Chapter the Third: In Which Childbirth Transpires

Disclaimer: I own neither HP characters nor fairytales. I don't even own a house-elf. Please refrain from penalizing my impoverished self for playing with them.

WARNING: Any consumption of edible substances while reading is undertaken at your own risk.

Note: I have a day off from sickroom duties, an available computer, and a couple of unposted chapters in reserve. Enjoy or forgive the results, as appropriate.

Severus was minding his own business, as per usual, and stirring a potion (also usual) when his lone house-elf popped into the laboratory. This was highly unusual, as the laboratory was a no-elf zone. Severus would have preferred to live with only the company of his pets and a few of his more sentient plants; but when he inherited the tower, it quickly became apparent that maintaining such a structure was not a one-wizard job.

"You know my standing orders, Wormy. Unless the tower is collapsing, I'm not interested," he drawled. He removed the stirring rod after the final half-turn and set it on the ceramic rest.

The elf did not leave immediately, which was likewise unusual. Severus glanced about the room, making a quick check of its structural integrity.

"But, Master Severus! The Malfoy house elves is calling you to the Manor! The Young Master is being born and Master Severus needs to be at the naming."

It took him a good few moments to realize what the elf was on about. Somehow, he'd lost track of the time, and now it appeared that...well, the brat was about to appear.

"Bugger all," he muttered. His mood stabilized upon seeing the potion turn the appropriate color for this stage. "Hmph. I suppose that I can afford an hour, but no more. This will want stirring again."

"Wormy can take Master into the Malfoy's home to save time," Wormy offered. This constant solicitousness on the part of house-elves unnerved Severus rather thoroughly, since he himself devoted so much of his life to not giving a flying fwooper what anyone else wanted. There was also something innately appalling about a creature that could nonchalantly move through protective spells. Still, he did have to get back to stirring sooner rather than later...

"Are you sure I will arrive there with everything I had to start?" Severus asked.

"Wormy is being very good at moving people through the space-time continuum," the elf asserted.

Severus was so taken aback at the term 'space-time continuum' juxtaposed with elf grammar that he didn't notice he was in the Manor until he heard screaming. He could not muster any particular surprise upon discovering that it emanated from Lucius. A Stunning Spell from the hip put paid to that.

The harried midwife stepped over Lucius' prone form. "Thanks for that, Mr...."

"Snape." Severus backed away from the bed, taking care to stay away from the... business end... of the highly medicated witch lying upon it. Even with all of the house elves and at least two midwives clustered around, he really didn't want to risk seeing anything. It had been bad enough happening upon his greenhouse cat having kittens.

"You're here because...?" the second midwife, a woman with entirely too much hair, ruffles, and...well, frankly, everything...questioned him.

"'sababbees godfaer," Narcissa slurred.

The other midwife shushed her companion. "He got the father out of our road, don't ask too many questions. Being the godfather, would you care to h..."

"I'll just be out here," Severus said, shutting the door to the room by way of punctuation to that statement. He leaned against it for good measure. He somehow doubted that Malfoys handled birth with the same aplomb as domestic cats.

Severus checked his contract to confirm that he had indeed missed another clause and was in the awkward position of not only being the child's future guardian but also godfather. He hoped that this would not entail any sort of obligation beyond an appearance at the child's baptism. Severus never could quite shake the feeling that, despite appearing to be a quite genial-looking Squib, the vicar could discern by looking at him exactly how many Christmases it had been since Severus had attended any sort of service.

He fumbled his way through a silent prayer that all would go well behind the door upon which he was leaning before giving it up as a bad job. Rather more appealing was the convenient sideboard with an even more convenient decanter on it. Severus thought that he might have figured out a way around the owner's seal on the stopper when a petulant cry issued from behind the closed door. He turned just in time to avoid being caught with his hands on the glass.

"The young Master is born now," the creature announced. "Mister Severus is to please be viewing him."

"Oh, joy," Severus said. He hoped that a good, stiff belt was part of the viewing and wondered why he hadn't the foresight to put it in the contract.

Someone had wakened Lucius, and Severus quite wished they hadn't. By the look on the more sensible midwife's face, he wasn't the only one.

"I say, are you quite sure it's a boy? Oughtn't he be a bit more pale and handsome? At least a bit willowy? And where ever is the child's hair?"

"He's a baby, Mr. Malfoy. They're all a bit bald and red to start," the midwife explained.

"He's perfect," Narcissa said. This would have been rather nauseating had she cooed it to the baby. As things stood, she addressed her comment to the room in general and her husband in particular. Severus thought, quite frankly, that had she brought that glare and that tone of voice to his gates a few months ago, there would have been no need for contracts.

"I've seen him. Am I done here?" Severus asked.

"He needs to be named first," Lucius said. "We've the vicar standing by in the family chapel."

"Well, get on with it." Severus punctuated his remarks with a gesture in the child's direction. The child replied with more sulky mewling. The uneasiness Severus had felt earlier grew into a distinct foreboding.

"He ought to be named for the plant at the center of all this," Lucius said. He had that air of expertise that had been present from the start of this mess, and Severus wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face, magic be damned.

"No child of mine is going to be called Palm Tree!" Narcissa and the baby both seemed quite adamant on that point.

"It is a most dignified specimen of Dracaena draco, Madam, not some mere tropical lawn ornament," Severus said. He felt rather put out on behalf of his plant. It had provided a great deal of fine potions ingredients over the years.

"I suppose we could call him Draco," Narcissa said.

Severus turned and let his forehead fall against the nearest wall. "Call the little br-boy-Draco, then. But name him so I can get back to my tower already, I've a Draught of Living Death that needs stirring in ten minutes!"

"Begging your pardon, Ma'am, but the vicar will also want a Christian name for the baptismal certificate," the second midwife said. Severus by now had a particular dislike for that midwife which threatened to extend to red-headed persons generally.

"Bloody hell!" Severus was very near the end of his patience, and felt a definite foreboding, verging upon the ominous. Why, again, was he agreeing to take on an apprentice whose only qualification to date was a rather vapid father and a mother with exceedingly poor impulse control?

"No such language around my little sweetling," Narcissa glared ice daggers at Severus. "Obviously we name him after..."

"...my father," Lucius and Narcissa said at the same time.

"Why not name him after his godfather and save an argument?" the first midwife suggested, very sensibly to Severus' mind. He resolved to brew something nice for her, perhaps an unguent to deal with her unfortunate acne.

After a few moments of hedging and gaping, neither adult Malfoy could summon a better idea. (This gives one an unfortunately apt picture of the quality of the Malfoy thought process.) So everyone Apparated to the chapel and the little baby was named Draco Severus Malfoy, a fact about which he seemed particularly displeased if his vocalizations were at all meaningful. The contract glowed to indicate that it had taken effect. Wormy obligingly took Severus home...nowhere near in time to save the potion, of course.

Years passed; and Severus realized, to his dismay, that his foreboding wasn't going anywhere.

At least the vicar hadn't asked any awkward questions.