Mission: Cover Blown?

"Severus," I mutter, trying to grab his attention without startling Lavender.

"Hm?" he murmurs, obviously still enjoying the blissful post-fabulous-shagging time and totally oblivious to any snooping twits that may have been prying at the window.

"Lavender..."

"I don't want to hear that name right now," Sirius' replies. Then, kissing my belly he adds, "I'd much rather spend some time reliving the past hour..."

"She is at the window!" I hiss.

Snape's eyes flick up and, with a quick glance in his direction, I see him contemplating his options.

"Damn," Sirius comments. "Obliviate her, Snape."

"Oddly enough, Black, I do not currently have my wand at hand."

I am a little concerned about the lack of worry these two are conveying at this predicament. Lavender has just seen...everything!

"Will someone do something!" I demand. "She is still there! She is going to go and tell Harry and Ron and Ginny and neither of you sound like you give a damn! Sirius', for Merlin's sake, do you want Harry to know what you have been doing with me?"

"Hermione..." Snape begins, but I cut him off.

"And you! What do you think Molly will do to you when Ron tells her, huh?! Not to mention what Dumbledore will say..."

"Hermione..." Snape repeats, but I have no time to listen to his reasoning – something has to be done before Lavender gets over her trout impersonation and runs back to Harry and Ron to spill the beans.

"Give me my wand!"

"Miss Granger!" Snape suddenly bellows, shocking me out of my panic for a moment. "Now, if you will give me a moments peace, you will realise that, no matter how brilliantly Black and I performed, you do indeed have a brain inside that skull."

Sirius is practically laughing at me. "Will you shut up!" I snap at him.

"'Mione, come on. What do you really think is going to happen even if Lavender does go back and tell them?"

"Oh." Stupid, Herms, really stupid.

"Correct. Harry and Ron will more than likely try to have her committed before they believe her."

"Perhaps there is an upside to this predicament," I reply at the thought of having Lavender locked away where her squeals could no longer do detrimental damage to the ears of wizardingkind. I give Lavender a smug look, then rest my head back down on the pillow as she disappears from the window.

"Hermione?"

"Hm?"

"Um...it's time to wake up."

Who the hell is waking me up at this ungodly hour? I thought I was on holiday...

"Hm."

"Hermione, it's nearly midday..." Ron. At least I think it's Ron. I sleepily force one eye open and yep, there he is looking mighty confused.

Midday. Merlin! Half the day is gone!

"Bloody Merlin, Ron, why didn't you wake me earlier?" I demand, sitting bolt upright in bed.

"It is the holidays. Hermione, can I ask you something?"

My eyes flick to Ron's face and he looks very, very uncomfortable as he shifts uneasily from foot to foot.

"Uh...sure."

"Why are you sleeping in Sirus' and Remus' bed?"

Ah. Good point. The truth? I think not. Then again...

"Because I fell asleep here last night after the most amazing evening of shagging with Sirius and Snape and I had neither the energy nor the inclination to return to my own room."

Oh my gods, that look is priceless! Ron's face has apparently lost all muscle control and he is practically drooling.

"Sirus? Snape? Together?"

"The pair of them are quite complimentary," I reply. However, a smirk pulls involuntarily at my face and suddenly Ron is slapping my arm.

"Very funny! You almost had me! Right, up and at 'em!" Ron heads for the door, then stops and looks back over his shoulder at me. "Did you hear Lavender talking?" he asks very quietly.

"A little," I reply, sitting up carefully so as to not disturb the bed sheets and reveal my completely naked body beneath the covers.

"What?"

"Just her speculations about me err...having relations with a few various people," I reply, my bravado diminished now that Ron thinks I was joking – and in some ways I am relieved. Given that this conversation appears to be continuing, I grab up my wand and dress myself. Ron doesn't even appear to notice that it was neither a transfiguration spell, nor was there a spell to remove any clothes I might have been wearing, thankfully.

"Yeah. She thinks she saw you, Sirius and Snape err...going at it last night. I mean, that's just stupid."

"Stupid how?" I ask, feeling hurt. What? I'm too much of a bookworm to have sex? I'm too ugly, too plain, too boring?

"Well..." Ron pauses for a moment in thought before continuing. "Well, firstly, it's Snape! Greasy git extraordinaire! He's a bastard, you've said so yourself...and then there's Sirius. I'm not totally sure, but I think he and Lupin are ...well...more than friends, if you know what I mean."

Everyone always know what you mean, Ron. Nice save thus far though...

"And, well, they're not exactly your type are they? Either of them? Sirius is far too...adventurous I would have thought. And Snape is...well he's not anyone's sort, is he? Great grumpy bastard with an ego from here to eternity! I don't know how anyone would want to..."

"He's not that bad, Ron." Shite. Double whoops with a sprinkling of 'oh, damn'.

Ron gives me a scrutinising look. "Hermione..."

"Hm?" I ask, suddenly finding a piece of lint on the sheets to pick at. Lint, very very interesting. Perhaps it will make him vanish...

"Have you got a crush on Snape?" he asks incredulously. Okay, perhaps I should have gone with a vanishing charm instead.

"I didn't say that. I just said he's not as bad as you make out, Ron."

"You do!" Ron announces, grinning. "Herms, that is just plain gross, even for you!"

I see a flicker of movement in the doorway and glance up. Severus is standing there looking both bemused and angry.

"Ron, I really don't think that has anything to do with you..." I begin, wanting this conversation to stop now before Severus hears anymore.

"What the heck can you see in him?"

My eyes dart to Severus again and he appears to be awaiting my answer as well. Bullocks!

"I don't know why I have to justify this to you, but given that I know you will not leave this alone until I tell you, then fine," I reply shortly. Then, in one rushed breath I inform him, "He's intelligent, he's witty he's a gentleman, charming and handsome." I lift my eyes and glare up at him, forcing myself not to look in Severus' direction. "Now leave me alone!"

"Are we talking about the same Snape here? The bastard that taught us for the past seven years? Because that description sounds far more like some sort of trashy romance novel hero. 'He's tall, dark and handsome?' Bloody hell, Herms!" Ron retorts, sounding torn between worrying for my sanity and worrying for his own.

"Yeah, and I am just boring, old, squeaky clean, Ice Queen, bookworm Hermione who spends all her time reciting Hogwarts: A History," I snap back at him.

I am absolutely furious now and to be totally honest I don't know why. So what if he insulted Snape? He's right, we've spent the last seven years insulting him – I doubt him hearing it again would concern him in slightest. Then why am I so angry? I think...and this is sharing more than I really want to...that when it comes down to it Ron is insulting me. After all, I have chosen to do what I do with who I do and though his thoughts about Snape shouldn't matter to me they do because they reflect his thoughts on me. Suddenly, I am on the verge of tears. Bloody hell, Herms, get a grip!

"You heard that?" Ron says, thinking hard.

"Lavender doesn't exactly keep her thoughts to herself, does she?" I reply angrily.

"Well, no...she doesn't. I tried to stick up for you!" Ron is looking a little mad with me now, but he has forgotten one important aspect of that eavesdropped conversation.

"Yeah, and you laughed as hard as any of them at the Hogwarts: A History comment." Tears are brimming in my eyes now, threatening to spill over.

"Well, it was sort of funny..."

"What was funny? The idea of a man finding me attractive or the fact that I couldn't take a moment out of studying to enjoy it? I am far more than a talking book!" I retort, climbing angrily out of bed and glaring at him. "In fact, I seem to remember a time when you were utterly infatuated with me!"

"Is that what this is about? The fact that I'm with Lavender and you're jealous?" Ron replies with an air superiority.

I snort. "Dunderhead, in case you had forgotten, it was I that dumped you and I don't regret a moment of it."

"Did me a favour," Ron snaps back. "I sat and listened to your endless dribble about everything in sundry and what did I get out of it? The odd kiss and..."

"Ron, I would stop right there if I were you," I reply. "Stop right there before I am forced to mortally embarrass you."

"...and one fumble up your top."

"And who was the one who couldn't hold onto it long enough to take that any further? Gods, Ron, it was embarrassing. Every time I went anywhere near you, you would...well..." I make a gesture roughly in the direction of his groin and add, "I pity your mother for the amount of washing she must have had to do."

Ron glares at me, his face and ears as red as his hair. "Lavender's right. You are an Ice Queen. Remain a reclusive virgin for the rest of your life, see if I care! I have no idea what I ever saw in you!"

As he turns his back on me one tear slips down my face. Okay, fine, I know I don't want Ron anymore – I've learnt my lesson there, but hearing exactly what he thinks of me...

"Sir!" Ron suddenly squeaks, his voice moving up a few pitches.

Snape. Forgot he was there. Oops.

"I believe, Weasley, that I have heard quite enough of you imbecilic thoughts for one day and if you have even an inkling of intelligence, not someting of which you have even hinted at in the past ten minutes, then you will remove yourself from my sight for the rest of the day or deal with the consequences," Snape says to him in such a low voice that I can only just hear him. Now, that is a tone that I don't want to be on the receiving end of.

"You're not my teacher anymore," Ron says, in a moment of stupid bravado.

"No," Snape says with a menacing smirk. "I'm not, am I?"

Ron takes a moment to process this statement, then a flash of terror mars his face as he realises that this means that Snape is no longer bound by school rules either. He scampers past Snape and out of sight. Perhaps there is something inside his head after all, then again, even the stupidest of prey know to run from predators.

"Miss Granger?" Snape asks, his voice as cold as ever, but there is an inkling of concern on his face.

"I'm fine," I reply, turning my back on him and busying myself with straightening the bed. "Perfectly fine."

Snape is so quiet that I think he has left, until I hear him say ever so softly, "That you are."

There is a soft click as the door shuts and I turn around, wondering if I heard correctly, only to find the room empty.