HERMIONE
Chapter 9 of 9
michmakHe wants to tell her…something…but his uncertainty holds him back. Love is as intransient as smoke. He knows that what he feels is real, because he has never experienced anything close to this his entire miserable life, but Hermione is young and could come to her senses any day. He cannot tell her how he feels because the words are trapped in his throat.
ReviewedShe is sitting in the overstuffed green armchair, in front of the fireplace, reading one of his books. Her legs hang over an arm, swinging slightly. They are bare from just above her knees to the tips of her toes. He knows if he walks over there, he would see the slightest hint of her plain cotton knickers peeking at him from underneath her ridiculously short skirt.
For a moment he debates doing just that, but she is a discerning witch and would immediately realize what he was doing. He doesn’t want to upset her. The few days they were estranged still haunt him, because he knows that sooner or later he will do something else to offend her, and she will leave for good.
So, he watches her and listens to her and enjoys her smiles and her voice. He memorizes the smell of her hair, and maps the soft skin of her body with the rough skin of his fingertips, and wonders what the rest of his life will be like without her.
There is a part of him that wants to believe her when she tells him that she loves him, and he finds he doesn’t banish the thought as quickly as he used to. She must love me in some way, he tells himself, or why would she stay? Why would she smile at me, why would she kiss my brow and caress my back and sigh my name as I spend myself inside her? She is a Gryffindor, without subterfuge. She must love me, just a little. I know I love her.
The sudden realization jolts him, and he quells the urge to ask her if he has finally figured it out. He can’t express the way he feels with mere words. How do you tell someone that they make your life worth living without sounding foolish? She has filled my days with companionship and joy, and my nights with passion and heat. She has taken this broken man and pieced me back together again, using herself as the mortar that makes me whole. I do not have the words to give her, because nothing I could say could show her what I hold within my heart. He wants to tell her…something…but his uncertainty holds him back. Love is as intransient as smoke. He knows that what he feels is real, because he has never experienced anything close to this his entire miserable life, but Hermione is young and could come to her senses any day. He cannot tell her how he feels because the words are trapped in his throat.
Instead, he approaches her and leans over, touching his lips to hers, words of love poised on the tip of his tongue. The book she is reading drops to the floor, and her hands flutter up to caress his shoulders. She tastes of summer-ripe berries and smells like home.
When he finally pulls away and hands her back her book, she smiles at him and he finds himself smiling back.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It is Saturday, and they are still in bed. Hermione is curled against him, arm thrown over his chest, and knee curled over his waist. Her bushy hair tickles his neck and nose, and the heat of her body makes him drowsy. He had surprised her with a kiss earlier that morning when she exited their bathroom. Needless to say, they never made it to breakfast. He feels like he is wrapped in a cocoon, and realizes as he drifts off to sleep that he is a different man than he was before Hermione entered his life. Instead of making him panic, the thought makes him smile.
He has come to know her in a way he doesn’t know anyone else. She can say his name a million ways - ‘Severus’ - and each way is merely a different version of ‘I love you.’ She tells him this too, of course, ‘I love you,’ and he finds he doesn’t flinch, when she says it, anymore.
‘Hermione,’ he whispers softly against her hair, as he drifts off to sleep. ‘Hermione.’
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Right now, this very instant, her voice is hitching in that sweet little way of hers, gasping as he fills her, sighing with every slide of his body into hers. Her arms are around him, her hands sliding from his buttocks to his shoulders and back again, alternately squeezing and scratching him as their rhythm takes over. He can feel her heels, pressing into the top halves of his calves as she lifts her pelvis to meet his thrusts. His hands are fisted in her hair, those glorious curls wrapping around his fingers like ribbons. Her head is arched back and she is gibbering his name now – ‘Severus, Severus, Severus…’ Her voice coats him like lava, so incredibly hot that he feels his body burning from the inside out. ‘Tell me,’ she’s begging him, ‘give me your voice; I need to hear you, Severus….’
He can feel his balls tighten with each stroke, his throat aching with all the pent up words he’s been longing to tell her – how he loves her too, and he’s so thankful she’s there. That the feel of her, tight and hot and wet around him is heaven; that her voice is a balm and an irritant, alternately soothing and inflaming him.
The pressure is mounting and her soft cries are urging him onwards. He wants to tell her she has taken a broken man and somehow, against all logic, made him whole – that the very essence of her completes him in a way more elemental than the strongest of magicks. She has become his very heart and soul…
Instead, all he manages to say as he explodes inside her is her name: ‘Hermione.’
He can tell by the way she shudders around him and kisses his neck, her eyes bright with tears, that she has heard him – and understood.
FIN
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This last chapter is short, I realize, but I’ve taken it as far as I can go, based on the happenings in it’s sister one-shot story, ‘She Never Stops Talking’. And, because I must, I leave you all with this last verse of a song, written by John Denver, one of the greatest (IMO) folk singer/songwriters ever.
I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free
And I wish I knew how
It would feel to be free
I wish that I could break
All the chains holding me
I wish I could say
All the things that I'd like to say
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole round world to hear
I wish I could share
All the love that's in my heart
Remove every doubt that keeps us apart
And I wish you could know
What it means to be me
Then you'd see and agree
Every man should be free
Story Actions
To follow, favorite, like, and more either log in or create an account.
Leave a Review
Log in to leave a review.
Latest 25 Reviews for Finding His Voice
59 Reviews | 6.36/10 Average
Lovely, sweet, redemptive story!
What happens when she has finished her apprenticeship? I notice you say "as she left our bathroom". Does that mean they got married or that she officially "moved in"? For an ending to be complete we need to know what happens when her two years is up. We know she won't leave him, but what happens when it's been two years and he finds out she is staying with him? Will she co-teach with him? Will she do private research at Hogwarts?
I guess he heard her when she told him it would have been easier to stay a death eater but he chose the harder path of being a spy and protecting them. I hope he heard why that makes him different. Maybe she needs to more frankly acknowledge the horrible things he has done. Maybe he needs some cathartic exercise. But perhaps she isn't the best one to hear the details of his sins. She may know them in a global way but she may not want to know the awful details. Maybe he should write them in a book then burn them in a ritualistic way with he and Hermione together. I think he needs to deal with the memories of what suffering and pain he caused to other human beings during raids that included rape and torture. It's as if he needs a confessor like a priest who can simply listen without condeming him.
About damned time! It's 3:23 am. I must make myself take a break and go to bed or I will hate myself later. Let's see, if I sleep until 10:30 I should be OK. One of the perks of being old and having grown kids is sleeping in. 
I know Hermione can take this. It's nothing new and it probably won't be the last time he lashes out in his unbelief that anyone could love him, let alone a beautiful and intellegent young witch like herself. She know this. She has yielded to him the power to hurt her feelings. Can he see that? There was a time when he counldn't hurt her feelings with his insults. But he assassinated her character this time. He implied she was slutty. Before, he had only denigrated her for being so good and sweet and smart and for wanting to help him. He had only implied she was naive, foolish, idealistic and annoying. I'm not sure what the best response should be for her to give him. Not, "how dare you?" I think letting him know how much he hurt her is probably the best thing to do. She won't pout or yell at him. Will he have the courage to tell her he is sorry if he sees her wilt with sadness before his eyes? Or, will he say it only proves he has been right all along and she has no business being with him. That she can handle, though, I think.
She's so brave! I'm so glad she is, for his sake. It was wonderful love making.
You did such a good job of making my heart ache for Severus. I'm so glad Hermione realized he was angry because he had missed her so much and set his mind at ease with that bold kiss. Now that was a brave and Griffindorish move if there ever was one. I'm sure a part of my mind would be thinking, "what if he really means this stuff and he really doesn't want me here and I'm just too stubborn to see it?" Bless his soul. Bless hers too.
FYI- I like your songs at the end of the chapters.
The Chimera egg charm was a nice touch! I suppose the question is, did Severus enjoy what he had to do as a Death Eater or did he do it under duress? The other Death Eaters wanted to do those things and enjoyed them. If Severus enjoyed being a Death Eater, he would still be doing awful things to people worse than having a generally bad attitude and being a very rude. Like Hermione said, "It's easier to reject someone before they can reject you." I used to work for a doctor like this. He was a total bastard, unless he was drunk. When he was drunk at office parties he was one of those, "I love you, Man!" people. But he knew he was a bastard to work for so he gave huge Christmas bonus' to all of us and made sure he hired really nice people to make up for the fact that he had an abrasive bedside manner. The fact of the matter was that there were many patients who loved him for his abrasive and sarcastic ways. One patient told me she figured anyone who was such an asshole would always tell them the truth. If they or their baby was going to die, he woud be honest with them and not beat around the bush. She had lost a baby within hours of the birth and he was the only person in the hospital who told her the truth, when she asked if her baby was going to die. Everyone else avoided her or beat around the bush. He took all the pregnant patients no one else would take. And once a year he closed his office, had all the staff come in and did yearly check ups on all of the women from an institution for retarded people at no cost. One patient lovingly gave him a card that read, "Jesus loves you. The rest of us think you're an ass hole."
Wow! I wish I could write poetry like that over Mac and Cheese or anywhere else. I am mightily impressed and enjoying this story very much.
Such an amazing tale, thank you!
Love the song. Poor Snape. He really is his own worst enemy. I love the way Hermione responds to Severus' silly behavior.
I loved your story very much. I loved your Severus and your confident Hermione who already knew he'd be hard to convince. JKR underestemated them both. Hermione could never be happy with Ronald Weasley and Severus Snape would never have been so careless and unprepared for his fate. If anyone is writing Severus and Hermione out of character she is.
i liked your poem very much!
That was quite a satifying little tirade. *nods in profound agreement* Must make a template of it for the next time I need one. 
Words also fail me. This was lovely. 
Great writing - I loved this story - way to piece him back together. It was well written and great character assessment - good work.
Well she is melting the ice king's heart and the passion scene was a good one. I love how she refirms that she loves him. It is almost like working with an abused person. Lots of affrimation- good work.
Well - I liked her tactic and the fact that she called him out for being a child. A woman would have to love you to suffer these things. He asked her for tea - well it is a start.
Poor girl - she is up against Severus own internal demons. What will she do -he is so forcefully trying to push her away and sometimes fighting a battle can be too much if you always start back at square one.
We she had her Severus - she has had to push past every wall and every defense. He know thinks that he can give her his body but not the heart- too bad but he already has.
Well how do you get through to a thick headed man - kiss him - what a chapter. I loved how you wrote her character and the internal conflict of Severus is spot on.
I love how you write her defusing the situation - it is a good thing and clearly is working miracles on Severus. I also love how she is slowly worming her way into his heart and even his dreams. Good job.
Way to go Hermione - I loved how your wrote her personality - tenacious and persistant but kind and fair. I loved how she stood up for Severus at the pub and then how he stood up for her. I think it melted a little ice surrounding his heart - good work.
How tragic - how he is treated. What a way to start his life if he had lived through the war. So messed up and isolated by circumstance - what a great character to start to work with.
AWH!this story is so beautiful!~