Acceptance

Disclaimer:

A big thanks to the lovely Meredith for being my beta for this chapter. Charmed_Nay is on a vacation, and I didn't trust myself to upload this without a beta. Thanks to all of my friends over at Potter_Place.

Severus was startled as his grate came to life. Who would be Flooing in? He didn't allow...oh, right. Poppy. The Mediwitch stepped out of the grate, dusting soot from her dress. She looked around and met Severus' gaze. "You look horrible," she said, walking towards him. "Have you fallen ill?"

"I've not slept much," he said honestly, hoping she didn't smell the liquor on his breath. He'd been up for hours after only being able to sleep for a short time. There was something niggling about in his mind, keeping him from thinking clearly, and he couldn't quite place what it was.

"Humph. It shows. You've not shaved, your hair is in disarray, and you look ill. Want me to have a look?" she asked pulling out her wand.

"No, thank you, Poppy," he said curtly. "I will show you to my wife's room."

"Her room?" she asked suspiciously. "Wouldn't a newly bound couple want to share a bed? Work through their grief together? Why do you have her locked up in a room all alone?"

"Oh, good Lord," Severus said incredulously. "She's not locked in! How dare you come into my home and insinuate-"

"That'll do," the Mediwitch said crisply. "I'm not that thick, Severus. I just think you are making a mistake here. I've a bit of friendly advice for you, and I hope you'll take it."

"And, that is?" he asked through a sneer.

"Don't let her slip away from you. She's going to need you to be strong enough for the both of you. Shutting her away in a room doesn't take away the problem. This is a time for talking and healing. I suggest you get to it."

Severus' mouth gaped open for a moment. What the bloody hell has gotten into her? How dare she talk to me in such a manner! "While I do appreciate that you've taken time out of your schedule to come here, I must ask that you not return. I'll not have you-"

She raised a hand to silence him. "I'm not being rude, Severus, only honest, which I am sure that you'll appreciate once you've thought on what I've said. I'll give you instructions and be off to see her, allowing you more time to wallow here in self-pity about how you're stuck with a beautiful young witch for a wife and are going to father what I do not doubt will be a lovely child."

He couldn't believe her audacity. The woman always did have a sharp tongue, and she did always take her caring for patients seriously. He'd let the biddy have her say and be done with it. He stood and crossed his arms in front of him. "Go on then."

"Right then. First of all, there is to be no stress. None whatsoever. If by you sitting in here leads to stress, don't do it. I don't trust your miracle potion, and I want you to exercise caution. If she is in bad way, it will likely end up causing fetal distress. No sex at all. It wouldn't do for you to disrupt anything, and her uterus doesn't need any contracting. She needs to stay in bed for a while to be sure that things truly have healed, as I said, I don't trust that potion." She looked away for a moment. "No reaching above her head either, so you will have to help to bathe her. I don't see why she can't walk to the loo herself with you steadying her, but you will need to help her. Wash her hair for her and do what needs to be done. Lastly, you need to make sure she is taking her vitamins each day. That's very important at this stage. Now, have you any questions?"

Severus shook his head. He'd heard all that she said, and it made sense. However, he was still dwelling on certain words that she'd chosen. All at once, he realized what it was that had been keeping him awake all night. Quickly, he showed the witch to his wife's room and left her to do what she needed to do. Poppy's words came back and slapped him in the face. Don't let her slip away from you.

"Like my mother," he said to himself. It was ridiculous of course. The entire situation was like history repeating itself suddenly. "No, she's stronger than that. She's stronger than mum." His mother's sad eyes flashed before him. His mother hadn't always been a weak woman. It was only after he got older that she started simply living a cowering existence and doing his father's will. The man had finally broken her spirit, and she simply existed. Severus curled his lip slightly. His father had been so cold. Why? What was it about his mother that the man hated?

Shaking himself mentally, everything fell into place. This was a cycle. Hermione was a spirited woman who loved him, and he amused himself with her, not truly loving her, as she deserved. If they remained married, his mother's fate would eventually be hers. He, like his father, was also a hard man. Sooner or later, Hermione's fire would die out, and her spirit would no longer be her own. No, it would be what he made of it. That had to be the reason that his mother simply lost the will to live when she lost his sister all those years before.

That child had been her one hope that she could be happy. Severus had been nearing school age, and she would have been alone with her father all the time. The child would have brought her joy. When it died, so did her hope. "Will Hermione's hope die as our child did?" No, that's ridiculous. She has our other child to live for. She'll not fade away like my mum did. An echo of his father's voice flowed through his mind. It was something that he'd said to Severus after his mother's funeral.

"Severus, do you see how women are? They are never satisfied, they try to take and never give, and when they are finished, they leave. Never fall prey to a woman's clutches. Do what you have to do to find pleasure and leave quickly."

Severus nodded, but he loved his mother. He knew that this man had hurt her deeply with his words and deeds, but his mother had asked him to go along with it until he could be free of him. "You are right," he said, turning away from the vault.

"My God," he said aloud. "I never intended to truly become what he wanted, only pretend for a while." Sighing in resignation, he poured himself another shot of Ogden's to help dull his painful memories. What if Hermione doesn't have the strength to live for the other child? What if she too fades away? Mum couldn't live for me. What is the difference here? He sat back down, staring at the mirror to his left. "I've got to find away to be sure that doesn't happen," he said, watching himself speak.

He wondered briefly about that expression on his father's face. What was it? Regret, longing, fear? If Hermione died, he would feel all of those things along with a deep loss. Regardless of what he told her or how he acted, he did care for her. He'd kill for her, and it wasn't only because he felt that she belonged to him. He would literally harm anyone that caused her any pain. Deciding to get on with his morning toilette, he stood and made his way to his room.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Poppy smiled when Hermione bid her hello. The girl looked pretty good considering what she'd gone through. "I've come to check on you. I hope you don't mind that I'm early."

"Not at all," she said, moving to sit up.

The Mediwitch checked her head. "All signs gone. Did you sleep well?"

"I did."

"Excellent. No signs of head trauma. I suppose I still have the knack for healing." She busied her self with doing casting certain charms all along Hermione's body.

"I've never doubted you," Hermione said sweetly.

Minutes later, Poppy said, "I believe that the potion may indeed be working. Your little one is still hanging on and seems to be attaching more firmly to your uterine wall. There is still some tissue about that I can sense, but its mass has diminished greatly. I admit that Severus made a good call." She moved down. "I am sorry, but I will have to check you physically."

Slightly embarrassed, Hermione slid down to allow the witch to do what needed to be done. None too gently, she felt her stomach being pressed and felt the sensation being carefully probed. When she finally looked to Poppy, she saw the witch had a furrowed brow. "Oh, no. Is something wrong?"

"Not at all. There has been no further bleeding. However, you are measuring a little bigger than I'd thought. It would seem that you are nearly nine weeks instead of just the seven, but it could be due to the twin. I also imagine it'll take a little time to right itself." She smiled. "I believe that you will be fine, as will this little one."

"I'm really worried about that."

"Well, follow my instructions, and I think you'll have a healthy little one. No sex, no stress, and no running about either," she said sternly. "Take your vitamins and Severus' potion. I've instructed him that you aren't to bathe alone and need to stay mostly in bed. If you've a need for something, it will be his responsibility to see that you get it." She patted Hermione's hand gently. "Have you any questions?"

Hermione did have a question. "You told me yesterday that both were precariously implanted and that I would have to take it easy if I hoped to carry them to term. Did you truly think me able to carry them to term?"

Poppy shook her head. "I believe, as I said, that you would have had a difficult pregnancy. Either they would have aborted on their own, or you would have given birth very early. I wasn't optimistic about this pregnancy. I blame it on those Muggle pills that you took. They made it harder for the babies to attach."

"So, you mean to say, that if I hadn't fallen, then I could have possibly lost them both?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. I think that we should be glad that we've saved at least one."

Hermione nodded. "Thanks."

Poppy fidgeted for a moment. "Hermione, I would like to take credit for this seeming success, but I cannot. I wanted to go in and rid you of the...tissue, which would have likely terminated the other life. But, it would have kept you safe from infection." She sighed. "Severus wouldn't have it. He figured you would have wanted to save the child or at least die trying. It was he that thought of the potion and went to fetch it for you. I hope it holds up."

Feeling tired, Hermione closed her eyes and nodded. Yes, she remembered that bit, and she was grateful that her husband had made the right choice. Husband! It sounds so odd that Severus Snape is now my husband. She heard Poppy leave but remained abed. She had some things to think through, so she didn't make a move to go to the loo, as she needed to.

She, Rolanda, and Harry had been wrong to trick Severus into bedding her. Twice. It was amazing that he'd found out and still wanted to see her. He'd never been dishonest about what he wanted from her, and he'd warned her repeatedly that he would never commit to her. She'd always believed that she could get him to love her eventually, and she'd figured that if she'd had enough, she could always leave. "Now look at us," she whispered to herself. "I've forced him to commit."

Snorting slightly, she amended those words. I've forced him to force me into marrying him. It was a low blow that he would stoop to snitching to her parents about her plans to wed Harry and then to go a step further with the blackmail bit. However, thinking about it now, she wondered if she hadn't gotten what she wanted after all. Harry had been valiant in offering to wed her and love her child, as a father should, but that would have ruined his chance of happiness. No matter how much they loved each other, as friends, they could never be more than that. To live with someone forever, having boring friendly sex, raising a child together...well, that wouldn't have been fair to either of them.

Not to mention that Severus would have likely harmed Harry. He'd told her that he would have, and she believed that would have happened. Just look how they have been acting the last couple of days. One would have killed the other, and then I would have been alone again. Realizing how selfish she'd been to run to Harry, she thanked God that Severus had snatched her away. He was right. He could have been told. Instead, she went down to seduce him, told him it was over, and left. She never dreamt that he would come for her or care enough to not want anyone else to have her.

Yes, he'd been using her, but she'd also been using him. He used her for sex at first and then for companionship. She'd used him for sex as well and to feed her delusions that she could be happy just having the man she loved in her bed. She had known from the beginning to not expect anything more unless things changed. She foolishly believed that her love was enough for the both of them. Why love a man like Severus Snape?

It hadn't started out as love, more like an obsession. She'd seen him conversing with Minerva in the corridor one day. She'd borrowed Harry's cloak to sneak down to the kitchens to try to talk to the elves. Severus had seemed too ragged and exhausted, but Minerva had said something that had cheered him up. He'd given her a most dazzling smile. Hermione had been unable to move. It had blown her away that a man such as he could appear so differently when he smiled genuinely. Her heart had gone out to him when Minerva walked away. He'd looked down sadly, sighed in resignation, and placed his mask of indifference back on his face before walking away, slightly limping.

She'd never seen him weak before, and she'd felt so sorry for him that day. The man always did what he had to do for the Order, but what did the Order give back to him? That one conversation had haunted her for days. What had made it worse? When she had gone into the kitchen, she'd seen a few elves standing about and laughing, but the moment they'd seen her, their demeanor had changed. Their happiness had halted because someone was watching. She'd likened the life of her Potions master to those of the elves. Did he feel he was nothing more than a servant? Did he feel that he had to hide his true self away from the rest of them?

After that, she'd become obsessed with him. She'd wanted to watch him at all times possible whether at school, Grimmauld Place, Order meetings, in the battle... Thoughts of him had consumed her. She'd wanted to see him smile again. She'd wanted to let him know that life didn't have to be lived alone behind closed doors where nobody else could see. It always seemed that nobody ever truly appreciated the work that the man did, save Dumbledore and maybe Minerva.

She'd wanted him to know that someone cared and that someone thought of him as an honorable man. At first, she had occasionally sent gifts. She'd never seen him wear the scarf that she'd sent, read the book that she'd sent, or hear him speak of receiving gifts. She wondered if he'd thrown them all out, thinking them secretly hexed. When those gifts didn't work, she tried to talk to him at different times. He would mostly just say something rude, but sometimes she would be rewarded with a normal answer to a question.

Her obsession with him became a fondness. She started looking forward to hearing his voice, watching his hands move as he spoke, or seeing the dark gleam in his eye. Once she started working at the castle, she'd hoped things would change, as she was falling in love with him, but when she'd finally realized that nothing would change without a bit of manipulation, she'd taken matters into her own hands. That's when she conspired with Rolanda and Harry. She'd decided to make him smile one way or another, and it had worked. The only problem was that it had left her wanting more. She had been pleased when Ro had told her that Severus would go to her once again as the gigolo. The second coupling had been better and had made her happy that she'd pleased him. When he'd angrily visited her the next morning, however, she'd regretted her brash decision to deceive him.

Then things had progressed. They'd formed a relationship of sorts, and he'd ended up giving her much more than he'd initially wanted to. Each week would bring about a new change in her lover. These minute changes had given her hope. A hope that she realized still hadn't died. If he could go from not kissing her, to kissing her, from not talking to her in front of others, to courting her openly, then he could very well end up loving her. Were these small changes not some symbolism of loving her no matter how small the change? They were. He loved her. He had to. Everything pointed to his loving her. His possessiveness, though scary, proved that he was jealous of others. She was jealous as well. The thought of Vector or any other woman touching her man only enraged her. She would fight for him in the same manner that he'd fought for her.

In her eyes, being jealous only meant that she cared. If she didn't care, she wouldn't worry whom he was off to have a shag with. He was her lover. For the first time, she saw things from his perspective, and she agreed that she would have likely done what needed to be done to have him in her life. She'd already proved that long before the accidental pregnancy. There were choices that she could make. She could stay or go to her parents.

Harry was no longer an option. While she didn't appreciate that he'd lied to her just to cause a fight with Severus, she couldn't blame him for her fall, just as she couldn't blame Severus. She would take some time away from talking to Harry to let things cool down between them all. She wouldn't want to hear or say anything hurtful. She did appreciate the sacrifice that he offered to make, but she was thankful that it hadn't come to pass. She belonged with Severus.

Staying was what she would be doing. She owed it to herself, to her child, and to Severus to truly give it a go. The only problem was Severus. How could she tell him that she knew he loved her even though he didn't seem to realize that he did? His smoldering gaze, those soft words spoken when he though her to be sleeping, the gentle caresses, the worry in his eyes that she foggily remembered, and so many other things only pointed out that he loved her. For the first time in days, she had regained hope. She would be happy, and by God, Severus would have reasons to smile and live again.

"Missus, good morning. Dilly is here to be giving breakfast."

"I'm not hungry, but I do thank you," she said softly.

"Master says you is needing to eat."

"Some toast then, please?" she asked.

"Missus, is very kind," Dilly said, bowing down her head while producing a plate of toast. "Kind indeed."

Hermione cleared her throat. "Is your master not kind?"

"The young master is most kind. The old master was not." Suddenly, the house-elf looked horrified and began slapping itself on the head.

"Stop," she commanded. "Don't harm yourself."

"I spoke ill of my family. I is needing to be punished."

"I'm telling you it's all right. He's gone and can't harm you. We shall treat you fairly. The both of you that live here with us deserve nothing less for all of you hard work and loyalty."

Dilly appeared taken aback but simply nodded and popped away. Hermione smiled. "So, Severus is kind to his house-elves. That's just another thing to add to the list of things that I love about him." She ate the toast that the elf had brought to her while thinking of her life. Things would only get better. She'd find a way to talk to him and make some compromises.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later found Severus pacing back and forth in his sitting room. He had yet to look in on Hermione. He wanted to, but he was uncertain as to what to say if she happened to be awake. He wasn't quite sure if he was ready to face the questions that she would most likely have. The accusations of Potter being at the top of the list for questioning, no doubt. Perhaps he should wait. Dilly had said that she'd eaten her toast and gone to sleep.

A large brown owl swooped in through his open window. "What the...?" It had a small box attached to its legs. He quickly eased the bird of its burden and smirked as the beast held out a leg to him. There was a small pouch attached. It apparently wanted payment. What arse would send an owl with a package and not pay postage? He sifted through the top drawer of his desk and found a Galleon. "I suppose this will have to do," he said, annoyed at having to pay such outrageous postage fee. He placed the money in the little pouch, and his deliverer flew off. "When I find out whom..." His voice trailed off as he saw the names. It was from Mr. and Mrs. Granger. He opened the package quickly. It seemed that Tom at the Leaky Cauldron had aided them in sending it. Well, that was acceptable then.

There was a letter that was sealed in a Muggle envelope and addressed to Hermione. There was a small box with her name on it as well and also a book. To his surprise, there was a letter addressed to him as well. He opened the letter and sat down, stunned.

Severus,

Jane and John

Guilt washed over him. He'd fooled these nice people into believing that he loved their daughter. Even worse, they thought he was grieving for the child that was lost. And, bloody hell! What was she on about? "Thank you for loving her so much, as I know you do." He snorted momentarily and then thought back to the night he was in the paid witch's room. He'd gone there for a shag and left quickly, realizing that no woman would ever be Hermione to him. Could that be love? How did one know what love was exactly? Did his wife's mother see something that even he didn't know was there? "Impossible," he said sourly, putting the letter in his desk drawer.

No matter what he felt, it was imperative that she not be stressed. He would have to try to be as pleasant as possible to keep her from feeling any emotional depression. He didn't want to give her any false hope about what might develop between them, but for now, he had to. She needed to believe that there was hope. He feared that if she thought there was no happiness to be had or a pending love match between them, she might give up and fade away as his mother had, regardless of the little one in her womb. He was a double spy for many years and had fooled many people. He could take on this part as well.

Severus sighed. He had a reason to see Hermione now that her mum had sent the owl to them. He picked up the letter, the small box, and the book to bring to her. Oddly enough, he felt his stomach churning slightly in anticipation. Would she be receptive of him? What would she demand of him first? As quietly as possible, he opened the door and peeked in. Relief flooded over him. Hermione was awake and smiling.

"Good morning," he said moving to sit next to her. "How are you faring?"

"I need to go to the loo. I was just about to get up."

Severus set aside her things, put his arms beneath her, and carried her to the bathroom. She squealed slightly, and he found himself nearly chuckling. "I do believe that Poppy told me to assist you in most things. However, I will leave you to it."

She laughed again. "I do believe I can walk. My bladder needs a little relief. Stay where you can hear me if I call for you."

He nodded and quickly moved into her room again. Well, that wasn't so bad. No demands were being made yet. She seemed pleased to see me. Obviously, she didn't remember what her precious Potter had said. A moment later he saw her walking slowly out of the bathroom.

"Legs are a bit shaky. You'd think I hadn't walked for a week," she said.

Severus moved to her side straightaway and allowed her to lean on him until they reached the bed. "Now that we've established that you can walk if need be, I would like you to allow me to bring you when you have to go. We can't be too careful." Once she lay back down, he pulled the sheet and duvet up over her. "I've some things from your mother." He placed the items on her lap after sliding another pillow beneath the two she had. "I'll leave you in peace," he said softly, moving off of the bed.

"No, stay," she said quickly. "Please."

Not wanting to deny her, he scooted up against her headboard and watched as she opened the letter. She moved to where he could see what had been written. "It was addressed to you," he said quickly, not wanting to eavesdrop.

"Oh, it's all right. Have a read," she said, eyes never leaving the short letter. It mostly read the same as his had with her mother talking about the loss, the book and how they care for each other. Once they'd read that, she opened the small box. "Oh!" she gasped. "It's beautiful."

It was a gold chain with a small angel pendant attached. "Shall I fasten it for you?" Severus asked without thinking.

"Yes, please," she said. She handed him the chain, leant forward, and moved her hair aside. "It's a guardian angel for the baby."

He easily fastened it, and before he realized what he was doing, he placed his lips at the base of her neck where it met her shoulder. The slight kiss had caught them both off guard. Damn. Why did I do that? "It's lovely," he said, trying to act as if nothing was amiss.

"Thanks," she whispered. "Would you like a read in the book?"

"I suppose. You aren't due for your dose just yet. We could wile away some time," he said, taking the book in his hands. He read the title aloud. "Accepting Loss." She snuggled against him as he opened the book and began reading. "Sometimes fate has a way of stepping in to change the way we perceive things in life. These changes can be a blessing, or they can be a nightmare. We shall discuss what happens when it's the latter. How do we cope with things such as the loss of a loved one? First, we start by accepting that it has happened. We then..." Severus continued to read through the first chapter, and he thought her to be sleeping. He closed the book, set in on the table next to the bed, and leant in to brush some stray strands of hair from her face.

"What did you think?" she asked softly.

Taken aback, he startled slightly. "I think it makes sense," he said honestly. "Have you accepted that there was nothing that you did wrong?"

"Yes, I just wish things would be different. I know twins would have been hard work, but I can't help but to think that I would have loved having them." She kissed his chest lightly. "It's not your fault either. Nor is it Harry's even though he was wrong to say those things. It's just something that happened, like the book says."

He pulled away slightly. "You remember what that boy said to us before you fell?"

"Yes."

"And, do you not believe him?"

"Severus, you told me that you hadn't been unfaithful, nor would you be in the future. I just didn't want the two of you to fight any longer. I suppose you had a right to defend your honor," she said softly.

Severus looked at her intently. She was being truthful. For the first time in a long time, something worded so honestly truly pleased him. He smiled slightly. "I thank you for that. I have been unsure how to approach the subject. I did not want to cause you any suffering. It wasn't only my honor I was defending. It was yours as well."

"What did happen when you left here that night?"

"As I told you, I went to a place where I knew I could find a woman. We went to her flat, and before anything at all happened, I came to my senses and left."

"What do you mean came to your senses? Because of me?" she asked hopefully.

He could give her an honest answer that would please her. "Yes. I'm a married man now. I thought you deserved more respect than that. I suppose I was angry because of my lack of ability to have you that night and from your lack of enthusiasm. It's the only reason I went there, but I shall guarantee that it shan't happen again."

Hermione smiled softly, but her disappointment shone in her expression. "I see. Well, thanks." She looked away for a moment and then back to him. "Is that all?"

Severus blinked in surprise. "She didn't compare to you in beauty nor did the idea of being with someone else appeal to me. It seemed that only you can satisfy me now." He hoped that would be enough. From the smile on her face, it was apparent that she'd been searching for that particular answer. "Would you like some lunch?"

"I suppose. Nothing heavy."

"I'll be back shortly," he said. He quickly left the room, requested soup and rolls for their noon meal, and retrieved her daily dosage of medicine and vitamins. When he'd returned, the tray was already there. He handed her the vial with her potion first. "You may need to drink some of your juice with it. I'm afraid it is likely to taste foul." He gave her two small pills. "Take this after."

Once she'd taken everything, she grinned. "Not so bad."

Whilst eating, Severus noticed that she seemed tired, but she was trying her best to hold a conversation. She'd been telling him about her childhood, and she seemed to be hoping that he would indulge some information on his. Thinking quickly, he pulled up a few memories of happier times. Most of them were only of his mother and him, his father having been off cavorting with his friends or mistresses. He decided to be honest with her if need be, but he'd try to avoid her questions. "Your parents are nice people. I can say that they have done a respectable job raising you. You will do well with our child."

"We will do well, Severus, with our child."

"Hermione, I should think that you would be more properly prepared to have the most contact with it."

She placed her empty bowl on her nightstand next to his, wiped her mouth with her napkin, and took the final drink from her cup before turning to him. "It's obvious that we've experienced different things while growing up, but that's no reason that we can't work together and change things. I think you could be a good father, but you are going to have to try."

"Is that all you worry about? Trying to change me?" he bit out suddenly, wishing he could take the words back at the hurt look on her face. Poppy's words haunted him once more. Don't let her slip away from you. "I apologize. That sounded a bi-"

"No, it's all right. You're just being honest. Tell me then, Severus, if you will, how do you see us living our lives? Will I always be stuck in this horrid room? Will you never talk to me? Will you never talk to our child? How are we going to live?"

Severus thought for a long time and finally answered each question. "I only know the way I was raised. I stayed with my mother mostly for a few years, rarely seeing my father, and when I was old enough to learn about magic and do a few things on my own, my father began training me. As years passed, my mother died, and I was left with only him." He looked away. "I would rather the child be taken into your care for a longer period of time than for it to suffer my company."

"Is that what you think?" she asked incredulously. "I enjoy your company. I want to spend time with you. Our child will want to know his or her father. I would like it if you would at least attempt to be a father."

"I shall give him or her lectures on the ways of the world, Hermione, and I will pass on to him what my ancestors have passed on to me. I shall help to teach him to defend himself as I was taught, but I do believe that is where my duties shall end."

"But, if we try to rear our child together, we can be a true family. I won't ask for much. My requests are no fighting in front of him. We'll save any bickering for behind closed doors."

"I agree," he said quickly. He'd witnessed too many fights as a young child. They had been most unsettling.

"I want to be a real wife. Don't shut me up in this room."

He swallowed away the relief he felt. He wanted her to be in his bed as well. "All right."

"Always be faithful to me," she said.

"We've already covered that," he said, smirking slightly. Her requests weren't so bad. He didn't mind private arguments, nor would he mind the private makeup sessions. He was actually pleased that she would want to share his bed still, and he would definitely welcome her properly once Poppy released her. He certainly had no intentions of being unfaithful. He'd tried that and failed miserably already. Why bother when everything he wanted was with him?

"Love our child."

"Of course," he said absently. "WHAT?"

"You heard."

"Hermione-"

"Don't say that you won't or can't!" she said hotly. "Don't say one word. I'm not asking you to love me. Just knowing you care is enough, but I'll not have you deny our baby." She reached out to touch his hand. "Severus when you hold him or her for the first time, there is no way that you'll be able to not feel anything. You'll see." She brought her fingers to his lips to quiet him. "Just say you'll try then."

He nodded, not wanting to argue with her. She needn't any stress at the moment, but eventually, she would have to see that she couldn't demand such things as love. What if he looked at his child and felt nothing? What if he resented his child? Hell, he didn't know if he resented his wife or not, but maybe in a few years, the feeling of being trapped would take over his mind. His wife slid down and tried to pull him with her. Severus slid down onto his back, and she placed her head on his chest in an attempt to hold him.

"I'm afraid," she whispered.

"Of what?"

Don't let her slip away from you.

"What if something goes wrong? What if I lose this baby too? I know that Poppy feels things will be all right, but I really am looking forward to being a mum and raising your child with you beside me. I don't know that I could handle being pregnant for a while and then losing the baby. Just losing one is hard. I don't think that I could bear to lose the other."

Don't let her slip away from you.

"You have my word, Hermione, that I will do everything in my power to see our child born. You shan't want for anything during this pregnancy. I shall oversee your medicines, get your what you need, and try to make you content," he vowed. "I owe you at least that much."

Those words were the truth. He'd not see his wife or child harmed. They belonged to him, and he would protect his own. He pulled her to him tightly and kissed the top her head. "I promise," he whispered. Her even breathing signaled that she'd succumbed to a much-needed rest. After lunch, he would bathe her and maybe read a bit more to her. He could do this. It wasn't so bad really. He simply had to remember to pause before speaking to arrange things in an acceptable manner.

The little sigh escaping from her made him smile slightly. At least one of them could be happy. What would make me happy? There was no answer to that question. He'd never thought about it before. He'd been satisfied with things as they were. He'd had sex whenever he pleased, he'd done his research, and he'd been able to live life as he chose to without anyone to answer to. Well, since the Dark Lord had been defeated, that is.

He could say that this was happiness. Though he was tied down in marriage, he had a willing witch who seemed to adore him for reasons unknown. He'd never be lonely. He'd always have someone to share his findings with and have an extra pair of hands if needed. She was pleasant to converse with. Yes, they would have a child running about, but surely no child of his or Hermione's would turn out to be a dunderhead.

Severus moved slightly to see her sleeping face and was filled with warmth. He suddenly felt at peace. Was this happiness then? He longed for his own mother. Why hadn't he ever asked her about relationships? Women? He knew the answer. He hadn't cared about those things when his mum was alive. Once he did care about those things, he only had his father or Lucius to talk to about them. Those two certainly didn't give advice about feeling anything. He was sure that he felt content, and he knew he cared for her. He would kill for her, and yes, he would even die for her. Now, anyway. How had this come about? He'd never been so fiercely protective about anything.

Disconcerted, Severus slipped out of the bed. He needed time to think about things. Too much had happened in the last few days. He decided to go down to his laboratory and do a bit of research. At the door, he looked back at his sleeping wife again. Was it weak to want to lay with her? What sort of bewitchment had she placed on him to make him feel content in her arms? He shook the thoughts away, sneered slightly, turned on his heel, and swept away from her bedchamber.

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

ONE WEEK LATER

"Oh, come on, Severus!" she said hotly. "I feel much better now. Let me just walk there."

"It's too many steps. You may tire yourself. You heard what Poppy said," he bit back, voice rising slightly.

"I've been restricted to my bloody chambers for the past week. You know you could use the help," she pleaded.

"Hermione, no. The cellar is dank anyway. Would you like to sit out back? The weather is nice. I could have Dilly-"

"Whatever," she said, bursting into tears.

Good Lord. This was the second time in the same day that she'd cried. He placed a finger under her chin to lift her face. His eyes bore into hers. "I don't need to go down today. How about we sit outside and read another chapter from the new book we've started?" They'd finished the book that her mother had sent early on. He'd been reading to her all week. Poppy's last visit had been a good one. She'd said that the baby was thriving, and it was apparent that the potion had been a success. Hermione had taken her last dose the day before. According to Poppy, his wife was still measuring slightly more than she should. The Mediwitch supposed that she was possibly a week or so farther along than she had initially stated. Therefore, instead of Hermione being eight weeks along, Poppy decided to claim that she was nearly ten weeks along. Severus wasn't one to argue, as he didn't know anything about pregnancies.

"I have no idea what's wrong with me. I just feel like I'm trapped. I want to get out. I want to move around."

"The baby," he said softly, knowing it was all he had to say to calm her down. Sure enough, she nodded and began wiping the tears away. "Just a few more weeks, and Poppy says you'll be able to do more."

"Sorry. I suppose I am being a bit selfish," she admitted.

"Well, I could be a little more supportive. I'm sure it's not that easy to be alone whilst I'm off in my lab. I shall try to be better company for you," he relented. The odd thing was that he meant it. He didn't want her to be unhappy, and if putting aside his research would keep her content, he'd do it.

"I appreciate that, but I don't want to keep you from working. I know it's important," she whispered.

He sighed. "You are important," he said, adding, "more than any potion." The smile she gave him made him feel at ease. He summoned the current book that he was reading to her, led her to the back patio, and asked Dilly to arrange a nosh for them. The hours passed, and he found that he'd enjoyed himself. They'd moved inside just after their evening meal to have a bath.

Whilst he was washing her hair, the overpowering need to make love to her took over his body. He hoped that she didn't feel his hardness suddenly jabbing into her lower back, as she was sitting between his thighs in the tub. He rinsed her hair and pulled her to lie back against him. "If the water gets a bit too cool for you, let me know. I shall add more of the hot in."

Hermione suddenly turned around to straddle him, kissing his lips with abandon. His hands immediately found her waist as he returned her kiss hungrily. His lips eventually found their way to one breast as one hand slid down to fondle her arse. "God, I need you," she said in a desperate whisper.

"Yes," he hissed. Mentally he calculated how long it had been since he'd had her, and he realized that it was over a week since they were bound. That had been the last time...Damn! He pulled away from her slightly. "Hermione, no. We can't."

"Why not? I feel...oh, damn it!" Disappointment lit her face. She sniffed slightly.

Bloody hell. Not again. Not more tears. "I want it too, love, but it's a sacrifice that I am willing to make. We have to be sure that our child is safe. When Poppy gives us leave to carry on, then we shall resume all normal activities.

Hermione smiled and nodded. He called me love, and it seems that he hasn't noticed his blunder. Things are changing. He's more attentive than ever. "Let's have a bit of a snog then." She nipped his neck slightly in an attempt to mark him. She wanted to laugh. He seemed gobsmacked. "People do snog without shagging, you know. I love you. Let me show you," she whispered, claiming his lips in the softest kiss she could muster, lazily licking his lips and delving into his mouth to find his tongue. Ever so slowly, he began to respond to her, gently exploring her mouth. After what seemed like an eon, the two pulled apart, and she put her head on his shoulder. Snogging sure uses up a girl's energy, she thought, feeling completely satisfied.

She could feel the change in him almost immediately. He'd stiffened when she'd said that she loved him, and he'd been tentative when she'd pressed her lips to his. If she didn't know better, she would say that was the best series of kisses they'd ever exchanged. She put all of her feeling into it, and part of her felt as though he'd done the same. That he'd given in, at least momentarily, to the longings of his heart. She stayed as still as she could as he began rubbing her back in slow circles. It was apparent that he thought her to be asleep.

"Sleep, Hermione. You've had a trying day," he murmured. He lifted her with him and carried her to her bed. As carefully as he could, he lay her down, cast a drying spell on her, and pulled the bedclothes up over her naked body.

She gave him a sleepy smile and a mumbled thanks and was delighted to feel the bed dip as he lay next to her. She turned over on her side as he slid beneath the sheets to spoon her.

"Are you awake?" he asked in a whisper. She purposely didn't respond, knowing that he liked to ramble when he thought nobody was listening. "I don't know what came over me earlier. I just had to have you. I should be more careful. It's not fair to you to get you excited and then not be able to please you." He placed a soft caress on her shoulder before slowly rubbing her arm. "There is something that I have to say, but I'm not sure how."

She knew that if she gave him any indication that she was awake, he'd never say it. She felt guilty for deceiving him in such a way, but it seemed to be the only way to actually get him to open up to her.

"I've been thinking," he continued. "You have forgiven me too easily. I know that I've mistreated you. I do not deserve such devotion. You would be pleased to know though, that it seems that you mean more to me than I previously realized. I cannot say that it is love, as I am quite uncertain if that is what it is. I have a fierce desire to see you protected at any cost. I take pride in knowing that I can make you happy. At least, you seem to be. Each day you become more lovely to me." He slid his arm back over her waist and squeezed gently. "How have I become such a weakened fool in only short amount of time?"

Her heart sank. She heard the disgust in his voice as he spoke the last sentence. Would he ever stop worrying about being weak? She wanted to tell him that he was not weak because he loved his wife, but she didn't want him to know that she'd been listening. What he'd said sounded like love to her. She knew exactly how he felt. She would do anything for him as well. She felt a small victory each time he smiled or said something nice. To pressure him now would be to lose him. Hermione knew that she'd have to bide her time. When he was ready, he would see those feelings for what they were. For now, this was enough.

Southern's Notes: I'm sorry about the time it took to update. Hopefully, this update sits well with most of you. I feel a bit sorry for Snape, as he seems confused. At least he's not listening to what he would perceive as his father's way of doing things, and I think that while he is 'pretending' to be a good husband, he's falling into the actual pattern of being one. Slowly but surely.

Up Next: Harry comes for a visit. Severus finds something shocking in his home that will shed some light on things. Will his questions finally be answered? Will things finally be put into perspective? It's an interesting

********Chapter four was missing. I had chapter three posted twice (one pretending to be chapter four). If you've read this and wonder wtf happened to the big gap, please go back. I do apologize. sw69******