(one shot)
Chapter 1 of 1
ubiquirkIf you have nothing left, and you weren't completely whole to begin with, what do you do? A tale of obsession. Warning - Ambiguously Dark Snape.
ReviewedIf he were a better man, he wouldn't be sitting in his cramped, dingy parlor pondering what role he'd play this evening. Perhaps the bulky blue-eyed blond or better yet the black West Indian. Both of these are options he hasn't used recently. The question is more a matter of which fits his mood.
Things had been fairly rough last night he'd gone as the short, balding husband whose wife refused to let him 'manhandle' her. She may be in need of comfort one of the gentle ones then.
His right wrist tingles with the charm he's set to let him know when she leaves her flat, and he confirms the time by setting his watch. Using the Tube, it'll take her a half hour to arrive at her spot. For the first few months, he'd follow her every night, Disillusioned, making sure no one else approached her. Now, he simply arrives ten minutes before the earliest possible time she could arrive and wards off any competing suitors. It gives him much more time to make his decision.
Descending the creaky steps to his cellar lab, he lets its dankness surround him. The single naked bulb throws adequate light on the central bench while leaving the edges of the room in shadow. His collection rests in the circle of light, holding pride of place.
~~~
He's created an entire cast of 'regulars' for her by separating and compartmentalizing his various sexual appetites and moods into disparate personas. Polyjuice allows him to house these creations in distinctly different bodies, and a vocal glamour alters his voice and accent accordingly. He smirks, wondering what the Muggle authorities made of the 'Haircut Harasser' The Sun's appellation for him when he stunned and shaved the heads of a series of men in Manchester a year ago.
Under each jar of hair rests a sheet of parchment with notes in his personal shorthand. They list the name of each particular john, the particular vocal glamour to use, how to dress, how much to tip. After such mundanities, comes the more interesting information: which sexual acts to request, how long to last, how tender/rough to be, how vocal. Lastly, each provides entries on her responses: how wet she becomes, if she ever truly orgasms instead of merely faking. On a separate sheet, he tracks the frequency of each character used because, except for the three who see her every week on the same days Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays he varies the visits enough to allay suspicion.
Her Wednesday regular, Gary, is the working-class, rough husband, who tweaks her nipples past the point of pain, bites her neck, and rides her hard and fast. He tips five quid and smacks her bottom before leaving. He never meant for Wednesdays to be so rough, but if she's had a 'good' week, she takes Mondays and Tuesdays off to have a bit of a rest. He makes sure she always has a good week because he doesn't want her to fall ill; yet by Wednesday he burns for her with an intensity gentleness will not satisfy. She grows wet with Gary, but probably only as a protective measure, and never orgasms.
Saturdays, he plays the part of a young, thin, spotty sort with a public school accent Nigel. Like an eager puppy, he falls all over her, fondling her breasts and rubbing his erection against her stomach, kissing her neck wetly while pumping quickly and shallowly into her. He comes loudly and tips extravagantly. Through him alone, she makes her weekly rent. She typically grows wet and proceeds to orgasm one out of seven times.
For Sundays, he's devised the middle-aged Indian man, Naseer, who loves his arranged-marriage wife, but finds she has no time for him now that there are children. He takes her slowly, moving with a practiced, remorseless pace that he can maintain for at least half an hour, drawing out his pleasure since he won't see her for two days. This languorous onslaught always makes her wet, and she orgasms every third time.
He rotates the rest of the regulars for Thursdays and Fridays. Some see her every fortnight, others once every three months, and none offer their name.
There's the bulky blue-eyed blond, who only wants 'rear entry' while holding her head up by her hair, arching her back into a bow that makes the sensation pleasurable for him, but less so for her. He lasts about ten minutes and is careful to make no sound; she never grows wet or orgasms.
In order to let her realize the possible delights of the position, his young Chinese persona also requests to take her from behind. Only he has her place her hands on the ground and lower her head, improving the angle for simultaneous G-spot and cervical stimulation. This results in wetness and regular orgasms on her part.
The middle-aged character with thinning grey hair, a beard, and washed out eyes pushes into her with gasping pants and always cries after coming. While she never evinces any true pleasure at his attentions, she does hold him for a while afterwards and strokes the back of his neck. Such a cathartic release makes him uncomfortable; he tries to avoid this persona as much as possible, but is called to it once a month.
One of his favorites is the black West Indian, who holds her tenderly and croons continuously in her ear as he slides his cock in and out of her in long, slow strokes. This man is stereotypically well hung, so he always makes sure to prepare her with his fingers first. She is therefore usually wet and orgasms about every other visit.
There's the distinguished looking older gentleman, who only performs cunnilingus. He pretends impotence in this form and never lets her touch him due to seeming embarrassment. In actuality, he hides his raging erection from her and masturbates fiercely as soon as he returns to Spinner's End, her taste lingering on his lips. He makes sure to avoid her clitoris in this form, and she hardly ever grows wet and never orgasms, but the twenty pound tips give her a bit of extra spending money.
Because he can't get enough of eating her cunny, he's added in a second such john this one a dark-haired, average looking man, who delights in eating her loudly. With moans, smacks, and slurps, he allows himself to give voice to how delightful he finds her taste, her smell, her. He masturbates freely while kneeling in front of her, exploding on her shins, and continues to tongue her clitoris until she too orgasms.
The aristocratic looking blond, handsome and aware of it, refuses to touch her. He demands oral sex, and she kneels before him on the rough pavement while he snarlingly calls her a slut and a whore who must love having his cock in her mouth. Throwing her money on the ground, he stalks off, yet always pays extra. He's never sure if she derives any pleasure from these encounters.
His cruel sense of humor extends to one of his creations: the ginger-headed hoodlum, who never evinces any knowledge of foreplay, comes quickly, and never tips. She gasped the first time he approached her in this guise, and a part of him felt guilty at causing her hope while the darker part of him reveled in the look of resignation on her face when she could see it was no one she knew. He wants her to have no salvation other than him.
The character he plays the least frequently is the one that comes closest to embodying what he'd like to be for her, if he were a better man. For this, there's no Polyjuice. Using glamours, he shortens his hair, resculpts his nose, and erases his frown lines. He charms his voice so that he can only speak in a whisper. He dresses in faded blue jeans, a colored t-shirt, and a tan jacket. It's the only time he gets to taste her with his own tongue, feel her with his own cock. He pays her double and asks for everything: she fellates him to a quick, quiet orgasm; he tastes her gently, lapping at her clitoris while one finger strokes her G-spot until she climaxes; and by then he's hard again, so he stands and enters her, drawing it out, stroking her clitoris so she'll come again with him. He whispers that she's beautiful, that she feels divine, that he loves to hear her pleasure. He holds her afterwards for a few minutes and strokes her hair. Although these encounters give him more satisfaction than any of the others, he worries that if he approaches her this way too often, she'll recognize him.
~~~
His watch reminds him that twenty minutes have passed. He adds a curly, black hair from his collection to a waiting vial, downs the potion, and performs a cleansing spell on his mouth she's smart enough to smell the Boomslang.
Once his clothing is transfigured, he Apparates to the doorway of an abandoned building two alleys over from her usual corner. He waits in the dark for her to pass.
~~~
He's not sure exactly how she came to be in this predicament, but he can make educated guesses.
Her parents were killed a month before the Final Battle by Death Eaters, who firebombed their house and place of business; this left her emotionally and financially destitute. Too old to be a ward of the Ministry, she stayed with Potter or the Weasleys until the Battle, whereupon she saw most of them die. The chaos of the first few days of the Dark Lord's rule gave her time to slip away into the Muggle world.
She must have renounced all magic even the smallest spell could be tracked through her wand by the Death Eater-controlled Ministry. Also, she'd have to assume a new identity Voldemort may have hated the Muggle world, but knew enough about it to search for someone.
But why wasn't she more prepared to go Muggle? Why hadn't she been able to find something better?
Is it depression, survivor's guilt? He's never been able to ask, but it isn't hard to read the bleakness of her eyes.
As if she feels she deserves no better.
That he can understand.
~~~
Someone walks past, but it's not her. He settles in to wait again.
~~~
The only reason he'd been able to use a locator spell to find her was because of a lock of hair stolen while she lay stunned after Potter's fall. About three months after the Final Battle, he'd cast the charm over a map of England and seen she was in London. Recasting over a London map clarified that she was in an exclusively Muggle area northwest of Leister Square and too near tourists for most of Wizarding kind, but close enough to the West End to guarantee fairly decent clientele. She was always intelligent.
He watched her disappear into the alley with johns for a month, returning home to masturbate over the sights and sounds. His empty house mocked him.
It took him two weeks to create the collection with its matching personas two weeks in which he barely ate or slept. His frame became overly thin, his skin dull. Manic fire played in his eyes, and his hands constantly trembled.
When he had her the first time, he was so overwhelmed that he almost lost consciousness upon climaxing.
He'd allowed her to be with no other man since.
~~~
Hearing her stilettos tap out a familiar tattoo on the pavement, he looks up to see her pass his hiding spot and emerges a few moments later to follow her.
She's almost painfully thin; he makes sure she has enough money for food, but he can't fix her lack of appetite. Every step causes her short, platinum blond curls to bounce due to her slightly exaggerated hip swing. The color looks horrible against her skin, highlighting its unhealthy pallor, but he finds her beautiful. The skirt is tight and short, and she won't be wearing anything under it. Her street name is Honey.
He's already hard.
~~~
If he were a better man, he'd tell her she needn't hide anymore that even though Potter died in the Final Battle, his last curse worked by eating away at Voldemort slowly, killing him within the month; that the remaining Death Eaters were ousted from power a mere two months later.
If he were a better man, he wouldn't be moving within her depths, fighting off his orgasm to increase his time with her, while crooning nonsensical words in her ear.
If he were a better man, he'd save her, so that she could be free of him.
AN: I've left Snape's loyalties purposefully ambiguous, and I hope the story works whether you think he was faithful to either the Order or Voldemort. More importantly, I hope I have not glorified prostitution. While some women enter into it willingly and enjoy it, it can be horrible for women forced into it, as I believe Hermione is here.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for If He Were a Better Man
23 Reviews | 7.7/10 Average
An ambigious, not really redeemed Snape is a frighteningly attractive thing. Well done.
ooh wow. that was really excellent.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm very happy you enjoyed the story!
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm very happy you enjoyed the story!
Woah! That was really very very good! I almost freaked at her street name though - *looks around furtively* I wonder whether people will think that I...
No.. no, not about me, but yes, I did very much enjoy this, and the way he'd carefully constructed all these other men, their personalities... just so he could have her. I wonder though, if he had freed her, whether she would have wanted anything to do with Severus Snape.
As a little shout out to my region of the world, I was rather proud that the West Indian man did it for her the best! ;o)
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it! Hee! Sex-god West Indians and Honey! I swear I wrote this before I knew you!
I think that if she were mentally healthy, she woudn't have anything to do with him - I think he's too broken.
But see - this one's all clinical and detached, though I guess I thought he was like that here. I'd like to do something more primal such as you did.
Response from HogwartsHoney (Reviewer)
*grins*
Yes, it is a bit on the clinical side, but I thought that it fit perfectly into what we know (or think we know) of him in canon. I'd imagine that in a situation like this, he'd be pretty much like that - it certainly rang true to me.
Looking forward to something primal! ;o)
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Maybe I'll have an angsty primal bunny after I finish getting Severus and Giles to shag. Stubborn men! (grins)
You write a very believable possessive, obsessive Snape. Keeping lists of type of sex, tips, her lubrication, orgasms, and a rotation of the johns that he becomes? That's obsessed.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm really glad you liked the story and this vision of SS as obsessed - that's just what I was going for!
I've read this a few times now and it doesn't cease to be extremely well done. If you're ever inclined I wouldn't be opposed to reading a sequel or the fic again from Hermione's POV. ;D I'd love to know what she's thinking through all this.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! It's so good to hear that this story is standing the test of time for you! It's one that's close to my heart for various reasons.
That said, I don't know if I'll ever be able to write a sequel or HG's POV. Maybe if some of my other stories let me go.
Wow. This is unbelievably well-done. I don't believe you glorified prostitution in the slightest. I felt Hermione's pain and anguish, even though it was through Snape's eyes. The last line - powerful.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it and found that the difficulties of her situation came through for you! And as twisted as he is here, I feel like he may still be a sympathetic character as well.
Well written and somewhat disturbing!
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm glad you found it disturbing because that's part of what I was going for.
So creepy, disturbing and sad and so well written.
Ah... very sad, but so very good. Creepy (but wonderfully portrayed, kudos!) obsessive Snape! Boy. Such a good but horrible, sad story. Angst angst angst. ;) I'm just starting to read all your stories -- very lovely, definitely enjoyed Back in Black too, hee! :D
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm so very glad you liked the story! You're right - it is very angsty, but I'm happy that the obsessiveness came through!
Very well done. :)
Great story so sad but beautifully written.
I liked the ambiguity with which you describes his feelings towards her. I can see canon-Snape not being a "better man" but using her situation to gain what he wants. He is obsessed but obviously not in love. Interesting and thought provocing
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks. You're right - he isn't in love, per se, but that's also because he's too broken to love.
Wonderful. I loved the darkness of this and agree with others who are requesting something from Hermione's point of view.
There's such a sense of despair here, both in her (as noticed by him) and in him. As if this really is the best they can get in the situation.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'd love to write a sequel, but broken Hermoine isn't speaking to me. Her character only speaks to me with a voice of strength.
Oooh. Dark, obsessive, and a very interesting look at a worst-case scenario. Kudos.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the darkness of it.
*claps* Very well done. I like the ambiguity of it. Lovely writing -- I hope to read more from you!
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I hope to have more coming soon, though it might not be this dark.
Very creative and intriguing story -- any thoughts of a sequel, or perhaps a re-telling from Hermione's point of view? While it's clear that Severus has gone to a great deal of effort to prevent Hermione from knowing who he is, I find it a bit hard to believe that a few simple glamours would prevent her from recognizing the man in the tan jacket as her former Potions professor -- especially if HBP is taken into consideration, since Hermione was the one who found out Severus's father was a Muggle. Even in spite of Severus's previous experience as a double agent, I also find it a bit hard to believe that Severus would be able to sustain the deception indefinitely. Most liars eventually slip and give themselves away through an unconscious word or gesture -- and while Hermione's evident state of poor health might have dulled her wits somewhat, her occupation is also something of a dangerous one. Especially after having been through a war against the likes of the Death Eaters, I think Hermione would be attuned to signs that her john is not all that he appears to be. It's no surprise to me why Hermione has been forced into prostitution -- she wouldn't have had any academic records in the Muggle world after the age of 11 or so, so how likely is it that she would be able to get a better job?
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! You're right - that's his most dangerous persona to adopt, and that's why he does so only every 2 or 3 months. But, as you say, Hermione is smart, and he knows it. There must be a part of him that wants to be caught.
The ambiguity of Snape is very well done here. His thorough cataloging of all the clients harkens to what must have been his method with potions. My only question would be - where does he get his money from? And as another reviewer said - Hint! Her view would be interesting - possibly that she knows they are one in the same. Good job, either way.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I don't think I could have kept his allegiance ambiguous and have fleshed out how he made a living; however, he's so obsessed he'd do whatever it took.
I think this is spot on for the Snape character very well written. I like the darker stories. I like the anominity (sp?) of the characters also. It reminds me of the sybil I read a lifetime ago.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! I purposefully didn't use names. He thinks of her as 'her.' I'm glad it worked for you.
What a powerful story. I don't think I blinked once as I gobbled it up the first time, then went back for a more thoughtful read. Wonderful Snape in this one -- He is so thorough in his obsessiveness, can't imagine him elsewise. As always, I long for a happier ending for our two protagonists, but this story is a fabulous stand-alone. However, I will hint for a sequel: Hint!
I like your nom de plume -- made me think of the Gregorian Chant "Ubi caritas et amor Deus ibi est." (Where there is charity and true love, God is there) Where there is Quirk(iness). Sorry, do like your sig, just couldn't resist.
I look forward to reading more of you work. Please do write more soon, sequel or otherwise!
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! He's obsessively obsessive-compulsive.
ubiquirk is a combination of ubiquitous and quirky, but also a homage to Philip K. Dick's Ubik. I'm glad you asked - I'd never heard that chant before.
I liked this story. You've depicted two suffering people from Snape's POV, and it works well. I count Severus among the suffering people because he clearly needs a psychiatrist; he doesn't even try to gain her attention through more conventional ways. BTW This story didn't feel like glorifying prostitution to me.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! Yes, I think he's gone schizophrenic - I'm glad you mentioned needing a psychiatrist.
Quite moving. You made me feel quite sorry for both of them. Great job with very difficult subject matter.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! You're spot on - they're both broken.
I think you did well with the subject matter at hand, and in a grim sort of way, I find it endearing that he would do all of this for her. He's obsessed, yes, and selfish, too, but I can understand him--odd, isn't it? :) All the scenarios were written with great imagery and description. Thanks for you post.
Response from ubiquirk (Author of If He Were a Better Man)
Thanks! In the back of my mind, I see him chasing off pimps and bullying landlords into cheaper rent for her. He does care - it's just twisted.
An amazing read no matter how many years have passed. Thank you for such a marvelously twisted, sad yet poignant story!