Chapter 5: Subversive Tactics

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money from this. Anything you recognise is not mine but Jo's. Sadly.

A/N: Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! You always make my day! ^.^

For those of you who are perhaps a bit fed up with Emotional!Hermione, you will be glad to hear that after this chapter she will take a break for chapter six. In chapters seven and eight she will return and reveal what has been bothering Hermione all this time, but after that she will only return for a few short scenes in the future.

But please understand, Hermione needed to let off a little steam, and since Harry spent most of book five yelling and Ron sulks in every book, I thought she deserved a little break, too.

My Livejournal is located at http://shalimar1981.livejournal.com/ and I'm glad for anyone who stops by and leaves a comment! :)

Thanks again to my beta, SnarkyRoxy, for whipping this chapter (and the next one) up into shape, and my other beta, Dark_Hamadryad, who's just come back from her holiday!

And as always thanks to my little girl, for already knowing how to stand! ^.^

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Chapter 5: Subversive Tactics

She looked at him, gobsmacked. Of all the things she'd thought he could suggest, that idea certainly hadn't been on her list.

"Fencing? You mean the Muggle sport?" she asked, completely flummoxed.

"Indeed. Although I rather had a combination of the Art of Dueling and the FIE style sport in mind."

"Er?"

"How eloquent. Have I finally found a topic you are not well-read on?" he commented with a wry smile.

That, that... infuriating man!

"What do you know about fencing?" he continued, thankfully unaware of the content of her mind at that moment.

"Next to nothing, I'm ready to admit. Two figures garbed in quite incomprehensible, disfiguring white clothes trying to stab each other with swords," she elaborated on her admittedly poor knowledge of the sport.

Well, I have been in the Wizarding world the past five years. Or is it six years? Honestly! I can't know everything! she fumed inwardly.

"You're right. 'Next to nothing' indeed. How refreshing. Personally, I never thought I'd see the day."

"What has fencing got to do with anything?" she enquired exasperatedly.

"Let's put that off for a moment. What was your argument with Mr Weasley about?"

"If you don't know from what you heard, forget it, Professor. I'm not going to tell you that," she scoffed at that ridiculous demand. As if she would tell him, of all people!

"Rest assured that I wouldn't involve myself in your, ah, affairs unless it was truly necessary," he replied, giving a very good impression that he loathed doing so at all.

"My affairs are none of your business!" she snapped at him.

"You're right, of course. They weren't my business when I blasted those rosebushes apart to keep a certain Bulgarian Seeker from going further than what a fourth-year female student was ready for, and they certainly aren't my business now," he finished, sending a sly look her way.

She fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat, kneading her hands in her lap, looking anywhere but at that infuriating, arrogant, nosy, know-it-all...

"I had no idea you knew it was us," she relented with a combination of guilt and the anger that never seemed to be far from her mind these days.

"Haven't you realised yet that I know everything, Miss Granger?" he sneered at her sarcastically.

"If you knew it was me and Viktor behind those rosebushes, why didn't you take points?" That truly bewildered her. He never missed an opportunity to get Gryffindor down by a few points.

"For the same reason I, ah, discouraged Potter and Weasley from asking you to accompany one of them to the Ball during study hour a week before that event. I didn't think it wise to bring the smartest and probably the most powerful Muggle-born witch of a generation to the attention of a Death Eater who was most desperate for some leverage to get himself back into the favour of the Dark Lord, who he had a very good reason to believe would rise again shortly."

She flushed beet red at his words and their implications. She'd already had Viktor as her date when he'd tried to keep her out of the limelight to protect her from Karkaroff. And the well-worn compliment she'd heard many times before certainly held a different weight now when uttered by this fastidious man. Did he really think that of her?

"Not that it did any good. You were quite high-profile in your fourth year," he observed slyly.

She glowered at him darkly. Really! Did he have to blow hot and cold like this? It was very confusing.

Besides, it's not as if she had known back then any of what he had just told her! Or would have had any choice in the matter. Rita Skeeter wrote about you, whether you talked with her or not. As if she would ever fancy Harry. Honestly!

At the thought of Rita Skeeter, she allowed herself to feel quite smug for a moment, although she hoped it didn't show on her face. No need for him to know all about that as well.

"Now that I think about it, Miss Skeeter's column was strangely absent from the pages of the Daily Prophet during the last year," he commented to her chagrin.

She bit on the inside of her cheek, when he contemplated her speculatively.

"You wouldn't know anything about that, would you, Miss Granger?"

"No, I don't. Why should I?" she managed to lie through her teeth, looking anywhere but at him. Though there wasn't exactly much to look at in this room.

He snorted, apparently not convinced of her innocence in that matter.

"The devil you don't. However, that piece of information is not material at the moment. What I am interested in, however, is to hear what your argument with Weasley was really about."

"Whatever do you mean? You heard everything there was to hear."

"I have been lied to by many more proficient at it than you, Miss Granger. And I can tell you're lying right now. Must I resort to different means of finding out what you're hiding?" he asked with a sort of deadly calm, which frightened her more than any shouting would have done.

"Why should I tell you?" she gave in, lest he resort to Legilimency. In her terror, she forgot that Legilimency didn't work like opening a book and taking out the required information.

He pinched the bridge of his nose irritably, all trace of good humor gone.

Good. Now I'm back on familiar ground, she thought desperately.

"Miss Granger, don't try my patience. What started that argument between you and Mr Weasley?" he enquired, now more annoyed than anything else.

She almost sagged with relief. He had rephrased his question. She could answer that one and he wouldn't be any the wiser.

It won't do to appear too eager now, though.

"Very well," she began somewhat shakily, "Mrs Weasley went shopping after breakfast. So I took the opportunity to clear up the kitchen when everyone else went outside into the backyard after they had finished the meal."

"With magic, I suppose?" he interrupted in a mild tone that she had seldom heard him use before and then only since the start of the holidays. Without a trace of sarcasm or his usual sneer, he sounded so... normal. The effect was very surreal. When he didn't use his voice for taunts or insults... it made her want to keep talking to him. Made her want to like him even. Heaven forbid!

Not to mention the effect his voice had on her knees.

Once again she felt a blush suffuse the skin of her face.

"I was just starting to wash the dishes, or rather have them wash themselves while having the table scrubbed, when Ron came back to refill his glass with pumpkin juice..."

"Ah, I see," he murmured, although she certainly didn't. It still confused her why Ron had shoved one of the chairs so roughly against the table it had moved a foot. He had startled the living daylights out of her.

"So basically he's jealous of your new freedom and of Mr Krum – still – if I understood that correctly?"

"Well..." she started to defend her friend then trailed off. It was no use. It was as it was.

"And Mr Self-Confidence-Personified takes it out on you, who in his opinion did it all on purpose, to hurt him specifically."

She nodded again, this time miserably.

Ron was a prat. She knew it and Professor Snape knew it now, too.

So, why did that bother her so much? It was easy really. He was her friend and she hated arguing with him. Though it certainly happened often enough.

"For a young man with a pathological lack of self-confidence, he is certainly very sure of his importance in your life, Miss Granger," Professor Snape remarked casually.

In a flash, her misery was replaced by the righteous anger she had felt right before she'd slapped Ron this morning. It was very disorienting that her mood could change so quickly.

He's right! Ron has never asked me out, not to mention that it has taken him ages to realise I'm even a girl. Yet he just presumes I belong to him! As if I were his property! she fumed inwardly, gripping the armrest of the sofa so hard the wood beneath the upholstery creaked.

"I see you don't approve of his presumption," he stated with a raised brow that basically invited her to vent her anger.

Afterwards, she would wonder what devil had gotten into her, but in that moment she just couldn't stop herself. She knew she should have known better. It was Professor Snape she was talking to, after all.

But no...

"That... that... Oh, that weasel is too unimaginative; prat, too well-used. I lack the words to describe what he is!" she began to rant.

"Really?" Professor Snape inquired curiously, clearly interested that her mental faculties could fail her at such mundane a task.

"NO! He's...he's nothing but a short-chain molecule! A useless Flobberworm! A Blast-Ended Skrewt! No, that doesn't work. That would imply that he's actually dangerous, that miserable excuse for a Homosapien! Homosapiens my arse, it should be Homostultus in his case!"

He choked, trying to suppress a chuckle before it escaped. He had to think of his reputation, after all. Although after this evening was over, she would probably never be frightened of him again – if she ever had been in the first place. He had his doubts about that.

"That's not funny!" she snapped at him, unsure whether she should gape or glower at him.

She must be mad. There could be no other explanation. No one in their right mind would snap at Professor Snape.

"Of course not. However, for someone who had professed not knowing how to disparage Mr Weasley adequately, you were very eloquent in your choice of insults."

This was just getting better and better. He let her snap at him? Maybe she was dreaming? No. Not even dreams could be that surreal, could they?

Weeeelll. It could be one of those dreams. Maybe your hidden domina wants to get out more, that infuriating voice commented cheerfully once more. She should've known. It had been quiet for too long.

Hidden Domina? Her face had to be bright red by now. Why did she have to think about those things right now?!

Sure, you certainly boss the other two around enough. Maybe you've got a taste for it? And who better to boss around than Severus Snape?

"Did you just compliment the way I insulted Ronald?" she asked him, quite flustered but determined to ignore that voice from now on. At least when Professor Snape was present. It really was much safer that way.

"So it would seem. Though it's not very effective if there's no one present to tell him. That does not mean, however, that I didn't enjoy it. In my opinion you give those two far too much leeway."

"I slapped Ron three times in full view of the rest of the house!"

"But no one was there to witness your 'display of affection'. Am I right?"

"Well, Harry came in to see what all the shouting was about..."

"As if the other half of the Imbecilic Duo would ever breathe a word about his friend's humiliation."

"...and Mrs Weasley was just coming back from her shopping excursion in Diagon Alley."

"All right. I concede the point to you. Good work. His humiliation will be public knowledge before the start of term. Only the twins themselves are bigger gossips than Molly, and you can be sure that they will know all about it – with embellishments – before the day is out."

"What did you mean by 'display of affection'?" she asked with a hint of foreboding.

"You do realise that this or something in that vein will be what he will chalk your behaviour towards him down to? The idea that you could possibly not be interested in him will never enter his thick head."

"That... oaf!" she exploded weakly. Even she knew her former insults had been much more imaginative. She was just so furious she couldn't think up another one.

"Don't reproach yourself. Even an intellect such as yours won't be able to find an adequate insult for Mr Weasley at this point."

"Ah, thank you?" she decided to answer, although she wasn't entirely sure he hadn't just insulted her, or Ron, but at that point she couldn't care less about him. "Remind me, why are we talking about my argument with Ron again?"

"Since you have a certain lack of confidantes at the moment, I offered myself up on a plate, Miss Granger. Why would a fairly ordinary and undoubtedly common argument between you and Mr Weasley result in a nervous breakdown on your part?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he sighed.

"Denial will only get you so far, Miss Granger. I offer you a willing ear. Surely that alone must be an unusual enough occurrence for you to want to grab it with both hands. It works like this: I offer to listen, you talk. A basic principle of exchange."

Damn that man.

"And you would do that simply out of the goodness of your heart? Forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe."

"I do, Miss Granger," he replied wryly, and it took a moment for her to realise what he meant.

Bastard.

Just when she was about to put all the insults she had ever thought of for him for all his point-taking without cause, for his biased behaviour, for all his disparaging remarks and most of all for ignoring her all these years in class into words, he took the wind out of her sails with a very simple question.

"What do you think of me, Miss Granger?" he asked very quietly, studying her intently.

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A/N: Whoa! What is Snape on about? Why is he so nice all of a sudden? And what does fencing have to do with everything?

See next chapter! *evil grin*

For anyone who's interested: 'Home stulto', Hermione's renaming of Ron's classification means 'stupid man'.

I hope I declined it correctly. Latin class has been a while and my teacher would undoubtedly be horrified at my lax handling of this precious language. His teaching methods are incidentally very similar to Snape's, which is the main reason I believe there is more to him than meets the eye and that he is innocent. In what way only book seven will clear up.

Some more quotes: One from "Ghostbusters II", one from "Pirates of the Carribbean I", a sort of twisted line of Hans Gruber's from "Die Hard I" and one from a historical movie about... Oh, bugger. Ok, I admit one from a adaptation of a Barbara Cartland novel called "A Hazard of Hearts".

Not very intellectual I admit, but Marcus Gilbert is verrry nice on the eyes. *sigh*