Into the Clearing

A/N: Sorry about the delay. Thank you for being patient. I promise Snape will be in the next chapter. Things are going to get complicated after this chapter. Please review! As always, my deepest thanks to my beta, karelia, and to my cheerleaders, Beth and Maria.

***

As the Longbottoms were making Hogwarts their home, a bright and intriguing young witch was staking her territory in wizarding Australia. Her parents had convinced her to become a merchant of potion ingredients, so she began a two-year quest with Potion masters of Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand, learning about all the various exotic herbs and roots that were easy to find, if one was indigenous to the territories. She studied with a fine, rugged Australian named Jack Muldoon. She had met him through some of the contacts she made in the wizarding community near where her parents lived. She had been desperate to meet him. He was an expert bushman and tracker of potions ingredients. Jack immersed into hands-on instruction. Hermione's training of Herbology, Flora, and Fauna had been more exciting and educational with him than in any classroom setting.

Jack was an older wizard, but not so much older that there couldn't be an attraction between them. His back was strong and his shoulders wide. He could work for hours on end without tiring. Jack was a man in his prime. There was twenty years between them, and yet, Hermione did not see how a younger wizard could best him. Hermione watched him often, regarding his muscular form and the strength he displayed when needed. Spending time together on "walk-abouts," meeting with the Aborigines, who were not wizards, but could see the magical world around them, had been most accommodating and helpful. At times, Hermione and Jack were the only white faces around for kilometers. Often, they were accepted as husband and wife by the Aborigines and expected them to behave as such. Jack, who spoke their languages, would always laugh and explain that she was his student, learning about the art of potion making, alchemy, and gathering the various potions ingredients in their region.

Still, sometimes they were placed in the same tent and given the best of bedding, food, and comforts the people in the village could afford. One evening, as they lay on their sides in their tent, facing each other and telling stories about their lives, Hermione found herself staring into his green eyes. His hair was a dark auburn, and he had roughened skin from a life out in the outback.

"Hermione," he whispered as his strong hands caressed her small, suntanned one. "Do you know how beautiful you are?"

Hermione had found herself out of her depth. "I was just thinking about one of my best friends," she replied. "He has green eyes like yours."

She had been nervously looking down at where his hand was touching hers. Her chin was tipped upwards, and she could feel herself shaking terribly against his touch.

"Hermione," he said softly. "I'm a man who has always gone from woman to woman. I won't lie and say I haven't had many lovers...I have. But it has been a long time since I have found someone so enchanting. I think I'm ready to be a one-woman man. Do you think there could be room in your heart for me?"

Hermione felt her body freeze as he looked so closely into her eyes. Before she could realize what was happening, he was closing the gap between them, and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.

"NO!" she screamed as she scrambled from him and ran out of the tent and into the desert. She just ran as fast as she could. The tears in her eyes stung, and she felt cold on her face as she ran. She wished that she could run fast enough that the past could be left behind. Then she could be free. Flashes of memories whirled in her head. She was so cold and scared in the dark dungeon room, naked and bleeding. She could hear her professor's groan as he ripped into her, breaking her, the months in the upstairs annex of the Longbottom house, she remembered the ripping, searing pain as she gave birth to her daughter, her daughter that was no longer hers, but bore her name.

She tripped and fell on the ground, gasping for breath. Jack was next to her on the ground, and it all came out: the war, her capture, and her fears that she still held inside.

"Oh, damn, Hermione," Jack said gently as he held her to him as a friend would. She exhaled jaggedly as she relaxed into his arms.

"There's more than just the war and being a POW, isn't there?" he whispered.

Hermione tensed and drew away from him. "I can't," she whispered.

Jack gently took her face into his hands. "Hermione, I think I love you...no, I do love you. Can't we just hold each other?"

"If you knew the real me, you would despise me," she whispered. "Let's not talk about it."

She drew herself up, resting her chin on her knees.

"I could never despise you, Hermione," he said. "You are so lovely, inside and out. I feel I've waited my whole life for someone as perfect as you. Your mind is so brilliant and, I...forgive me...I just can't stop thinking what it would be like to make love with you."

"I had never been kissed," she whispered as her eyes stared off in the distance. "I was a gift to a Death Eater. It was his birthday. They took off all my clothes and kept my head hidden in an old burlap sack that had worn places and a couple of small holes that I could see through. He was my teacher. I knew he was a spy, I knew he wouldn't...couldn't hurt me like that, but he did. Fortunately for me, the war started the next day. I got myself out of there and fought. I never told anyone. I just slipped away after I took my NEWTs."

Jack looked at Hermione...hard. "I know of only one teacher at Hogwarts that would even come near Voldemort. Around twenty years ago, he was in the paper constantly. 'Was he or wasn't he a Death Eater?' that was the speculation. I'll kill him!"

"NO!" Hermione shouted as she grabbed his shoulders. "He doesn't know...when I came back to Hogwarts, he looked relieved. I saw the look on his face. He let his guard down for a moment when he saw I was alive. There were a few Order members...female Order members never seen again. I think he believed I was one of them. He was his same old self in a day or two; it helped me to think it had never happened at all..."

Her voice had just trailed off. Jack looked into her eyes and said, "Let me make love to you, Hermione. I love you. I can do things to you that will make you feel so good you will never confuse what he did with what being with a man is supposed to be like. I know I can't take away the memories; just let me prove to you how it can be and should be for a woman. Please, Hermione."

He lightly slid his hands up Hermione's arms and kissed her neck. "Stop," she breathed. "I can't. I can't do this, and you don't know the worst part of it."

"Then tell me!" he pleaded.

"I can't," she whispered as the tears swam in her eyes. "It's not over. Not until he knows." She lowered her head and sobbed as Jack stood up.

"Do you just want to be miserable, Hermione? Let this consume all of who you are?" He leaned over her and said, "You are more than what happened to you in the war!"

"It didn't happen in the war, goddamn it!" she screamed. "I got pregnant!"

She cried as she held her head in her hands. "He got me pregnant, and I gave her away to be raised by my best friend and her husband. Everyone thinks my daughter is theirs."

Jack pulled away from her. "Why would you give up your child?" he demanded in a shocked voice.

"Her father is an ex-Death Eater, and even though he spied for the Order, he still remains on the fringes of polite society. Though we won the war, prejudice still lives on in our world. My daughter would have been treated like rubbish. Think about it: the daughter of a former Death Eater and a Muggle-born, who were student and teacher? They would know she was a child of rape. It could be something that would completely destroy any chance for him to redeem himself in the public's eye," she explained.

Jack blew out a strong breath. "I can't argue with your logic, Hermione. Is her situation better though? She needs her mum!"

Hermione was quick to answer him. "Oh, and she does! Both her parents are pure-bloods, but they fought with the Order in the war. They never believed in all that tommyrot about blood status. But for my girl, she will have the protection of a good name that will keep her safe! That is what is important...keeping her safe."

"How old is she?" he asked.

"She's four," she whispered. "I wonder how she is, what she looks like. I wonder how I will feel when I see her again."

Jack eyed her. "You are certain you will see her again?"

"Yes." Her tone was resolute. "Her name is Alice Hermione. My best friend said that one day she will want to meet the woman whom she was named after."

***

It was hard carrying on, knowing that Jack wanted her. Hermione still dreamt of Professor Snape...wondering about him, if he ever knew or thought of her.

No, he probably doesn't.

She and Jack finally parted company. He just couldn't understand her unwillingness to claim her own flesh and blood. Harsh words were spoken, and although he apologized, and she forgave him, the damage had been done. They agreed to separate. Hermione decided she had spent enough leaning on others. It was time to make her own way and live her life by her rules.