Of Scars and Belly Buttons

Of Scars and Belly Buttons

Ever since that memorable evening of severe Sirius-jesting in the kitchen of number twelve, Tonks and Remus seemed to have reached an unspoken agreement to start fresh. Bit by bit, a relaxed camaraderie started to sprout among the three. And as the mild breezes of September slowly turned into the cutting winds of October, Tonks wasn't all too surprised to find herself spending a good many of her chilly autumn evenings with the two bachelors of Grimmauld Place.

They were sometimes joined by Mundungus who, besides from thievery, recently seemed to have taken up a questionable interest in cross-dressing. Fortunately for him, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had both moved back to the Burrow once the new term got started, so he could freely show up in any of his pitiful drag-attires without having to risk exposure to those looks of deepest disdain Molly seemed to reserve exclusively for him. Still, Ms Mundungus himself was always surprisingly quick to point out that this was only a strictly makeshift means of disguise until the spare Invisibility Cloak was regained. Nobody had the heart to tell him that Moody already had got hold of another one.

This Friday, however, neither Tonks nor Dung had showed up at number twelve, so there were only two emptied cups of tea visible on the battered kitchen table tonight. Remus and Sirius were right in the middle of discussing Harry's newly formed defence group when Sirius came to the sudden realisation that he hadn't yet managed to nail that sly wolf for bringing up the Doris-incident earlier. An eye for an eye they say, and it was time for Remus to pay up.

But to suddenly blurt out excessive allegations on Remus' love life was virtually impossible (at least if you were aiming for any form of response on his part). What Sirius needed was something plausible. Something female. Something pink-haired and well-shaped.

'Saaay, Moony, speaking of Tonks,' he began, cutting Remus off short. 'You wouldn't say she's been spending an awful lot of time here lately, would you?'

'But we weren't talking about Tonks,' Remus replied flatly.

Damn. And people said Gillyweed is slippery.

Sirius decided to try something slightly more suggestive. 'I'm only saying that if she keeps coming around every other night, then what of those full moons, eh?' He studied his fingers innocently. 'I mean, the woman's a woman after all... You sure you can handle it, old mate?' Sirius looked up to venture a glance at Remus' face.

The other man had narrowed his eyes, presumably trying to figure out what Sirius was playing at this time.

'Of course, with your saintly senses, even that famous wolfish libido won't stand a chance... right?' Sirius raised his eyebrows slightly. This was an absolute shot in the dark, he was more than well aware of that, because – somehow – Remus always seemed to skilfully avoid the subject, never allowing Sirius to fully state the ongoing rumour as a fact.

Unsurprisingly, Remus merely declared that next full moon is a normal moon, and then he reached for the latest edition of Daily Prophet and buried his nose in it, clearly demonstrating that the subject was closed.

Sirius snorted impatiently. Just like him to hatch a cryptic answer like that.

But Remus had overlooked the small fact that old mates often manage to decipher even the other one's smallest habits. And right now, Sirius noted that the seemingly casual wolf was clenching his jaw awfully hard.

Interesting... Veery interesting. Remus might believe that Sirius had the perceptive skill of a Flobberworm, but this little piece of information would definitely be used for future Black-mailing material. And Sirius might just have the ultimate idea what to make of it...

His mastermind plotting was abruptly disturbed by a sudden crash, instantly followed by a heated, 'Damn,' coming from somewhere upstairs. Mrs. Black quickly began the portraits' usual cacophony of screams and wails, and any other possible sound was efficiently drowned out.

Remus looked up from his newspaper to exchange a knowing glance with Sirius. Concurrently, they rose from their seats to assist Tonks in her current predicament.

'Perhaps showing her how to enter wasn't such a bright idea, after all,' Remus commented.

'Anything to keep her from using that bloody doorbell every other night,' Sirius responded. But neither one of them complained she had decided to turn up after all.

Together, they managed to haul the obstinate curtains shut again, and peace was restored in the hallway.

'Sorry,' muttered Tonks. 'It was just that damned umbrella stand again.' She straightened her coat and vainly tried to adjust her messy, currently amber-coloured spikes. 'Can somebody tell me why exactly no one has disposed of this yet?' she asked irritably, giving the ugly troll-leg a hard kick on its shin. Not waiting for an answer, she handed Remus a large, green bottle with a giant, piggy-pink ribbon tied around it. 'Hold this for me, please,' she then said and started to unbutton her coat.

'Hell, what's that?' said Sirius with disgust.

'Read the card,' answered Tonks, sounding amused.

He managed to locate a comparatively small card under the ghastly ribbon. 'Dear Professor Minerva McGonagall. I, on behalf of everyone here at the Ministry, wish you a happy birthday. May this token gift prove our deepest appreciation for your many devoted years of service in educating our magical youth, and may you have many happy years ahead! Sincerely – and so on and so on – Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic,' Sirius read.

'Ah, Minerva's seventieth birthday,' Remus noted, exchanging an amused glance with Sirius.

'Yeah, Fudge always seemed to have a weak spot for that old missy.' Sirius smirked and then eyed the bottle with almost malicious pleasure. 'That man... evidently no sense of smart wooing, whatsoever,' he commented, suddenly sounding all smug and superior.

'That's pretty much what Professor McGonagall figured, too,' Tonks replied with a grin. 'Met her in Hogsmeade the other day, when I was running some errands, and she instantly loaded it over; claimed it wasn't proper for her to be seen carrying around something like that.' Tonks uttered a laugh and added, 'I must confess, red currant rum doesn't sound overly appealing, but I guess it's up to us to empty it, huh, guys?' She hung her coat in the hallway wardrobe and turned to face them, smiling expectantly.

'Um... guys?' she pressed. But the sight of bare abdomen under her short jumper abruptly seemed to have deprived them of any ability to comprehend English. (Or more rather, the shining piece of jewellery attached to the middle of said stomach.)

Sirius was the first one to recover. 'Since when do you have a belly button piercing?' he asked, eyeing her with new-found approval.

'Oh, that,' said Tonks, failing to sound indifferent. 'Since yesterday. So...wha'dya think?' she asked, basking in their attention. 'Mum's gonna throw a fit, that's for sure, but it'll so be worth it,' she said, sighing in contentment.

'And Remus – I'm sure there's a camera around here somewhere... You know, a picture would last much longer,' she added teasingly.

Remus raised his gaze to meet her eyes and slowly shook his head, not really needing to say anything else.

'What?' said Tonks. 'It's a perfectly comprehensible thing to have,' she added, sounding slightly affronted.

'Your words, not mine,' Remus answered shrewdly, earning himself an appalled snort from Tonks. But Remus conveniently failed to notice this and simply turned to walk back towards the kitchen.

'Why, you...' Sirius heard Tonks mutter, before she steamed after Remus.

Well, someone's sure enjoying himself, Sirius noted with a grin and joined the others walking towards the basement kitchen.

Momentarily, Remus had fetched another cup from a corner cupboard and transfigured all three of them to pints, as Tonks stubbornly insisted that real wizards sure drink their rum pirate-wise, pink ribbon or not.

They soon agreed that red currant may – for reasons left unsolved – indeed have been the flavour of Fudge's choice, but it sure tasted absolutely repulsive. Remus and Sirius were also amused to find that Tonks evidently passed for an extremely tipsy rum drinker (this being established despite Tonks' loud objections that she bloody well could hold her liquor).

By the time the rum bottle finally was adequately emptied, Tonks was so wasted, neither one of the remaining two dared send her home in such a sorry state. Therefore, as she turned to leave the kitchen, they insisted she'd sleep in Hermione and Ginny's old room on the first floor. But Tonks, persistent as few, had her mind entirely set on sleeping in her own bed.

'Don' be shilly, Ssirius, deer,' she said in a drunken slur. 'I'm perfelly capel of making me own way hoo– oopsy daisies!' she exclaimed, as she abruptly stumbled over a small stool that had had the nerve to settle itself right in the middle of her path.

Remus was the closest one at hand to catch her, and she ended up leaning heavily on him. 'Why, Remush,' she said and batted her eyelashes violently. 'You migh wanna give a gal fair warning, 's all shoo very shudden...' her voice faded away, and she spent a moment lost in something that might have been described as deep thought.

'You really-truly fanshy me, don'tcha?' she then cried out, pinching his nose.

Remus barely managed to keep his face straight. 'Surprisingly enough...I don't,' he said. 'Now piss off,' he added with a smile and shoved her off him.

'Too late!' she said, and cracked up in a hysterical fit of laughter at her own incredibly clever pun.

Remus and Sirius exchanged highly amused glances and had barely managed to agree that there was no chance in hell they would ever let her forget this, when Tonks abruptly silenced herself with a huge yawn. She wrinkled her nose pensively.

'I'm shleepy,' she announced and shifted her gaze critically between the two wizards. 'You may carreeh me home,' she ultimately decided, with a gracious nod towards Remus. She closed the small distance between them and threw her arms around his shoulders, childishly nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. Two seconds later, she was snoring loudly.

'Well,' Sirius began, 'can't argue with her majesty, now can I...' he said airily, and started to discreetly make his way out of the kitchen.

'Oh, no, you don't,' Remus enlightened him. 'Grab her feet.'

And since Sirius occasionally was smart enough to recognise the fine difference between an order and a request, he did like he was told. Together, they managed to transfer the heavily sleeping Tonks up the stairs and into bed.

'Aren't we supposed to – er... remove her clothes or something?' Sirius tried wickedly, thinking it would be a priceless opportunity to observe his friend this close to a full moon.

Remus made his answer with a not-so friendly smack to Sirius' head, and then he turned to exit the room.

'Ow...' Sirius rubbed his forehead grudgingly.

Damn him and his prudish morals.

*

Remus awoke mere hours later due to having the nearly-full moon shining brightly through the window down onto his face. Can't be morning yet, he concluded tiredly, but since he didn't feel much like going to sleep again with that thing hanging over him, he decided to make his way down to the kitchen to boil some tea.

Closing the door to his room, Remus thought he might have heard a distant cry for help. But since he was used to hearing weird sounds from all over this place at night, he thought no more of it. Until he reached the first landing, that was.

'No, please, let me go...'

The struggling plea could be heard more distinctly this time, and moreover, it definitely seemed to have come from Tonks' room. Remus stopped cautiously to listen further. His monthly enhanced hearing allowed him to discern strained choking sounds, and Remus quickly decided that this was not a good time for hesitation. He stormed through her door.

Remus did not quite know what he had expected to find in there. Some vicious, ancient creature perhaps, or anything really, that might have crawled up from a random cupboard and decided to charge. What he had not expected was Tonks, sleeping alone, brutally entangled in her sheets whilst looking very much like she was desperately trying to strangle herself.

Remus didn't examine the situation too closely before instinct made him bolt forward to insure that the girl got some oxygen down her throat. But just when he had grabbed her wrists to loosen her iron death-grip, Tonks uttered a surprisingly high-pitched shriek of absolute terror. Her nails suddenly started to aim persistently for a total theft of Remus' eyes, and relief that she finally had let go of her trachea was rapidly replaced with a strong feeling of alarm.

This just isn't normal.

She was sweating abundantly, and her eyes roamed restlessly beneath their eyelids. Her breathing was also too forced and her movements too direct; Remus quickly decided that any possibility of an ordinary dream was definitely excluded. She needed to wake up this instant.

He grabbed her forearms and pinned them to her sides, shaking her and calling her name sharply. She struggled to get away, but Remus called her name again and gave her another forceful shake. Suddenly, she opened her eyes widely and gasped for air. Realising that someone was holding her arms, she desperately pulled away and pressed herself against the wall, whimpering.

Her dark eyes bore a haunted expression of unspeakable horror.

'Tonks...' Remus called softly.

She turned her pale face towards him and looked at him blindly for some moments before her lips slowly started to tremble.

'Shh,' he whispered. 'It's okay, Tonks. You're okay.' He reached out for her, and she whimpered again, but obediently crawled into his arms.

Remus knew that human touch often was the most crucial thing one could offer in these situations, so he held her close and stroked her back, murmuring soothing nonsense into her damp hair. Finally, her last resistance ruptured, and he could feel the shoulder of his worn-out pyjamas turn soggy from her shed tears as she clung to him desperately. He rocked her gently and continued talking soothingly to her. It was then that he noticed something very odd.

The bedroom that mere moments ago had been clad in darkness and shadow of night was now brightly illuminated by the very same moonlight that had forced him awake in the first place. Remus could only hope that a passing cloud had temporarily blocked the moon, but somehow, he didn't manage to fully convince himself.

As Tonks' sobs slowly subsided, Remus was tempted to ask whether she had these nightmares often, but then he thought better of it and decided it could wait until morning. He continued holding her, silently, and waited until her breathing had grown steady and deep before he slowly untangled her arms from him and started to move her into a lying position.

He had barely let go of her when she opened her eyes abruptly and grabbed his pyjama sleeve.

'No,' she said in a rasping voice. 'Stay with me... please...' She refused to let go of him and he registered an urgent plea in her eyes.

'Please...' She moved over to make room for him beside her.

Not until he had nodded his confirm and settled himself next to her did she let go of his pyjamas and return to her restless slumber.

Remus soon found that not only the moon but yet another object (a very female, gently snoring one) was now efficiently preventing him from gaining any comfortable rest. He looked out through the window with a dejected sigh. And at that moment, his doubts were ruthlessly confirmed.

Not a single cloud was visible on the star laden sky outside.

*

Tonks woke up the next morning to the unpleasant discovery of a blistering headache. She also registered a somewhat feeble sensation inside that left her feeling much like a wrung out cloth. Definitely not a very dreamy combination, she concluded weakly.

She realised then that this certainly was not her own lovely pink bed sheets. She looked around and recognised a large wardrobe in the far end of the room. This was Ginny and Hermione's old bedroom!

What the...? She had absolutely no memory of how she had gotten there.

She remembered bringing the rum over and getting a wee bit tipsy (okay, well, not so wee then). But all that just seemed so very distant to her now; it was as if an entire lifetime had passed rather than a mere couple of hours, and it wasn't a very pleasant feeling at all.

Something's very off about this. She had a gut feeling about it.

Obscure shadows and the panic of being haunted suddenly echoed inside her head, making her headache even more excruciating. And what was that distant warmth of steady arms around her...? A million scattered memories crowded her aching head and, right then, she wanted nothing more than to scream bloody murder and tell them all to leave her alone.

But somehow, she had the feeling her head wouldn't be very indulgent to something like that right now. She drew a few deep, calming breaths and tried turning it slowly to one side; splitting pain. Tonks groaned. That's it. I'm so never drinking rum again.

She noticed then that someone had placed a large, steaming cup, some chocolate and a note on the small, battered chair beside her bed. She slowly reached for the note and read:

Dear Tonks, Made you something against the unpleasant aftermath of alcohol. Hope you are feeling all right. Last night really didn't look too good. Make sure you eat the chocolate. Remus.

She was just about to conclude that the man really was such a sweet dear, when she suddenly couldn't help but to notice that the purple contents of the cup had a most disturbing smell of old eggs and too much aniseed. She hated aniseed.

Bloody sadist.

She reluctantly emptied the cup, and by the time she'd finished her chocolate, she was delighted to notice that her headache had vanished completely. (Okay, so maybe he was the sweetest sadist she'd ever met, then.)

She wondered if that rum really had made her look that bad last night, or if Remus had referred to something else with his note.

Tonks realised she probably needed to speak with him. She also realised that she desperately needed a toothbrush. Ah, well, can't have everything. She rose from bed and straightened her short top from yesterday, wondering what hair-colour she would go for today. She ultimately settled for acid green.

Closing the door behind her, she had just started to wonder were she might find Remus at this time of day, when Sirius descended the stairs from some floor above. He was wearing an oddly purple dressing gown in satin (a suspiciously feminine one, covered in black laces). It made Tonks briefly wonder if Mundungus was missing one of his night attires.

'Nice robes,' she greeted with an unavoidable smirk.

'Piss off,' he grunted. Clearly not a morning person.

'Where's Remus?'

'Upstairs. Third floor. Left.'

'Thanks,' she said and started to make her way upstairs.

She stopped when she heard Sirius calling something after her.

'What was that?'

He hesitated. 'Nothing... Absolutely nothing. Off you go, brat.'

That man had a seriously annoying habit of pushing all her wrong buttons. She gritted her teeth, but decided to let him live. At least he didn't call her Nymphadora.

Thirty-two seconds later, she knocked on Remus' door and entered without waiting for him to answer. It might just have been the single most stupid thing she had done that day.

Remus stood with his back against her, wearing pretty much nothing apart from the towel that was draped loosely around his hips. He turned his head to check who had entered.

'Gosh, I'm so sorry,' she said desperately and decided to dash quickly before she dropped dead of embarrassment. Sirius was so going to die for not warning her.

It was then she noticed the scars. She froze helplessly.

His entire back was covered with scars and nasty gashes of all various shape and age. Some still bore a heated shade of red, but most of them looked like they had been there for the longest of times.

Tonks could have been floored with a feather.

What on earth happened to you? She couldn't help but staring, and despite her hard efforts, she felt her eyes water up.

Remus finally decided to break the awkward moment of silence. 'You know, we might just have to dig out that camera after all. I hear that pictures are supposed to last much longer, really,' he said, with an almost boyish sort of smile.

'It's not funny,' she said weakly, not being able to take her eyes off his wounded body.

'Perhaps not,' he replied, 'but tears won't change the fact that they're there.'

She decided she really needed to perk up a bit.

'Well, lucky me then. I never cry.' She offered a cocky grin and quickly turned her nose in the air. But this time, Remus was the one unable to smile.

'Oh, I wouldn't say that,' he merely said, and looked her straight in the eye.

Her own forced grin died instantly.

'You know something, don't you?' The question was meant to sound like a statement, but her voice sounded oddly strained, almost puny, and it only made her sound every bit as much a lost child as she felt.

'You need to tell me, Remus. I've tried remembering, but I just... can't.' She raised her gaze and found him watching her silently.

'You had a nightmare, Tonks,' he said carefully after some moments. 'A very bad one, and–' He hesitated. 'You sure you can't recall anything?'

She was just about to shake her head when she suddenly remembered, more distinctly this time, the warmth of a human embrace and...wait a second here. She got a sudden feeling that Remus might have something to do with that memory, but decided quickly to disregard the slightly disturbing thought. (She sure didn't need any sodding knight, shining armour or not.) An all too familiar scent of dark chocolate then inconveniently entered her remembrance, and she made the inevitable connection.

Oh. Sweet. Merlin.

Honestly, those arms (his arms) had been almost shockingly soothing; no one had held her like that since she was a little girl. They had been real. And she was startled to realise that they might just have saved her life.

'...Tonks?' Remus was looking expectantly at her, and she realised he must have asked another question.

'I'm sorry,' she said, still feeling a bit shaken. 'What was that again?'

Remus got a concerned look in his eyes. 'I just wanted to know if you've had these dreams before,' he said. 'Try to remember. It might be very important.'

'No... never.' She was fairly certain of it.

'I see,' he said and narrowed his eyes.

A contemplating silence occurred. Tonks realised she was staring again.

'How did you get those scars?' she suddenly blurted.

Remus looked completely taken aback for a little moment. 'I guess one could say they're pretty much self-inflected,' he finally said in a slightly off-hand voice.

She immediately regretted bringing the subject up. Of course. She knew that werewolves without access to human prey often tended to inflict harm on themselves instead, especially in the days before the invention of Wolfsbane. But mostly, she just completely failed to remember the fact that Remus supposedly turned into a vicious man-eating beast once a month. She cursed herself for being so blunt.

'I'm... sorry,' she stammered.

'Why are you sorry?' He fixed her with a sharp gaze. 'You had no part in this.'

'I know. It's just...' But she could no longer bear looking at those piercing eyes, and her voice trailed off.

She had no idea what she possibly could say to him. I know how you feel?...Utterly ridiculous. She wasn't a werewolf; she would never know. Her eyes darted towards him. She realised he suddenly did not seem at all like the calm and casual man she always had pictured him to be. He looked lonely and... haunted. It seemed so unfair that he had done so much for her and she could offer nothing in return.

She had a sudden idea.

'Listen, why don't I just join you during next full moon?' she suggested brightly. 'I'm sure it's perfectly safe what with that Wolfsbane and stuff, and–'

'The hell it is, Nymphadora.'

She was startled by the sudden anger in his voice. It was as if she had crossed some sort of unspoken barrier, and whatever lay beyond it, she certainly wasn't welcome.

'Oh.'

She tried hard several times, but she just couldn't seem to muster any other sound, and ultimately, she decided to do as he wished for now.

She left him alone.

* * *

A/N: So this was it for now. This chapter might not have been fully as 'nice and light hearted' as before, but seeing as HBP turned out like it did, I really needed this story to have some darker sides to it as well. You also might want to know that this'll be a twelve chaptered story that will cover entire OotP, so there are lots more yet to come!

Hope you all enjoy reading, and don't hesitate to let me know what you think.