Faltering Resolve

Disclaimer: I'm playing round with the characters JKR created again. I'll return them unscathed when I'm done.

Thanks go to CocoaChristy for looking this over for me. I chose to center it on the Weasley family. I never see many of those, aside from the set that Phoenix did a while back. And I can't write drabbles like this without waving to Droxy and Pearle...Drabble Queens.

I got a bit carried away with this chapter...there are twenty-three 100-word drabbles. Oops! I was only going to try to do fourteen or so like last time. *shrug*

It's been six months since I saw him last. I wonder if he remembers those nights we spent sneaking about, touching, and stealing kisses. Will he want to continue that? Will he want to forget about it? Does he feel guilty? I know that I do sometimes because I do love Ron, my boyfriend...his younger brother, but I can't help wondering how things could have been had that not been the case. Other times, I don't feel guilty. Those times are usually when I'm feeling invisible, used, or taken for granted. I truly wish Ron's touch felt like Charlie's.

~~~

The days since I've last seen her are nearing one hundred-eighty. The longing for her kisses, smiles, and laughter hasn't lessened. Soon, we will meet again at my family's home for the holidays. What will happen between us? I know that Ron loves and belongs with her. But how will I be able to stay away? I think the absence between us has made my heart grow fonder instead of forgetful. I will simply watch them to see if they appear happy. If so, I will gracefully push my feelings aside. My heart is not worth tearing my family apart.

~~~

"I love Christmas!" Ginny says happily.

"You love presents," Harry adds, though looking at me. "You all right?"

"I am," I say softly, allowing Ron's hand to rub my thigh while he gazes at Fleur's little sister, Gabrielle.

Harry's gaze follows mine, causing him to frown for a moment, and then glare pointedly at Ron. "Lost in thought, mate?"

"Eh? No... are you sure she's only fourteen? Looks just like Fleur, only shorter." He grins and flushes when he sees me watching. "Sorry, love, it's the Veela in her that draws me."

I can understand the lure of another perfectly.

~~~

Bill is the only one still up to greet me when I Apparate in. He tells me that Fleur is expecting and that her family is also visiting for the holidays. I'll have to sleep in the living area since my room has been taken. I won't stoop to intrude on any of the other filled rooms. I easily transfigure the corner into a private, makeshift room, allowing me to see out without others seeing in or hearing me. I purposely came late, needing extra time to collect myself before seeing Hermione with Ron, before learning I've been long forgotten.

~~~

"I won't be long," Harry promises as I close the door.

He and Ron made plans for private time with us. While he was with Ginny, I was to go to Ron. Before I could slip upstairs, I hear a creak in the floor below. I move down a few steps to the landing stealthily and see Ron creeping down, noting how his too short pajama pants expose his white ankles in the dim light.

He's likely off to get something to eat, so I wander up to his bedroom to wait for his return, knowing he won't be long.

~~~

Just as I settle down to sleep, I see an upset Ron walk in to sit on the couch. His head is in his hands. I rise to let him know that I'm awake if he needs someone to talk to, but I pause immediately as Gabrielle joins him.

She says, "I am so sorry about zat. I would not want to 'urt either of you. Ze kiss can stay between us."

"You're young," Ron says, taking her hand. "And pretty. It's not that I didn't want that. It's just... Hermione."

"Say no more," she whispers and flees.

"Bloody hell."

~~~

"Hermione?" I hear and open my eyes. It's Harry. He's looking down at me oddly. "Where's Ron?"

"I saw him going down for a snack, or so I thought. I must have fallen asleep waiting. How long has it been?" I ask and rub my eyes.

"Only about an hour," he replies. "Want me to go look for him?"

"No, it's all right. Maybe..." An idea comes to mind. "Maybe Charlie came in, and they're catching up." My heart begins beating quickly as I realize this is likely what's happened. "I'll just go back to bed."

"Good night."

"Night, Harry."

~~~

I sit and watch as my brother runs his fingers through his long, red hair. From what I gather, she'd kissed him after some encouragement, he'd returned the kiss until he realized what he was doing, and he'd fled, feeling guilty. He'd more or less admitted that if it weren't for his relationship with Hermione, he would have let their kiss continue. How could he let anyone else draw his attention when he had Hermione? Bill said that they seemed to get along well. If they are attracted to others, perhaps they're not "the ideal" couple Mum always boasts about.

~~~

After passing Gabrielle on the stairway, I continue down to find Ron and see exactly what is going on. I'd thought he was talking to Charlie, but after seeing her, I cannot deny that she is the reason he stayed away.

"What are you doing?" I ask when I see him on the couch in great despair.

He jumps. "No-nothing. Just about to go back up."

"I fell asleep waiting for you in your bed," I say bitterly.

He flinches. "I only meant to be a moment."

"And then you started talking to Gabrielle..."

"Yeah, that's not all I did."

~~~

I feel my mouth drop open at my brother's honest admission. What would Hermione say? Would she end things?

"Go on," Hermione prompts.

"You know how Veelas make me act," he says. "I was flirting a little, and she kissed me. I came to my senses and told her it couldn't happen again."

"Did you like it?"

I'm shocked by her question. She doesn't seem upset.

"Not now...at that first moment, yes. She's just a young girl."

"Nobody's perfect, Ronald."

"I'm sorry." He leans into her, putting his arms around her in the way that I long to do.

~~~

So I was right. He was with her. "I just don't understand why you came down in the first place when you knew that Harry would send me up to your room."

"Oh," he says, cheeks reddening, "I was looking for a quick snack. That's when she came in."

"Fair enough," I say quietly, shifting away from him.

"Do you still think about him?" Ron asks suddenly. "Is that why you aren't upset?"

"Who?"

"The bloke you fancied before I asked you to be my girl. The one you had a few snogs with, the mystery man."

"Yes, I suppose."

~~~

My heart pounds rapidly. She'd told Ron about snogging another bloke and having feelings for him. She still thinks of me. I refrain from breathing so I won't miss anything they say next.

"Why won't you tell me about him?" Ron prods.

"There's no need. It's in the past."

Disappointment seeps through my veins, and my heart threatens to burst. Then I hear her next words.

"He never looked back, never wrote, nothing. Sometimes I wonder if it was a figment of my silly imagination."

If I'd written letters, someone might have found out about us...about how I feel.

~~~

I smile at Ron and lean closer to kiss his worried cheek softly. "I told you that I would give us an honest attempt at a relationship, and I meant it. You didn't make plans to meet her, did you? She kissed you first. It just happened. I forgive you."

"No, it just happened," he replies, grinning hopefully. "I'll make it up to you."

"You'd better go up before Harry comes down looking for you."

"All right. Coming up?"

"No, I'm going to get a glass of juice, I think." I move to the kitchen as Ron leaves the room.

~~~

I didn't leave my Disillusioned corner until I was certain that Ron was back in his room. I went to the kitchen quietly to watch as she stood near one of the windows, sipping her juice, moonlight framing her body, showing me the silhouette that's haunted me for the past year.

When my foot hits the table, she doesn't jump or seem surprised, so I say, "It's not that I didn't care...the reason I never wrote. I just... I just thought I shouldn't."

"You were right not to," she replies, not turning around. "I didn't ask for any promises."

~~~

I would know the scent of his cologne...no matter how faint...anywhere. I turn around when he says nothing and am startled to see that he is now right behind me, one hand suspended in air as if he were debating on touching my hair.

"Maybe I should have given you some," he whispers.

Unable to help myself, I take his hand and press it against my cheek. "I've always thought about you."

"Every single day..." he agrees.

"We can't," I blurt sadly as he nears.

"We won't," he says, face narrowly missing mine, burrowing in my hair instead.

~~~

Pulling back to look at her teary eyes, I say, "I just want you to know that last summer meant a lot to me. On many nights, you've kept me warm... sane even."

"Sometimes I'm so lonely even though I'm not alone, but in my mind, you are always here for me."

"Is Ron not good to you? He..." My voice falters. "He seems to love you." As I do, I nearly add.

"He does," she says confidently, "and as you heard, I promised to give a relationship with him a real try."

"When does the try end?"

"I'm uncertain."

~~~

I know what Charlie is getting at, but I don't think that I could find it in my heart to hurt Ron. He's always honest. If I told him the things that bothered me, he would likely try to fix them. Sometimes it feels as if we're only friends who shag.

"Would you have me?" he asks.

My heart shatters. I'm confused. "I would if things were that simple."

"What do I have to do?"

Any fear I had about him not remembering our moments dissolves. It seems that he cares a great deal more for me than I'd imagined.

~~~

I know it sounds as if I'm desperate... Maybe I am.

"There are things that I have to do with Harry and Ron that must come first...for the good of the war."

"Can't I help?"

She shakes her head. "I won't jeopardize that no matter how much I would like to be with you."

"So, you do care," I say happily, hope simmering in my soul. "I'll wait while you and he try to work through things. If it doesn't work out, then..."

"I will never ask you to put your life on hold for me," she says.

~~~

The emotions behind his words frighten me. If I asked it of him, he would wait for me, but I could never do that. What had I ever done to deserve such devotion from him? Was it because I was something he couldn't have? Had I truly made that much of an impression on him last summer?

I rise to the tip of my toes and press my lips against his for a chaste kiss, battling internally at the wrongness of it. I don't stop him as his tongue pries between my lips and deepens our kiss, making me tingle.

~~~

"Hermione," I murmur minutes later, "I've missed this." I have her ensnared tightly in my arms, nuzzling her throat. I feel her trembling against me and hope that she's not crying. What have I done? Have I pushed her too far?

"Charlie, as much as I want this... and you..."

"I know," I say, squeezing her once more and enjoying the feel of her attempt to tighten her hold on me. "I just needed this moment."

This time, her lips find mine for another heated kiss. My hands lower to cup her arse tightly, pulling her flush against my body.

~~~

Why can't I feel so complete when Ron's holding me like this? If I had never kissed Charlie, would I always keep part of myself detached where Ron is concerned? Why could I put all of me into this kiss for this man?

The kiss seems to not want to end, but as he begins grinding his body against mine, which is stuck against the counter, I can feel how deeply he wants me through the hardened bulge of his trousers. I know that I have to stop things. We can't go that far.

"Please, no, we can't..." I beg.

~~~

I release her and step aside, not wanting her to cry, though I can hear the quaver in her voice and know that she will likely dissolve into tears the moment she leaves the room. "I'm sorry," I say, wishing I could take her to my bed, brother be damned.

"So am I," she says sadly, rushing from the room, wiping her cheeks.

I move over to the table and slump down, putting my head in my hands much like Ron had done. "Why did I even come home?" I whisper aloud. "I should have known I couldn't do this."

~~~

I take my seat next to Ron at breakfast the next morning as Mrs. Weasley reads her note to us all.

"He says, 'Mum, I got an urgent owl last night about the dragon I'm training personally. There's an accident. I don't trust anyone else to look after her. I am sorry. Send my love to all. Happy Christmas. Charlie.'" She sniffed disappointedly.

Frowning slightly, I stir my tea. It's my fault that he left his family. I vow to be stronger next time. Ron's hand finds his way to mine under the table and squeezes. We both flush guiltily.

Southern's Notes: Well, I hope this second installment is as enjoyable as the first for some of you. I decided to carry on with it a bit more. Pulling for Charlie, anyone? It's really odd to write in this drabble style. I'm so long winded, and when I realized how many drabbles I'd written, I wondered if perhaps I shouldn't have just written it normally. LOL. Anyway, cheers!