the soft voice which called to him from the other room. What he did notice a few minutes later was the sound of cleaning spells and other magic being used in the sitting room. Bounding off the bed, he went bellowing toward the sound.

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Hermione looked around the disaster of the sitting room before her. Books were scattered everywhere; bottles of half-drunk fire whiskey, sat in various places; clothes haphazardly scattered around the floor and furniture. There was no fire to warm the rooms, so they were cold and dank.

Pulling out her wand, she began to use it to straighten the chambers that belonged to the man she loved. As she finished putting the last of the books back in place on the shelves, she heard Severus yelling. Turning slowly, she met his gaze.

"Damn it all to Hell, Dobby! I know Albus told you to watch over me, but for the last time, I don't want – " The words died in his throat as his eyes met hers. His breathing became harsh as he moved slowly across the room to stand before her.

Angrily he spat, "What? Did you not torment me enough by haunting my dreams? Now you have to prove me truly mad by appearing before me and breaking my heart once again?" he accused, his face twisting into a pained grimace. "I know everyone believes me to be a heartless, greasy git; I know what they say when I am out of hearing range."

His heart was very much alive. He felt it breaking as she stood there before him. She was so close, though he dare not trust himself to touch her. Don't let her have the chance to hurt you again, he thought to himself. Walk away. Send her back to wherever she came from and build your wall around yourself again. You're safer that way.

Despite the warnings going off in his head, he could not find it in his heart to turn away from her. No, he thought. If she has come to cause me further pain, then pray let her deliver the crushing blow now and put me out of my misery. His eyes searched hers and for a moment, she thought he was going to walk away from her.

Reaching up, she touched her small hand to his cheek. Summoning all her courage, she asked in a soft voice, "Can you ever forgive me? I was awful to you and I don't deserve it, but – " She heaved a heavy sigh and would have continued, but he pressed his hand lightly against her lips.

When she looked, the black eyes that held hers were shining like onyx with tears. "Is it really you, then?" he asked softly. "Not some image in a dream sent yet again to torment me?"

Tears spilled from her own chocolate eyes as she moved to stand closer to him. Reaching up, she clasped her hand at the back of his neck and pulled his head down in an effort to touch her lips to his. The kiss was gentle, searching. Severus put his arms around her, bringing her closer to him. As the kiss deepened, Hermione found herself reaching inside his open shirt and slowly sliding the garment down his arms.

"Can a dream do this?" she asked softly when she broke the kiss. Touching her lips to his neck, she kissed it daintily. "Or this?" Running her hands over his moderately muscled chest, she tiptoed to place a kiss on his collarbone.

Gripping her hands, Severus pulled away and looked deeply into her eyes. "Hermione," he said quietly, "be sure. I cannot let you go another time." The pain in his expression tore at her heart. "If you have come to me, I want you to stay with me."

Stepping back, Hermione reached down and pulled her dress robes off over her head, baring herself to his view. She was wearing nothing beneath them. When she had briefly visited her own chambers, she had cleaned herself and washed her hair. Feeling a little desperate not to have him turn away from her when she saw him, she had decided to put on the robes without anything under them. Surely he would be unable to deny her if she stood before him naked.

Severus' intake of breath was sharp. He closed the distance between them instantly and pulled her into his arms. Lifting her, he turned and made his way back to his bedroom. Placing her on the Slytherin-green satin coverlet, he followed her down, positioning himself beside her and pulling her into his arms. "I love you, Hermione," he said softly. "Please don't ever leave me again."

She smiled warmly, ran her fingers down his chest and said, "You are going to have a hard time getting rid of me." Her voice was a whisper as she breathed across his skin. His nipple puckered as she licked and kissed it and he closed his eyes in ecstasy. She began running her hands lower to touch his trousers.

Raising himself off the bed, he helped her ease the pants down his legs, leaving himself naked to her view. Lying back, he pulled her to where her body was half-lounging on top of him. Leaning down, Hermione kissed him with a passion that made him moan. His hands traced patterns across her skin. One hand found her breast and gently caressed her. So feather soft was his touch, Hermione found herself shivering under his hands.

A look of concern crossed his features. "Are you cold? I could start – "

She cut him off, kissing his lips in a way that demanded he not only feel her naked passion, but return it as well. Pulling back slightly, she said, "You keep me warm, Severus. Touch me. Warm my body." Sliding down his length, she dipped her tongue into his navel, causing him to shudder, before traveling lower.

When she reached his full and erect manhood, her touch became hesitant. He was larger and thicker than Ron had been, and she found herself feeling a little unsure. Severus didn't give her time to ponder what to do next. Reaching down, he pulled her back up the length of his body before turning to put her between himself and the bed. Shaking his head, he searched her eyes afresh. "Not this time," he said softly. "Tonight, I want to become acquainted with your body."

Sliding down the bed, he found himself positioned over her sex. Gently he coaxed her into spreading her legs for him. Biting her lip, she chastised herself for feeling like a giddy virgin, caught and held her breath when his fingers gently touched and began to spread her nether lips. When his forefinger moved round her clit, she gasped, clenched the fabric of the coverlet. Smiling at her reaction, Severus leaned down and blew gently on her sensitive skin.

Instinctively she tried to close her legs, but Severus patiently stopped her, cooing gently, "It is all right, my love. We will take this slowly."

Despite herself, Hermione smiled at his words. He knew she was not a virgin, but he also knew there had been no one else since Ron. That had been five years of celibacy; five years of not being touched by another person in a manner like this. Of course, she had masturbated on occasion. Funny, but more times than not, his face had been the one she'd fantasized about when she would come. He had been the one she had dreamed of more times than not during all that time.

When his tongue touched her clit, she was unable to stop herself from reaching out and cradling his head in her hands. Moaning his name, she closed her eyes as he worked a magic over her clit with his mouth. When his finger slid inside her warm, aching cavern, she cried out. His mouth moved and suddenly, instead of his tongue, she felt him sucking at her. The fingers of the one hand continued to delve into her depths, while his free hand moved up to stroke and tease one of her nipples.

She felt the tension building inside her and began to pant. Crying out, she begged for him to show mercy. His fingers began to move at a faster pace. His mouth continued the gentle, yet relentless sucking until suddenly she felt herself explode. Crying out his name, she reached for him and was rewarded when he moved over her, his erection finding her wetness. Slowly, he slipped within her tightness, and she arched up to meet his thrust. Their eyes met and held. He was so large inside her, she experienced a moment of discomfort as her body adjusted to the size of him.

Then slowly, he began to move within her. His eyes never left hers as the movement of their bodies became synchronized. Watching each other, they moved in unison. She cried out his name yet again as she felt herself climbing into the heat of another explosion. Her walls tightened around him, urging him on as he began to move faster over her. When at last she screamed out her pleasure, he followed her, spilling his seed within her. Lying still atop her, he propped himself on his arms to keep from crushing her beneath his weight. It felt so good to be inside her, it was hard to remove himself from her silken sheath.

When he did finally turn to lie beside her, she wrapped her arms around him and nestled into his side. "I love you, Severus," she said softly.

Closing his eyes, he held her closely and ran a gentle hand through her hair. "I have loved you since long before I should have, Hermione."

Sated and happy, they fell asleep in each other's arms. Just before he dozed off, he remembered what he had been working on for her. Sighing in his contentment, he turned to breathe in the fragrance of her hair. He would show her. They had time.

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