Two Are Better Than One
Chapter 2 of 9
HechiceraSnape and two hookers: what's not to like?
ReviewedA/N:
That title's from the Bible. Really, it is. I am going straight to hell.
For all that he had been coming (so to speak) there for over a decade, Snape’s file card was not very elaborate. On the “Bother” scale he rated only two out of five pricks. These he earned for—in addition to the “no shaved twats” entry—a “generally disagreeable personality,” “no touching of the body,” “doesn’t give a monkey’s whether you get off or not, but really gets his mad up if you fake it,” and “Never tips but will sometimes give free samples.”
Under “Preferences” were listed, among others, “Blowjobs (prefers) & handjobs, no fucking,” “Never a prob to get him up,” “Will wank while watching you do same.” The “Yes” box was ticked next to “Filthy talk?” and the words, “cunt,” “whore,” and “fuck” were scribbled in beside it. In the “Dom/Sub” box, “Dom” was circled, although he merited only a “mild” on the scale, and someone had penciled in, “Doesn’t really like to hurt you but likes to think you think he will.” In the blank after “Prem. Ej.?” was written, “Every once in a while but who’s complaining?”
The most recent addition, at the bottom of the card in Zelda’s loopy schoolgirl hand, was “Wants to watch. Preferably people he knows, esp. LM.”
Amanda watched as Snape took off his frock coat and waistcoat and hung them on a hook; he then sat in a chair by the bed. She knelt down and untied his shoes and slipped them off, then reached for his shirt buttons, but he grabbed her wrist. “No, you first. The two of you, on the bed. And take that thing off,” he said, gesturing dismissively at Amanda’s corset, a green satin affair with black lace overlay, which she thought suited her coloring and on which she had spent half a week’s pay at Lula’s Lascivious Lingerie.
He unbuckled his belt, unzipped his trousers, and took his cock in his hand as she slowly unfastened the front hooks of the corset. This was Amanda’s first time with him, and she noticed that his cock was already in a state of anticipatory semi-erection. Never a prob, indeed.
Her full, creamy breasts—of which she was justifiably proud—spilled out as she unhooked the corset, and Malavi came up behind her and reached around and took them in her hands, brushing the pink nipples with her thumbs, making them pucker and harden.
Snape leaned back in the chair and slowly began stroking his now rigid cock. Amanda tossed the corset into his lap, but he swatted it aside, never taking his gaze off the two women. His black eyes were dark with hunger, the head of his cock engorged and purple as his fist moved up and down on the shaft.
She turned and kissed Malavi’s delicate mouth, her tongue flickering in and out, and slid her hands down the smaller woman’s back, grasping her arse and pulling her up against her. She could hear Snape’s breathing quicken, and she slipped a finger into Malavi’s dripping cunt, brushing across her swollen clit and making her moan with pleasure. Turning away, she stepped over to Snape and wiped the wet finger across his upper lip. “You do like to smell cunt, don’t you?” she whispered in his ear.
His eyes widened, and he inhaled deeply, pumping his fist faster as the first drops of clear fluid appeared at the end of his cock.
Amanda reached down and put her hand over his. “Not yet,” she said softly. “We’re just getting started here.”
Then she crossed back over to the bed, where Malavi lay waiting, her dark skin gleaming under a translucent white babydoll negligee. Amanda unfastened its single button and pushed it to either side, revealing small, perfect breasts topped with dark brown nipples already hard with desire. She licked one gently, then sucked it into her mouth and felt Malavi’s slender body rise beneath her. She bit the nipple gently, and the other woman whimpered and buried her hands in Amanda’s silky red hair.
Amanda looked across at Snape and raised her eyebrows in a question.
“Lick each other,” he said thickly.
Obediently, she turned around and straddled Malavi, working her way backward until her cunt was in range of Malavi’s eager tongue. Then she lowered her face into the other woman’s neatly trimmed black curls and sought out the swollen nub. Just as her tongue found it, she felt her own clit explode with sensation as Malavi’s lips and teeth sucked and nipped expertly at it. She moaned, stroking her tongue across Malavi’s hard clit and hearing the other woman cry out with pleasure.
Snape stood, and when his trousers fell to his ankles he removed them, along with his boxers, and came and knelt down at the foot of the bed.
“Show me,” he said, gathering up Amanda’s long red hair and sweeping it to one side. She looked up at him, then spread the lips of Malavi’s cunt with her fingers, exposing the engorged button of her clit. Careful not to block his view, she flicked across it with her tongue again and again, feeling it grow even harder as she teased it.
Snape reached out a long, slender forefinger and slid it inside Malavi’s wet cunt. “Oh, yes,” she cried. “Oh, finger-fuck me, oh, please, yes!” He pushed in two fingers, then three, and Amanda licked and sucked furiously at the swollen clit as he worked his fingers in and out. “Oh, god!” Malavi cried, twisting and writhing underneath her. “Oh, yes, lick my clit! Right there! Oh god, oh please, make me come, make me come, oh yes!” There was a rush of fluid onto Snape’s hand, and she gave a long, shuddering sigh and was still.
“Now you,” said Snape to Amanda. “Lie down.”
She got off Malavi, who went down to the foot of the bed and knelt next to Snape. Amanda lay back and beckoned to him. “Up here,” she said, “over my face.”
“But I want to see her lick your cunt,” he protested.
“I know,” she said. “Come on, I’ll show you. I have done this once or twice before.” She grinned.
He climbed awkwardly onto the bed. He was lean to the point of boniness, but better that than the salad-dodgers they sometimes got in, like that conceited lump Slughorn, she thought. He had left his socks on, and one of his big toes protruded through a rather large hole. She might have found this amusing if her attention had not been focused so intently on the throbbing between her own legs. She guided him so that he was kneeling over her, facing toward her feet, his balls hanging directly over her mouth, and she licked them gently.
“Oh, Christ,” he said, and began pumping his cock with his fist. Amanda felt Malavi’s tongue begin to work her clit, and she moaned. She sucked at Snape’s balls, which had tightened and drawn up into their sack. “Oh, god, yes,” he said, stroking harder and faster.
Malavi was sucking hard on her clit, and then slid her thumb into Amanda’s cunt, while her forefinger pushed up into her anus. “Oh, fuck, Malavi,” gasped Amanda. “Nobody licks pussy like you do, nobody.”
She grasped Snape’s buttocks and spread them slightly, then licked in a circle around his anus. The feeling of Malavi’s tongue on her clit, and her fingers working inside her, was so intense that it was hard to concentrate on what she was doing.
She probed gently into his anus with her tongue, and when he responded with a groan, she began slipping her tongue in and out as he stroked himself, the three of them keeping the same rhythm. Malavi’s teeth nipped at her clit, and she couldn’t hold off any longer; she came hard and screamed out, her cry muffled by Snape’s arse above her face. At once she felt his balls tense, and he said, “Oh, fuck yes, I’m coming, oh, god, oh fuck, fuck . . . aaaahhh!” and she felt the hot liquid falling in spurts onto her belly.
Ah, well, she thought. Maybe next time.
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Latest 25 Reviews for The Wayward Wand
84 Reviews | 6.64/10 Average
Haha awesome. If i had to beta this, I'd have been giggling too much to get any work done on it. Thanks for not taking the pwp too seriously!!
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Funny you should say that. This chapter was the last straw in a permanent rift between me and my beta, who objected to its unrealistic portrayal of journalism.
" I can't belive it's not pussy" ??! I really wish i hadn't had a mouth full of tea when I read that
This is the best story ever. I mean, this chapter alone. Riiiight up my alley!!
I love teh fact that she writes like it's a romance novel! I could so see her doing that.
These are so funny, I hope you intend to write more. I really do wonder why those girls were fighting, a ploy to get the men's attention or was it real? I also would love to read about Mrs. Malfoy and what trouble she casues. *lol*
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
They were fighting because one of them was not Malavi--it was Bruce, who had used the hair Malavi gave him a few chapters back to make some Polyjuice, which he thought would turn him into a perfect replica of Snape for his appointment with Narcissa. But because Malavi had substituted her own hair for Snape's, he got a big surprise.
Very interesting... I love where this is going! The last line caught me off guard... I wonder why he's never indulged further? Great start!
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Thanks!
This fic was actually a kind of spinoff from my OFC fic Soroche, so this Snape is my "Soroche Snape."
My theory is that this is Snape's way of remaining symbolically "faithful" to Lily while still getting his needs met occasionally.
I came across this on random story search. I read it back in the days when I was lurking, and not reviewing. So I read it again and really had a good time. Sometimes stories that are labeled "humor" really aren't all that funny. You on the other hand have made me laugh. I hope that you periodically continue this. It isn't like it has such a raging plot that it must be updated frequently, but I think there are plenty of characters left who are just dying for a chance to shine. Plus, you can't just leave us hanging as to whether anyone EVER gets the jar money. He has to have a breaking point, doesn't he?!
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Thanks so much! I don't really know when/if I'll continue this story--sadly, its interruption is inextricably linked to a very painful event in my life, and so far I've been unable to get past that connection. So we'll see.
Response from HBAR (Reviewer)
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. RL really doesn't always go how we want it to, does it? I won't hold it against you if you can't finish it. Of course you could always just write something else completely different, but fantastic and that would suffice. I'll think happy thoughts for you ;)
Ew, ew, ew, eeeewwww! BRILLIANT!! 111% Rita!
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
*bows deeply and heads off to the shower*
ROFL. Hoops! That is so funny! :)
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Glad you liked!
LOL. Poor old Perce! :)
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Yeah, he's a bit of a dweeb, isn't he?
That's the purplest prose I've read for a long time. Good effort! Can just see Rita writing that LOL. And I thought she was a beetle, not a mosquito... :P
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
You are the ONLY person who has picked up on "Anopheles." Fifty points to your House! I did it because of "Skeeter."
Response from sunny33 (Reviewer)
I did travel medicine for years. I can recognise a damned malaria carrier when I see one LOL! :)
That'll make the Polyjuice taste funny! :)
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Yes. Not to mention the unanticipated result.
Nekkid Rita Skeeter... oh the HORROR... bring the brain bleach, STAT!!!But Rita's description of her "sacrifice" on behalf of her duty as a journalist is truly beyond the pale. Urgh. *Staggers off for a shot (or three) of Pepto*
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Heh heh heh. A shot or three of tequila probably wouldn't hurt either.
It's no wonder she write for the Daily Prophet. Her use of vocabulary for the woman anatomy is absolutely dreadful.But her card is absolutely gorgeous. How can you make it look like a real paper is beyond me, and I'm admirative.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Thank you! Those cards are fun to do.
Geez! I think that killed my libido for at least a week! Rita is truely 'shudder-worthy.' Her card is pretty funny, though. Will we ever see someone succeed at fucking the Potions bloke?
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Wait and see....
"my hot, wet grotto of romance", that is just so, utterly cringeworthy and she would totally write it that way too.*cringes, shudders and giggles, all at once*
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Yes, I had to take a long shower after spending that much time with my Inner Rita.
Response from Pyttan (Reviewer)
I will never ever get over that sentence, you realise. It is just so amazing If I dared I would use it on my husband, but I am to frightened I would put him of sex for the rest of the year.
I loved the way you had them undress! Perfection. You captured the twins exuberance perfectly.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Still haven't decided who gets the smoking lube...
Do we get to see what Bruce does with this hair? Very hot pool scene!
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Yeah, I wish I could get in that pool with him...where was I? Oh, yeah, the hair. That's the source of the second Malavi in the Value for Money chapter.
She's perfect. And I can so see Filius being completely attracted to her.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
I'm glad you like her. I had fun writing her!
Oh man, I can see Percy being just this uptight - until he sees the value in women rolling around on the floor! LOL.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Ha ha, thanks. Not one but two "Personal Areas" to gaze upon...
I can perfectly see RIta writing this article and this description. Perfection.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Wow, that was fast! Thank you! You can see Rita's card on my Deviant Art site--I'll put a link in the story.
Response from timestep (Reviewer)
Actually, I've been reading and reviewing on OWL, but really think it's so fabulous I wanted to make sure you are getting proper reviews/story rating here too!
ROFL!! I hadn't expected that explanation about Filius' nickname. Brilliant job again.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Thank you kindly.*bows*
“Dribbles some before he shoots.”
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
*bows*
Response from Pyttan (Reviewer)
I just need to say this; I really liked the New Orleans bit. To me, New Orleans have always felt magical. I have always wanted to go there rather then New York or any other place in America where my countrymen tend to visit.
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
Thank you. I'm feeling reeeeeally self-conscious about having introduced an American character into this fic, but NO is in a class by itself, I think. And so brothel-y.
Response from Pyttan (Reviewer)
Victor Krum and Fleur Delacour wasn't exactly Londoners either, so why not? The divine JK Rowlings brought in non english people in her world so all you are doing is following tradition...well...following tradition to a certain extent anyway...
I never thought that a story about a whorehouse would make me chuckle through a whole chapter. This is just so delightful! Love it!Ehm, yes, I did get out of the pool eventually, shrivelled up like a dried plum :P
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
OMG!!! This is fabulous! I once read the memoirs of a madam from a brothel in Bowling Green, KY, Miss Pauline Tabor I believe her name was, and her tales read very similar to this. You ought to give it a try to see if you can find something on her. She was a pistol! Might give you a lift if you need it for this story. Sara
Response from Hechicera (Author of The Wayward Wand)
I will definitely look for that!I'm glad you like the story, thanks!