11-Aug-09
Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
Chapter 12 of 42
JunoMagicSeverus' diary for August 11, 2009.
ReviewedAugust 11, 2009
It seems we have acquired…a domicile that should satisfy authorities in so far as the conditions of our probation are concerned.
It should…irk me that we had to depend on connections of the Patil chits to acquire a place of residence. It ought to…humiliate me that we had to take charity from Draco to pay for our home.
But—there is no vexation, no sense of degradation.
Perhaps a faint feeling of relief; maybe a slight touch of annoyance.
Possibly a hint of glee. After all—albeit in a round-about manner—the Minister for Magic himself (my dear old friend Lucius Malfoy) has paid for our house.
You stand and stare and count the window panes. Three times sixteen the dormer windows; two times sixteen the ground floor windows; three times four the ones in the shed where my potions lab will be.
You break my heart.
And I? I stare at this cottage that should be the house of my dreams—after Spinner's End!—after Azkaban!—Merlin help me! And I compare it to the house of my delusions, of my hallucinations, that small white house where I have lived with you, where I have loved you, for more than eleven years now.
This house is situated on the north-western edge of the headland beyond Hogsmeade Station; a perfectly ridiculous place to build a house. We can just hope the midges-repelling-charms will hold. And both of us could do without that view.
My house was at the coast benefitting from the warmth of the Gulf Stream and the endless freedom of the Atlantic Ocean. There were no midges. Nor flea. Nor lice.
This house has a green door and shutters.
Satin-green, you whisper.
But the door of my house was red. I painted it for you, the Muggle way. A Gryffindor door for my Gryffindor girl.
At least both houses are white.
There is no orchard here. In fact, there's nothing left of the gardens at all but weeds. Long since they have succumbed to neglect. Gardens don't take kindly to even a year of disregard. And from what the Patils told us, this land has been untended much longer.
I try to remember Natalie McDonald.
She was a child under my care; I ought to remember her.
But I don't. The faces blur together—their flesh stripped away—their skulls glaring at me, accusing me—
I swore to protect them. All of them.
Suddenly you turn to me. You stare at me now, with those huge brown eyes of yours. As if you can hear what I think. (I wouldn't put it past you.)
"Natalie lived," you say.
For a moment panic grips me, and I hang suspended, helpless, between two worlds: a cottage at the lake, with a green door, satin-green shutters, and neglected gardens—and a small white house in a sheltered cove, with a bright red door, and an orchard of apple trees.
Then I'm falling, falling—
and when I open my eyes, I'm kissing you.
oooOooo
A/N: Many thanks to Mia Madwyn for looking this over.
Further notes:
"satin-green shutters"—a textual allusion to the song by Chris de Burgh
"falling, falling"—can be interpreted as a textual allusion to the song by Alicia Keyes
Natalie McDonald—was Gryffindor student three years below Harry; in real life, she was a nine-year old Harry Potter fan who died of leukemia after writing a fan letter to JKR. JKR created her character to honour her. She is the only real person to appear in the series, apart from Nicolas Flamel. (Source: Wikipedia/Nel, Philip (2001). J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter Novels: A Reader's Guide. Continuum International Publishing Group. p. 25. ISBN 0826452329.)
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Latest 25 Reviews for Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960
146 Reviews | 6.27/10 Average
This has got to be among the very finest HP fanfics I have EVER come across. Thank you so much. I can only hope you continue writing both fan fiction and fiction that you and only you create from scratch. I would be most interested to read pretty much anything you come up with
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :)
It's not a style of writing that I'm used to, it's more analytic but the story is very good. Thank you.
Oooh! Who did he get? :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. XD
Hannah is a true Hufflepuff. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That she is!
Who vouched? Who?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Someone who cannot be questioned. *g*
Lovely chapter, Im pleased Severus found someone to vouch for him. I love how this journal entry was in the form of a letter :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words! :-)
Why am I starting to think that the name Aramita Agan is an anagram for something else - someone else? And how could Hermione's wand heal McGonagall? Not to mention, who will vouch for them both?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
You're right. It's an Anagram. But the solution of the anagram is something you may or may not know about. Still, the sound of the solution should already be a big hint. Just like the descriptions of the woman in the story so far.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
From all the clues it almost sounds like she's a form of Nagini. But the anagram only would give you part of 'her' formal name. The N A G I part. And since the Dark won, there's every reason to suspect that Nagini didn't die. Am I getting closer?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Very close. :-)
...does Amrita Agan have the Elder wand? Is she the Dark Lord (Lady?)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Close, but not close enough.
The end????
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Well, they only had one month to fulfil all conditions of their probation. If they haven't managed that until then, it's back to Azkaban for them ...
The end... of what? Life, or their penance?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Wait and see ...
So noble, so self-sacrificing, so Severus. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
That's our Sev, that is. ;-)
Draco needs them as well. Nice to see they're continuing to let him in. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
They are all three of them horribly adrift in this brave new world ...
If I understand correctly, Hermione feels that her death (suicide) would precipitate better change for Severus and Draco. But she didn't realize how badly that thought would have destroyed them both. She thinks she'd be doing them a favor, but she's the only one to fufill the conditions for release. But when I think on it, what they're all doing COULD NOT be considered living - by any means. Surviving yes, but not living.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, I think you've mixed up characters in your comment. The chapter is written by Severus, and it details his plan of sending Hermione and Draco away and himself going back to Azkaban to die there. And his realization that his plan is doomed -- because Hermione literally cannot exist without him, even though she understands and accepts his plan.
Sorry about my last comment. It just struck me wrong. I thought they would just be too tight and no one else would be abel to enter the relationship.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Every chapter of this story is labelled with the warning "Menage-a-trois". That means it is a story about three partners, also known as "threesome" in fandom. Hermione and Severus had sex with Draco already at the beginning of this story, and that is not going to change.
enjoying the updates.. and esp trying to figure out what the heck the drops of blood mean!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Everything will be explained eventually. :-)
Oh my goodness such a sad and lovely chapter. Im definetly going to have to get a box of tissues. Fabulous job!
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you for your kind words!
So beautiful but so sad.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Thank you! :-)
It's the contrasts that make this so fascinating. There is the despair and degredation of Azkaban - and then their release, all of which mirrors (seemingly) the acceptance that love can be found in unsusal places, but that life and the terror of starting again is another sort of prison and degradation.Here's hoping it doesn't prove so for any of them.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
It's a crazy balancing act what they are doing ... madness and prison, insanity and freedom ... But there's hope. Always.
Draco's bed/room sounds fabulously decadent, though I daresay Severus is a little miffed that he decided to join in his release with Hermione. ;)Hermione's repitition of names, now that I think of it, seems like a benediction and mantra. A plea and a remembrance not to forget. ~just thinking out loud again~ :D
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Yes, I think so, too. Benediction, mantra, maybe a bit of a curse, too.
The plot thickens, and I wonder if Voldemort is dead (and was for two months before Severus and Hermione were released), why Lucius Malfoy would release them with such strictures on their movements?There's a pattern to splodges of ink/blood, isn't there? It makes me wonder if they aren't a visual representation of the calamity of (in order down the page) Hermione, Draco and Severus. Their minds either insular (Draco), fighting to maintain control despite leakages (Severus) and disordered and jumbled compulsions leaving Hermione never knowing just where she is centred at any given point in time. ~Just guessing and probably wrong~ :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Excellent questions.Why would Lucius BFF of Voldemort release them at all?And yes, there is a pattern to the splodges. But it's a bit simpler than you think ... Everything they write is being observed. They have no choice but to write the truth. But maybe sometimes that's not a good idea? ;-)
The tragedy of Hermione always looking at which squares are filled with memories and which are empty, is an awful indictment on a system designed to (successfully) break its inhabitants. I am curious as to how both Severus and Hermione ended up in Azkaban, but the idea of Voldemort winning heralds a tragedy of epic proportions.Draco as a lighthouse keeper with a long flowing beard - and a mean fish stew is the counterpoint to the prisoners locked in by more than bars, quills and letters.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
I think if Voldemort won, apart from his Death Eaters all would end up as victims ... merely of varying degrees.
Evocative, harrowing and such an intriguing start, that I just have to continue on the journey. :)
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Definitely one of the darkest stories I have written. I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless!
Dang! Draco needs some lovin' too? Hmm....So THAT's where the Menage-a-trois warning comes from! But what I don't understand is how he fits in with them? I thought he was with Harry, which made him gay, but if he's shagging Hermione too, he's bi, which doesn't concern me per se. The only fact of it that confuses me is why him with them? Since when did he become so close? And why?
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Hmm, they had already made love in the lighthouse -- that was not a dream. ;-) And then Draco helped them get wands and gave them the money for their house. I think that already says a lot. Also, think about it: who's left of their world, their former loves? Hermione is all that is left of Harry for Draco. Draco is all that is left of whom Severus tried to protect. That's definitely not a sane or healthy way to form an attachment or start a polygamous relationship, but in the skewed and broken world that is the setting of the story, I believe it makes sense emotionally.
Response from Severus49 (Reviewer)
Okay. I had to go back and reread it to pick up on it. It was a little cryptic because it doesn't actually say they had sex in the bed. I understand a little more about it. You said it when you stated that it wasn't healthy. But how much of what they went through/are going through really is?
Glad Draco came to see them. Im jealous of Hermione I would love to be in the middle of a Slytherin Sandwhich.
I hope Severus finds someone to vouch for him soon.
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
*grins* A very delectable sandwhich, huh?
EWWW
Response from JunoMagic (Author of Prisoners of Azkaban, Probationary Diaries August 2009, Prisoners #19-09-1979 and #09-01-1960)
Do you really believe that "EWWW" is an acceptable comment? Admin's Response: Reviewer: This is not a review, it is a rude expression of opinion!
Response from gersknightlady (Reviewer)
Sorry I apologise it struck me wrong at the time. I didn't pick up on earlier chpaters that they had that kind of relationship.