Chapter Nineteen - Moping Melancholy and Moon-Struck Madness

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to JKR and/or Daniel Knauf. I do not profit from writing this story.

Author's Notes: Melusin has been incredible. This story wouldn't be as far along as it is without her.

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It was dark when Hermione awoke the next morning. Rubbing the grogginess out of her eyes, she vaguely wondered if it was always this dark in Severus' room, unless of course, the candles were lit. Snape didn't seem like the type of wizard to adorn his living chambers with spacious faux windows.

Hermione hadn't had any deep sleep the previous night, and she was certain that it was still very early in the morning. She had been far too aware that she wasn't in her room... or in her bed. When her mind had risen, she had kept her eyes closed, listening to the sounds around her.

The rhythmic hums of the body beside her warmed her blood, sending a flutter to her chest.

She smiled.

Finally opening her eyes, Hermione slowly turned on her side to face Severus.

Her breath hitched. Perfection. Hermione didn't know how else to explain it.

Smiling to herself again, Hermione lowered her face to him, pressing her warm lips against his back.

Hermione vaguely remembered falling asleep in Severus' arms, but now his back was facing her. And Hermione was certainly pleased that it was.

She truly believed that she had never seen anything so beautiful. Then again, she knew that she was consumed by a forceful desire for this man, which clouded her objectivity on what could be constituted as beautiful. But affection or not, she had never seen a sight so intense.

How long had she fantasized over this breadth of flesh, longing to gain a closer look, she wondered as she skimmed the tips of her fingers down his spine?

She pressed her lips to his back again.

Severus' tattoos were quite similar to Muggle image puzzles. The kind where you needed to haze your vision before you could make sense of anything. The tattoos were symbols on top of symbols, so layered and intricate she probably wouldn't be able to pinpoint a solid line of anything specific unless she asked him...

Hermione winced at that last thought. She may now have the opportunity, the right even, to press her bare skin against his flesh, but she knew that it just wasn't possible to ask him anything personal about it. Given how that last conversation on the topic had panned out, Hermione didn't see the likelihood of a similar conversation happening in the near future.

Pushing that despondent thought to the back of her mind, Hermione pressed her cheek against his skin once more, reveling in the actual sensation of him. Neither were wearing any clothes, but Hermione didn't feel the least bit naked. Lightly placing her arm on Severus' protruding hipbone, Hermione hummed in pleasure as she slid her hand forward until her fingertips grazed his sparse hair.

Her hand was instantly seized, a harsh grip closing around her wrist. She was barely able to expel more than a surprised squeak before she was pulled over his body and pressed into the mattress.

A chuckle shook in Severus throat. He leaned on top of her, his hair cascading over both of their faces. "If you were trying to wake me, then congratulations are in order. My sleep is thoroughly disturbed."

Hermione couldn't remember how to breathe. A burning flush blazed in her chest before spreading up her neck. Realizing that he wasn't the least bit angry, Hermione smiled timidly. She raised both of her hands toward him, pushing his hair away from his face.

"Good morning," she said softly.

The corner of Severus' mouth rose into a smirk. He pressed his chest to her, taking pleasure in her breasts brushing against him.

"Good, indeed," he hummed.

Hermione moaned contentedly, wrapping her arms around his broad back. She wiggled under him, adjusting her legs until they rested on either side of his hips. He pressed himself suggestively against her.

Severus grinned wickedly as her breathing grew erratic.

"Tender?" he asked knowingly.

She couldn't see him clearly, but she could hear him smiling. "A bit, yes," Hermione replied with a hesitant laugh.

"Pity," Severus drawled. He moved his hips back, grinding himself against her again. "I don't believe we both received the same degree of pleasure... or completion, last night."

His breath was hot, tickling the skin beneath her ear.

Hermione blushed furiously. Having sex, let alone talking about it so candidly, was all very new to her. "It was my first time. It's fairly unlikely for girls to... orgasm."

"Indeed, but all the same, it would have been very satisfying to try... again."

Hermione lifted her knees, wrapping her legs around him. "Well then, Professor, I give you permission to try as often as you would like." She tried to slide her fingers through his hair, but Severus pushed himself away from her.

Leaning on his elbows, his expression grew serious as he quietly looked down at her.

Hermione waited for him to speak, but he just continued to stiffly loom over her.

"I don't think you understand what you are saying," he said darkly, "so I'll pretend that I didn't hear that."

She hesitated a moment before dismissively shrugging her shoulders. With a reassuring smile, Hermione reached up, sliding her palms against his bare chest. "I know very well what I'm saying, Severus."

He snorted mockingly. "No, you don't. As much as I try not to... I keep forgetting... and you obviously don't comprehend... you are so young."

"You still don't think I'm real, do you?" she whispered.

Severus inhaled sharply, pulling away further, forcing himself to kneel between her legs.

"What?" he asked harshly.

"I... noticed..." she spoke carefully, "... the way you looked at me last night... like I was a dream. An hallucination that, any moment, was going to fade away. I don't blame you. I feel that way too... at times."

"Is that right... Like, when?" He tried to sound casual, but sarcasm always danced on the edges of his questions.

"This morning," she whispered. When I inspected every inch of your back. Hermione fisted her hands against the bedclothes. She faltered slightly before slowly pushing herself to sit up.

He was still kneeling, his height easily towering over her. She leaned forward, and the muscles in his chest stiffened.

Hermione wanted to be closer to him. She needed to touch him.

Just as she was about to move closer, Severus' hands suddenly closed around her hips, halting her advance. He jerked her body towards him, forcing her to lie back down on the mattress.

Hermione gasped from both surprise and a slight bruising pressure on her sides.

She inhaled sharply once more as both of her legs were grasped from behind her knees.

Severus roughly pulled her thighs around him.

The previous night, Hermione had not really feared that sex would be painful. Uncomfortable maybe, and certainly awkward as it was unknown to her, but she had had no fear of actual pain.

Not like she had now. And the fact that all of her muscles instinctively tensed at the idea would not help the situation.

Hermione knew Severus was trying to alarm her...forcing her to take back her words.

But Hermione wouldn't. She wanted to prove herself to him.

What she was actually proving, she was not certain, and whether it was sensible, she could not say either. But, out of all the timid and confusing feelings she was having at this very moment, she was determined not to take back her words.

Severus seemed to pause slightly as he positioned himself against her. Raising his eyes away from her nakedness, he met her eye as he swiftly pushed into her.

Her hands clenched around his biceps. He sank deeper and deeper the more her moisture spread.

Hermione threw her head back, exhaling with the rhythm of his hips.

A low-pitch buzzing sound filled the silence surrounding his four-poster.

Severus froze. Groaning in frustration, he fell limply against her before reluctantly pushing himself away.

"What is it?" Hermione asked breathlessly.

"My alarm," he spat. Yanking the bedclothes, Severus reached for his nightshirt at the foot of his bed. "Get dressed," he commanded. "I tend to get up much earlier than the rest of the castle, but you need to go... so no one notices you leave."

Hermione sat up, ineptly reaching for the bedclothes at her dismissal. "What... Now?"

"Yes," he hissed. "Now, Hermione." Severus then entered his adjoining bathroom and shut the door.

By the time he came out, Hermione was gone. For a moment he felt relieved since goodbyes were just as uncomfortable and foreign for him to make as hellos. But the next moment, he recognized a slight twitch of guilt, which only increased when he noticed the stain of a fresh spot of blood on his linen.

*** *** ***

"I don't understand why on earth the two of you keep asking me to have dinner with you in Sirius' office. You know I won't, so stop badgering me!" Hermione growled.

"Merlin, Hermione. All you had to do was say 'no,'" Harry sighed.

"I ALWAYS say no, but do you listen...?"

It was very evident that Hermione Granger was irritated. Eyes narrowed, she hauled up her heavy book bag, forcing the strap to rest higher on her shoulder. Leaning forward, she marched through the dungeons, leaving Harry and Ron a few paces behind her as students scattered out of her path.

So Ron definitely should have thought twice before saying, "It's not like you've never had dinner in his office before."

Perhaps the reason he had been so rash was because they were standing just outside the door to their next class, assuming that Hermione would swiftly and obediently enter.

Instead, she violently whirled around, smacking Harry with her bag.

"What did you say?" Hermione asked, eyes blazing.

"Dammit, Ron," Harry groaned, irritably passing between them to enter the classroom.

Ron blanched. He was caught off guard but quickly decided to attack the nerve he'd obviously struck. "Oh, come off it, Hermione. You think Harry and I didn't know that you spent a whole evening in Sirius' office, eating dinner, instead of in the Great Hall?"

"That was over a month ago," Hermione gasped.

"It still happened."

"Sirius was my escort to Hogsmeade!"

"I think date is the word you are looking for. It probably could still describe whatever it is the two of you are doing. You won't visit him with us... but you can eat with him alone, huh? Merlin, Hermione... What is he? Twice your age... ?"

"I AM NOT DATING SIRIUS BLACK!" Hermione screeched.

"MISS GRANGER!"

Hermione spun around, only to meet the furious eyes of her Potions master.

"WHAT?"

Both of Hermione's hands came up, slapping around her mouth. She couldn't believe she had responded to Snape like that in public, let alone at all.

"Excuse me?" Professor Snape's voice spoke dangerously low.

His face was turning that horrid shade of red as a vein throbbed in his temple. Everything around them had paused in shock. The corridors were unnaturally silent, making the beat of Hermione's heart pound deafeningly in her ears as every student within earshot turned, slack-jawed, openly staring in horror.

"Oh, my goodness... I'm so sorry, sir! I was... distracted."

Snape visibly struggled to keep from cursing. Predictably, he deducted a ridiculously large amount of points from Gryffindor house while brutally criticizing her carelessness. Hermione astutely picked up on the undertones in his speech. To everyone else, he was attacking the insolence of rule-breaking schoolgirl. But to Hermione, she was being reprimanded by a lover for showing very little, if not any discretion in a relationship that must not show any outward display of there being any such relationship.

"Yes, sir," Hermione replied weakly.

"Now, if you are quite finished making a spectacle of yourself, would you desist in screaming about your love life in the corridors... AND ENTER THE CLASSROOM... NOW!"

Hermione jumped as he barked out his last order. Tripping over her feet, she sped through the door.

Ron wasn't at her side anymore. He must have made a run for it the second Snape opened his mouth.

Throughout the whole class, Hermione's face burned from both embarrassment and fury. She was angry at Ron for being such an insensitive prat, making outlandish accusations without the slightest idea of what he was talking about. But Hermione also worried over the content of the conversation Severus might have heard between herself and Ron before he'd started screaming at her.

That was the night that they both had first kissed her, so it shouldn't be a surprise that she'd had dinner in Sirius' office.

Still, just as Hermione predicted, Snape used the entire Potions period to punish her for the remembrance of it. Hermione endured the hostile lecture that day, just as she blatantly ignored Ron's whispering pleas and apologies.

*** *** ***

And the days moved on, dragging through the first weeks of November. None of the students had forgotten what had taken place in Hogsmeade. They vividly remembered the horror, the fear, the gurgling pitch of strangled cries. But there were worse things they could have spent their days envisioning. Hogsmeade was just a large, unwanted dose of reality... a reminder. With the vast majority of students of either Muggle-born or half-blood heritage, very similar acts of carnage could be waiting for their families, any day, as they arrived home in the evenings.

Just as it had been for Laura Madley of Hufflepuff. Hermione was exhausted from deducting so many house points from various students who stared at the girl too long, or asked extremely sensitive questions.

As Head Girl, Hermione was not surprised at being randomly summoned to console Laura late at night. Hermione truly didn't mind. She felt for Laura but was uncertain what, exactly, she should say. Hermione had tried imagining herself in the same situation with her family and had blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"You still have your father. At least take comfort in that."

There should be contentment that Laura's father had survived, which was more than other students now had... like the Creevey boys, who were now completely alone. They would have given anything to have at least one of their parents back. But Hermione knew that hearing such things wouldn't lessen the pain for Laura, or the shock.

Mr. Madley had been away that weekend on a business trip. But Laura's mother, grandmother and little sister... Hermione didn't want to remember the vision Laura had described when her father had come home to a house that had been ripped of life.

As a result of all of this, Hermione had been avoiding Severus' eye for the past few days. She knew it wasn't fair, for him or the families he chose, but she couldn't help but be slightly affected. And it certainly didn't alleviate their anxiety...the awareness that either of them had yet to acknowledge the two obviously different sexual encounters they had shared.

Severus and Hermione hadn't talked about that morning the next day or the day after. And then the havoc with Laura Madley had taken place soon after that. This wasn't the first instance of her being called as Head Girl to console students for identical reasons. This was the first instance she had done it with so much awareness of what went on behind the scenes...that it was, and always had been, a result of the actions of Severus.

Severus didn't know that Hermione was aware of the true extent of his duties, and she wanted it to remain that way. She believed that he had enough on his mind and couldn't be troubled with her curious questions while coddling her emotions. Hermione just hoped that whatever apprehensive feelings she was having at the moment would eventually go away.

"SPOT TEST!" Ginny shrieked in her ear.

Hermione's hand jerked from under her jaw. Her elbow smacked the jug of pumpkin juice on the table, toppling it into a bowl of scrambled eggs.

"Shit!" Ron moaned. Ginny laughed harder at his reaction.

Hermione's thick fog of analysis abruptly lifted as she finally remembered that she was sitting in the Great Hall for breakfast. A rosy flush spread along her cheeks. She must have looked like an Inferius, blankly sitting like that.

"About bloody time you joined us," Ron grumbled as he probed the mushy contents in the bowl. He looked gloomily at the food once more then suddenly rose from his seat.

"Sorry... I was... thinking."

"I wonder who about," Ginny announced knowingly.

Hermione turned to scowl. She was ready to unleash the fury of the Hermione Granger that Ron had experienced if Ginny made a single hint about Sirius being the main reason behind her distracting thoughts.

"So, are you ready?" Ginny asked Hermione, jumping from her seat excitedly as she wrapped a knitted scarf around her neck.

Quickly forgetting her anger, Hermione suddenly became wary. "For what?"

"To go outside of course!"

Turning toward the tall, arched windows on the opposite side of the Hall, Hermione frowned. Thick, fluffy whiteness covered everything. She crinkled her nose at the idea of being cold and wet.

Hermione quickly made a show of gathering her belongings and turned from Ginny's overenthusiastic eye. "As a matter of fact, I think I should go back to my rooms..."

"No," Ginny barked. "No, Hermione. You do not have to study; you do not have to finish an essay or invent the Potion of the year. You are getting up... this instant... and going outside with me before you finally succumb to the ancient curse placed upon you at birth that is determined to transform you into an encyclopedia!"

Hermione dumbly gaped at Ginny, shocked at the forcefulness of her interruption and feeling oddly unsure of a proper response.

"Now get up!"

Ginny yanked Hermione's cloak out from under her and held it open.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley," Hermione conceded with a smirk as she stepped into her cloak.

"... that's not funny."

Hermione laughed, entwining her arm around Ginny's as they turned to exit the Great Hall. On his way back to the Gryffindor table, Ron passed them carrying a large bowl of scrambled eggs in his arms.

"Ron!" Hermione gasped. "You can't take food off another house table!"

"Says who?"

"Never mind that... let's go!" Ginny yanked Hermione's wrist, dragging her out into the Entrance Hall.

Ginny was practically glowing at the idea of spending the day playing in the snow, and oh, how Hermione dreaded it. Hermione was definitely not the type of person who would allow others to boss her around, but she felt slightly guilty at Ginny's enthusiasm. She had been avoiding the girl, well... everyone really... the past couple of weeks. Hermione decided she could put up with the weather for one day to indulge her.

"Look!" Ginny shouted as they stepped out into the freezing weather. She pointed excitedly at someone standing on a cleared path not that far ahead of them. "I think that's Luna!"

"Luna!" Ginny called to her, waving happily.

Luna jerked around, looking behind, in front and up toward the light grey sky, her protruding eyes searching for whichever entity was calling her name.

Just as they approached her, a female who was walking a few paces in front of Ginny and Hermione suddenly reached out, grasped Luna by the shoulder, and pushed her into a bank of snow. The female's companion suddenly started giggling wildly, and both sprinted away.

"Oh, Luna," Hermione breathed in concern, running to be by her side. Ginny matched Hermione's pace, but when it became apparent that the fiery redhead didn't intend to stop running, Hermione reached out, yanking her back by the pony tail.

"And just where do you think you are going?" Hermione gasped, voice full of authority.

Ginny jerked her hair out of Hermione's hand. "That was Lavender!" Ginny spat.

"No fighting!" Hermione demanded, clearly indignant. "Let's just help Luna."

Both girls turned toward the Ravenclaw, who was lying on her back in at least two feet of snow.

But now, Hermione and Ginny were at a loss on how to proceed.

The corners of Luna's mouth were raised into a contented grin. She moved her arms and legs about, forming a perfect snow angel as if she had meant to do this all along. "Don't you just love the first snow of the season?" she asked dreamily.

Brushing a few erratic curls out of her face, Hermione rolled her eyes but failed to prevent the wide smile that reached her eyes and showed the brightness of her front teeth.

Ginny on the other hand, was unstoppable. When the redhead shouted something about a snowball fight, Hermione immediately took a large step back and raised her hands in defeat. Luna mumbled a sentence describing the dangers of yellow snow, but Hermione didn't quite pay attention.

So she let the two younger girls lose themselves in the unfathomable bliss of being drenched from head to toe.

If only she had brought a book...

Finding the first opportunity that she could, Hermione fled from the wads of mush held threateningly in their raised hands.

Now, trailing along the edge of the frozen lake, Hermione contented herself with leisurely observing the younger students wildly skating across the icy surface.

With a double jerk of her head, Hermione abruptly caught sight of a short crop of dark hair under an expensive hat.

Pansy.

Hermione frowned. She certainly hadn't forgotten what had taken place in Hogsmeade. She had been dying for the opportunity to speak to the Slytherin but feared meddlesome ears would pick up on any echoing conversations within the castle walls.

Pansy was standing on the very edge of the lake that brushed along the boundary of the Forbidden Forest. Back towards Hermione, the Slytherin appeared unnaturally still.

She was either captivated by the frostbitten branches of the twisted trees or was distracted by gloomy thoughts that were forced upon her when she came to this very spot.

Hermione assumed it was the latter and had a vague idea of what... or who... was the subject.

Hermione was in a quandary. She found herself marching straight toward Pansy but didn't know how to begin a conversation with a girl who she typically only engaged in screaming matches whenever they were within earshot of each other.

So Hermione decided to let history and routine guide her actions. "If you take one step into the forest," Hermione forced herself to shout loudly, "you will be in detention until the holidays!"

Pansy froze at the sound of her voice but quickly turned around when Hermione had finished.

"Don't worry, Mudblood! I have no intention of going in there," Pansy snarled.

Hermione merely rolled her eyes.

Teeth bared, Pansy finished whatever she was thinking. "Where's your pack of filthy blood traitors...?"

"Blood traitors?" Hermione interrupted. Her piqued voice rang high, the indignant question extremely evident. She couldn't help but smile sardonically. "Are you honestly accusing me of such things?"

Pansy paled.

Sharply turning back toward the wilderness, Pansy gazed out into the darkness of the Forbidden Forest once more, suddenly looking helpless.

"You know what I saw in Hogsmeade," Hermione continued haughtily. "I would think that sleeping with a werewolf wouldn't be the type of behavior advocated within pureblood socie..."

"THEY DON'T KNOW!" Pansy shrieked into the darkness. She stiffened slightly at her outburst, yet knew her voice wasn't facing toward intruding ears.

Hermione was shocked into silence by the sudden volume, but she only remained quiet until she was certain that Pansy had nothing else to add. "Who exactly is... 'they'? The purebloods... or the werewolves... ?"

"... or the Order?" Pansy added an arch laugh.

Two harsh crunches of snow treaded quickly towards Pansy. The Slytherin whirled around in alarm at the sound.

"What did you say?" Hermione growled with her wand in her hand. What business did Pansy have talking about the Order of the Phoenix? Hermione didn't realize it, but her saliva had bubbled in her throat as she had taken a threatening footstep toward Pansy. Like that of a lioness facing a predator who had threatened her cubs, Hermione's teeth were bared for all to see.

And Pansy instantly recognized this. "He told me about it. And I know... I... us... must remain a secret," she said weakly.

"Are you asking me to keep it a secret?"

"Have you told anyone?"

"I would NEVER betray Remus. There are many... friends and foes... who would not forgive him for this. I wouldn't cast him out like that."

Closing her eyes slightly, Pansy deeply exhaled. "Thank yo..."

"I am not doing this for you."

"I know," Pansy replied faintly, her dark eyes gazing down at the snow.

"Remus doesn't know I know," Hermione added. "And I certainly wouldn't tell Harry, Ron or Sirius... er... Professor Black."

Pansy's head snapped up. It seemed to be her turn to gaze at a classmate with knowing eyes. "You know... you have a lot of nerve to be involved with him."

"Who are you to judge?" Hermione responded immediately. Typically, Hermione's first instinct was always to deny such a relationship between her and Sirius, but she felt a need to defend him against someone like Pansy and the tone of the girl's voice. "A Slytherin in love with a werewolf," Hermione added sarcastically. "What does your boy-friend think of all this?"

"Theodore does not love me. We both know what the situation is, and his main objective is merely to gain a better footing in society..." Pansy suddenly cut herself off. Eyes widening, she disbelievingly shook her head. "Why on earth am I telling you all this? I have no reason to feel shame or doubt in how I show feelings towards someone else. I do not show Theodore affection because neither of us feels any. You, on the other hand... you know that man is in love with you, yet you torment him and encourage him every chance you get!"

Hermione was appalled. "I do not show Sirius..."

"Do you honestly enjoy being touched by the undead?" Pansy questioned quietly, taking a step toward her. "When you come into contact with him... anything personal that belongs to him... doesn't it feel like the very tips of your fingers...your very being has been suddenly iced over by a numbing chill..."

"What would you know about it?"

"I know what my master thinks of him. At the moment... if Sirius served his true purpose for being in this world now... he would be serving the Dark Lord."

"Your master..." Hermione stressed with a sneer. Hermione was certain that Voldemort told his followers a great many things, more than half of which were either false, exaggerated, or half-truths only to serve his means.

For all that he was, she couldn't think such things of Sirius.

"I didn't give him that title willingly," Pansy responded defensively, "or even with an ounce of reverence. I have to say it... feel it, even. It is the only way."

"For you," Hermione finished.

Narrowing her eyes, Pansy shook her head slightly. For the first time in a very long time, Hermione felt stupid.

"Of course, for me." Pansy raised her hand, derisively flicking her fingers at the House crest on her cloak. "Why would you feel such obligations?"

Obligations.

"I..." Hermione closed her mouth as she instantly thought of the Order. It was different... yet in some ways, the same. Hermione was not forced to blindly devote herself to someone who proclaimed to be the master of all. She had willingly and gladly made the choice to devote her dedication to the Order and to the Headmaster.

The blindness came after.

"Obligations... are not foreign to me," Hermione said carefully.

"Your obligations," Pansy sneered, "are not fueled by survival. Nothing that I do, I do to serve anyone or anything but my own interests."

"You could."

Pansy snorted.

"Keep Remus happy," Hermione said forcefully, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What?" Pansy paled again, as a soft girlish look came to her eyes.

"Remus would die for the Order. I have no doubt of that. Many of us would. Just make sure he feels pleasure... contentment, before it comes to that."

"That is all I ever want to show him." Pansy took another step toward Hermione.

"Then your obligations aren't very far off the mark from his... or mine."

Pansy clenched her jaw. It was evident that she desired to say something biting, but she at least had the grace to turn back toward the forest.

"Remus is out there... isn't he?" Hermione asked softly.

"He is."

"Do you know why?"

Pansy paused as her shoulders hunched. Hermione knew she didn't have right to ask such things of someone who was the very opposite of a friend. But Pansy meekly replied, "He's finally decided to confront his maker."

"Greyback?" Hermione gasped.

"Do not say his name to me!"

Hermione didn't feel true sorrow, so she wasn't going to insult the girl by forcing herself to say the words, but she did have the tact to refrain from asking more questions while diverting her eyes.

"I haven't seen him since... Hogsmeade was weeks ago... Oh... Remus."

The Head Girl in Hermione wanted to console the pitiful student before her standing ankle deep in snow... but she couldn't.

Her Head Girl rules and responsibilities did not typically apply to Slytherin house. Snape always made it a point to handle that house completely on his own.

Hermione was suddenly overwhelmed with the intense feeling of finding Severus. She instantly turned from Pansy at the thought. She did not feel that she was being rude by not saying goodbye. She'd never said such things to Pansy before, and she truly doubted that the Slytherin would appreciate it now. Hermione reasoned that the retreating sounds of her boots against the snow were adequate enough.

"My, my, my," a deep, silky voice drawled behind her. "Miss Granger outside playing with her peers. How juvenile."

Hermione slightly inhaled at the sound of his voice but caught herself in time to smoothly turn around.

"Good afternoon, Professor Snape." She flashed him a bright smile.

He merely raised an eyebrow in response.

"Have you come out of the dungeons for a bit of mid-morning ice skating?"

Severus sneered at the sight of the students gliding across the lake, screaming at the top of their lungs as they carelessly fell over each other.

"Certainly not. The very idea of me partaking in such a thing is beyond absurd."

Hermione wanted to laugh at such a predictable response from him, but she suddenly became distracted. She gazed up at him in bewilderment. "Why are you out here?"

Quickly growing sullen, Severus clenched his teeth before glaring at her. "Isn't it obvious?"

A heated flush spread up her neck, blossoming in the apples of her cheeks. Her face seemed to grow hotter when she realized that Severus had probably noticed. "I must admit, I feel a bit... anxious... speaking to you in the open like this."

"Now, why is that?" he asked silkily, intentionally taking an intimidating step toward her.

"It's very hard to stand next to you without touching you," she whispered.

Severus made an effort to speak as low as possible and looked at her with the full force of his black eyes. "So, I take it, you still desire to be in my presence?"

It didn't seem possible, but the bright red flush deepened in Hermione's cheeks. Her eyes gazed up at him as her hands clutched the scarf around her neck. "I desire a great many things... all of them involving you," she said earnestly.

Severus carefully looked around before closing his eyes and shaking his head disappointedly.

"Sentimental foolishness," he spat under his breath.

"Severus," Hermione gasped.

He whirled around again, searching any and every face within eyesight to see if someone had caught her slip. "Do watch your tongue, Miss Granger. I have a very low tolerance for insolent schoolgirls who forget their place."

The spell had been broken. Now, she couldn't remember why she had ached for his company only moments ago. Hermione turned her face away from him. "Don't do this," she whispered.

"Don't do what, Miss Granger?" he asked in mock bewilderment.

Hermione didn't have the patience for his games anymore.

"I asked you a question, Miss Granger."

Shooting him a frustrated glare, Hermione whirled away from him and turned in the direction of the castle.

Severus visibly flinched. His first instinct was to thrust his hand out and snatch her by the arm to face him, but he knew he couldn't touch her in the open. So he was forced to just watch her walk away.

Ignoring the cheerful calls of Ginny and Luna as she passed them, Hermione resolutely stalked up the castle steps and across the Entrance Hall. She heard hurried footsteps scrape behind her, but assuming it was just a student, thought nothing of it.

The second Hermione was about to cross the entrance to the Dungeons, her arm was instantly seized, dragging her down the dark steps.

"Wha...Professor Snape?" Hermione gasped in surprise.

"Do shut up, Miss Granger."

He looked furious.

He must have heard her mouth open because his face whipped around, glaring with an unspoken threat if she made a scene by fighting him.

Swallowing hesitantly, Hermione's feet tripped under her as she attempted to keep up with his pace.

Finally reaching his office, Severus yanked open the door and thrust her into the darkness.

She finally screamed once the door closed behind them.

"Dammit, Severus! What the hell do you think you are doing...?"

Eyes glinting with bottled emotions, Severus was upon her in an instant. He grasped Hermione by the waist, yanking her toward him as he silenced her with his lips.

Hermione opened her mouth in welcome, humming contentedly. She raised her arms around his neck and put all of her energy into the kiss.

Severus was breathing deeply through his nose, but Hermione found herself growing more relaxed by the moment.

"I'm sorry," she breathed as soon as she had the chance to draw breath.

"Whatever for?" he asked scornfully.

"Severus," Hermione scolded half-heartedly as he leaned down to press his face against her neck. "You know very well what I mean..." She suddenly gasped when his cold hand closed around her bum. "What are you doing?"

"Removing your knickers."

"Why?"

"I feel that I will not be able to think of a single thing that you could do to make up for your behavior unless they are removed."

Hermione reluctantly smiled to herself at his playfulness but then suddenly remembered something.

"What if," she said delicately, "I asked you... not to?"

Severus stiffened. Pulling his hands out from under her skirt, he returned them to her waist. "Do you... wish me not to?"

"I'll answer that in a moment. But if I said no, what would be your response?"

"I would stop immediately," he said with a frown.

Hermione smiled warmly, which made Severus even more confused.

"And what if I told you not to stop?" Hermione timidly grasped his hand, bringing it back to her bum. She felt very awkward doing something like that, here in his office, and it showed.

"Hermione," Severus chastised with a shake of his head.

She took a step toward him. "No, hush. Tell me, Severus. What if I told you not to stop, to always remove my knickers when you please..." Holding his hand against her, she pulled him as she took a few steps back toward his office desk.

She hesitantly lifted herself to sit on top of it, closing her thighs around his hips.

Severus sharply pulled both of his hands away from her, folded them across his chest and glared disapprovingly at her.

Her attempt at seduction was obviously futile. Deciding to act with her emotions, like she always did, Hermione exhaled deeply and closed her arms around his stiff body.

"I do not understand why you are so stubborn about this. I'm not going to hurt you, Severus."

"What?" he gasped.

"I promise never to reject you."

Severus quickly pushed her away. She gasped at the movement and at his sudden hold on her chin.

"Do mind your tongue, Hermione. I do not wish you to say such stupid nonsense merely because I desire it."

"I'm not saying nonsense! And I say these things because I desire to do them! I feel them...you desire it?"

Severus' upper lip curled as he clenched his eyes.

Growing angry, Hermione grasped the hand at her jaw, forcing him to pay attention. "Why would you even bother with me if you did not want me to be around constantly? If I didn't want anything consistent, then I wouldn't be bothering with you! Or maybe you don't have any faith that a silly schoolgirl could choose one, and only one, lover!"

Clenching his jaw, Severus looked menacingly at her. When he still didn't speak, Hermione attempted to push him away.

But he pushed himself against her, preventing her from getting off the desk.

"Let me go!"

"NO."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to leave!"

"What?" she asked in disbelief.

"Good God, Hermione, what the hell do you want me to say?"

She timidly looked down. "N-nothing," she said weakly. "That's enough for me."

Her chin was powerfully seized again, but not in anger. After all this, she was shocked that Severus desired to kiss her. And as he did, forcefully and energetically as he pulled her thighs around his hips, every muscle in her body was on the verge of melting.

*** *** ***

It didn't stop when Remus came to Hogwarts.

He cringed as he remembered this. In his hurry through the Forbidden Forest, Remus was thrashing his way under low branches and past thick brush. He was furious with himself for continuing to review every single childhood memory with a self-analytical eye.

It didn't stop, and he was too ashamed to admit it to anyone.

When Remus had begun his attendance at Hogwarts, he was instantly surrounded by an aura of safety.

Now, he believed that it was the suddenness of true fearlessness without resolution that had injured his mind further.

Dumbledore had been extremely kind to him as a young boy, especially in carefully preparing the Shrieking Shack for his transformations. The students had been safe from Remus, and he had been safe from Greyback. To this day, the wards surrounding that dilapidated building continued to prevent Greyback from entering it.

Remus had been safe, and he had been very assured of that at the time. However, after a few years had passed, and he'd entered young adulthood, he still hadn't been able to wrap his brain around it being that easy.

He'd had no closure.

So Remus had gone to find it.

The first time Remus had gone to him after being rescued from his cave, Greyback hadn't even looked at him.

Regardless of the fact that Remus despised the man with every feeling in his body, it was shocking how Greyback had not needed... or wanted... Remus in the least. Remus was appalled that he could feel such emotions as well as indignation that Greyback had very easily found another.

Remus had been hysterical that night. What could be worse than a man three times your age forcing himself on you for years? To Remus, a young man with a tortured mind and spirit, it was the unfamiliarity of rejection in a relationship that he'd never had the option to choose in the first place.

As sick and demented as it was, Greyback had been the only one to give him any attention when the rest of society had sneered at the sight of him.

And Remus easily recognized that he'd never enjoyed one minute of it.

Yet, being cast off before he'd had the chance to push, to cry, to truly say 'no'... he just couldn't understand it.

He had been safe at Hogwarts. He could have gone on with his life... but he hadn't. So when Greyback had first rejected Remus, Remus had gone back again, in search of the horror that was all he knew.

And he'd never forgiven himself for it.

Forcing himself to remember all this, Remus ran through the Forbidden Forest in search of John's cave.

Not him, Remus thought. He hadn't known the first thing about saving himself when he'd been young, but he would guide John... even if it meant losing his sanity.

Finally locating John's cave that night, he walked straight toward him without giving a single glance to anyone else hovering on the edges of the fissure. Remus' arm was suddenly seized with a pincer grip.

A furious growl rumbled deep in Remus' chest. He whirled around, alarming his attacker by crushing his hand against his throat.

He gasped and coughed until Remus allowed him to speak.

"You are not allowed to touch him!" a scratchy voice snarled. The man was older, ragged, with a deep scar blazing down the side of his face, which must have been the reason he only had one eye.

"Yeah? Says who?" Remus snarled in response.

"Don't be a fucking idiot! You know very well 'says who'!"

Remus pushed himself away in disgust. "Oh... so it's all right for Greyback to touch him, is that it?"

Grimacing, as if to prevent himself from vomiting, the older man quickly diverted his eyes to the floor. "I never said..."

"Tell me," Remus bellowed. "Do you and the others enjoy watching as you do nothing? Is this how you choose to live?"

"What choice do we have!" a young voice screamed from the side.

Remus whirled around at the familiarity of the sound. The other inhabitants quickly shrank back, pressing themselves against the stone walls, leaving John to stand alone.

Remus took a calm step toward the boy. "What do you mean?"

Clenching his jaw, John searched for the courage to speak further. "L-Look what your kind has done to us! It is because of the wizard's banishment that we live this way!"

"My kind?" Remus repeated. "I AM your kind."

Remus didn't mean to yell, and instantly regretted it at the hurt look on John's face. Scathing remarks hissed in response to the comment. Distinguishing the word 'pet' in the mix, Remus turned toward the fearful crowd.

"YES! I am your kind, but I am also theirs. It doesn't need to be 'us' versus 'them.' Regardless of what they call you, you have made the choice to live like a pack of wild wolves."

Remus turned toward the old man who had grabbed him. "But not one of you deserves the title of such a respectful and powerful creature. YOU ... all of you... are nothing but sheep! Following blindly what one man says because you think it is the only way to feel protected... secure. But secure to what? Did you know your master... Greyback... is a pet himself?"

Remus was forced to scream louder at the sound of hisses and cries. "All of this... all of you are here and lectured at for the benefit of the Dark Lord... Voldemort... to be his pawns."

Some of the hissing turned to growls. But making out a few calls for silence emboldened Remus.

"Yes, I said his name. I am not his follower. I am not his lamb, so I am gifted with the ability to speak it so freely... but what of your master, Greyback?

"What of him?" someone challenged far in the back.

"He will NEVER speak that name! Your master can't because he isn't a master... he can't because he's the one that does the kneeling. And all of you are following the orders of a low foot soldier. He cannot, and will not, have the means to deliver anything he promises you."

"You don't know what he promises us!"

"He made the same promises to me!"

Breathing hard and fast with adrenaline speeding through his veins, Remus found himself facing attentive ears and silent mouths. "I, on the other hand, I make no promises. I am merely here to inform you that your life doesn't have to be this," he waved his hand wildly around him and marched toward the opening of the cave.

"Yes, go out there into the wizarding world and you will be ridiculed. You will be sneered at and probably even spat at. But what it truly comes down to is... you will have normalcy. You can own property, possess normal jobs... I taught at Hogwarts for goodness sake! But honestly, how much horror do you think is waiting out there for you, when you would gladly choose this as the alternative?"

Exhaling deeply, Remus turned his back to the cool, clean air and marched toward his attentive crowd. "I have no expectations from you," he said earnestly, shaking his folded hands in the air. "I just want you to know your options... that you have options. Even the beast can be an option."

All of the heads around him snapped up. Some glared in reproachful anger, some in curious awe. But for the first time that Remus could remember, he had an audience who was willing to hear about the Wolfsbane Potion.

---

Author's Notes: As you can see from the author's notes in the last chapter, there is a specific scene that was promised but obviously isn't here. This chapter just grew so large over the past month that I had to push that scene to Chapter 20 (which is completed!). I apologize for any expectations.

-My very gifted beta, melusin, has been a godsend.

-Chapter title taken from John Milton's Paradise Lost, Book xi, Line 485.

-Next up: Pansy can't stand the distance she has had with Remus, and takes things into her own hands... under the watchful eyes of Hermione. Sirius confronts Dumbledore and Snape confronts himself. Death Eaters, raids, Forbidden Forest, lies and revelations.