August 2, 2009.
Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
Chapter 3 of 42
JunoMagicSeverus' diary for August 2, 2009.
ReviewedAugust 2, 2009
When I saw you, I knew my messages hadn't reached you. The humiliation, the pain, the blood, the sores—all in vain.
They Charmed off your hair.
Well.
That was to be expected.
They put you in those ridiculous Muggle things you used to wear. You look lost in them now. Like a child in the clothes of her mother.
You hesitated towards me, arms half-raised, hands almost reaching.
I expected you to babble (a deluge of your dear, excited burbling: "You're not dead, you're not dead!"). And tears, yes, of course I expected tears. Hysterical tears or quiet, desperate, blissful tears. Tears to kiss away with a grand gesture, whispering against your sweet lips, your soft cheeks, that I didn't die, that I didn't die, not in 1980, not in 1998.
That I will not—that I cannot die as long as you shall live .
But you did not cry.
You let your arms sink down.
You stood very still and looked at me.
Your eyes, your mind, an open book.
(Never mind what I told Potter; I could always see what you were thinking. Maybe because you never bothered to hide it—not when you wished for my approval as a child, not when you wanted my attention as a teenager, not when you offered your heart to me as an—before you ever had the chance to become an adult.)
But today you looked at me a woman grown.
A woman broken.
And you said, in a voice so hesitant and husky it couldn't possibly be yours (I wouldn't have recognised your voice without you standing before me, a misbegotten sparrow instead of Gryffindor's most unruly lioness), you said:
"Your name is in the square below the window."
"—the middle square, four out of seven—"
I saw the square.
There were ninety-one squares in your cell. Ninety of them the rough granite of Azkaban bedrock. One of them smooth and soft, from eleven long years of caresses.
Foolish, foolish girl.
"Your name," I said, "is everywhere."
And that is true; it seems to be my one weakness that while I cannot be courageous for myself, I can carry a torch for others to my death and beyond. First Lily, then Albus; now you.
We stared at each other.
"What now?" you asked.
Vehemently, I flung the Portkey into the grey-black floods of the North Sea.
"We fly," I announced.
Finally the grand gesture I'd planned for (eleven years, too many months, weeks and days to contemplate).
Like all my grand gestures, it failed.
That it wasn't fatal I have to thank you for. You, and your fear of flying.
And Fate, of course, who's still not done with me.
(…or you, it seems, my poor little lynx.)
And the lighthouse keeper of Bound Skerry, who found us when we fell from the sky on Grunay, an uninhabited island in the Out Skerries group, the easternmost part of Shetland.
Nominally, at least, of Scotland.
…of home.
oooOooo
A/N: Many thanks to Aranel Took and Mia Madwyn for beta-reading.
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Latest 25 Reviews for Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
146 Reviews | 6.27/10 Average
This has got to be among the very finest HP fanfics I have EVER come across. Thank you so much. I can only hope you continue writing both fan fiction and fiction that you and only you create from scratch. I would be most interested to read pretty much anything you come up with
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :)
It's not a style of writing that I'm used to, it's more analytic but the story is very good. Thank you.
Oooh! Who did he get? :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. XD
Hannah is a true Hufflepuff. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That she is!
Who vouched? Who?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. *g*
Lovely chapter, Im pleased Severus found someone to vouch for him. I love how this journal entry was in the form of a letter :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words! :-)
Why am I starting to think that the name Aramita Agan is an anagram for something else - someone else? And how could Hermione's wand heal McGonagall? Not to mention, who will vouch for them both?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
You're right. It's an Anagram. But the solution of the anagram is something you may or may not know about. Still, the sound of the solution should already be a big hint. Just like the descriptions of the woman in the story so far.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
From all the clues it almost sounds like she's a form of Nagini. But the anagram only would give you part of 'her' formal name. The N A G I part. And since the Dark won, there's every reason to suspect that Nagini didn't die. Am I getting closer?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Very close. :-)
...does Amrita Agan have the Elder wand? Is she the Dark Lord (Lady?)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Close, but not close enough.
The end????
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Well, they only had one month to fulfil all conditions of their probation. If they haven't managed that until then, it's back to Azkaban for them ...
The end... of what? Life, or their penance?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Wait and see ...
So noble, so self-sacrificing, so Severus. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That's our Sev, that is. ;-)
Draco needs them as well. Nice to see they're continuing to let him in. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
They are all three of them horribly adrift in this brave new world ...
If I understand correctly, Hermione feels that her death (suicide) would precipitate better change for Severus and Draco. But she didn't realize how badly that thought would have destroyed them both. She thinks she'd be doing them a favor, but she's the only one to fufill the conditions for release. But when I think on it, what they're all doing COULD NOT be considered living - by any means. Surviving yes, but not living.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, I think you've mixed up characters in your comment. The chapter is written by Severus, and it details his plan of sending Hermione and Draco away and himself going back to Azkaban to die there. And his realization that his plan is doomed -- because Hermione literally cannot exist without him, even though she understands and accepts his plan.
Sorry about my last comment. It just struck me wrong. I thought they would just be too tight and no one else would be abel to enter the relationship.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Every chapter of this story is labelled with the warning "Menage-a-trois". That means it is a story about three partners, also known as "threesome" in fandom. Hermione and Severus had sex with Draco already at the beginning of this story, and that is not going to change.
enjoying the updates.. and esp trying to figure out what the heck the drops of blood mean!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Everything will be explained eventually. :-)
Oh my goodness such a sad and lovely chapter. Im definetly going to have to get a box of tissues. Fabulous job!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words!
So beautiful but so sad.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you! :-)
It's the contrasts that make this so fascinating. There is the despair and degredation of Azkaban - and then their release, all of which mirrors (seemingly) the acceptance that love can be found in unsusal places, but that life and the terror of starting again is another sort of prison and degradation.Here's hoping it doesn't prove so for any of them.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
It's a crazy balancing act what they are doing ... madness and prison, insanity and freedom ... But there's hope. Always.
Draco's bed/room sounds fabulously decadent, though I daresay Severus is a little miffed that he decided to join in his release with Hermione. ;)Hermione's repitition of names, now that I think of it, seems like a benediction and mantra. A plea and a remembrance not to forget. ~just thinking out loud again~ :D
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Yes, I think so, too. Benediction, mantra, maybe a bit of a curse, too.
The plot thickens, and I wonder if Voldemort is dead (and was for two months before Severus and Hermione were released), why Lucius Malfoy would release them with such strictures on their movements?There's a pattern to splodges of ink/blood, isn't there? It makes me wonder if they aren't a visual representation of the calamity of (in order down the page) Hermione, Draco and Severus. Their minds either insular (Draco), fighting to maintain control despite leakages (Severus) and disordered and jumbled compulsions leaving Hermione never knowing just where she is centred at any given point in time. ~Just guessing and probably wrong~ :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Excellent questions.Why would Lucius BFF of Voldemort release them at all?And yes, there is a pattern to the splodges. But it's a bit simpler than you think ... Everything they write is being observed. They have no choice but to write the truth. But maybe sometimes that's not a good idea? ;-)
The tragedy of Hermione always looking at which squares are filled with memories and which are empty, is an awful indictment on a system designed to (successfully) break its inhabitants. I am curious as to how both Severus and Hermione ended up in Azkaban, but the idea of Voldemort winning heralds a tragedy of epic proportions.Draco as a lighthouse keeper with a long flowing beard - and a mean fish stew is the counterpoint to the prisoners locked in by more than bars, quills and letters.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
I think if Voldemort won, apart from his Death Eaters all would end up as victims ... merely of varying degrees.
Evocative, harrowing and such an intriguing start, that I just have to continue on the journey. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Definitely one of the darkest stories I have written. I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless!
Dang! Draco needs some lovin' too? Hmm....So THAT's where the Menage-a-trois warning comes from! But what I don't understand is how he fits in with them? I thought he was with Harry, which made him gay, but if he's shagging Hermione too, he's bi, which doesn't concern me per se. The only fact of it that confuses me is why him with them? Since when did he become so close? And why?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, they had already made love in the lighthouse -- that was not a dream. ;-) And then Draco helped them get wands and gave them the money for their house. I think that already says a lot. Also, think about it: who's left of their world, their former loves? Hermione is all that is left of Harry for Draco. Draco is all that is left of whom Severus tried to protect. That's definitely not a sane or healthy way to form an attachment or start a polygamous relationship, but in the skewed and broken world that is the setting of the story, I believe it makes sense emotionally.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
Okay. I had to go back and reread it to pick up on it. It was a little cryptic because it doesn't actually say they had sex in the bed. I understand a little more about it. You said it when you stated that it wasn't healthy. But how much of what they went through/are going through really is?
Glad Draco came to see them. Im jealous of Hermione I would love to be in the middle of a Slytherin Sandwhich.
I hope Severus finds someone to vouch for him soon.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
*grins* A very delectable sandwhich, huh?
EWWW
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Do you really believe that "EWWW" is an acceptable comment? Admin's Response: Reviewer: This is not a review, it is a rude expression of opinion!
Response from gersknightlady (Reviewer)
Sorry I apologise it struck me wrong at the time. I didn't pick up on earlier chpaters that they had that kind of relationship.