Surviving Potions

Chapter 16: Surviving Potions

Monday was the start of classes, after the end of the holiday break. Mondays were again a Potions-free day for Rowan. She was grateful for a whole day to settle back into a normal routine before facing her first class with Snape.

Her most difficult class today was double Charms in the afternoon. The class was long to give them extra time to practice for the practical portion of their Charms N.E.W.T.

Rowan sat in Charms class and listened to Professor Flitwick explain advanced mending charms. He told them that this was very likely to come up on their N.E.W.T. practical, not to mention being a valuable skill for everyday life.

"Simple charms, such as Reparo, are used for simple items made from non-organic or mostly non-organic substances. They work best on plain glass, metal and ceramics, and cause the broken edges to fuse as if they had never parted.

"Repairing items made from organic substances, such as wood or textiles, is more difficult, because the inner structure of natural organic substances is so complex. Plant and animal fibers must be aligned precisely and each individual mated to its original counterpart, or the repair will be easily visible. You will recall that we began working on charms to accomplish this last year.

"The task is still more exacting if the item is decorated. A torn piece of tapestry or brocade is much more difficult to mend invisibly than a plain linen bed sheet. Another complication arises if the decoration is of a different form or substance than the main body of the item. A wooden item may be painted with solid colors or complex, subtle designs. The paint may be a combination of animal, vegetable and mineral substances.

"Very few witches and wizards are able to master the complexity of performing this sort of repair. Your practicals will not require the most difficult combinations. If you find, however, that you have an aptitude for this sort of work, you might consider requesting a more advanced test. Extra credit on the repair practical could offset lost points in an area where you are weak."

When he had finished his explanatory lecture, Professor Flitwick refreshed their memory of the various mending charms they had learned in previous years. He then described how these charms could be used effectively in combination, in order to effect a more complete repair. Finally, he described an advanced seeking charm, which could be used to make each individual fiber of a broken or torn item attracted to only its former partner on the other side. "When all the bits are properly lined up, the mending spells will be more effective," he told them.

Finally, he passed out torn bits of brocade from some old upholstered sofa cushions and told them to practice. The class got to work in a storm of swishing and flicking. Ariadne chewed her lip in frustration as the mended edges of her pieces showed a clear seam. Rowan found, though, that she did have an affinity for difficult repairs; her mend was nearly invisible.

"Excellent work, Miss Bourne. Five points to Ravenclaw," Flitwick said happily, when he passed their table.

Snape appeared in his usual spot at the staff table at both lunch and dinner on Monday. Rowan picked a spot deep in the Ravenclaw table, facing the other way, so that she wouldn't have to work at avoiding looking at him all through her meal. Her position also meant she couldn't tell if his eyes strayed to her more than they should have, or whether he was better able to master himself, or, most likely, she thought glumly, if it were just no trouble for him at all.

Inevitably, Tuesday dawned and Potions class was on her schedule. Sucking in a deep breath, Rowan entered the classroom and sat down in her usual spot next to Edgar. She set out her cauldron, put her wand away and practiced thinking calm thoughts while she waited.

Right on schedule, Snape strode in through the connecting door from his office and sat at the desk in front of the class. Rowan picked up her quill and concentrated on taking notes while he lectured on today's potion. She avoided looking at him, but she found that deep, velvety voice insinuating itself into her consciousness. Would she really be hearing that voice, speaking for her alone, every day? What would it be like to wake up and hear him bid her good morning? Go to sleep with his goodnight in her ears?

Guiltily, Rowan looked up when she felt Edgar's elbow digging into her ribs. There was Snape, standing right in front of the desk. Judging by his expression, he'd just asked a question, and she hadn't the foggiest notion what he'd been saying.

"Five points from Ravenclaw, Miss Bourne, and may I suggest that you pay attention from now on? Mr. Bracken, perhaps you can answer the question for Miss Bourne?"

Clearly Edgar had been paying attention and not fantasizing about the Potions master. He answered calmly and accurately. "The Potion of Hallucination is used to help identify and treat certain kinds of mental illness. It is very important to take the subject's wand away before giving them the draught, because if they attempt to do magic under its influence they can muddle the spells and get unexpected or even dangerous results."

Snape looked disgruntled that he could find no fault with this response, so moved on to a new set of victims in the next row. Rowan breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. Her relief was short-lived, though; when Snape returned down the row towards his desk, he paused and spoke to her. "Miss Bourne, a word with you after class." Uh oh. Not good. Edgar gave her a look of sympathy but there was nothing he could do to help.

When he finished his lecture, Snape flicked his wand at the board, and the instructions for brewing the Potion of Hallucination appeared on it. He sat down and began to grade homework while the class set to work. Glancing up, Rowan saw he was using one of the black swan quills she had given him and smiled a little. Edgar followed her eyes and whispered in her ear. "I've never seen him use anything but a plain white quill before. What gives?"

"Maybe it was a Christmas gift," Rowan whispered back.

"Who'd give that git a present?" Edgar snorted.

Thinking fast, Rowan made a joke of it. "Filch?"

Edgar snickered and they both got back to work. When class was over, and everyone else had left, Edgar giving her an apologetic glance on his way out, Rowan went up to Professor Snape's desk.

"You wanted to speak to me, sir?"

"Yes, Miss Bourne. I recalled recently that you had requested assistance from me on your project at the end of the last term. I had promised to give you some suggestions which might further your research. Here is a list of three potions which might have the required effect, and the names of the books where you can find the instructions." He handed her a sheet of parchment with the information written on it in his spiky handwriting.

Rowan had all but forgotten her request, especially since it appeared her project would not be part of her grade for the class. She took the list from Professor Snape and looked at it, but her confusion must have been apparent on her face.

"You are, I believe, quite close to accomplishing your stated goal, Miss Bourne. It would be a pity to have to fail you for it now."

Rowan was startled, at first, then understood. Now that the students had returned, Snape would never speak unguardedly about their circumstances, unless he was certain they could not be overheard. He meant to tell her that it would be suspicious if she stopped working on the project now. Truth to tell, Rowan really didn't want to abandon it. She'd worked so hard; she wanted to see it to the end. "Thank you, Professor. I understand."

"Good. I look forward to seeing the results. One more thing, Miss Bourne," Snape added, as Rowan appeared about to escape. "I sincerely hope that today's display of inattentiveness is not an example of how you intend to conduct yourself for the rest of the term. Your work to date has been quite acceptable, despite your tendency to daydream in class. I would rather see an improvement in your final term than watch you sink into complete catatonia. Do I make myself clear?"

A keen instinct for self preservation suggested to Rowan that her situation would not be improved by confessing she'd been daydreaming about him. "Yes, Professor."

"Very well, you are dismissed." Rowan grabbed her things and skedaddled.

After that first class, Rowan got a grip on herself and did a better job of concentrating -- at least in Potions. She and Professor Snape settled into a pattern that worked well enough. Snape was no more or less sarcastic to Rowan than he was to anyone else; Rowan did her best and avoided daydreaming in class. She still slipped up sometimes, but she didn't think Snape minded too much; it gave him an opportunity to deduct points and make sure she didn't look like a favorite. If Rowan went too long without an error or obvious inattentiveness, Snape would find something absurd to dock a point or two for anyway, just to be on the safe side. She mentally dubbed these "for being my fiancee" points and ignored them.

January passed into February. Rowan kept busy at her classwork, her studying, and also her invisibility fabric project. She had looked up the potions which Professor Snape had suggested in the library. Several of them were lengthy processes, so she organized her notes carefully and began assembling ingredients. Professor Snape allowed her a spot in the student workroom, where she could leave potions in progress when they required lengthy boiling or setting time.

There was a Hogsmeade trip the weekend before Valentine's Day, as there was every year. This time Edgar and Ariadne went together. Rowan decided to stay behind; the weather was iffy, and there wasn't anything she needed to buy. She slept in, then had a late breakfast or possibly an early lunch, made up of random bits of food toasted over the common room fire.

In the early afternoon, she went to the student workroom to check on one of her potions. She found it had set to the gelatinous consistency described in the instructions and turned the correct shade of grey. She warmed it, and added two tablespoons of alcohol, which made the potion again liquid. She then checked the instructions carefully and prepared for the next stage.

Snape, meanwhile, had been checking over the more isolated corners of the dungeon and paying a visit to the Slytherin dorm. When the majority of the students were out of the castle, those remaining had a tendency to take advantage of the lack of witnesses. He found two first-years hexed and stuffed into closets, and a second year hanging by her ankles behind a banner in the common room. After rescuing them, and making a note to himself to have a word with the perpetrators, he headed back towards his own rooms.

As he walked back along the empty corridor, he wondered what Rowan was doing that day. He scowled to himself as he remembered spotting her and Bracken walking back from Hogsmeade the last trip day and having to watch that snot kiss her. It occurred to him to wonder, for the nth time, what she felt for Bracken. It had been bad enough before, when he had merely assumed that it meant he had no chance with her. But what now? Was he about to marry a girl in love with someone else? What, he stopped suddenly in the middle of the hall, what if it occurred to her to marry Bracken instead of himself? He'd be off the hook, free to stop worrying about her, and no need to be concerned what she thought of him. Maybe he should suggest it to her. This idea did not raise his spirits; gloom settled on him as he resumed walking.

Turning the corner, he saw Rowan just ahead of him, headed towards the student workroom. He slowed and silenced his footsteps, so he could watch her. Something had changed in her step since the end of last term. She still had that lovely carriage, but she didn't move with quite the same confidence she used to. Guilt sidled up to join gloom in Snape's mood. They settled in together for a nice visit while Snape watched Rowan working on her potion from the doorway.

When he saw that she had finished what she was doing and had started looking up the instructions, he asked her, "What are you doing here?"

Rowan turned and raised an eyebrow. She'd have thought it was obvious. "Tending to my brewing. This one was due for the next step."

"I thought you'd be in Hogsmeade. Today is the Valentine's trip, is it not?"

"And who, exactly, would I be going with?" I didn't notice you inviting me to Madam Puddifoot's for ice-cream and a snog. Rowan struggled to keep her laughter at that notion from escaping. She had been feeling down, and she found it rather wretched that there would be no such scenes during her engagement, but amusement won out, and her eyes sparkled mischievously.

"What about your Mr. Bracken?"

So he had noticed, Rowan thought. And that was last term too, before any of this happened. She felt her spirits lifting a little.

"He's hardly my Mr. Bracken. I believe Edgar is in Hogsmeade with Ariadne."

Snape frowned and observed her narrowly. She didn't sound particularly upset by this. Gloom stood up to take a powder, relief took his place, but guilt stayed put; she still didn't look herself.

"Are you going to be busy here for long?"

"Only a few minutes more; I want to be sure I'm ready for the next step. Did you want to lock the room?"

"No, take your time. I wanted to speak with you, if you could spare a few moments?"

"Certainly, Professor." Rowan wondered what that could be about. She couldn't think of any reason she might be in trouble.

"Please come to my office when you are through," Snape said, leaving the room.

When Rowan had finished and cleaned up, she went to Snape's office and knocked on the door. He ushered her in, then closed and warded it behind her. She looked at him in some surprise. What could he have to say that required this level of caution? He seemed faintly embarrassed and was holding something in his hand.

"I have been wanting to give this to you, Miss Bourne, but it has been difficult to find a suitable time. With most of the students out in the village, we should be able to have a few minutes undisturbed."

Rowan was now wildly curious. Snape opened his hand and held out a small box to her. She took it and opened it. Inside was a ring of silver, or perhaps white gold, shaped like a snake with its tail in its mouth. Its eyes were two tiny emeralds. There was also a long chain, the ring strung on it like a bead. It was lovely. Rowan looked up at Snape, questioningly.

"The ring was my mother's. I intended it to be your wedding ring, but it will serve as an engagement ring as well. Wear it on the chain for now; it is long enough for the ring to remain hidden." Snape paused for a moment, as if unsure whether to continue. "I have placed some charms on it for your safety."

Rowan caught her breath and looked up into Snape's face. She wasn't entirely sure what she was looking for, or even if she'd recognize it if she found it.

"Thank you.... Would you put it on?"

Snape dipped his long fingers into the box and lifted out the ring and chain. Setting the box on the desk, he took the chain in both hands and slipped it over Rowan's head. She cupped the ring in her palm to looked at it more closely. It looked worn; likely his mother had not been the first wearer. Rowan liked that; she was so new to the Wizarding world, the feeling of connection to its past comforted her.

"It's lovely." She tipped her head back to look at Snape again, her eyes were wide and lips slightly parted. Would he kiss her now?

Snape looked down into her face. Rowan had every appearance of a woman expecting to be kissed. It had been a very long time since he had seen one of those, except as an unwelcome intruder into an illicit student liaison, but he still recognized the species. He wanted to, very much, but his dratted conscience was reminding him that she was still a student. Also his remaining common sense warned him against frightening her with the intensity of his desire. After what she had endured from him, it seemed almost miraculous that she should want him to kiss her. If she knew what he was feeling, she would surely bolt.

Rowan took his hesitancy for disinterest, or worse, and pulled back, looking hurt.

"You are still my student, Miss Bourne," Snape said, to fill the empty space that had suddenly grown between them.

"I know," Rowan answered softly. "But couldn't we set that aside for a few minutes? You could at least call me by my first name." She had a sudden thought. She'd been woefully ignorant of Wizarding customs in this area before; was she committing some horrible gaffe now? "Is it normal, then, among wizards, to marry a near stranger? Without any sort of intimacy at all beforehand? It seems very strange to me."

"No, it isn't usual," Snape answered her, sliding into his teaching voice. "Except in the very upper classes of society, and not common among them either."

"Then, is it that ... does it bother you that I'm a Mudblood?" Rowan used the ugly term, looking for a reaction. He was a Slytherin, after all. It wasn't that she'd forgotten that, but she'd never felt that he shared the general prejudice of his House.

There was nothing dirty or common about this young woman, Snape thought angrily. She shouldn't have to think such a thing of herself. "No, it doesn't. I admit that in my youth I believed ... many dangerously foolish things. I learned some hard lessons, Miss ... Rowan. I hope that I now know better."

"Well, then?" Rowan looked tentatively up at him again. Snape decided that further objection served no useful purpose. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he leaned down and kissed her on the mouth. Lightly at first, then more insistently as he felt her welcome it.

Rowan felt her stomach start to levitate up her chest; her breath came faster and her knees felt weak. Snape's arms wrapped tightly around her and he pulled her close. Rowan wanted to fix everything about this moment in her memory, but desire interfered with coherent thought. She could only register random impressions: strong, wool-covered arms holding her up, a line of hard buttons pressing into her sternum, straight black hair brushing her cheek, warm lips pressing hers, teasing them open. She sighed a little and melted against him.

Responding fervently to this evidence of her sensuality, Snape's kiss now grew hard and demanding. Snape moved one arm up her back and wound his fingers into her hair. He held her head immobile with the hand behind her head and kissed her again, deeply.

Rowan found herself putting her arms around his shoulders and kissing back for all she was worth. She felt him groan, the vibration of it against her chest, and hold her still tighter. His breathing was harsh and his eyes, when he let up kissing her to look at her, glittered fiercely. Her eyes do go smoky, he thought with satisfaction, as her eyelids opened momentarily, wondering why he'd stopped.

He leaned down again, but passing her lips, kissed her along the jaw-line and down her neck. She felt him taste her sweat that had pooled in the hollow there, dripping down from her hair.

Dazed as she was, she didn't immediately recognize how thoroughly Snape was aroused. When she became aware of the hard lump where her abdomen pressed against him, and realized what it meant, she chilled suddenly. The sultry haze that had been filling her mind cleared, and she became aware that she was in a near-empty castle, behind warded doors, with a man who was both much older than she and clearly more experienced. A man who she knew, for a fact, must once have been much more evil than good. Where was this going to go?

Once that aura of danger surrounding her professor had secretly thrilled her. That was before she understood that threats were sometimes followed by action and that peril was more likely to result in pain than pleasure.

Snape felt her stiffen and forced himself to break off the kiss, as his body screamed in protest.

"Is that what you had in mind?" His voice and his question were harsh, but he made sure she was balanced on her feet before he let her go.

Glad to be released, Rowan looked up at him, shocked at herself for responding to his ardor so easily.

When he'd taken her that night, he had remained himself, controlled, as she'd always known him. This side of him was new to her. It held a promise of something wonderful, thrilling, but it frightened her too.

She couldn't answer him; she barely recalled that he'd asked a question.

Snape stood, breathing harshly, as he collected himself. He had known this would happen once he started. He should not have allowed it to begin.

"I told you that I would not approach you this way, and I meant it. If you come to me anyway, I cannot promise to be gentle. Do you understand?"

Rowan thought she was beginning to. He had known he would frighten her; his distance had been to shield her. Her breathing was slowing, and the pounding of her heart gave way to a mere desperate thudding. "I think so."

"It's time for you to go. Past time, I should think," Snape told her, unwarding the door. He guided her towards it by the elbow. Before he could open it, she turned to face him. She realized the ring still hung outside her blouse. She took it in her hand, dropped it under her shirt and felt it slide down out of sight.

She appreciated Snape's gesture in giving her his mother's ring, and spelling it for her. She wondered what charms he'd seen fit to place on it. Feeling the cool metal between her breasts reminded her that he had taken thought for her safety. It calmed her alarm and brought her a measure of peace. He must care, at least a little, she thought to herself.

Seizing her courage in both hands, she reached up and kissed him quickly on the mouth before she opened the door and headed back through it towards safer waters. Coal black eyes observed her departure along the corridor and noted with pleasure that her stride was more as he remembered it.

Author's Notes:

This was the last chapter written before HBP was published. I chose to keep with my original plot arc even though it had become entirely AU. I do bring in details of the Potter world that we learn in HBP and DH, and some events that don't conflict with my story.

Major thanks are due to Verity if this chapter isn't awful. :*)