Axis Two

Disclaimer: I own carrots. That’s all.

Axis Two

“There, satisfied?” Snape dumped the report from the Australian mission onto his superior’s desk.

“Yes, thank you. And you?” she asked, eyes glinting with mirth.

Images flashed through the tall wizard’s mind, bringing a rarely seen flush to his cheeks. Firm muscles under smooth, freckled skin; silky red hair at his groin while surprisingly soft lips teased and pulled; tight heat and explosive culmination. And carrots. Amazing, vibrating carrots. He still had a stash under stasis – for research use only, of course.

“Snape? Snape!”

“What?” Snape shifted uncomfortably as his suddenly-too-tight trousers caught in all the wrong places.

“Yes, that’s right, back to reality. You do realise Ron told me everything.” Hermione grinned at his discomfiture.

“Everything?”

“Yes, everything. Even the carrots.”

“Fuck!” He slumped into a chair. “I suppose I’m fired now. Dammit, woman, you made me go with him!”

“I did indeed. And I didn’t say you were fired. On the contrary, I might have a little proposition for you.” She leaned back in her own chair and smiled. It was not reassuring.

“You might?” Snape’s capacity for independent thought had deserted him at sight of the predatory expression on Hermione Granger-Weasley’s face.

Hermione reached into the hidden compartment under her desk and brought out a bottle of Firewhiskey and two tumblers. Pouring a generous amount into each, she handed one to Snape as she continued. “Ronald tells me you were quite the skilful one. Experienced fingers, talented lips, and what did he say again? Oh, yes, a cock the size of a Hippogriff’s.”

Luckily, there was nothing on the desk a quick flick of a wand couldn’t dry off. Once he had recovered from his choking fit, Snape took a fortifying swallow of the fiery spirit and set down his glass. “Do carry on.”

“I want to see it.”

Did she really mean what he thought she meant? “You want to see what exactly?”

“Your cock. I want to see you naked.” She finished her drink in one impressive swig and watched him expectantly.

“What, now? Here?” Snape fidgeted. For some reason his trousers had shrunk again.

“Why not? It’s late. Everyone else went home ages ago while you were working on that report.”

“But… your husband…”

“Had sex with you. He’s hardly in a position to complain. Now, drop ‘em!”

“Is that an order, boss?” He knew he had to remove the trousers soon, or he was at risk of something losing its blood supply and dropping off.

“Do you want it to be, Snape?” She toyed with her wand, eyes never leaving his face.

“I didn’t think it was that sort of wand you were interested in.” He smirked as she dropped the piece of wood onto her desk and flushed.

“Dammit, Snape. I thought you said you were interested the other day? Is it really only men you fancy? Or maybe just the red hair?” Hermione pouted.

“Oh, I’m interested, but I think we need a little equality here. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, Granger.”

“That’s so juvenile. What are you, four?” Nevertheless, she stood and slowly unfastened her robes. Dropping them over the back of the chair, Hermione made her way around the desk and, one by one, released the buttons on her pristine white blouse. As she tossed the garment aside, she perched on the desk. “Now, you were saying?”

Swallowing hard as his eyes found her barely covered breasts – who would have thought Mrs Usually Prim and Proper would wear Sexyland sourced underthings – he reached down to unbutton his shirt.

“Forget the shirt, Snape. I want the real goods. Trousers… off… now!”

“All right. All right. Bossy wench!” He stood and, without further ado, dropped his trousers and boxers to the floor. “Happy?”

Severus Snape stood with his hands on his hips, trousers round his ankles, and, in his opinion, a rather impressive erection jutting from beneath his shirt tail. His confidence faltered when instead of drooling appropriately at the sight, Hermione fumbled behind her for a few moments. Stepping forward, she dropped to her knees before him.

Now, that’s more like it. Wait a minute. What is she doing?

Taking out the ruler she had found on her desk, Hermione placed one end at the base of his penis and quickly noted the measurement.

“What do you think you are doing, Granger?” he growled.

“Winning a bet. Ron was certain it was ten inches. Well, he didn’t get a good look at the time, but he said it felt like ten inches. I told him that was highly unlikely. Five being the average and all,” she explained as she stood and repositioned herself on the desk.

“And your estimate?” Snape asked as he reached down for his trousers.

“Seven. I was being generous. And I didn’t say you could put those on. I haven’t finished with your delectable six and a half inches yet.”

“Six and a half? Are you sure?” Snape looked down in dismay.

“Yes, quite sure. The ruler doesn’t lie. Unless you weren’t fully…”

“Yes, I was. Trust me. Still am.”

“Well, it’s an inch and a half better than average. Be grateful. I’m sure I will be.”

“In that case, you are distinctly overdressed, woman. Unless, of course, you’re prepared to get back down there on your knees and do something useful. Otherwise, I might need to take myself and my paltry six and a half inches off to find some friendly carrots.”

“No need to be hasty, Snape. Why don’t we make ourselves a little more comfortable?” A wave of her wand and the office couch was Transfigured into an inviting bed, complete with silk coverlet and Belgian lace covered pillows.

“Show off. Always the know-it-all, aren’t you, Granger?” A stack of files rearranged itself into an old-fashioned phonograph, playing soft music in the corner of the room.

“Hey, I thought you were rubbish at wand waving?” she protested.

“Never let the enemy know all your strengths,” he replied as he kicked off his trousers and shoes, shed his shirt, and reached for her hand. “Shall we?”

“Er… you’ve still got your socks on. Snape, why do you own purple socks with silver sparkly bits?”

“Ask Dumbledore, he gave them to me. And it’s not that warm in here. Besides, I don’t believe it was my feet you were interested in. It certainly isn’t my feet that are interested in what is hiding beneath the clothes you are still wearing!”

Hermione rolled her eyes and removed her skirt, bra and knickers in what appeared to be one swift motion. “Better?”

“Much.”

Five minutes later, Severus Snape came to the realisation that curly brown hair at his groin provided just as much pleasure as silky red.

***

A/N: This was written especially for Sempra, who also betaed it.