Verisimilitude

Disclamier: J.K.R.'s characters. I'm just having a bit of fun with them.

Thanks go to my beta, Charmed_Nay, to Meredith for the advice, and to all of my friends at the Yahoo!Group, Potter_Place.

---

Hermione stretched and ground the sleep away from her eyes. She was partially covered and lying the wrong way in the bed. She wondered why Severus had left. Had he gone to find something to eat? They'd missed lunch. Her growling stomach urged her to get up, get dressed, and to find something to eat. As quickly as she could, she readied herself and made her way downstairs. The first thing she noticed was that the study door had been closed. Was he communicating with someone via Floo? She crept to the door and listened for a few moments. There was no sound from within. It was possible that he'd cast a Silencing Charm. She used her wand to check for any wards and found none. Sheathing her wand, she opened the door, peeked in, and gasped.

"Severus! What's wrong?" she asked, running towards him immediately. She fell to her knees next to him. She'd never seen him looking so distraught. He was slumped over in the chair, face held up by one hand while staring into a...Pensieve! "Severus? What are you about?" He sat back and looked at her, causing her heart to drop. He looked lost. "Talk to me."

"I would very much like to be alone," he said evenly, nodding towards the door.

"Why do you have this Pensieve?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Get out, Hermione." His voice was a simple whisper, void of emotion. "I've some things to deal with."

"Severus, I am your wife. I would like to know. What can I do? You seem distr..."

"Enough," he said loudly. "Out."

"Fine. Shut me out, as usual. I'm getting so sick of you making decisions for the both of us. I just want to help!" she yelled, getting up to leave him to wallow in whatever he was engrossed in.

"Stop," he barked, standing and pulling her to him. "I know you mean well, Hermione, but you can't help me in this. There are no words or actions that can fix this. If you don't leave it at that, I am afraid I will be forced to say hurtful things."

"Why do you have to resort to hurting me?" Her eyes filled with tears. Each time she thought something had changed for the better, he reminded her that she was everything he never wanted. "I...forget it." She pulled away from his hold only to be pulled back and crushed against him tightly. What the hell? Something must really be wrong. Why can't he just tell me?

"My mother," he said quietly. "I saw her earlier."

"What?" she asked, trying to pull back to look at him. Averting her questioning eyes, he tucked her head back to his chest and placed his atop hers, as if to keep her still. "She's gone, Severus. What's this about?"

"My father, he has a portrait of her. I found a secret room. She was there," he said, voice cracking.

Hermione realized that he didn't want her to see him upset. It was why he was keeping her head buried against his chest. She hugged him tightly and no longer tried to force him to look at her. "That must have been a shock."

"Yes," he hissed. "It was a surprise for a few moments, but her voice is the same. It was almost as if no time had passed. She's been here all of this time, and I've only just found her."

She could sense the regret in his voice and wished that she knew the entire story behind his life with his parents. She could only guess that his father had hidden his mother away for spite. "It's not your fault. He enchanted the house to hide her. There was nothing you could have done to find her since you didn't know she was there."

In the softest of replies, he said, "There was something I could have done before now." His hold on her tightened. "I asked her why she left, why she willed herself to death. I wanted to know why she chose to follow my unborn sister to the grave instead of fighting to live for me." He chuckled regretfully. "The portrait was painted before her second pregnancy. She has no recollection of it, though I am sure that my father has filled her in. His instructions are that she cannot talk to me until I've viewed his Pensieve and read his letters."

"Have you?"

"I'm not sure that I want to," he admitted. "From the letters that he has written, I am not certain that I will like what I see. I fear that I may find out that my life has been a lie."

"Severus, you'll still have me," she said quickly. "No matter what you see in there, we'll be here for you when you come out. I'll not pressure you to tell me anything, but I'll listen if you'd like."

"Your support is appreciated, but this is something that I need to deal with alone. Can you now see why I would like for you to leave?" He finally pulled back to look at her, pain evident in his eyes. "Go."

"If you aren't out by nightfall, I'll come back again," she warned, reaching up to caress his face. "I love you. I know that you don't like to hear that, but when someone loves someone, they want to share all things, good and bad." She smiled. "Let me get us something to eat first. Please?"

He shook his head, squeezed her once more before pushing her away slightly. "You need to eat. Leave me be, Hermione."

She nodded and left the study, closing the door behind her. She concentrated on the secret room, lifted her wand, saying, "Point me." The wand pointed to the second floor hallway that led towards Severus' parents old chambers. "Of course," she said, shaking her head slightly. "He'd have hidden the entrance in his personal room." As quickly as possible, she made her way towards the room. The moment she entered, she saw the open doorway. "Clever." She paused near the doorway, reading a note from Severus' father.

Son,

If you can see this, then you've gone against my advice and have fallen in love with someone. It's something that I've always warned you against. I've also warned you about succumbing to weakness. Falling in love will bring about weakness if you don't handle it properly. Everything that you've ever known about me will likely change in the next few minutes. Do not enter this door if you don't want to know the whole truth. It appears that you are more like your mother than I thought possible.

An old fool

"Oh my," she whispered. I was right. He does love me. No wonder he seemed so lost. Loving me is apparently against the beliefs instilled in him by his father! What type of horrible person would tell their son such rubbish? Hermione couldn't believe the state of the room. The walls and a desk were littered with assorted sizes of parchment. Upon closer inspection, she could see the same spidery flow on each, indicating the same person wrote them. She took in the portrait on the wall, wondering where his mother was. "Good Lord! A shrine!"

It was apparent that the man had spent a great deal of time in the room, no doubt trying to talk to his deceased wife. Was he trying to make amends for things? Living in the past? She'd always thought that Severus had an unhappy childhood. The small amounts of information that he'd given her over the past few months had led to her opinion. When he'd mention his father, his eyes would darken, and his voice would deepen. When he'd mention his mother, his eyes would look momentarily regretful, and his voice would soften slightly. Of course that was only for a few seconds before his mask of indifference would slide back into place.

Hermione used her wand to summon all of the parchments to the desk. In no time, she had them stacked neatly. She looked at the still empty portrait. "Hello?" she called. "Mrs. Snape?" There was no reply, and the portrait remained empty. She shrugged, thinking that maybe she was off visiting another portrait. In the midst of debating on reading the parchments or leaving them for Severus to peruse through, she heard a woman speak behind her.

"My son's wife," the woman said. The portrait's occupant had returned. "I'm surprised that you've found this room."

"He told me about it," she said defensively.

The woman smirked, reminding her of Severus. "He told you that he'd found a room, not where it was."

"How can you know that?"

"Have a seat," his mother said, nodding to the chair. "My name is Elladora."

"I thought you couldn't talk until Severus views the Pensieve and reads these letters," Hermione said uncertainly.

"Too right, you are," she said with a half smile. "However, that pertains only to Severus. Talfryn never said that I was restricted from talking to anyone else."

"Right then." Hermione sat down and faced the woman attentively. "Er...do you want to talk?"

"I do," came the amused reply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus wasted no more time. He leant forward to examine the white wisps of cloud-like lights swirling within. Allowing his face to touch the windy beams, he was pulled inside the Pensieve. He immediately recognized the Great Hall. It hadn't changed all that much. He found himself next to the Slytherin table and its occupants. His father's voice pulled his attention away from two flirting students.

"Well, mates, I'll shove off for now. See you in the common room," he said, quickly exiting the hall.

He had to walk quickly to keep up with his father. Before they reached the bottom corridor in the dungeons, they came upon a young witch. "Hi there," she said with a smile. Severus gasped. It was his mother.

"Hi," his father replied, kissing her lightly. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," she whispered, taking his hand.

Severus felt uncomfortable as they made their way into a small storage room. There was a comfortable divan against the back wall that his father quickly cleaned with his wand and led his mother to. He didn't want to witness something such as that! He closed his eyes for a moment and heard his mother whisper words of love. His father merely grunted. He felt the room change around his body and cracked open an eye to be sure.

They were sitting in a secluded section of the library. "What is it?" his father asked, sounding annoyed.

"I got a Howler from my father this morning," she said sadly. "He says I am to break things off, or I will have to transfer schools."

"Ridiculous."

"What will we do?"

"Hogsmeade tomorrow, right? We'll slip away and be married. We're of age. There is nothing he can do. My parents will support us," he said confidently.

"All right," she agreed eagerly.

The room changed again suddenly. Severus found himself standing in the study of his family home. His mother was in tears whilst sitting next to his father on the davenport. His paternal grandmother was also in tears, but she was standing with her back turned to them. His paternal grandfather was in the middle of the floor pacing. He'd never met either of them, their deaths having been a casualty of the war with Grindelwald.

His father rose, "Father, I thought you would understand," he began, "that I want..."

"SILENCE!" he bellowed. "SIT!" Severus bit back the urge to sit as well, momentarily forgetting that nobody in the memory could see him. In a deadly voice, the man said, "I did not join Grindelwald to fight for what is right only to have you married off to the enemy's daughter! Her family supports Dumbledore!

Severus had never known this tidbit of information. He watched as his mother wailed even louder, and his father tried to comfort her. "But, sir," his father began, "we are not in the midst of a war here. We're only students still. I chose her as my wife."

It appeared that his grandfather was nearing his father to take action against his cheek, but the grate came to life as an imposing, tall, dark-haired wizard Flooed in. Severus could only imagine that this man was his mother's father. Both grandfathers drew wands. "Get away from her," the newcomer yelled.

"How dare you come into my home and give orders?" his paternal grandfather hissed. "Leave, or I shall not be responsible for what I must do to you!"

"Not without my daughter," the man said determinedly. "Come."

"Hold on! She has married my son. She is now a Snape and proud of it. I'm afraid that you are too late," he said snidely, apparently trying to goad the man. "Clearly the girl has better sense than the rest of your lot. Grindelwald will be most pleased to have another daughter join in to fight for the cause."

Severus was surprised to see hexes flying from both grandfathers' wands as well as his grandmother's wand. His father was simply covering his mother to ensure no hexes found their way to her. It was over in minutes, his grandmother had been Stunned, and his paternal grandfather had been disarmed. "Name your price," the bitter man spat angrily, shamed at being bested.

"I have no price, save that my daughter leaves with me."

It was then that Severus' father spoke. "Please, sir. I love her. We've nothing to do with the war."

"Hold your tongue, Talfryn, you weak boy!" his grandfather yelled.

The dark wizard cast a Silencing Charm on the man, and he looked at Severus' father closely. "I wish that things were different, son, but I'll not leave her here with your father to poison. Come, Elladora."

"Papa, I can't. I love Talfryn. My place is with him, but I would like your blessing," his mother said.

"You cannot have it," the man said, eyes glistening. Without another word, he Disapparated with a loud Crack!

Talfryn quickly cast the necessary charms to end the spells on his mother and father. Severus' grandmother was the first to speak. "You are a disappointment to us, Talfryn. We will accept your bride nonetheless. I suppose it could be worse. You could have come home with a filthy Mudblood!"

His grandfather began cackling. "Grindelwald will love this. If you'd thought of this as a way to help the cause, I would be pleased. However, it's disgustingly apparent that you've grown close to this...witch. The moment term ends you will both come back here. Elladora will spend one year with your mother learning the ways of the family and the ways of Grindelwald from a woman's perspective. You will spend one year training with me." The man lowered his voice threateningly. "Any objections?"

The room changed around Severus again. This time it was in his parents' bedchambers. His mother walked to his father. "Talfryn! It's been so long," she said, wrapping her arms around him in show of affection. "I've missed you."

"Unhand me and get undressed, wife," he said, moving away from her embrace.

"What?" she asked incredulously.

"Did you not learn anything from my mother?" his father asked dangerously, grabbing her wrist tightly.

"Y-yes, but we're alone. I thought...I thought it was okay," she said, trying to pull her wrist away. "D-don't you love me any longer?"

"I'm not sure if it ever was love," he said hatefully, pushing her off towards the bed.

"Talfryn! How can you say that to me? I turned away from my family to be with you," she said, completely hurt.

Severus could see his father warring with the need to hold his wife as he once did and the need to uphold all that his own father had instilled in him. Finally, he relented. "Only in the privacy of our bedchambers can we be as we once were. I'll not be disowned for a woman." His father touched his mother's cheek. "Undress."

The room suddenly transformed into the family graveyard. Severus noted that his mother was weeping whilst his father stood straight and listened to the words being spoke over the two immaculate coffins that found a home in the family crypt. After the service was completed, guests came to bid farewell to his parents.

Once alone, his mother spoke, "I'm sorry." She placed her hand upon his shoulder. "They died for what they believed in."

He shrugged her hand away. "Not what you believe in though, is it?" he asked angrily. "How could you put me in that position, Elladora?" His voice had raised considerably.

"I didn't ask you to change sides, Talfryn. That was your choice," she said.

His father slapped her soundly on the face, causing her to stumble. "Never again will I allow my wife to influence me at the reward of a few bedroom favors! I will see my other women for that. You will have your own chambers as of now."

"You don't mean that!"

"I do. Get out of my sight," he yelled. The witch fled back towards the house. A single tear fell from one of his father's eyes. "I love you," he whispered to her retreating back. "But, this is entirely your fault." He cast one last look at the final resting-place of his parents and made his way out of the cemetery.

Severus couldn't believe what he'd heard! His father must have changed sides at the last minute to help Dumbledore somehow. All he'd ever known of his paternal grandparents was that they had died during the war. He'd never known the specifics of which side they were on, how they died, or even the role that his own father had played. It was no wonder that he'd never met his mother's family. His father must have forbid it, even after his parents were killed.

"Why hasn't the scenery changed?" Severus asked aloud, realizing that he should have followed his father. He followed the snowy footsteps quickly, finding his father at the rear of the house fondling one of the serving wenches.

"My wife will start staying in her own chambers. I will double your pay if you'll warm my bed on nights that I choose," he told her.

"Yes, sir," she said slyly. "Any time."

The outside scenery changed into his father's bedchambers. It seemed that a great deal of time had passed, as his father looked a little older. The same serving wench was pulling on the last of her clothes whilst his father lazed about in the bed. She left immediately after, pocketing a few Galleons that had been placed on the wardrobe. Once alone, Talfryn walked to the wall, tapped it with his wand, and the door appeared. He went in, lit the lamps, and scribbled a hurried apology onto a piece of parchment, shoving it into a drawer. The man whispered, "I'm sorry, Ella. I'm sorry."

Severus noted the absence of the portrait and the thousands of notes sticking to the walls. He supposed that the room had always been his father's private haven. A creak from the next room had them scrambling to exit the room. Just as the door was closed behind them, his mother looked into the room.

"I'm leaving," she announced defiantly.

"What?" his father asked incredulously.

"I saw her leave your rooms again. She doesn't respect me any longer either! She simply laughs as if she owns the house! I've had enough," she said firmly. "My family will accept me, should I return to them."

Rage visibly shook his father; he ran forward, grabbed her to him, and threw her onto his bed. "You will not leave."

"I cannot stay like this."

"Name your price," he spat angrily, giving her a shake.

"A child," she said immediately.

"Why would you want my child?" he asked suspiciously.

"To make my life complete," she replied. "I used to love you...the man you used to be. Maybe part of him will be born into my son or daughter."

His father slapped her. "I am the same man."

"No, he would never have hurt me nor would he have bedded other women in front of me," she said angrily, struggling to get up. "Forget it. I'm leaving."

"Done," he relented. "Anything else?"

"Fire her. I do not want her here any longer."

"Done."

"It's been over fourteen years since we've shared chambers, so I'll not ask that of you. However, I would like for you to spend some nights with me each week," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"Done," his father said, bending his head down to nuzzle her neck. He looked up at her after she whimpered slightly. "I have but a small request."

"What?" she asked uneasily.

"A portrait. Will you sit for one?"

"All right," she said, her demeanor softening.

The next few memories passed in quick succession. One was of his father holding his mother as she slept. His hand cupped her swollen belly, and he placed gentle kisses on her bare arm. The next was of his father carving a small male fairy, etching the name Severus onto the bottom.

Severus shook his head. It was one of the two fairies in his child's nursery. He'd thought that the name Samara had been on the bottom of one. Yes, it was beneath the female fairy.

The next memory was of a small toddler sleeping in his crib. Severus realized that it was he. His father was leaning over the side, smiling at the child. "My son," he said aloud. "I'm going to make sure that you are stronger than me. You'll be a better Snape. I swear it."

Many quick memories of his father and mother came next. They were seemingly happy when alone, but near others, things changed. Talfryn began to take an active role in spending time with young Severus to teach him the ways of the Snape family. That was when the problems began. The memories became dark. His mother and father argued more frequently. It seemed that she wanted her parents to know their child, and he refused. She didn't want their child to learn the things that the Snape family bestowed upon their children, as she disagreed with the formality of everything, missing the loving atmosphere that most families had.

The biggest argument came when his mother announced that she was pregnant with another child, a daughter. His father accused her of sleeping around, claiming that he'd been using a charm to ensure that she didn't get pregnant. She said she'd not taken her potion in months and always did Fertility Charms, purposely hoping to impregnate herself. Many arguments came after that, but in one in particular, after the adolescent Severus had been sent to bed, his parents argued violently. It didn't end until his father pushed her down the stairs. The child, of course, was lost, even though his frantic father had Flooed for a Healer immediately. The sister that had never breathed was barely two months shy of her true due date.

Possibly the most horrible memory came next. His father was clutching something to his chest and walking through the grounds towards the cemetery. Severus saw the tears falling and heard the soft whispering. "Samara would have been your name. It means guarded by God, you know." To his horror, he watched as his father placed the little bundle in a small coffin and pulled away the small blanket to gaze upon the face. The tiny, perfectly formed face had an angelic appearance. It was as if the baby had been sleeping. Severus watched the sad scene for as long as he could before he pulled out of the Pensieve all together.

His first thoughts were of Hermione and his unborn child. He couldn't help but to imagine that it was his child that he'd seen in the memory. "I am no better than he," Severus said. "We've lost one child in the same manner. Even though the pregnancy was not so far along, it was still the same." For the first time in many years, he allowed numerous tears to slide down his face at once. They were for his mother, for his sister, for his lost child, for his child to be, and for his wife. Maybe they were even for his father and himself.

As quickly as the tears started, they stopped. As he willed them away, realization settled in. "I have become him," he said when the raging grief subsided. It was then that he realized that he'd never mourned his mother properly, nor his sister. He should have wept for his mother when she died, but his father began twisting things. "Why? Why would you want me to become something that you obviously despised?"

The answer would not come, not yet anyway. He decided to have a few drinks before he went back into the Pensieve. He needed to muster the courage to enter it again. If seeing the little baby had affected him so deeply, he could only imagine what the death of his mother would do to him. I'm glad that my Hermione didn't stay to witness this bout of weakness! I wouldn't want her to see me cry like some softhearted fool, some Arthur Weasley! One thing was for certain. It was too late. Some people were too set in their ways and would never change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione stopped pacing. "I can't believe it. That just seems so...horrible. I am so sorry, Ella, that you had to live in such a way." She silently vowed to herself that if things ever got that bad in her marriage, she would leave. Her parents would always welcome her home.

"Of course, that is what he told me," Severus' mother said. "I was painted before I became pregnant with the girl. The story of her death is Talfryn's words to me. I do believe them, however, as he would not have told such a horrid tale."

Nodding, Hermione said, "I think so as well. I imagine that Severus is seeing all of this. I hope that he's all right and handling it."

"I shall check," Elladora said, exiting her portrait suddenly.

She'd told Hermione that she could see through two mirrors in the house. One was near the stairway, explaining why Hermione usually felt someone watching her, and the other was in the study. Poor Severus. This must be so hard on him. A movement in the portrait drew her attention. "Well?" she asked anxiously.

"He is distraught, but he seems to be accepting things. I am not certain how much he has seen, but he is just going back in now. We shall have to wait."

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione asked, "Was it worth staying with a man who acted as if he didn't love you most of the time?" She shook her head. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that."

Ella simply shrugged. "I used to have such hopes. Sometimes he was so loving, when no one was around of course, but things changed once Severus got older. He wanted to instill the Snape ways in him. I wanted my family to be involved, but he wouldn't have it."

"Why? He ended up helping the right side win the war!" Hermione said incredulously.

"Right side to whom?" she asked slyly. "Those that sided with Grindelwald believed themselves to be right as well. My father saved Talfryn from being captured, you see. When he asked my father what the price would be to repay his debt, my father said that he wanted a respectable life for me, a family name of honor for me. He pointed out that Grindelwald was simply running in circles to avoid Dumbledore. Talfryn had long since believed he was fighting a lost cause. He never truly wanted to be a part of it anyway, so he brought information to my father."

"Oh, no. His parents..." Hermione gasped.

"They were to be given immunity as part of his deal, but Talfryn never had the chance to warn them away. Went to the end with old Grindelwald, they did. That's why he blamed me for their deaths. Even when my father tried to make contact after the war was over, Talfryn refused on grounds that he'd fulfilled his promise, but he'd never agreed to extending an olive branch."

"I'm sorry."

"I would have liked to see my mum and dad again before I died, but you asked if it was worth it. When Severus was younger, yes, it was, but when he began nearing school age, things changed. It felt as if I'd lost him anyway, and from what Talfryn told me, I simply lost all hope and the will to live once my daughter died. He said I simply gave up and left them to face the world alone." Elladora smiled. "Sad, isn't it?"

"Terribly," Hermione agreed. "I would never have left my son to fend for himself against such a horrible father. A father that lied and bullied!"

"Yes, I agree. I don't know how I did such a thing either, but I know that history will not repeat itself. You seem so much stronger than I ever was. I've been witnessing everything since you've been here, and no matter what my son has done, you've stood your ground." The witch sighed. "I was so disappointed at how Severus led his life. He became everything that his father tried to be. Cold, bitter, uncaring...many things. You've done a world of good for him."

"Sometimes it feels like he loves me, but there is still some doubt about it. I mean, he's found this room, so that should prove that he does. I still wish that he'd say it."

"Hermione Snape," the woman said softly. "Did you notice the last name? That should be enough for you."

"Was it enough for you?"

"Yes."

"But, you told me tha..."

"Silence," Elladora chided. "I think that with Severus finding out the truth about things will help this family thrive, but you cannot push him. Let him come to you even if it takes a long time. For all of his coldness, he is already a better man than his father. Remember that. I must go."

"Wait," Hermione said, but the woman had left her portrait already. I suppose I might have annoyed her a little. She's right though. I can't press Severus about what he's found out. I will have to let him come to me.

She took the parchments and went below towards the study. She could hear nothing from within and knew that Severus was probably back within the Pensieve. Opening the door, she made her way to his desk to carefully place his parchments there. His face seemed distraught, and it appeared that tears had recently made their way down his cheeks, tracks still visible. Sighing, she left the room. If he weren't out in a couple of hours, she would go in after him as she'd told him earlier.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus walked uneasily through the scene before him. It seemed oddly familiar. A strangled cry urged him forward to his father's chambers. Just inside, his father was kneeling next to his bed, weeping openly. His mother lay in the bed, dead. He felt his blasted emotions building once again as he neared the bed. As he stood near his father, the younger version of himself came into the room.

His father said, "Do you see what she's done?" The man's voice was broken, and he quickly wiped away his tears, masking his face with indifference. "She didn't care for us. She left us. She wanted to die all because of the brat that she lost."

Seeing things from his new perspective, he could see how his father had manipulated him, the hypocrite! Why was it all right for him to love and grieve but his son was not allowed to do so? Severus watched the scene before him.

"Yes, father. I see."

The younger Severus lacked conviction, still remembering his promise to his mother. Sadly though, that determination wouldn't last. The words bespoke by his father had begun shaping him and making him forget the way of things. The boy reached out to hold his mother's hand only to have it snatched away by his father.

"She doesn't deserve our mourning, son. She chose this. Come. We've arrangements to make," he said, standing and pulling his son behind him.

Severus watched the horrified expression of his younger self as he tried fruitlessly to will his mother to wake up. He suddenly remembered those feelings all too well. The unanswered praying that it was all a bad dream, that she hadn't died. The bitterness that dwelled within as he slowly began to believe all the words his father spewed had never quite left. He bent down to place his hand upon his mother's cold one at the same moment the room shifted around him. He found himself standing outside near his mother's crypt, once again witnessing one of the most horrible days of his life.

This time though, he allowed himself to grieve. He moved to sit on the stone bench away from the small crowd and wept for his mother, for his past mistakes, for falling into the pattern that his father had woven for him. "Sorry, mum," he whispered once the tears stopped. I seemed as though some burden had been lifted. It seemed as though part of him had been restored, a part that had lost vigor many years before when his mother died. Even after he'd finally stood up to his father, turning his back on the tyranny, he'd never wept or allowed himself to truly feel the loss of his mother. Instead, he opted to bury it and any feelings of loss or regret that harbored within.

A slight noise drew him out of his reverie. He noticed that everyone had gone, but his father came back. It was the only reason that the memory hadn't lapsed into another. He listened attentively as his father spoke, feeling as he had as a young child. His father would sometimes strike his mother, shove her around, forcing her to cry out in pain and tears. Severus had taken to crying for her and trying to help her, but it had only made his father angrier. His mother had instructed him to remain silent whilst the rants occurred. He'd later wondered why she never simply quieted when his father finally lost control? She wouldn't cower until it was too late.

"Ella, I don't know how I can go on without you. This guilt is nearly unbearable. You've no idea how I feel. I cannot believe it myself. I've been wrong in so many things, haven't I?" The man sighed. "I blamed you for my decision to betray my parents in the war because I had done it for you. When my plan backfired with them meeting their deaths, I felt it was your fault. If your father hadn't made me feel guilty about not giving you a respectful family name, I would never have done it."

He sat down on the ground and leant back against the stone of the crypt. "Do you know how many years it took before I realized that I would have likely continued to follow them blindly and been killed as well?" Talfryn kicked a nearby rock. "I let my father's teachings get in the way of things. I should have told you that I loved you more than I did. I should have showed you. I should never have lain with all of those women whilst knowing you were right down the hall. I should have been true to my own heart instead of the Snape name." The man's voice trailed off. "I blame myself for this. I blame myself for all of it...for our daughter's death, for you losing the will to live. I never meant what I said about our daughter. I knew she was mine. You would never have betrayed me with another man. I was simply angered because you'd done it behind my back. I said it because you didn't want to be alone with me once Severus was ensconced firmly at Hogwarts."

Severus watched helplessly as the harsh man that he'd always known poured out his deepest secrets, regrets, and emotions. The confessions that he'd been hearing had done nothing but confuse him farther. A bitter remark brought his attention back to his father.

"Women are weak! They lack endurance! You should have lived!" he yelled loudly, pointing an accusing finger at the tomb. "You influenced me to be weak. I betrayed my way of life by truly loving you above my family duties. No matter what I said or did, it was always there. My love for you tainted everything. Severus will never know of this. Severus will never experience this. I shall see to it that he never lands himself with a woman that he could love. His duty shall be to his family name first and to himself second."

The next scene shifted in easily. Severus found himself listening to his father's confession to his mother's portrait. The man had starting sticking parchments all along the walls at this point, indicating that some time had passed. "Severus will be completing his studies soon," the man was saying. "Top of his class, I'd say. I'm proud of him. You would be proud of him."

It was apparent that the man hadn't held true to his litany by her graveside, not if he'd taken to returning to his room and trying to worship her. Severus startled slightly when his mother's portrait spoke.

"He always was a smart boy, just a little lacking in confidence. I think that was your doing, always hovering about, trying to criticize him."

"Only to strengthen him."

"We still see things differently," she said softly.

"I need to have you," the man said, voice full of longing. Severus furrowed his brow. What the hell did he mean to do?

"Talfryn, no!"

"I must. It's the only way to stay sane." The man kissed the portrait on the lips, blew out the candles, and walked towards the exit. "I still have what I need from the last time I reopened your crypt."

The last thing Severus heard before the scene faded away was the portrait's stifled crying. The next scene was in the darkened cellar where he currently had his laboratory. He heard a female's whimpering and heard his father's harsh words.

"Drink this. NOW!"

"All right. I'll be good," the woman said through sobs. "Will you let me go after?"

"Of course not," the man replied, cackling wickedly.

Severus stopped as the he rounded the corner to see them there. The woman, whom he recognized as the serving wench, was lying on a dirty mattress on the floor. Long chains held her prisoner yet gave her enough room to move about the room freely. She drank from a goblet and began to moan. A few moments later, the woman's body began changing into that of his mother's. Suddenly realizing his father's intentions, he leant over to retch fruitlessly. His father had taken this once willing partner and imprisoned her to force her to use Polyjuice to change into his mother.

"Why, Talfryn? Why?" the woman cried.

"Because your temptation caused me to hurt her. You deserve this. Now, you can be her. It's your only redemption," he said coldly. That was the voice that Severus recognized most. The cold manipulative voice of his youth had embedded itself into his mind. Not wanting to hear the woman's crying and his father's grunting, Severus exited the room. Minutes later, the scenery changed around him again.

This time he was looking upon his father as he lay on his deathbed. His young-adult counterpart was also in the room. It was the last time he'd seen his father alive. "Oh, do drink up," he heard himself say coldly. "And, spare me any dramatics. I've need to be back at Hogwarts soon."

"I think I shall drink this after you've gone. I want to die alone," his father retorted.

"Indeed?"

"Indeed."

"Well, I suppose I should leave and let you get on with it."

"You're so like your mother, turning your back on our ways. You're no Snape. I am glad that the name of Snape will die with you," Talfryn said, eyeing him oddly. "Maybe it was good for Elladora to have been a failure at raising children since the line will die. You'll never marry nor will you love. I've taught you that if nothing else."

"Yes, I'll no doubt die alone just as you are doing now. The only thing, father, is that it will not bother me half as much as it seems to be bothering you." The younger Severus nodded. "Good luck, sir. May your death be all that I've hoped for." Without a backward glance, he strode from the room, leaving the man on the bed staring after him.

What happened next, though, shocked Severus. The man got up and laughed whilst making his way to the secret room. Once inside, he bid farewell to his mother's portrait, explained that he would be meeting her soul across the veil, and set about writing a couple of last letters. The man suddenly began talking to himself, but he was addressing Severus, looking at the floor as he spoke.

"If you are witnessing this, my son, then you have seen all of my misdeeds and those of my family before me. It also means that you have found yourself in love. When I began to teach you the ways of life, I warned you away from falling in love. I thought that it had made me a weaker man. I later realized that it didn't make me a weaker man. What I consider weak is not recognizing it for what it was and embracing it. It would have made me a stronger man, would have made our family stronger. Things would have been different."

His father sat in the chair, still looking at the floor. "By the time I realized this, it was too late to take back all that I'd taught you, so I continued on. I knew that either you would never experience love and lose it as I had if you'd kept yourself away from it, which may have been for the best, or a woman would come into your life, showing you that things didn't have to be that way. Since you are witnessing this, the latter must be the case, though I can't imagine the type of woman it would take to break through the bitter and cold man you've become. My only hope is that you are treating the woman you love with much more respect than I have treated your mother. If you ever have children, remember what you've learnt here, Severus. The ways of the Snape family aren't all my father thought them to be."

Talfryn looked up and seemed to know right where Severus happened to be standing, as their eyes nearly met. "Seek out your mother's family, son. Know them, as I never allowed. That is how a true family should be. When I told you that you were like your mother for turning against my tyranny, I didn't mean those words in disappointment. I said them with pride. If the name of Snape does not die with you, as I'd hoped, thinking you'd remain the monster that I've created, be sure to do things better than I ever did. You've already restored honor to our name by aligning us once again with Dumbledore to help defeat the latest Dark Lord. For that, I am also proud. I shall leave you now. I do love you, as I loved your mother and would have loved your sister. My ways just haven't always been the best. Live in peace and feel no guilt. If you are as much like your mother as I believe you to be, I know that you feel guilty about giving me the poison that killed me, despite the words you just spoke. I asked it of you, Severus. Worry not. It's what I wanted."

Severus watched as his father took out the stone Pensieve from the drawer and lifted his wand to his temple. The room faded away to darkness before shifting back into the first memory that he'd visited. He had no desire to witness anything again, not yet. Pulling himself out of the device, he sat at his desk uncertain about what he should do next. Should he tell Hermione about the findings? Really tell her about everything? She would be curious. He prayed that she would allow him some peace until he was ready to talk on it.

No matter how coldly he'd treated his father the last time they'd spoken, he'd left the room with regrets that day. He'd hoped that his father would have some kind words on his deathbed, and he'd found that hadn't been the case. He could see now that his father had meant those words in a different way than he'd heard them. He'd believed that his father died feeling loathing and disappointment in him. On the contrary, the man had died loving him and feeling pride in him.

What would he have told his father if he'd known? How did he feel about it all? Could things have been salvaged? His father had claimed to be dying from an old unbreakable curse that had befallen him as he traveled in another country. After supposedly battling with the pain for a long period of time, he'd requested that Severus give him something to ease and hurry his passing. Out of some stray sense of honor and the sick need to have some part in the man's passing, he'd gone to him with a poison.

The sound of his door being opened drew his attention. Hermione was entering. "Hi," she said softly. "It's really late. I've asked Dilly to bring something light up to our chambers for our dinner."

It was then that Severus noticed the parchments upon his desk. "Have you...? Where did you get these?" he asked, feeling anger build within.

"I found the room. I summoned them all to stack up neatly and brought them here," she stated. "I've not read them, Severus, if that's what you wanted to know."

Relief flowed through his body. "Very well. Did you see...?"

"I did, and I spoke with her," she admitted. "Anyway, let's have a bath, then we'll eat. After that, I would like to give you a massage and hold you." She held up her hand to halt his protests. "Let's not talk about anything right now, all right? Just allow me to take care of you. You've been sitting here nearly the entire day, and you've not eaten. It's my duty as a wife to you."

"Very well," he said curtly, following her out of the room. He appreciated that she was giving him time to think things over before bombarding him with questions. He wondered what the portrait of his mother had told her. She must know enough to not give in to her curiosity. Shrugging the thoughts away, he allowed her to help him undress and slide into the tub with him. She settled herself behind him and pulled him back to where his head rested on her chest. Hermione simply ran her fingers through his hair and hugged him to her, showing that she supported him.

He loved her. He knew that it was true. There was no use denying it even though he didn't exactly like it. How else could he have seen his father's enchanted room otherwise? He'd not tell her, of course, as it wasn't in his nature to do so. All the same, he could still show her on some level. < I>Damn! I almost sound like my father at times. He pushed that thought away. No, I'll never be like him. He was truly the weak one. The words that his father had spoken about finding true strength echoed through his mind.

When I began to teach you the ways of life, I warned you away from falling in love. I thought that it had made me a weaker man. I later realized that it didn't make me a weaker man. What I consider weak is not recognizing it for what it was and embracing it. It would have made me a stronger man, would have made our family stronger. Things would have been different.

Could the family that he'd already started, albeit unwillingly, with Hermione be different? Could they be happy? Would he love his children? His thoughts drifted to the memory of the tiny, angelic face of his lifeless baby sister. How could one not love something so small and innocent? Yes. He could and would love his children. However, how did one convey love to a child?

Severus turned around suddenly and looked into Hermione's eyes. "I thank you for this," he said. When she shrugged and smiled, he placed the softest of kisses upon her lips. His stomach took that opportunity to growl loudly, causing them to both laugh. "Perhaps we should eat first and then continue our conversation in bed."

"What conversation?" she asked.

"This one." He pulled her closely and kissed her once again. This time, he held nothing back as he parted her lips with his tongue and invaded her mouth. She was his wife. She loved him. She belonged to him. She would be the mother to his children. And...he did love her. Who needed words? Actions were much more meaningful.

---

Southern's Notes: I've been listening to a German song while writing this chapter. It's titled "Ohne Dich," and it's by Rammstein. Wow, I say! The melody and tone just seemed to go with this chapter. Well, I've been given a link to the translated lyrics, and the chorus is as follows:

Without you I cannot be

Without you

With you I am alone too

Without you

Without you I count the hours without you

With you the seconds stand still

They aren't worth it without you

Isn't that interesting? It really did go with this chapter.

About Grindelwald and his parents, I hope you didn't mind that I included so much. I thought it would help us understand his father and the way he influenced Severus. There were other things that I could have added to this chapter, but I figured it was long enough. I will include the letters in the next chapter.

I can only hope that he'll keep thinking on his father's words about his weakness had not been loving but not embracing his love. I would also like Hermione to remain patient with him. Pressuring him would be a disaster. I also wonder if he'll look up his mother's family.