3

"Excuse me," Hermione said to the taller priest. "Did you say that the Pharaoh was expecting us?"

"Yes. It has been foretold in the sacred scrolls that you would come."

Draco, who was basking in his newfound Godhead, said with an air of superiority, "And we have. Now get me some water. I'm parched!" He knew he could just wave his wand and make a glass of water appear, but he wasn't sure how the priests would react to something like that.

"My Lord Osiris, we do not have any water. Soon, we will reach the palace, and there you will find a vast supply of water and wine."

"But I am thirsty NOW!" Draco said, puffing up. "You either find me water right this minute or I'll rip you a new asshole!"

The priest stopped in his tracks. "What is this asshole you speak of?"

Draco looked incredulously at the Egyptian. "Are you serious? You don't know what an asshole is?" He laughed like this was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "Well, allow me to show you what an asshole looks like!" He turned around and bent over. "You like it? It's so brown, so puckered, so..."

Hermione, who was disgusted beyond belief by his infantile attitude, took his arm and yanked him. "Would you just please, for once in your life, shut up?"

"Granger, I told you that if you said that to me one more time..."

"Oh please! What are you going to do? Nothing, that's what. I'll say it all I want. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"

The Egyptians were shocked and speechless. Draco darted his eyes in their direction, and Hermione stopped ranting. "I'm terribly sorry!" she said apologetically. "He just gets to me sometimes."

"In more ways than one," Draco said with a small laugh.

Hermione glared at him. "Now," she said, turning back to the priests. "Are you saying that there is some kind of prophecy saying that Osiris and Isis will return?"

"Yes," the shorter one said. He unrolled the scrolls he carried and read aloud. "Horus and Set still battle with one another, and victory falls to neither. When Horus will have vanquished his enemy, Osiris will return to earth and reign once more as king of Kemet."

He looked up at them. "Our land has been in despair. Set has caused disease and famine to run rampant through all our land. For seven years, we have all starved and watched as our loved ones perished." The priest paused and then took a huge breath. "Two days ago, during the full moon, a shower of stars fell from the sky. This was the great battle between Set and your son, Horus, as you must know."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Of course we know, you twit!"

Hermione gritted her teeth together and balled up her fists, she wanted so badly to knock him out. "Please, go on," she said to the Egyptian, settling for shooting Draco a vicious glare.

"All of Pharaoh's priests came together for a great meeting. The sacred scrolls were read, and it was decided that Meruitensa, head priest of the temple of Osiris," he motioned toward the tall bald man that stood next to him, "and I, Saneha, Steward to the Pharaoh himself, should go and greet our Lord, Osiris."

"You've said nothing about Isis. How do you explain me?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrow.

The tall priest, Meruitensa, spoke. "It is true that we were not expecting you. It is a wonderful surprise! Although, anyone who knows the lengths you went to to find the severed parts of your beloved Osiris should have known that you would surely accompany him!"

"Wait!" Draco said, putting up his hand. "Severed parts? What PARTS?"

"Do you not remember?" Meruitensa said, his liquid, brown eyes gazing at him suspiciously. "Your brother tricked you by making a richly adorned chest and luring you inside it, he locked it and then flung the chest into the Nile!"

Hermione looked sideways at Draco. "You REMEMBER how I searched for you relentlessly, and after finding you, I hid your body in a swamp?"

Draco blinked stupidly. "Ah, yes... Must have slipped my mind. Tell me, my dear WIFE, what happened next?" He smiled at the priest. "I just love to hear her tell it!"

"Your dear brother found you and cut you into fourteen pieces, including your manhood."

Draco's face turned pale, and his hand automatically covered up his privates. "And... and then you found all of my... parts? You brought me back to life?"

"Of course I did! I love you SO MUCH that I'd do anything to keep you alive!" she said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Anything!"

Draco opened his mouth to send a snappy retort her way but was cut off.

"Shall we move on?" Saneha said. "The palace is not far from here." He had sensed something in the air and wanted to get the God and Goddess to the Pharaoh as soon as possible.

Meruitensa watched Draco. There was something not quite right about this situation. He was determined to find out exactly who these strangers were, because he could sense that they were definitely NOT who they said they were.

Draco felt a glimmer of fear, and goosebumps broke out all over his body. The priest seemed to look into his soul, searching for a truth that Draco did not want him to see. "Yes! Let us continue to the Palace! I am very eager to meet the Pharaoh." He leaned down and whispered so that only Hermione could hear him, "Yeah, right!"

They had been walking in the baking desert sun for only an hour when Hermione fainted.

"Now look what you've done! You've killed her!" Draco said angrily. "And I was just about to make her carry me on her back!"

Saneha fell to his knees in the hot sand and lifted her up. "She needs water."

Draco, who was about to die from thirst himself, decided that it was time to use magic. He pulled out his wand and made a small pool of crystal-clear water appear in the sand. "Everyone drink!"

The two Egyptian priests backed up and almost ran away in fright. They had never witnessed such a blatant display of magical ability, and they were clearly in awe.

Draco couldn't help but smile as Saneha started bowing and praising him. "Yes, I know I'm great and all-powerful. You can kiss my feet later, however. First, you need to get her a drink."

The tall Egyptian priest, Meruitensa, who was still looking at Draco suspiciously, suddenly smiled and said in a sickly, sweet voice, "I cannot wait to see the ceremony."

"What ceremony?" Draco asked, annoyed at his own ignorance. Why did it always seem as though everyone knew what was going on, except for him?

Meruitensa watched Saneha sit the girl up and attempt to have her drink the water from his cupped hands. It seemed very suspicious to him that a goddess would collapse from thirst. "Why, the ceremony where you and your beloved Isis make love, naked, in front of everyone in the Temple."

He wanted to see their reactions to this announcement. If they were indeed who they said they were, then they would already know about the ceremony.

Draco's jaw dropped, and Hermione choked on her drink. Meruitensa smiled innocently at him. Draco knew he had to tread carefully around this man; he was crafty and sneaky. "Actually, I'm rather looking forward to it. A bunch of bald, sexually deprived priests standing around watching me ravish a beautiful woman... I hope you can handle it," he laughed. "I dare you not to whip out your pecker and give it a pull!"

The tall, shocked priest was now certain that this was not the real Osiris. There was no way Osiris would ever speak like this to a High Priest of the Temple. He thought about just leaving them in the middle of the hot desert and letting them slowly die as the birds pecked away at their shriveling eyes. Instead, he decided to have some fun. He was going to make their lives a living hell until they confessed to being the impostors that they were. "Yes, my Lord, that IS part of the ritual. You and Isis will make love while we priests 'pull on our peckers', as you so colorfully put it. We will collect your ejaculation in a sacred bowl, and then the goddess, Isis, must drink it."

Hermione jumped to her feet. "I will do no such thing!" she shouted. "That is just disgusting!" Her face was green, and she clutched her stomach.

Draco couldn't help but laugh. "You heard the man. You MUST drink it. Who knows, maybe you'll like it."

Meruitensa raised his eyebrow and said, "And maybe YOU will like the next part of the ritual, my Lord, Osiris."

Draco looked at him, fearful of what he was about to say. "What happens? I have to wrestle a crocodile? Eat camel balls? What?"

Sinister laughter came from the Egyptian. "No, nothing that pleasant! One of the priests will act in the part of Set and cut you into pieces. Your manhood will be first, of course!"

Draco pulled out his wand. "If you so much as lay one finger on me," he warned. "Or her," he added as an afterthought, cocking his head towards Hermione, "I'll kill you and take your worthless soul back to the underworld and torture you for all eternity!"

"My Lord, why are you reacting this way? IF you are really Osiris, then you will not die! Your wife will resurrect you with her powerful magic, just like she did so long ago! That is, if you are really who you say you are..."

Saneha watched in utmost horror. He was confused as to why the High priest of the temple of Osiris was speaking this way to his god. "I hate to interrupt, but we really should keep moving."

"I agree. Let's go." Hermione took hold of Draco's arm. He looked at her and slowly lowered his wand. She smiled at him. "The sooner we get to the palace, the sooner we can figure out what's going on," she said softly.

"After you," Draco said, waving the priests forward. "Lead the way."

"It is just over this dune," Saneha said, out of breath. "I hope you find the Palace to your liking!"

Draco stopped suddenly on the top of the dune. "Holy fuck!"

"What?" Hermione said, expecting the worst; maybe an army, waiting on the other side, prepared to kill them. "It's... beautiful!" she sighed. Hermione had been to some gorgeous places, but this was the most awe-inspiring thing she had ever laid eyes on. It was as if a picture postcard had come to life right before her eyes. The Nile was so clear, and the lush plants and trees of the oasis were a startling, vibrant green, contrasted against the dull brown of the sand.

"I never pictured it this way," Draco said. "It's gorgeous!"

The view was breathtaking to him. It was lush with trees and bushes dotting the landscape. And there, in the distance, was the famous Nile River. As he watched, a huge barge drifted past, carrying a massive stone statue.

"I feel so strange. Tingly, or something..." Hermione said in a daze.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel as though I could rip off all your clothes and take you right here in the rough sand like an animal..."

Hermione frowned. "Your mouth always ruins the moment."

"Or makes the moment." He grabbed her and planted a big, wet, juicy kiss on her unsuspecting lips.

Saneha blushed and averted his eyes while Meruitensa rolled his in agitation. "There will be enough time for that during the ceremony. The Pharaoh awaits our arrival!"

Draco slowly released her from his suction and was knocked to the ground as her fist connected with his face. He sat there, confused for a moment, rubbing his rapidly swelling lip. "Did you just hit me, Granger?"

"You're damn right I did, you... you... womanizer!" she said, kicking sand in his eyes. "How dare you kiss me?" She wiped her mouth, as if trying to get rid of something gross and unpleasant. "I should kill you for that! Or better yet..."

Draco reached his hand forward, and before she knew it, he had pulled her legs out from under her, and she had landed with a thud next to him. He rolled on top of her and held her arms. "I'm not letting you up until you admit that you like my kisses and that they turn you on."

"Then I suppose we'll just lie here like this until the sun bakes us alive and the vultures pick our bones clean because I will never admit to something that's not true!"

"You'll find, my dear liar, that I can be very persuasive." He lifted her struggling arms above her head and held them with one strong hand.

"What are you going to do?" Hermione asked, trying to sound brave.

Draco smirked. "Are you ticklish, Granger?"

Hermione pleaded with him. "Please! Don't, Malfoy!" She screamed in laugher as Draco's fingers tickled her stomach. "Stop!" Tears were running down her face, and she could barely breathe.

"Say it, Granger! Say my kisses turn you on!" He tickled her harder, making her scream as she tried twisting out of his grip.

"Really, this is too much!" Meruitensa said. "Stop acting like children and get up! And who is this Granger you keep speaking of?"

Saneha watched Draco and Hermione, thinking that he had never seen two people more in love than Osiris and Isis. It was nice to see they possessed human qualities such as anger, love and humor. He had been afraid Osiris was going to be violent and hard to deal with, and he was glad that the opposite was true.

"Say it!" Draco said, ceasing the torture and leaning in close to her flushed face. "Tell me you like it when I kiss you."

The laughter died in Hermione's throat as she looked into Draco's eyes. They weren't the stormy grey that she was used to seeing, but they were beautiful just the same. "I like it when you kiss me," she said softly.

He brought his lips to hers, and just as they touched, Saneha shouted, "The Pharaoh approaches!"

Hermione threw Draco off and jumped to her feet. She wiped the sand from her dress and straightened her wig. "Get up, Malfoy!"

Draco sighed and slowly got to his feet. He walked over to where the others were watching an army approach on foot. Ten of the soldiers, or whatever they were, were carrying the Pharaoh on a richly adorned litter. "Now that's the way to travel!"

Hermione, Draco and the two Egyptians made their way down the sand dune. Hermione was very nervous, but Draco wasn't. Why should he worry? He had a wand. If they tried anything, he'd just whip it out and curse the bastards.

Saneha stepped forward and helped the Pharaoh down from the litter. He led him over to Draco and Hermione, who just stood there, unsure of what to do.

The Pharaoh was a very impressive figure. He was tall, bronze and very handsome. He was naked from the waist up except for a stunning necklace of gold around his neck. He wore the crown of Egypt on his head and bracelets of gold and lapis lazuli around his wrists, and his eyes were outlined in black kohl, making his orbs look huge. "Welcome, my Lord, Osiris!" he said and fell to his knees. "I, Pharaoh Djoser, am your servant!"

Draco darted his eyes around, licked his lips and said the first dumb thing that came to his mind. "You call this a welcome? Where's the band? Where are the strippers? Where the hell is the booze?"

Hermione wished she could sink into the sand. Saneha stood with his mouth hanging open in shock, and Meruitensa just smiled.

Djoser looked up at Draco, confused. "Is my Lord not pleased with your Pharaoh?"

Hermione elbowed Draco in the ribs. "What? No, I am not pleased! You send two bumbling idiots out to greet us, make us walk for an eternity in the hot, sweltering sun, and to top it off..."

Hermione thought the time had come for her to interfere. Although she wasn't sure whether she should touch him or not, she stepped forward and placed her hand on Djoser's shoulder. "What he means to say is..."

"I didn't ask you to interpret, ISIS. I'm sure the Pharaoh here is smart enough to understand that I'm not very happy with him right now!" Draco smirked at her.

"You are going to get us killed," she said through clenched teeth. "Please, Draco, for once in your miserable life, just be quiet."

Saneha, sensing another argument between the gods, calmly spoke. "Pharaoh Djoser, should we not proceed to the palace?"

Djoser got to his feet and, after a calculating look at Draco, said, "Yes. On toward the palace! The God and Goddess will ride. I will walk."

Draco was elated as he climbed into the litter. "Now, I'm finally being treated like the god that I am!" He lounged back on the cushions and relaxed.

The linen curtains were closed around the two of them, and they were lifted into the air. Behind them walked the Pharaoh, Meruitensa whispering in his ear. Saneha kept giving the two of them sideways glances. The High Priest was proving to be very untrustworthy, and he would have to let Pharaoh Djoser know it.

"Come here, Granger. You look like you need some loving," Draco said, patting the pillow next to him and winking suggestively.

"I'll stay over here if you don't mind!" she snapped. "I'm not in the mood for your sexual foreplay!"

"Damn! Why didn't you say so? I'm all for skipping the foreplay and getting down to the fucking!" He started to undress.

Hermione threw a cushion at his head. "We have no time for pleasure! We have to figure out how to get back to our present time!"

"So, you're admitting that it would be 'a pleasure'?" He ran his fingers over her bare arm, watching as her eyes glazed over. He inched closer and kissed her softly on the shoulder.

"If you come any closer, I'll..."

"You'll what? Throw caution to the wind and actually do something fun for once in your life?" He kissed her neck and placed his hand high up on her thigh, where he made gentle circles with his index finger.

Hermione closed her eyes and was suddenly thrown forward as the litter was set on the ground.

"I knew you'd come around!" Draco said from underneath her.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We've stopped."

"Stopped? I was just getting started!"

"We've stopped MOVING. We must be at the palace." Hermione got off a disappointed Draco, crawled over to the opening and stuck her head out. "You should really come and look at this view! It's so beautiful!"

"Yes, I know," Draco said softly, looking at Hermione.

"What did you say?" Hermione asked, turning around, looking bewildered.

"Nothing important," Draco sighed.

The curtains were pulled back, and they were helped out by Saneha and the Pharaoh. "This way, my Lord."

They walked down an avenue lined with huge statues of Horus, then through an archway, and finally came to a beautiful courtyard. Shady trees surrounded a huge pool of water in which lotus petals floated. The men and women who were gathered to welcome them bowed as Draco and Hermione were ushered past and led through a door.

The door slammed behind them, and two guards stood with spears in front of it. Another four aimed their sharp weapons at Draco and Hermione.

"And now, you will tell me exactly WHO you are!" the Pharaoh shouted angrily.

Hermione's hand found Draco's, and he squeezed it.