The Woes of Caffeine

The Woes of Caffeine

Nymphadora Tonks had had a lousy morning thus far.

It all started fairly well; she was in bed, snoozing peacefully to the sound of her own gentle snoring. Suddenly realising that her bedroom might be too bright for early morning, she managed to pry one of her eyelids open to check her alarm clock and – oh, bollocks – she was already thirty-two minutes late for the morning's Order meeting. Must've been too tired last night to charm the darn clock thing properly, she figured.

After a minute's fierce struggle, she managed to disentangle herself from her sheets, noticing with a frustrated groan that her work robes were all wretched and wrinkly after having slept in them. Ah, well, no time for petty things like ironing anyway. (Somehow Tonks always managed not to bother herself with these householdy sort of spells.) Coffee making, however, was something she did bother to manage every morning, no thanks to her impressive cooking skills, though, but who said that Mr. McMutton's coffee mixers were for bachelor blokes only?

Moments after successfully rising from bed, urgent needs made her seek out the loo. Unfortunately, she also happened to glance into the mirror, and suddenly, a short shriek of horror was heard from the bathroom. (Tonks was a woman fairly easy to startle when tired.) The ghastly person gazing back at her bore no resemblance to her own colourful self, but was rather looking nearly as charming as Sirius' mum.

After regaining the ability to breathe normally, she spent a moment earnestly wondering whether sleep-Morphing was possible. Better ask Remus, she decided, since he probably knew far more than was good for him anyway. Although, various Hufflepuff slumber parties had taught her early on that Metamorphmagi definitely were highly sensitive to sleep deprivation, and last night's guard duty had hardly improved her monstrous appearance.

Thank goodness it's easy enough to fix, though, she thought as she screwed her face up in the strained expression that always foretold a morph. Seconds later, Tonks was inspecting her once again vividly pink spikes in the mirror, clearly pleased with the upsides to Metamorphing.

Suddenly remembering she was already frightfully late, Tonks valiantly tried to ignore her coffee-craving body while heatedly cursing her weak alarm spell for depriving her of her daily dose of caffeine.

Eight minutes after getting out of Bedfordshire, she found herself successfully Apparated to Grimmauld Place. Cautiously walking up to the border between houses eleven and thirteen, she focused a moment on the Order's whereabouts, and after the house squeezed into view, she rang the doorbell to number twelve.

She realised her mistake instantly. 'Oh, bugger it,' she exclaimed. Mrs. Black was easily aroused, and she once again remembered, just a second too late, that Sirius repeatedly had asked them not to use 'that bloody thing'. (He just didn't have a very warm relationship with that doorbell.)

Tonks was abruptly cut off in her dizzy daydreams of Molly's gloriously fresh-brewed coffee when Master Black himself suddenly appeared from behind the door and pulled her inside in a not so very gentle manner. Tonks recalled that Moody's endless 'Code of Constant Vigilance' (as she had mentally come to call it) now included never to linger on the threshold of headquarters, and obviously, Sirius was just more than happy to honour the code on this matter. Probably because he was provided with such an excellent excuse to torment his younger cousin.

'Listen, I'm sorry about the–' she began, but the apology died when she caught a glimpse of his smug face. 'What's so funny?' she demanded instead. Something about his self-satisfied appearance definitely rubbed her the wrong way.

'Oh nothing,' he said innocently while they sealed the door, his quite obvious smirk implying otherwise.

The fierce glare she threw at him had the potential power of stunning a small Hippogriff, and frankly, only a complete dimwit would comment on her late arrival after being on the receiving end of that.

'So... sleep well?' The man obviously had a premature death wish.

Her fingers itched to hex his bloody daft tongue right off. 'Wouldn't know, I just got off from an early shift at work,' she said instead, deciding to deny him the pleasure of gloating at her misfortune.

'I see,' he said, openly observing her messy robes. 'On a Sunday?' he then ventured, now more smug than ever.

Tonks let out an indignant snort. What's with the idiot today? She decided he could just stick to his gruff Buckbeak brooding, because that innocent voice just now was simply infuriating. She refused to answer him and was suddenly very preoccupied with glaring at Sirius' backside; she even forgot to congratulate herself for not knocking over the umbrella stand.

Reaching the end of the hall, he finally revealed the reason for his poorly concealed smugness.

'I've just spent a most enjoyable morning not being in dear Molly's bad graces,' he said conversationally.

'Git,' she muttered, her sense of humour currently non-existent. She had never before tried being social without first enjoying her morning coffee, and decided now never to do so again. Frankly, she felt like a giant walking deck of Exploding Snap cards.

'Don't take it too personally, though,' he whispered. 'She's only feeling touchy for oversleeping a tad herself this morning.'

'I did NOT oversleep!' she snapped loudly, realising all too late they'd just reached the basement kitchen. Bollocks, she decided for the second time this morning after spotting the twenty-or-so people gathered around the kitchen table, all watching her.

Sirius smirked triumphantly at her. 'Ah... good to know. I trust you don't mind if I drink the last sip of coffee here then, eh?' He gestured towards a dark iron kettle on the table, only a few mere steps away.

'Help yourself,' she said in a very false, bright voice. Because, frankly, it was either that or biting his head off. 'Wotcher, everyone,' she then said, helping herself to a seat as far away from Sirius as possible. (She didn't want to accidentally poison his coffee, now did she?) 'Sorry I didn't manage to come earlier.'

The others greeted her with nods and amused smiles. Bill was also grinning at her, she noticed, with a faint flutter in her empty stomach. Smiling back, she immediately gave herself a mental kick up her buttocks. Don't be daft, Tonks, this is no time for romance! She settled down in a corner between Kingsley and Remus, who, judging by the slight twitching in the corners of his mouth, also seemed to find the situation rather amusing. Molly, however, was eyeing her disapprovingly, giant bags under her eyes making her look perhaps a bit more intimidating than intended.

'Oy, Tonks,' a voice suddenly called, 'are those sheet marks on your face?'

Sirius was doing his innocent act again. Consequently, Tonks decided then and there to end his nasty lifetime habit of surviving certain death. She had definitely had a lousy morning so far and it wasn't about to improve much any time soon.

*

The meeting seemed endless. It was the Sunday after Harry's hearing, and they did have many important things to discuss, but Tonks couldn't concentrate on a word said. She had twice already counted every single brick on the gloomy kitchen wall opposite her and had also decided that the door might need a good, strong Scourgify as well. Instantly, she realised her craving now bordered on madness.

I desperately need some caffeine.

Still observing the door, she suddenly noticed a thin, flesh-coloured string, worming its way into the kitchen from under it. She stifled a mad snicker and reckoned that Molly must've been too distracted this morning and had simply forgotten to perform the Imperturbable Charm on the door. She wasn't the only one who noticed the new arrival, however.

'FRED, GEORGE! YOU HAND ME THOSE RUDDY THINGS THIS INSTANT!' Obviously, Molly had definitely had it with those Extendable Ears. She stormed out of the kitchen, shouting violently, and was soon accompanied by Mrs. Black and the other portraits.

'Er... Let's all take a short break, shall we?' Arthur suggested lightly.

Giddy with relief, Tonks hardly turned to excuse herself before following Molly's example and storming off herself. The only thing she needed now was a minute or two alone in a private spot. By now, she'd even risk blasting her eyebrows off if she could just conjure some coffee in the process. She knew, of course, she could probably ask Remus or one of the others – that would be far safer – but she just didn't want to grant Sirius the pleasure. Therefore, deciding on the drawing room, she quickly made her way upstairs and carefully closed the door behind her.

'Accio coffee!' she cried a moment later, remembering all too late that Sirius had drunk the last anyway. It was probably for the best that he did, though, she thought, since she suspected it was slightly far-fetched to hope anyone would fail to notice a giant kettle of coffee flying across the room (not to mention coffee without the kettle flying about, because that would be downright embarrassing).

She was cut off in her thoughts when a muffled sound made her realise she was not alone. At first, she hoped it had only been the supposed Boggart in the rattling corner dresser, but ultimately, she was forced to realise that the noise rather seemed to have come somewhere from the wall beside the Giant and Most Obstinate Tapestry of Black.

'Hello?' she called, wondering if they'd missed a spot when decontaminating this room after Harry's arrival.

'Is anyone here?' she tried when the wall remained silent. Not that she expected an actual answer from whatever creature was hiding there, but since stranger things had happened, one just couldn't be too sure.

She was surprised, nonetheless, when a loud 'Schh' was heard from within the wall. Suddenly, a door materialized on the mouldy old wallpaper pattern, and moments later Fred and George crawled out from what appeared to have been a small, hidden broom cupboard.

'You crazy, woman?' one of them demanded in a hissing voice. 'Mum's around here somewhere!'

'Yeah, and for the sake of all our remaining sanity, you wouldn't want her to find us right now,' the other one continued.

'...Mm-kay?' Tonks said, still too surprised to manage anything else.

'Anyway,' said George. Or was it Fred? she wondered as she hadn't quite managed to figure out which one's which yet. 'You want coffee, no?' he asked.

The room suddenly seemed tinged with pink, sparkling clouds. 'Desperately,' she breathed, still not daring to believe this wasn't just another dizzy daydream.

A slightly more vigilant witch would have noticed the sly look they exchanged beside her.

'Right-O,' said Fred. (At least she had decided that was him, for now.) He disappeared with a loud crack – hope Molly didn't catch that – and reappeared moments later, holding something that appeared to be a sample of Mr. McMutton's coffee mixers.

She briefly wondered how they had managed to afford one of those – because hers had certainly been wickedly expensive – but ultimately decided against looking a gift horse in the mouth. (She was probably better off not knowing anyway.) Meanwhile, the twin redheads provided some yellow and dark brown ingredients and charmed the mixer to life. Instantly recognizing the divine humming of coffee being made, Tonks uttered a sudden squeak of delight.

'Oooh, I could just kiss you!' she beamed. Spotting their sudden looks of interest, however, she quickly added: 'Won't though, sorry. Haven't brushed my teeth today.'

Mere moments later, they handed her a cup of deliciously fresh-brewed coffee. She performed a quick spell to cool the beverage to a drinkable temperature and was just about to take a long draught, when sudden suspicion caught hold of her.

'Where's the catch?' she asked. She had a nasty feeling these two never did something merely out of the goodness of their hearts. Obviously, there had to be a catch.

'Oh,' said George, sounding slightly unsettled.

'Isn't that obvious?' Fred quickly chimed in. 'We brew coffee for you, you forget to mention to anyone–'

'–especially our mum–'

'–that you ever saw us here today,' Fred finished smoothly.

Fair enough, she thought, grinned her approval to the idea, and downed the coffee in four deep gulps. She heaved a deep sigh of contentment, handed back the empty cup, and was just about to thank them when she noticed how very intently they were watching her. She was suddenly struck by an alarming feeling.

'I have a coffee moustache, don't I?' she demanded.

This was clearly not the reaction they seemed to have expected. In fact, the twins suddenly looked so stunned that Tonks started to wonder if she'd accidentally Stupified them. One of them blinked (and her wand was gratefully tucked away in her robe), but she didn't find it likely to believe her moustache could be worthy of such drama. She swiftly brushed the back of her hand against her lips, just to be safe.

'Anyways,' she tried in lack of any further response, '...I had better get going. Thanks loads for the coffee, guys.'

'Mm-hm,' George finally managed. Fred still gawked openly at her retreating form. Where Tonks had stood mere moments before, only utter confusion remained.

On her way downstairs, Tonks briefly wondered whether something really was fishy about that coffee mixer after all. Maybe they'd bought a forged copy or something... At least her coffee never left this peculiar, sweet taste lingering down her throat. Ah, well, no need to get jumpy over technicalities, she ultimately figured, waiting for the soothing effects of caffeine to appear.

But they never did.

*

When Tonks returned to the kitchen, she was surprised to find it was no longer crammed with Order members. Less than a dozen were now spread across the room in groups of two or three. She removed her black work robe and threw it on a chair beside her, suddenly realising it was definitely too warm in here.

'Oy, where'd everyone go?' she asked the room at large, earning herself a dull glare from Snape, who was standing nearby. Obviously, the greasy-haired man didn't appreciate being disturbed in his discussion with Professor McGonagall. (Despite being nearly ten years out of school, Tonks still couldn't manage calling her anything but Professor.)

She discreetly tiptoed around the two and decided to join Sirius and Remus instead, repeating her question.

'We decided that enough's enough, and that we're too hungry to proceed,' Sirius said, taking a big bite from the apple he was holding.

'You'd probably know it yourself had you not been in such a hurry to leave the room,' Remus added, smiling slightly.

She grinned back and was just about to come up with a random excuse for her sudden departure, when she had the unpleasant feeling of being hit by a quick series of extreme Disillusionment Charms. Waves of heat and ice flowed through her body, and she grabbed the thing closest to her (the kitchen table) to keep her balance, accidentally knocking over Sirius' emptied mug of coffee in the process.

In a swift movement, Remus saved it from tumbling onto the floor. 'Are you quite all right?' he then asked, studying her intently.

'Yeah, no offence, Tonks, but you look like hell.' Sirius always seemed to know just how to cheer a girl right up.

'Oh, don't worry 'bout it,' she assured them. 'Just lost my balance, 's all. You know me, always dead clumsy and whatnot...' But her voice seemed strangely distant to her, as if her mouth was talking by itself from somewhere beside her.

When none of them seemed overly convinced, she forced a smile, hoping it was a fairly normal one. She was determined that there was just no way she'd come this far, only to confess now that Sirius had been right all along. She also decided to smother those twins for giving her such useless coffee. Probably decaf or something, she figured with disgust.

She nearly choked when Sirius suddenly gave her a hard pat on the shoulder. Taking in his chuckling form and Remus' unimpressed facial expression, she reckoned her dear cousin might just have cracked one of his smart comments about hangover remedies, or something.

She forced another weak smile, but was saved from the necessity of making a clever response when Snape suddenly approached them. He passed Remus a bottle of something grey and foul-smelling.

'I trust I needn't emphasize the importance of consuming this today,' he drawled in one of his most superior tones.

'Of course, thank you, Severus,' Remus said.

Seemingly unwilling to spend a second more than necessary in such unworthy company, Snape granted Remus a short nod before turning to leave, completely ignoring Sirius and Tonks. (Suffice to say she hadn't exactly been his favourite student in Potions.)

'What's that?' she asked, desperately trying to focus on anything but this persistent feeling of nausea.

'It's–' Remus began, but was instantly cut off by Sirius, who still seemed to be in his abnormally glorious morning mood.

'Ah... Let me think,' he said, fingers clutching his unshaven chin. 'Considering 'twas provided by old Snivellus there – and illuminating the fact that full moon's only a few nights away – I think we might safely conclude that that,' he indicated the bottle in Remus' hand, 'is in fact a dose of Wolfsbane Potion,' Sirius finished, obviously pleased with his cunning detective skills.

An awkward moment of silence occurred.

'You're a werewolf?' Tonks finally managed disbelievingly.

Before Remus had the chance to answer, however, a loud gasp was heard from Sirius.

'Whaat? You're a werewolf!?' he echoed in a high falsetto, not wanting to pass up on the fun. Only she wasn't kidding.

'I honestly had no idea,' she croaked, feeling more warm and dizzy than ever.

'What!?' said Sirius, not needing to feign his shock this time.

And then she realised at once how incredibly stupid it had been of her not to notice right away. Of course, she thought fiercely, the premature lines on his face, the all-too early shades of grey in his hair, him being unemployed and wearing these patched things all the time, not to mention his issues with that Umbridge woman and – good grief – she'd known them for a month and they'd all just failed to inform her that the man WAS A WEREWOLF!? Perhaps they're all so used to it no one reckoned I didn't know – or perhaps all this Voldemort business made them neglect petty details like telling the new girl.

Her head was just crammed with thoughts and feelings.

She tried to recall what Remus had said the other week when Harry had just arrived; it had been something about the occupational hazard of being a werewolf and... Sudden comprehension forced her to stifle a groan. She was just about to make a desperate wish that the floor would open up and obscure her when, suddenly, she realised something else.

Wicked! I know a werewolf. She was overwhelmed. But weren't werewolves supposed to be all wild and bloodthirsty? She spared a puzzled glance at Remus (who was looking all normal and human) and decided that that was definitely not how she'd pictured them to be. Funny.

Remus and Sirius were both watching her closely.

'But you're so... nice,' she finally managed.

'Yes, I know,' said Sirius, sounding relieved. 'And frightfully boring, too. Not at all the usual werewolf type.'

Tonks immediately decided to remove her tongue and fry it with Gillyweed. What an utterly stupid thing to say.

Spotting her uneasy expression, Remus merely smiled and said, 'Ah, well... Surprise.'

'I'm sorry, that didn't come out right,' she started, desperate to make it right this time. 'It's just that I've never actually met a werewolf before, and though I think it's totally wicked that you in fact happen to be one, I just never reckoned – but then I figured how utterly stupid of me not to notice, you know, because it is quite obvious isn't it? I mean me being an Auror an' all it's just outrageous. Honestly, how daft can you get – and blimey – is it hot in here or 's my head the only one boiling?' Her quick rambling came to a sudden stop.

Ever since her return to the kitchen, she could have sworn her blood had started acting funny. But the painful sensation she experienced just now was nothing but excruciating; it was like her blood rapidly increased in every vein of her face, threatening to burst any second.

I need to get out of here. Now.

Oblivious to Sirius' comment on her beet-red face, she mumbled her excuses and bolted out of the kitchen to flee the house, knocking over that traitorous umbrella stand in her desperate retreat. Not noticing the shrieks set off inside number twelve, she Apparated to her flat and desperately made her way to the toilet.

I gotta lay off the coffee, she thought with a groan, before an explosive sensation in her nose made her pass out cold on the bathroom floor.

* * *

A/N: Feels absolutely great to finally be able to post this :)

Two more chapters are already written and will appear on site shortly, promise. Still don't know exactly how long this'll be – but – I do know that there are loads of plot twists yet to be unravelled, so you just lay back and enjoy the ride – at least, that's what I'll be doing ;)

Would love any feedback you're willing to give, since this is (in fact) my first fanfiction ever. Thanks!