28-Aug-09
Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
Chapter 29 of 42
JunoMagicHermione's diary for August 28, 2009. Please note: this chapter contains "diverse" sexual situations according to the story's warnings.
ReviewedAugust 28, 2009
Tonight I can write without Severus holding me in his arms.
Tonight I can write without Severus whispering each word to me.
Tonight I can write without Draco embracing and kissing both of us.
This evening, Schrödinger is enough.
The kitten is on my lap right now, kneading my thighs, purring his spots off. In just twelve days he has grown in size, substance, and personality. He'll be a formidable Kneazle one day.
—I almost collapsed after the torture of last night's entry. When Severus took the book from my hands and Draco put the blood-quill away, I was barely aware. When Draco pulled me into his embrace, I was floating. Only when Severus entered me, only when his rhythmic strokes pushed me deeper and deeper into Draco's arms, I felt heavy again. I was here. I was human once more.
Afterwards I lay in languid lassitude and watched Draco making love to Severus.
Severus needs to be held, too.
And I…I cannot be his anchor in this turmoil, because I am here and there. I tear his heart apart between what is, and what should have been.
…"Hogwarts, A Revised History" lies on the table before me.
I cannot read it.
The blurb promises to reveal the true history of this renowned institution of magical education, from Salazar Slytherin to Voldemort Lord Protector of Magic. The table of contents shows that it is not the book I remember, not even in a revised version. The chapters about Dumbledore and Harry are missing.
Oh, Merlin, how I miss Harry.
During the last years in Azkaban, I often felt very quiet. Not "at peace". Never that. But inside, I was calm. They were all there with me, in a way. Each name in its square.
Now I feel as if I've lost them all over again.
To have Severus and Draco and Minerva back—
It's agony.
Seized by a whirlwind, I am tossed about by the storm like a leaf. At the best of times, I am a kite flung up into the sky. At the worst, I lock myself up in the pantry, or in the loo. I try to think of the quiet within me. And I count and count and count. Tiles, floorboards, Severus' Charmed soup tins, diary pages, days, hours, heartbeats.
...This morning something strange happened.
I came down to breakfast to find Severus alone with Draco's subscription of the Prophet. Draco, he told me, had gone for a walk. I stepped outside to look for Draco. At last I spied him at the lakeshore. But he was not alone. Next to him stood a woman I recognised instantly: Amrita Agan! When Severus and I told him about our encounters with Agan and the Patils' warning, he insisted that she only introduced herself as a distant neighbour for politeness' sake, nothing more.
Somehow I doubt that.
They left at noon. Draco Apparated home, I think. And Severus is making preparations for—
[Here the quill has slipped, and the writing continues in the next line, each word painstakingly, perfectly printed.]
One, two, three days.
Until
the
end.
oooOooo
A/N: Many thanks to Mia Madwyn for looking this over, and for her idea how to begin this entry.
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
146 Reviews | 6.27/10 Average
This has got to be among the very finest HP fanfics I have EVER come across. Thank you so much. I can only hope you continue writing both fan fiction and fiction that you and only you create from scratch. I would be most interested to read pretty much anything you come up with
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :)
It's not a style of writing that I'm used to, it's more analytic but the story is very good. Thank you.
Oooh! Who did he get? :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. XD
Hannah is a true Hufflepuff. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That she is!
Who vouched? Who?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. *g*
Lovely chapter, Im pleased Severus found someone to vouch for him. I love how this journal entry was in the form of a letter :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words! :-)
Why am I starting to think that the name Aramita Agan is an anagram for something else - someone else? And how could Hermione's wand heal McGonagall? Not to mention, who will vouch for them both?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
You're right. It's an Anagram. But the solution of the anagram is something you may or may not know about. Still, the sound of the solution should already be a big hint. Just like the descriptions of the woman in the story so far.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
From all the clues it almost sounds like she's a form of Nagini. But the anagram only would give you part of 'her' formal name. The N A G I part. And since the Dark won, there's every reason to suspect that Nagini didn't die. Am I getting closer?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Very close. :-)
...does Amrita Agan have the Elder wand? Is she the Dark Lord (Lady?)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Close, but not close enough.
The end????
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Well, they only had one month to fulfil all conditions of their probation. If they haven't managed that until then, it's back to Azkaban for them ...
The end... of what? Life, or their penance?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Wait and see ...
So noble, so self-sacrificing, so Severus. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That's our Sev, that is. ;-)
Draco needs them as well. Nice to see they're continuing to let him in. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
They are all three of them horribly adrift in this brave new world ...
If I understand correctly, Hermione feels that her death (suicide) would precipitate better change for Severus and Draco. But she didn't realize how badly that thought would have destroyed them both. She thinks she'd be doing them a favor, but she's the only one to fufill the conditions for release. But when I think on it, what they're all doing COULD NOT be considered living - by any means. Surviving yes, but not living.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, I think you've mixed up characters in your comment. The chapter is written by Severus, and it details his plan of sending Hermione and Draco away and himself going back to Azkaban to die there. And his realization that his plan is doomed -- because Hermione literally cannot exist without him, even though she understands and accepts his plan.
Sorry about my last comment. It just struck me wrong. I thought they would just be too tight and no one else would be abel to enter the relationship.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Every chapter of this story is labelled with the warning "Menage-a-trois". That means it is a story about three partners, also known as "threesome" in fandom. Hermione and Severus had sex with Draco already at the beginning of this story, and that is not going to change.
enjoying the updates.. and esp trying to figure out what the heck the drops of blood mean!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Everything will be explained eventually. :-)
Oh my goodness such a sad and lovely chapter. Im definetly going to have to get a box of tissues. Fabulous job!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words!
So beautiful but so sad.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you! :-)
It's the contrasts that make this so fascinating. There is the despair and degredation of Azkaban - and then their release, all of which mirrors (seemingly) the acceptance that love can be found in unsusal places, but that life and the terror of starting again is another sort of prison and degradation.Here's hoping it doesn't prove so for any of them.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
It's a crazy balancing act what they are doing ... madness and prison, insanity and freedom ... But there's hope. Always.
Draco's bed/room sounds fabulously decadent, though I daresay Severus is a little miffed that he decided to join in his release with Hermione. ;)Hermione's repitition of names, now that I think of it, seems like a benediction and mantra. A plea and a remembrance not to forget. ~just thinking out loud again~ :D
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Yes, I think so, too. Benediction, mantra, maybe a bit of a curse, too.
The plot thickens, and I wonder if Voldemort is dead (and was for two months before Severus and Hermione were released), why Lucius Malfoy would release them with such strictures on their movements?There's a pattern to splodges of ink/blood, isn't there? It makes me wonder if they aren't a visual representation of the calamity of (in order down the page) Hermione, Draco and Severus. Their minds either insular (Draco), fighting to maintain control despite leakages (Severus) and disordered and jumbled compulsions leaving Hermione never knowing just where she is centred at any given point in time. ~Just guessing and probably wrong~ :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Excellent questions.Why would Lucius BFF of Voldemort release them at all?And yes, there is a pattern to the splodges. But it's a bit simpler than you think ... Everything they write is being observed. They have no choice but to write the truth. But maybe sometimes that's not a good idea? ;-)
The tragedy of Hermione always looking at which squares are filled with memories and which are empty, is an awful indictment on a system designed to (successfully) break its inhabitants. I am curious as to how both Severus and Hermione ended up in Azkaban, but the idea of Voldemort winning heralds a tragedy of epic proportions.Draco as a lighthouse keeper with a long flowing beard - and a mean fish stew is the counterpoint to the prisoners locked in by more than bars, quills and letters.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
I think if Voldemort won, apart from his Death Eaters all would end up as victims ... merely of varying degrees.
Evocative, harrowing and such an intriguing start, that I just have to continue on the journey. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Definitely one of the darkest stories I have written. I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless!
Dang! Draco needs some lovin' too? Hmm....So THAT's where the Menage-a-trois warning comes from! But what I don't understand is how he fits in with them? I thought he was with Harry, which made him gay, but if he's shagging Hermione too, he's bi, which doesn't concern me per se. The only fact of it that confuses me is why him with them? Since when did he become so close? And why?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, they had already made love in the lighthouse -- that was not a dream. ;-) And then Draco helped them get wands and gave them the money for their house. I think that already says a lot. Also, think about it: who's left of their world, their former loves? Hermione is all that is left of Harry for Draco. Draco is all that is left of whom Severus tried to protect. That's definitely not a sane or healthy way to form an attachment or start a polygamous relationship, but in the skewed and broken world that is the setting of the story, I believe it makes sense emotionally.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
Okay. I had to go back and reread it to pick up on it. It was a little cryptic because it doesn't actually say they had sex in the bed. I understand a little more about it. You said it when you stated that it wasn't healthy. But how much of what they went through/are going through really is?
Glad Draco came to see them. Im jealous of Hermione I would love to be in the middle of a Slytherin Sandwhich.
I hope Severus finds someone to vouch for him soon.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
*grins* A very delectable sandwhich, huh?
EWWW
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Do you really believe that "EWWW" is an acceptable comment? Admin's Response: Reviewer: This is not a review, it is a rude expression of opinion!
Response from gersknightlady (Reviewer)
Sorry I apologise it struck me wrong at the time. I didn't pick up on earlier chpaters that they had that kind of relationship.