Fifteen

Sunday was quite warm for the middle of April. A few daffodils were open, and the lake looked inviting. Severus had a horrible hangover and almost refused to allow himself the Sober Up Potion. But when he couldn't stand without getting queasy, he relented. He didn't feel like doing much but forced himself to go for a walk around the lake. It might help him figure out his own curse. Problems just kept racking up.

The late morning sun warmed his back, and a slight breeze wrinkled the lake's surface as he made his way down the worn path. There was a spot up ahead where he'd often sat as a student. It was a broad oak tree, and the exposed roots formed a sort of seat. It had a view of the lake, and it offered privacy for him to think. As he stepped around the tree, he found himself face to face with Granger. The tip of her nose and cheeks were rosy from the cold, but she turned puce upon seeing him.

Clutching her wand, she pointed. "Get lost!"

Not wanting to fight, he turned to leave. He really did, but he was forced back around. Damn this curse. He guided her face to his, stopping an inch apart. She was just as shocked as he. Their eyes locked, and he could see nothing else: only the depths of her brown irises. They were speckled with gold like tide pools at the beach. The different muted browns with their various depths were currently angry. He registered her yelling too. But he could not speak, he could not move or think of anything other than her eyes. Eyes so wonderful, he was lost in them.

The day passed, and yet he could not leave. He didn't want to. He saw how limiting and useless Legilimency was...only letting him see past memories from one person. Granger's eyes were portals to the future, their future. His children stared back at him. A happy marriage played out in a country cottage. He saw sweet lovemaking with the most desirable woman he'd ever met. It was all here, written in her eyes. He could have all of this; the choice was his.

Images of Lily filtered through his vision at times, but he brushed her aside. Severus was more interested in his future with Granger. The warm brown called to him, and he forgot the wild green of his dreams. Why had he ever loved the color green? It was natural to crave brown and brown only. The sun slid by, changed the tints in her eyes. On a few occasions he registered that she was crying. But he did not know if they tears of joy or sorrow.

Finally after losing himself in her wonderful depths, he was released from the spell. He was crying...it had been years since he'd cried. Granger looked spent. The sun had moved to the rim of the lake. It was an eternity since he'd started his journey through her eyes but not long enough.

Speaking was unnatural after that wonderful means of communication. His voice was gravelly. "I didn't mean to hurt you last night. I care for you, deeply."

She looked doubtful.

"I want you," he emphasized. "But these images of Lily come unbidden. Even now, while I was lost in your beautiful eyes, she surfaced. I pushed her away, but she's still there, waiting. I think over time I can erase her completely. She's not who I want...you are. Be mine, Granger. We can overcome my last master together."

Granger backed up from him. "Severus, I want you now. I'm not willing to share you with her. If you can't drop her now, I'm afraid you never will. I don't want to get in too deep and then get heartbroken. I wouldn't recover. I'm afraid my answer is no, Severus. I cannot do this."

And she walked away, leaving him cold and alone.

The last two weeks of April were horrible for Hermione. It was impossible to not think of Severus, and yet it hurt when she did. Whenever she approached the staff table, she would risk a glance at him; his black eyes always pierced hers, always. She could never keep her eyes up. Then, she would sit at the end of the table...her head down.

She loved him, but she loved herself first. Hurting him had hurt her as well. When he'd gotten lost in her eyes, there had been a strong connection between the two of them. Stronger then the Legilimency he'd used at Minerva's wedding. Hermione hadn't seen anything; she'd only felt emotions rolling off of him. At first she had tried to ignore them, but as the day had passed, she'd found it intense and revealing, leaving her with a raw sort of feeling. But the feelings he'd emanated were enough of a story...he had told the truth. Severus wanted her, but Lily was always his barrier.

It was all too much; she'd gotten in too deep as it was. Digging out would be a pain. Hermione planned to finish out the school year and then search for another job. Her life needed a new direction...something fresh. Australia was an option. It would be nice to meet her sister and start over with her parents.

Most of Hermione's time was spent in the staff room now. She needed the bustle of fellow staff members to keep her away from wandering thoughts. The next Quidditch match, which happened to be the first of May, was coming up. It would help, right?

Hufflepuff was playing Slytherin, and despite herself, she was cheering for Slytherin. Their Chaser, Pip Stiles, was injured and still wanted to play. He was an intelligent student; she thought he was a rather good Potioneer.

She was watching the game with Hagrid and Susan, but she wished Severus were next to her. They would have discussed Stiles' abilities with Potions, and it would help make the game go by faster. Neither Hagrid nor Susan cared to discuss such things. With a sigh, she half-heartedly watched the game unfold. Her eyes eventually searched the stands for Severus, but she regretted it immediately.

He was sitting with Wood. Severus would lean in to listen and then nod his head. They hardly watched the game. And he would even laugh every so often. After a time, Wood left, leaving Severus alone. He scowled with his arms crossed. At one point he looked directly at her. Then, his black eyes went back to the game, his mouth pinched.

Well, what had she expected? She'd hurt Severus, she was sure. Finally, he'd uttered the words she'd longed to hear, and she'd shunned him without a backwards glance. It had felt liberating and horrifying at the same time. But it would work out for the best, right?

After Slytherin's triumph, Susan dragged Hermione to the staff room. The professors usually met there after games to have tea and discuss any misbehaving they'd observed during the match. Filius was sipping tea in front of the fireplace conversing with Septima. Poor Rolanda was at the counter, chugging her cup of coffee. Oliver was letting into her pretty hard. Hermione sidled up to the counter, grabbing a mug. Tea was just the thing.

"Listen here, Hooch, you should have called a foul! The Slytherins were obviously cheating!" Oliver was loud enough even Filius faltered in his conversation.

Rolanda was chugging her coffee.

"I had a lot of money invested in this match, and you're refereeing was disast..."

"You are hereby banned from the Quidditch pitch for the rest of the season. I will not have my referee skills insulted by an ex-reserve player." Rolanda smacked her mug down on the table. She left the room, brushing past Severus who was walking in.

Hermione busied herself with the tea things. Everyone was watching Oliver next to her. He was slack jawed as Severus walked up to him.

"I believe the flutter was for fifteen Galleons. Pay up." Severus was talking to Oliver, but Hermione was sure his eyes had flicked over to her. She wasn't looking directly at him; the sugar bowl was much more interesting, thank you very much.

"You can't be serious? The game was rigged. I refuse to pay because of fouls the Hufflepuffs had to endure. It wasn't a fair match."

Oliver; typical Oliver.

"I let the last debt slide for a few weeks. I told you up front, I would not do it again. You owe me fifteen Galleons, and your debt is being called right now. Pay up or else." Severus was quiet, but the whole room knew he'd make good on his threat.

"Or else what? I don't have fifteen Galleons, and nothing is going to get your money faster. You'll just have to take it out of my paycheck. Your threats are meaningless."

What a cocky bastard! She was tired of Oliver and his ridiculous attitude. He still thought he was a god because he had played semi-professional Quidditch. A thought struck Hermione: their evil plan. She wanted to say something, but would it encourage Severus? Oh, why not? She despised Oliver more than she was worried about Severus.

"Oliver," she said, much too loudly for the small room. He turned expectantly. "Put a sock in it!"

With a jerk of his foot, Oliver fell hard on his rear. His shoe flew off and his sock...complete with a large golden bulrush, rolled off his foot and zoomed straight into his mouth.

"Phnmg! Mbgnr? Uggnff!" He tugged at the sock uselessly. It was jammed down fairly far.

Everyone laughed, including Severus. Oliver stormed from the room, shoe in hand. As the door closed, several sighs of relief were audible. Filius' squeak of "Thank you!" could be heard through the lower din. But Severus turned to the group, excused himself and left without looking at her. It hurt more than she thought it would.

The May school grounds were vibrant with new life. Severus was over Lily Evans. She was dead, in all definitions of the term. Oddly enough, he hadn't felt compelled to think about her since he'd seen his future with Granger.

But he was depressed that Granger hadn't taken him, faults and all. Yes, he'd been a downright prick to her, so what had he expected? Not all of his time was spent moping, though. He still had to figure out Winky's curse for him. What was his deepest fear? Up until recently, it had been the thought of losing Lily. He'd never let go of her because he'd been afraid that he wouldn't be worth anything without her in his life.

But she was gone now. He didn't care if he ever thought of that woman again. It was Granger he longed for. With her witty humor and silly habits. She was perfect in every way.

"Winky," he called.

"Here, sir." She popped into his office, a tea tray in her arms.

"No tea, Winky. I need help with this curse. I'm not sure I understand. My biggest fear had been losing Lily. But now I don't care anymore. It would be replaced with losing Granger forever...which is likely to happen. So, which is it, Lily or Granger?"

Her orb-like eyes blinked for several moments before she cocked her head. She placed the tea tray on his desk. "You has already broken the curse, sir. When you was with Miss Granger at the lake. You was pushing Lily out of your mind, and it was destroying your fear. Sir was not aware?"

"No, I was not aware! Why didn't you tell me? This whole time I've been worrying over something I'd already defeated?"

"I was telling you that sir was very close to figuring it out. Remember?"

"But why didn't you announce that the curse was over? Granger is mad at me because I've been having extra thoughts of Lily this whole time, and it was just because of the curse?

"It made her images stronger didn't it?" he said, staring off into space. "At times, I'd felt this overly strong pull to Granger, but then Lily had come back even more vividly." He pulled back from his reverie. "Winky, she thinks I'll never get over Lily. But I have. Right when I confessed my feelings. I have to go talk to her."

He buttoned his cloak, grabbed a handful of Floo powder and was just about to throw it into the flames when Poppy's head appeared.

"Severus, come quick. It's Filius!"

Without a second thought, he Flooed into the hospital wing instead. The small wizard lay prone on a bed.

"He's pushed himself too hard at his age," Poppy whispered. "It's finally caught up with him."

The last few weeks of term were hard all around. There was no time for declarations of love. Severus jumped into the Charms classes while holding down his normal responsibilities. All the staff members pitched in, sticking their fingers in dyke holes. But there was no organization to it, not the way Filius had done it while Deputy Headmaster. Now, everyone was in a mad scramble. This year was by far the worst Severus had had as Headmaster, including his first year while working for the Dark Lord.

On the sixteenth of May, a drab Sunday without tea, Severus was looking over Granger's schedules. He was glad to see she'd dropped several assignments from her schedule. But the students were still doing poorly on their work. Reports from her desk told him Potions were disasters in liquid form. The whole school was preparing for N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s. She was holding study sessions in her classroom almost every evening, and they were packed. It wasn't just Potions she was reviewing either, it was a little of everything. Winky told him Granger was working late into the night grading homework too. She was spreading herself so thin he hardly saw her anymore, even at meals.

Severus wanted to start over with their relationship but didn't know if it was possible. Granger might reject him altogether, even if he told her the truth about Lily. She had no reason to believe him, and who was to say she hadn't moved on already? But he had seen a glimmer of hope after the Quidditch game. She had helped him humiliate Wood, and it had been glorious. Maybe her curse would keep their need for each other still connected. It was something to cling onto while things fell apart all around him.

On Monday morning, Severus knocked on Granger's chamber door. It was an unannounced visit. He wasn't sure if she was glad to see him. But he had a right as her boss to be there. He pushed himself in and closed the door softly. They'd spoken very little since the lake incident. Granger didn't meet his eyes. But she offered him a seat on the couch. He preferred to stand. She looked at his boots.

"I need your help," he said. "Filius looks to be sick the rest of the term, and everything is absolute chaos. You of all people understand I need organization. Everyone's hand is in the pot...it's not how I work. I need one person to rely on. Will you do it for me? Be my deputy."

All those years ago, she'd stepped in when he didn't want her; she had saved his life. Would she step up and help now when he asked? It was her nature to help, but he knew how stretched she was already.

"No, Severus. I'm sorry, but I can't help. I already have too much work. I rarely have time for myself. It would be impossible. My hands are full."

Dammit all to hell! Why wasn't she more careful when he was present? He really didn't have time for the curse to activate right now. Her hands were empty; they needed something to hold. Severus frantically looked around for something, but her hands shot forward of their own accord, fastening to his crotch. Of course. As awkward as possible, so that was how it was going to be.

Granger was just as embarrassed as he. Tears spilled down her face with her mouth an uncontrollable pout. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it like that."

His heart went out to this wonderful woman kneeling before him. She had no control over this unconventional curse. He caressed Granger's beautiful face, wiping the tears away. "It's all right. Calm down," he soothed. "I know you didn't mean it. We'll fix this."

"How? I have to agree to your terms. I have to fill in for Filius. And I can't. I'm so tired of it all. I can't do this Severus, any of it...school, you, or the curse. I'm giving you my resignation. I'll finish this school year, for the students' sakes. But then, I'm going to Australia for good."

Severus didn't know what to say. She wanted to leave...to sever ties completely. It hurt to breathe. But if it would make her happy, he would do it. She deserved better. Now was not the proper time to tell her he was over Lily; he had to focus on her.

"You are Hermione Granger, aren't you? You have never quit in all the time I've known you. Since eleven years of age, you've been working to prove yourself. Granger, don't give up. I know life is taxing at the moment, but you are resilient. You defeated the Dark Lord, you stuck with Harry Potter for years...not an easy feat, and you have helped me become a better man.

"The relief you want is only accessible by facing your problems, one at a time. Now say you'll help me. Only you can do it, and do it well. And I need you for more than just Filius' spot. I need your friendship. My Sundays are drab without you. My weeks are hell without you commentating as we eat in the Great Hall. I miss our capers with this damned curse. Even if you don't accept my love...yes, I said love; I need your friendship. I'm not asking for more than that. I promise I'll never show myself again after the school year. Just please say you'll help me."

She studied his face for a moment. "Yes, I'll help you."

Her hands released him. He lifted her up and hugged her.

Amazingly, the rest of term went beautifully. As if overnight, all the students grasped concepts...reports from the faculty stated things were on the up and up. Pieces were falling into place. Why hadn't he assigned Granger as his Deputy ages ago? She was five times better than Filius ever had been. The poor man was getting too old. Her life had improved too, she told him. Her study classes were dwindling in size, and she ate more meals in the Great Hall.

When time allowed it, they usually pulled a prank...everyone was in need of a good laugh. "Peabrain" was aimed at Pucey for his heinous comments about her blood-status. And they were able to catch Madam Pince with her pants down for eating in the library. Things were almost normal. Except that he wanted to kiss her every chance he got. But he knew he'd blown his chance.

The Wizarding Examinations Authority members arrived for O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s on the first week of June. And because of Granger, everything was running smoothly. Only two students had been caught trying to cheat, and the last day of testing was finally at an end.

Friday afternoon was free time for everyone on campus, and Severus was out mushroom picking in the Forbidden Forest. It had been far too long since he'd actually gathered Potions ingredients, and he was looking forward to brewing this evening. It helped take his mind off Granger's departure in a week.

He was making his way back to the path when he heard Granger and Bones nearby. They were on the path to Hagrid's hut. Hagrid had asked Granger at breakfast to come by for a "surprise." Severus was about to jump out and scare them when he caught his name in their conversation.

"So, when are you really going to tell me what's going on between you and Snape?" Bones asked.

"Susan, I've told you before. I like you, I really do. But I don't talk about that kind of stuff. Besides, nothing is going on between us. I promise."

"I bet you're shagging him." Bones smirked.

"I most definitely am not."

"But you want to, don't you? Why don't you just tell him how you feel?"

"You have got the wrong impression," Granger insisted.

"No, I haven't. I've seen the way you look at him. It's all over your face. You have feelings for him. So are you going to tell him?"

"Susan, you don't know what you're talking about. It's complicated. There are issues that I'm not willing to deal with." Suddenly Granger looked ready to cry. "I'm stubborn and selfish. I rejected him...I can't tell him how I really feel, now can I?"

"Just swallow your pride, and tell him how you feel. It's not that hard." Bones said.

"Sure," Granger said sarcastically. "I'll tell him when pigs fly."

He followed them; pleased to hear she was fighting her true feelings. More to work with.

The women reached Hagrid's hut several yards ahead of him. The half-giant wasn't home, so they continued down the path to the shed where he was kept a variety of livestock...some magical, some not.

Hagrid boomed, "Down, Pinky! Stop, you stupid sow."

Around the shed, a small porcine-like animal with grey, feathered wings squealed and trotted over to Granger. With a snort, it spread its wings and took off. It flew low to the ground with its stubby pig feet running through the air. It landed next to a tree and started rooting for grubs.

"Hello, Hagrid," Severus said, making his presence known. Hagrid waved a bandaged hand.

Granger croaked, "Hagrid, what is that?"

"She's Pinky. Me flyin' pig! Ain't she a beauty? The rest o' the litter don't have wings. But some have horns."

"Er, Severus?" Granger was ashen. "Can I speak to you for a moment? Over there? Now!"

He tried to keep a straight face as she led him away for a private conversation. Once they were in the overhang of the forest canopy, she let it burst.

"Severus, I love you. I . . . even without the curse I've wanted to say it: I love you. I want you. But I hate Lily Potter in our relationship. I'm willing to stay while you work out your problems. After all, you've been there for me at times."

Susan and Hagrid were still too close, so he steered her deeper into the forest.

"And I'm so sorry," she continued. "I shouldn't have left you there on the lakeshore. Especially after you told me the truth. I was just confused, and I didn't know what to do. It was sort of unreal to finally hear you say you cared for me. Forgive me."

She was hugging herself, looking directly at him. "Our relationship might take some time, but I'm willing to wait an eternity for you, Severus Snape."

"You don't have to wait; you can have me now," he said in a husky voice.

He pulled her into a kiss. It was soft and sweet, a kiss of love. He tried to convey his feelings for her through that kiss, letting her know he thought of her and her alone. It was perfect and complete. Severus had never known such joy. Granger's hands snaked into his hair, and he pulled her closer.

"I love you, Granger," he said. "Promise you won't leave me. Stay with me."

When they separated, Winky popped in with a smirk.

"You is doing it, Miss Granger! You is breaking the spell!"

"Really? That's wonderful," Granger said.

Yes, this was news to Severus. "How, Winky?"

"Miss is saying the words that aren't to be completed."

"Do you mean," asked Severus, "all she had to do was use an expression that was impossible to complete, and the enchantment would end?"

"Yes. When Winky had cursed Miss Granger, sir was involved. But when Winky was cursing the Headmaster, I was linking the curses. So when miss' lessons was being learned, her curse didn't end. But now, everything is gone. You two was loving each other and solving it all in the end. Winky promises to never curse again." With a snap of her fingers, she was gone.

"You were cursed as well?" Granger asked.

"Apparently she cursed me to get over my deepest fear. And it had been losing Lily. That's why she had been in my thoughts so much. But I overcame her when I'd been lost in your beautiful eyes. I'm a free man. So when you said you would wait for eternity, you didn't know I was already yours."

She smiled at him and then gave him a saucy smirk.

"Now, if we are no longer hindered by curses, I think I'll take you up to my chambers and have my way with you."

Hermione's summer months were spent in Severus' arms. They were rarely out of sight from one another, mostly because they remained in bed for hours at a time. The two weeks they'd spent stuck together had been comfortable for both of them; they fell back into their old routine with no problem. This time with all appendages available . . .

Severus let down his shield around Hermione, showing his true self on all levels of their relationship. She had never seen such passion in him. Their conversations were more involved, if even possible. And he dropped his Snape-ish side altogether and not just for her. She actually caught him amicably talking with Dumbledore's portrait one evening after supper.

Minerva beamed at them when they were in the room together, and Winky always smirked when bringing them tea. Hermione's parents and baby sister came for a visit early in the holiday, and they all met in London for the week. Severus and her father got along rather well, which pleased Hermione to no end.

As the summer and their relationship progressed, Severus asked Hermione to move into his chambers permanently. She did; her clothing added some color to his dark closet. It was relaxing to not travel between their two chambers. The staff members were happy for them when they announced their relationship.

One morning, a few weeks before school, Hermione overheard voices in Severus' office.

"It's nice to see you two so happy." That was Dumbledore.

"Humph," said Severus.

"I never imagined a day when you would be content, my boy," Dumbledore said, a smile in his voice.

"It's true, Severus," Minerva joined in. "You two are in love; I can see it in your actions and in your eyes when she doesn't know you're looking at her. When will you ask her to marry you?"

"Minerva," Severus said with a hint of his old sneer, "that is none of your business. Besides, I doubt she would acquiesce to such a request. It is still quite early in our relationship."

"But you want to ask her?" the old man asked.

"Of course, you old coot." There was no malice in his voice; if anything, there was a hint of wistfulness.

She had been feeling the same way. It was early in the relationship, but after all the trials they'd gone through, it had helped her realize how much they both wanted this to work. She was ready for this step; she was sure. But he held doubt without her approval.

Later that evening, after supper in the Great Hall, and all the work had reached an end for the day, Hermione led Severus over to the sofa by the fireplace. She collapsed onto it, pulling Severus down with her. His head was placed on her chest as they'd done so many times before...her favorite position.

She stroked his hair, murmuring words of endearment as he stared at the fire. Now was her time to tell him.

"Severus, I have something for you."

Her back arched as she reached into her pocket, and he groaned, grazing her breasts. But now was not the time, in a few minutes perhaps. She pulled out a string of yarn, dangling it in front of his face.

He took it, a question in his onyx eyes.

"I can't make my curse work anymore, so this was the best I could do," she said. "I want you to tie the knot."

A brief smile graced his pale lips as he pulled a small knot in the yarn before he leaned down and kissed her.

THE END

Well, folks, that's the end. I hope you enjoyed my little story. Thanks for sticking with me for so long! I had a lot of fun writing this, not to mention all the learning I did too. Please leave a review...good or bad, and tell me what you think.

A big thanks goes out to Southern_Witch_69 for her beta work, she is wonderful. But I'm sure you all know that by now.