Choices: Chapters 21 to 40

Summary: He was a fool to hold Hermione to her original promise. It was time to rectify that mistake. But it seemed fate, and Hermione had other plans. Can Severus learn to live with the choices he's made, even at the cost of his own happiness?

A/N: The story is written in drabble form, one hundred words per chapter. The brevity of the chapters forces the emotions to stand out sharply against the action. The first forty chapters were posted in the drabble collections – Round Nine through Fourteen. Since so many have asked me to post these as their own story, I've decided to compile them here.

Disclaimer: The characters, settings, etc., of the Harry Potter series are not mine; they belong to J.K. Rowling and Co. I promise to return them when I am through. Well, most of them anyway.

Chapter 21 - What's Love Got To Do With It?

"You're carrying my child. I can't let either of you go."

"What about finding someone better?" Hermione watched his face contort with the effort of trying to avoid answering the question.

"It's too late for that now."

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"And the baby?" Did he still doubt her?

"I never wanted children, but it's my child, I know that. What is, is."

Hermione held back the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm sorry, Severus, I need to go."

"But I just said I love you."

"I know. But that's just not enough, anymore. I'm sorry."

Chapter 22 - As Clear As Mud

"What do you mean it isn't enough? What do you want me to say? I took the bloody veritaserum, you have to know I'm telling you the truth?" Severus glared at his wife; not liking the way the conversation was going.

"That's just it, isn't it? I can't even pretend you're trying to manipulate me. You really don't understand."

Severus found it difficult to hide his annoyance. "Understand what? Obviously, I'm missing some salient point. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"Love wasn't enough before. Why do you think it should be the answer now?"

"Hermione, what is it you want?"

Chapter 23 - Strangers

"I want you to need me, to want me. I want you to let me in. We've been married for almost two years, and I still don't know who you are. You keep me at arm's length. You're polite, you're considerate, but I never see you with your mask down." Hermione sighed, her voice quiet with regret. "The only time I get real emotion from you, is when you're angry. Even when we make love, you hold back. You're so quiet I wouldn't know you've come if I didn't find evidence of it. I need you to be human, Severus."

Chapter 24 - Candy And Flowers - A Romance Do Not Make

"I'm the same man I was when you married me. I've never pretended to be something I'm not. If I've never made you happy, why did you marry me? Did you think I would change, become some love sick sap that brought you candy and flowers?"

Sadly, Hermione shook her head. "You still don't understand. I don't need candy and flowers, or poetry for that matter. I need you to be my partner, to make me a part of your life. Your cauldron means more to you than I do."

"My cauldron doesn't give me grief like you do, either."

Chapter 25 - Who's On First

Challenge: Choices/Potion of Fyre

A/N: The title is from the Abbott and Costello routine of the same name.

"That's true, but your cauldron doesn't keep you warm at night like I do, either."

Severus smiled. "It depends. If I use it to brew a Sleeping potion, then no, but a Potion of Fyre might do the trick."

This was the Severus she'd fallen in love with. This is what she needed, this feeling of being connected. "It's a shame I can't keep you dosed with veritaserum indefinitely."

Severus pulled Hermione into his arms and gently hugged her. He missed holding her; he missed...her. He'd do whatever was needed to stop her from leaving.

"Hermione, please...can't we try again?"

Chapter 26 - Under The Influence

She'd never heard him plead before. His eyes were still glazed looking. He was still under the influence of veritaserum; it had to be the truth.

Try again, but to what purpose?

"I can't go back to the way things were, Severus. I won't. I know you love me. God help me, I love you, too. But it's just not enough."

He knew if she walked out the door this time, she wouldn't be coming back. He was looking at a lifetime without her, of never knowing his own child.

"I can change. What will it take to convince you?"

Chapter 27 - Insults And Insights

"It's not a matter of changing. I don't want you to suddenly become best mates with Harry. Or start wearing lime green robes. You have to stop shutting me out. I need you to be the man you were when you married me."

"I don't know if that man still exists."

"He did back then. Maybe you can find him again."

"And if you leave, will you go back to Potter?" The name brought a sneer to his lips.

"No. Believe it or not, Harry thought we should talk. See if we can work things out."

"How kind of him."

Chapter 28 - Words To Live By

"Stop it! This is getting us nowhere." Hermione sighed. "I'll let you know when I get settled in. There's a house in Hogsmeade I've thought about renting. It's not large, but it there's enough space for the baby and me."

His voice broke with desperation, the veritaserum forcing the truth from his lips. "Hermione, don't do this. Please, don't leave me. I'm sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention."

Tears flowed unchecked down the young woman's cheeks. "I know that, but we can't keep hurting each other. It not fair to either one of us, or the baby."

Chapter 29 - A Change In Tactics

She was leaving.

He could've slipped her some type of love potion. Or put her under the Imperious Curse. He could've forced her to stay, and been well within his rights. But neither magic, nor force, was the answer. He wanted her to want to be with him.

"I meant what I said. I want to start over." He struggled to get the words out. "Rent the house, do what you have to, but let me court you again. You don't want me shutting you out, I'm asking the same of you. Don't shut me out, give me a chance."

Chapter 30 - Echoes of the Past

Hermione sighed. "You want me to give you a chance? Funny how our words keep chasing themselves, isn't that what I asked you to do?"

Severus held her hands, refusing to let go, refusing to let her go. He struggled to stop speaking, the veritaserum overriding his ability to edit his thoughts. "That day in the hospital, if I'd known I was going to survive...I wouldn't have agreed to marry you. I was...delirious. I would have agreed to anything, at the time. It seemed the only way to ..."

Hermione tried to pull away. "The only way to what, Severus?"

Chapter 31 - Sometimes Truth Isn't The Answer

"I don't mean it the way it sounds."

"The only way to what, Severus?"

"The only way to shut you up," he hissed. "You sat there, so solemnly tending my wounds. Applying potions to counteract the hexes, all the while quietly whispering in my ear to wake up. That you were waiting for me. That you would devote yourself to me, if I would just wake up."

"You never cared."

"I loved you too much to condemn you to a life with me, but you refused to listen."

Knowing the veritaserum wouldn't let him lie, Hermione pushed on. "And now?"

Chapter 32 - Confessions in the Dark

"And now? Now, I don't want you to leave. I don't know, maybe I didn't believe you'd really go." Wearily he dragged a hand through his hair.

"Is it your pride, or is it really me you want back?"

"I don't know anymore." No longer resisting, the words came out in a quiet monotone. "Sometimes I dream you're still here. And then I wake up and I'm alone. Stephens managed to blow up three cauldrons in one period, and all I could think was – Hermione would tell me Longbottom was a master compared to this one. It's you I've missed."

Chapter 33 - Still Slytherin After All

Despite her churning emotions, Hermione laughed as she listened to Severus. "You're right, Neville never did that much damage in a single period."

Severus's eyes softened. "That's something else I miss, your laugh. I love you. I was a fool to let you throw your life away on an embittered ex-Death Eater, but the time for regretting that is passed. Do you really want our child to grow up without its' mother and father?"

Hermione glared at him. "That's not fair, and you know it!"

"I was wrong to push you away. I'm sorry, one chance, that's all I'm asking."

Chapter 34 - And Now?

Hermione sighed. She didn't believe he deserved anything. She'd tried to talk to him time and time again during their marriage, but there comes a point when you just stop trying.

He'd dismissed her feelings with an idle wave of his hand, never trying to understand what made her so unhappy with her life.

And then, when she demanded he listen or she'd leave, when she'd finally had enough, he threw her out, vehemently, insisting she leave, for her own good.

Until he learned of the baby. Protectively, her hand moved to her stomach.

The movement did not go unnoticed.

Chapter 35 - Further Consequence

"Hermione..." Severus watched her intently, still clueless as to what else he could say to convince her to stay, or at least give him another chance.

"All right, Severus, you win," she said wearily.

"You'll stay?"

"No. But I'll let you 'court me', as you so charmingly put it. I spoke with the witch that owns the house in Hogsmeade I looked at. She's willing to rent to me on a month-to-month basis. That will do, for now."

Severus nodded, his smile tight. At least she wasn't shutting him out entirely. He still had some chance of changing her mind.

Chapter 36 - Action and...

He noticed the change in her expression immediately, not sure what it meant. "Are you all right?"

Coming to a decision, Hermione rose from the chair she'd been sitting in and moved next to him on the couch. Severus watched as she opened her robes part way to expose her stomach. Taking his hand, she gently placed it against her bare skin, quietly mumbling a spell he didn't recognize.

"What...?"

"Shhh!"

They sat quietly for a moment, before he felt a slight movement beneath his hand.

"Is that the baby?" he asked in awe, suddenly finding it hard to speak.

Chapter 37 - ... and Reaction

Hermione smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. "Yeah, it's him. He's usually a bit livelier in the evening, but lately he's been making his presence known all day."

Severus sat quietly; stunned as he felt the life he'd helped create. "When...when are you due?"

"Late November. Poppy said sometime around the 25th."

Reluctantly, he allowed her to remove his hand, still too overwhelmed with emotion to do little more than sit there. His son. He felt his son moving.

Hermione gathered her things. "I'll contact you in a few days, after I'm settled in."

"You're leaving?"

Chapter 38 - For Every Action There Is An Equal And Opposite Reaction

Hermione stood still, faltering under his glare. "I agreed to let you court me."

Shakily, Severus ran a hand through his hair. "I know that's what I asked, but that was before."

"Before?"

"Damn it!" Angrily, Severus rose and started to pace. "I 'courted' you already. We did this already. I know I've been a bastard. I promise, I'll change. But after feeling the baby...how can you just walk out?" He sat heavily on the couch, his anger suddenly spent.

"If I don't, we'll never work things out." Gently, she kissed his cheek. "I'll owl you when I'm settled in."

Chapter 39 - Leaving

With an inner-strength she didn't know she possessed, Hermione turned toward the door.

"All right, fine. I'll walk you to Hogsmeade."

"Severus, you don't have to. I'm capable of getting back on my own." She was still staying with Harry. The last thing Hermione wanted was a scene between the two.

"I won't hex Potter, if that's what you're worried about," he said, smirking.

The conversation was strained, as they moved along the path. Severus cast about his mind for topics before quietly asking what she planned to do about her Charms apprenticeship. Talking amicably, they soon reached Harry's home.

Chapter 40 - Moving On

Severus looked around, not wanting to let Hermione go. "Potter's living here?" he asked.

"He's building a home in Godric's Hollow. It won't be done for another six months, so he's living here until then."

"Hermione..."

"Please, don't. We can't go through this every time I see you. I can't take it."

Severus nodded. "All right. I don't want you lifting anything heavy. When are you moving?"

"I'll let you know. Most likely in a week or two."

"I..." Severus pulled her to him. Leaning forward, he captured her lips.

The kiss was bittersweet. Silently, he turned and walked away.

TBC