My Last Breath
Chapter 8 of 11
BrenaMarieOn her first day of teaching, Hermione Granger finds a hidden treasure in her office. What she doesn’t realize is how much this discovery will change her life.
All I wanted to say
Was I love you and I'm not afraid
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
~ "My Last Breath" by Evanescence
My breath caught in my throat when I looked at his still form lying on the bed in the center of the room. I couldn't believe it was him, that I had finally found him, and that he was indeed still alive.
I slowly walked to his bedside, taking in every inch of him, from his exposed toes to his long black hair.
He hasn't aged a day... I thought as my fingers itched to touch him.
He was wearing basic black pants and a crisp white dress shirt.
Poppy must be changing and cleaning his clothes because he definitely didn't look like this the last time I got to see him...
I finally tore my eyes away from Severus to look around his room. A small, but comfortable looking armchair sat on the right side of the bed. There was also a wooden end-table at the head of the bed that had a single drawer. On the wall behind the armchair, I noticed a window letting in rays of moonlight.
Well, at least he still gets a little bit of sun...
I debated sitting at his side, but at that moment managed to stifle a yawn. I knew it had to be pretty late by this point and decided I could always come back again tomorrow.
I stepped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind me and walked back to Poppy's office. There I found her standing very close to the conservatory painting, speaking to Dumbledore in hushed tones.
I cleared my throat, and the two of them looked over towards me.
"He... looks good. I can hardly believe he's alive... well in a manner of speaking," I said.
"It's a lot to process, dear. I completely understand," Poppy offered.
I walked over to her desk and began gathering up the texts I had brought with me.
"Hermione?"
I looked over at Poppy.
"Would you mind leaving those? I'd love to take a look at what you've found. I'm hoping to help you as much as possible with this."
"Oh, sure... no problem. I'm going to keep his journal, though, and I would like to be able to come and go as I please since I may have an idea that I'd like to try at any given moment."
"That's fine, Hermione. We trust you with him. Please, just use a Disillusionment Charm when going to see him. I really don't need the added complication of students seeing you entering and exiting a room that isn't supposed to exist."
"That's perfectly acceptable. Thank you so much for letting me see him," I said as I picked up the journal and began to exit the office again through the doorway.
"Hermione! Don't you want to use the Floo?" Poppy called out.
"No, I think I could use the walk to clear my head. Thanks for asking; I'll see you tomorrow."
I woke early Sunday morning after a fitful sleep. I was absolutely restless throughout the night and could feel it in the stiffness of my muscles. It felt as if my mind knew there were greater pursuits that needed my attention rather than sleep.
I sluggishly moved through my morning routine and finally felt human again after my first cup of coffee. As I sat in my living room, I debated my course of action.
I told both Harry and Neville I'd let them know if I made any progress... I just don't want to rush into this. I know it'll be easy to keep it from Harry but I don't think I can hide my excitement from Neville...
I continued to mull over this situation as I reached for Severus' journal which was waiting for me on the coffee table. When I opened the book to where I had last read, I decided that Neville and Harry could wait a little longer.
2 Aug 1996
So much has happened in such a short span of time, but I truly feel as though I need to write it all down to make some sense of it all. I'll start with my apparent promotion, but eventual condemnation. I am now the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. Finally, after all these years I get the position that I've most wanted for reasons that are less than stellar, which I'll explain later.
If I needed to teach, I wanted to teach something I would be truly interested in. To impart knowledge on the next generation that might be useful. Potions came naturally to me, as you knew, but Defense... that was exhilarating. Due to my abilities in the Potions field, I've always been impatient with the children who tromp through my door day after day. They don't appreciate it or have any interest and yet here I am trying to make sure they don't kill themselves while beating knowledge into their thick skulls. It's extremely aggravating, and the strain of the situation lends to my already caustic disposition.
With teaching Defense, in the height of a war no less, I feel as though I might be able to do some good. These children have hardly received any decent instruction, aside from the wolf. I just want to give them the tools to protect themselves. They're going to be like lambs going to the slaughter when the time comes...
"Hey, Hermione, are you there?"
I closed the journal and looked up at the head floating in my fireplace.
Looks like one of my problems will come to me this time.
"Hey, Neville! What can I do for you?" I said, pleased to see him.
"Well, I've been thinking... do you mind if I come though?"
"Oh, no, I don't mind at all!"
I wonder what this is about...
After Neville had emerged from the Floo, I gestured him towards my sofa.
"Can I get you anything?" I asked as he sat down.
"No, I'm fine. Listen, Hermione, I've been thinking about your problem. This morning I had an idea, and I just couldn't wait to tell you, so that's why I'm here."
"Oh, great! What's your idea?" I asked, genuinely excited.
Neville leaned forward and said, "Have you thought about asking Dumbledore's portrait for help? I mean, he must have a decent insight into Professor Snape's personality..."
I frowned. If he'd suggested this yesterday... well, I probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to Dumbledore then either. But, since he's here, I might as well just tell him that I know where Severus is...
"Neville, I... I appreciate your suggestion." I stumbled. "I've actually talked to Dumbledore already... you see..."
So, I told Neville all about my escapades in the infirmary the previous evening and of course that I now knew where Professor Snape was, but couldn't give any details. As I told my tale, I watched as several different emotions passed over his face. At first he looked surprised; now in his silence, he looked disappointed.
"Neville?" I asked, concerned.
"When were you going to tell me, Hermione?" He sounded quiet and slightly depressed.
"Neville, I was going to tell you when I got to see you in the Great Hall! I'm so sorry you think I was leaving you out of this discovery. I had such an awful night's rest, and I wanted to do some reading before I went back to the infirmary later today. So I was hoping I would catch up with you before then," I said.
His features softened and he quietly responded, "Oh, I'm sorry... I..."
"Don't worry about it, Neville. Are we alright then?"
"Yes, absolutely. So, what's your next step?" he asked, getting back on track.
"Like I said, I'm still trying to read through all of Professor Snape's journal entries; then I'm going to have to start investigating other libraries for information on Juliet's Curse. The books here at Hogwarts just don't have all the specifics that I would need in order to start designing a counter curse."
He nodded his head in agreement. "Do you want me to do some research on Dark Arts libraries for you?" he asked, sounding hopeful.
"Actually, let's hold off on that for right now," I said with a smile. "If I haven't made any progress when I finish the journal, we'll start looking into it...sound good?"
"Yeah, that's a great idea," he said while getting to his feet. "I'm going to get going; good luck! I'll talk to you later on."
Before he could run off, I jumped up and gave him a quick hug.
"Thank you for being so supportive, Neville. I really, really appreciate it."
"No problem, Hermione."
As Neville spun out of my quarters, I sat down in my armchair and reopened the journal to the entry I had been reading.
Regarding the Defense job... the position itself was cursed years ago by the Dark Lord, and the only reason Dumbledore is giving me this position is because he knows that I won't be teaching at Hogwarts next year. This summer I entered into an Unbreakable Vow that will ultimately lead to me killing the Headmaster. He of course knows all about it and has subsequently ordered me to follow through with the parameters of the vow instead of just letting the blasted thing kill me already.
Every time I turn around the man finds new ways to torment me. Throwing myself down at his feet begging for mercy and a chance at redemption all those years ago all in the name of protecting you doesn't seem to have meant anything. Every day he puts more and more pressure and guilt upon me, and I have no choice but to say, "Thank you, sir."
I will have to kill him... To cast the Killing Curse takes such hatred, and will of course split my soul from the sheer act of succeeding. It doesn't matter to him; he wants me to protect Draco Malfoy and set into motion the next several moves of his war game. I know I'm simply his pawn... but it angers me to no end knowing that I wanted to help. I wanted to make a difference and all I am... is what he's made me.
I gently closed the journal and wiped at the tears that were tracking down my cheeks.
"It's all so very sad. He never deserved that... for everything that he'd done and was continuing to do... That's it, I'm going back to the infirmary, right now," I said as I started to gather my things in preparation to leave my quarters.
In a matter of moments I was ready to go. I headed straight for the Floo and Poppy Pomfrey's office.
I quietly closed the door to Severus' room and removed the Disillusionment Charm that cloaked my appearance. I also decided to cast an Imperturbable Charm on the door to ensure my privacy should I decide to begin speaking aloud.
I sat down in the bed-side armchair and looked upon his still form once more.
"I... I'm so sorry..." I said, testing how it felt to finally begin voicing my thoughts to the man they pertained to.
"I've been reading your journal... I know what you did and how you came to be in the condition that you're currently in. Your reasons were sound, and I'd have to say it was a brilliant move... except for one small loop-hole that you created. What is it like for you now? Without your memories of her, are you alone? Have you spent the last six years simply wallowing in your regrets?"
After a few moments of silence I continued.
"I've been trying to wake you, trying to figure out how to get you out of this. I've spent a lot of time trying to puzzle it out and come up with some alternative. My resources are slim though. I'd like to think I'm trying so hard just because I know you deserve better than this. You deserve a second chance, an opportunity to live a real life full of pleasure and your own personal pursuits. To be able to do what you want to do for a change."
I leaned forward in my chair and reached for his left hand which was lying on the bed sheet at his side. I wrapped my left hand around his still fingers and bowed my head, confessing my thoughts.
"I fear I've crossed the line though. It's not just about you anymore. It's about me too, about how you've affected my life and continue to infiltrate every aspect of it. I dream about you, pretty much all the time. Since I've found your journal... I can't stop thinking about how... how we might have worked. I mean not just worked as two intelligent people interested in academia... but as a couple. I want the opportunity to try. I want to be able to give you what you never had. I want to be able to sit by the fire and read in companionable silence. I want to experience what it would be like to have the considerable amount of passion you have within you directed solely towards me."
"I know... I know I'm no Lily Evans. But, I... I could love you. I want to love you," I cried as I clutched the hand underneath my own.
As the tears fell from my eyes, I became lost in my own grief. The hopelessness of the situation suddenly overwhelmed me, and I gave into it.
Suddenly, I felt something, and my eyes shot open to stare at where my hand rested on top of his.
I watched in wonder as the pale hand lying underneath mine twisted to lace long, calloused fingers between my own.
Shocked, my eyes darted from our hands to his face.
A/N: When I originally began forming the plot and ideas used in this story, this chapter, and especially the end, was the most clear in my mind. The ending sequence (as horribly cliff-hangery as it may be) is what I had been working towards for the first seven chapters. All I wanted was to get to this point.
Please don't kill me.
Thanks, as always, to the alpha team of awesomeness and beta extraordinaire, karelia.
I also want to take another moment to thank my wonderful husband of five years for his never-ending support and encouragement.
Flowers and chocolate to all of you who are hanging in till the end!
There's only 3 chapters left! For all the Evanescence fans out there, can you guess which song is next? Deb, don't cheat.
Much Love,
~ Brena
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Fallen
149 Reviews | 7.46/10 Average
Wonderful, lovely romance story and a tricky way to successfully reduce the age difference. Thank you so much!
This was an amazing story! Such a breath of fresh air! I hope you are enjoying your time as a new mommy :)
Response from BrenaMarie (Author of Fallen)
Dear
Response from BrenaMarie (Author of Fallen)
~ Thank you so much for the review. I'm so happy to hear you enjoyed this story. And yes, I absolutely love being a mommy! Much love ~ Brena
In those moments I would swear that should a second chance come, I would embrace it completely. And here you are…” ~sniffle~
To say I was surprised with the result would truly be an understatement. - hee hee, can't wait...
I love this premise, Sev thinking he'd be safe from hell forever, because no one could love him. sniffle.
“Hermione, all those portraits feign sleep all the time. Why would I be any different?” - ROFL
The man was brilliant. Scary, but brilliant. - nice parallel
So Harry really did just want to see her, wasn't in trouble?
aha, the plot thickens. ~wants to cuddle Sev too~
Response from BrenaMarie (Author of Fallen)
I'm so loving hanging around and watching your posts as you move through the chapters. It's so much fun. Thank you so much for reading!!! <3
“Severus? What are you up to? You’ve not been awake for an entire day and you’re already plotting?” hee hee :)
“Severus? What are you up to? You’ve not been awake for an entire day and you’re already plotting?”hee hee
I was wondering about the stray Lestrange. Nice to have that wrapped up, and a very satisfying ending. We know how loyal Sev is, heart is going pittapat.
Lovely!
those diary entries, just heartbreaking. really well done.
I let the door hit the wall with the familiar, comforting slam that it used to have in my past. - aww, warm fuzzies. Giggling hysterically over the secret drawer password.
I really enjoyed reading this story - so sweet. Thank you for sharing it!
awwww thanks honey. This was beautiful once again. Thanks for being made of awesome yourself!
Lovely ending! Thank you for writing this.
Good finish, Brena. Congrats on the arrival of Bean. :)
Again I congratulate you... May your son grow and thrive in the love that you have for him. I love that newborn smell. So sweet. My youngest is three. Enjoy him, they really do grow up so quickly.
As for debjunk, what a lucky girl. *giggle* This story is absolutely lovely. A gift beyond compare.
Thank you again sharing~Elou
B~Congrats on your move. I hope it wasn't too strenuous. Also, keep your little bundle safe. *giggle*
The story is lovely. Severus & Hermione are my all time favorite pairing. You've written them well, and I am enjoying the story immensely. I was so pleased to see the update.
Thank you again, and take of you...and your little love~Elou
I really enjoyed this story. I thought your pacing of it was just right. I also hope this isn't your last story. Congratulations on your son.
A Boxing Day baby! How wonderful. And to finish this when you're still trying to work out how to be a mum? That's dedication. Good on you. It's a good story and a bang up ending. Can't wait to see more from you. ^_^
Yay!! Good story, albeit a short one, but hey, you have to start somewhere! You're very talented so I'm looking forward to a lot more work from you!
Yay!! Good story, albeit a short one, but hey, you have to start somewhere! You're very talented so I'm looking forward to a lot more work from you!
Great story I oved it!! and congratulations on being a new mamá!!!
well done!