XIV: The Werewolf and the Wyvern

Chapter XIV: The Werewolf and the Wyvern

Morgaine watched Severus as he emerged from the Pensieve. His ghostly face didn't betray his feelings, but his eyes did. They spoke of surprise, shock and terror. And as he turned away from her and started drifting through the dark room, Morgaine wished she had never shown Severus those memories.

How could he have been prepared for what he had seen? He had expected to get to know his daughter, to see her grow from a little baby into a young witch. Instead, he had been confronted with nothing but pain and sorrow.

She had not had a choice, Morgaine told herself. If she ever wanted Severus to understand why she had kept him in the dark, he would have to know everything. But still, she felt guilty. She knew Severus well enough to know that he would somehow manage to put the blame on himself. But none of this was his fault. None. Neither was it hers. But still.

'You should have contacted me, Morgaine,' Severus said quietly after a while. 'Even if you could not tell me about our child, you should have contacted me. Me, not the father of your child, but your friend.'

'How could I have, Severus?' Morgaine closed her eyes for a moment, not to blink away tears, but to gather strength. If Severus only knew how many letters she had written to him just to incinerate them even before the ink had dried. 'If I had contacted you, you would have wondered why I was not at Durmstrang anymore,' she tried to explain. 'You would have wanted to know why I was in Iceland and not at Hogwarts. And I would have been forced to lie to you.'

'Severus, look at me.' Morgaine didn't dare breathe. Severus still stood with his back towards her. What if he didn't turn around? What if he didn't forgive her? 'I never meant to lie to you.'

The seconds ticked by agonisingly slowly, and Morgaine was losing all her hope.

But when Severus spoke, his voice was calm and composed. 'I know, Morgaine. I know.'

When he turned around he found her curled up in her chair with her arms wrapped around her knees. Had she not been sitting by the fire, he would have guessed she was cold. But then again, she might as well be freezing. Those memories had chilled him to the core as well.

'I understand that you had no choice, Morgaine. The war forced us all to do things that should never be asked of a moral person.'

How many things had he himself been forced to keep from the person he had loved and trusted the most? He had always hated lying to her, but he had done it to keep her safe.

'Demeter ...' he started. 'I assume it was not that simple.' As much as he had relished the joy in Morgaine's eyes as she had looked at her baby daughter, he doubted that her demons had left her that easily.

Morgaine nodded towards the Pensieve and the remaining phials. 'Do you want to see more?'

Severus shook his head. 'No. I want you to tell me. If you can.'

Morgaine swallowed dryly. She had never told anyone about her year on Iceland, about her struggle to learn how to accept and love her child and the fight to keep her sanity. Not even Dumbledore had known. The only two people who had known were those who had never left her side: her grandmother and Remus Lupin.

'Most days were ... normal,' she began. Severus was hovering over the chair opposite hers, and she drew strength from the now calm look in his eyes. 'Demeter was a healthy, happy baby who didn't demand much more than to be held, fed and have her nappies changed. She was easy enough to love with her blue eyes and her infectious smile. And most of the time I did love her, more than anything else in the world. I would have done anything for her and wanted nothing more than to see her happy. The first time she was up all night crying because of a tummy ache, I felt like most incapable and worthless mother ever because I couldn't console her. And when she stopped crying, I was the happiest person on earth.'

'But there were other days,' Severus concluded.

'There were days when I couldn't stand being close to her, days when I could barely make myself stay in the same room with her. I was afraid I would hurt her in some way or that ...' Morgaine broke off and took a shaking breath. How could she tell Severus that there were sometimes voices in her head that told her their daughter was evil incarnate?

Severus, however, interpreted her silence differently. 'Do you remember our first Occlumency lesson?' he asked. 'When I made you remember that you had once pointed a wand at your own mother?'

Morgaine nodded. The Dark Lord had made her do that. She had just been a child, too little and too powerless to defend herself. But to this very day, she felt guilty.

'You cried that night,' Severus continued. 'And you asked me if you were bad. Do you remember what I told you then, Morgaine?'

Once more, Morgaine nodded. She remembered his words clearly. They had many times helped her to chase her demons away. 'You told me that I was a good person and that nothing would ever change that.'

'I also promised to take care of you.'

Morgaine suppressed a sob. She knew that Severus would have stood by her side through all of this, had he only known. And the knowledge of him blaming himself now for not having been there, made her heart ache.

'I wasn't alone, Severus. The people around me did all they could. My grandmother took care of Demeter just as she had taken care of me when my mother had been unable to. And Remus ... Remus stayed all winter, although the Icelandic nights were long and his transformation so painful that he was unable to leave the bed for several days after the full moon. But he fought for me like a man possessed, and he wouldn't let me run away. Every time I took a step away from Demeter, he pushed me two steps towards her. Eventually, I stopped running.'

Remus Lupin. Severus remembered a time when that name had made him feel nothing but bitterness and contempt. He had hated Lupin for so many years, and that hatred had become so natural that the reasons for it had barely mattered anymore. Now it seemed ludicrous to have wasted so much energy on hating a man who had simply happened to be one of the Marauders.

Severus remembered teenage Lupin, a thin, plain boy with seemingly no backbone whatsoever. He had never taken part in Potter and Black's pranks, but he had never stopped them either. Why would he have? Why would he have stood up for a sulky, greasy-haired Slytherin, who would probably have thanked him with nothing else than a sour comment and disdain?

The adult Lupin had been a similar one. He had never been one to openly doubt Severus' loyalties, but once more, he had never done anything to defend him either. He had always just sat there with his sad eyes and never taken a stand for anything or anyone. Or almost never.

To Severus' knowledge, Lupin had unleashed the Gryffindor lion twice. Both times, it had been for Morgaine. Both times, his words had kept Severus from going too far and alienating the woman who had stood by his side for fourteen years.

Severus mentally shook his head. Remus Lupin was not who he was interested in that evening. His goal was to get to know his daughter, and the reason why Morgaine had never told him about her.

'Demeter ...' he started cautiously, not wanting to pressure Morgaine. From what he had learnt so far, Morgaine had fought with more than simple postnatal depression. 'How ... how did you learn to love her?'

'Once more, Remus helped,' Morgaine said quietly. The she smiled. 'And so did you.'

Severus cocked an eyebrow in surprise. How could he have helped? He had not even known Demeter existed.

'You were my light in the dark, Severus.'

And before he knew it, Morgaine had uncorked another phial.

~ ~ ~

'Concentrate, Morgaine.'

'Remus, I can't.'

'Of course you can't if you keep telling yourself that you can't.' The uncharacteristic frown on Lupin's otherwise so kind face didn't become him at all, and it made Severus frown as well. 'You must have a happy memory.'

Severus saw Morgaine gnaw at her bottom lip. The hand in which she was holding her wand was shaking, and she was so pale that it wouldn't have surprised him if she fainted.

'Remus, please.'

With a sigh, Lupin stepped closer towards Morgaine and took her wand from her. 'We'll take a break, alright? I think Demeter will be wanting her Mummy soon anyway.'

Severus followed Morgaine and Lupin to the blanket under the birch tree, where Demeter lay on her back, cooing happily and reaching out her tiny arms towards the two birds that sat on a branch above her.

Morgaine stopped a few feet away from the blanket, and Severus saw her jaw tighten. 'I don't think she misses me at all,' she said in a tone that no mother should ever use when talking about her child. 'We might just as well return to practising.'

'Nonsense.' Lupin took Morgaine firmly by the hand and pulled her towards the blanket. She did not struggle, but Severus doubted that she would have approached on her own accord.

She looked down at her baby daughter for what seemed like several minutes. And quite a few times, Severus thought she would break free from Lupin's grip and run away. But Morgaine stood still and just watched her child pensively. She reminded Severus of a cat that was trying to decide whether the second cat on the other side was friend or foe, ready to flee or attack any second.

Suddenly the two birds took flight, and Demeter started crying, startled by the sudden movement. And Morgaine did something Severus had not expected. She freed herself from Lupin and knelt down on the blanket to pick up her child.

'It's alright, sweetheart,' she whispered into the baby's ear as she held her daughter close to her chest. 'Mummy's here. Mummy will protect you.'

Beside her Lupin smiled.

Demeter soon stopped crying, and Morgaine settled under the tree with her daughter on her lap, and Severus took the time to analyse the scene in front of him. It must be spring, he concluded, judging by the new leaves on the birch tree. Demeter had grown quite a bit, too, but Severus knew too little about babies to judge her age.

Demeter certainly had her mother's eyes, blue like the spring sky, and full of life and laughter. But everything else about the child spoke of Snape genes: the black hair, the strong jaw line. And already, the unfortunate Snape nose was prominent.

What was going through Morgaine's head, Severus wondered. Did she see him every time she looked at her daughter? Did she think of him?

'Back to practicing now, kitten.'

Morgaine looked up at Lupin and nodded. She seemed almost reluctant to place her daughter on the blanket and walk away from her. Amazing, Severus thought. Half an hour ago, Lupin had more or less been forced to drag her towards her child.

'A happy memory, Morgaine,' Lupin instructed once he had given Morgaine her wand back. 'The happiest you've got. Focus on it and don't let it go.'

Morgaine cast a glance over her shoulder and smiled. Then she cast the spell. 'Expecto Patronum.'

The Wyvern erupted from the tip of her wand and took flight towards the sky, and both Lupin and Morgaine watched in awe as the majestic winged dragon circled above the birch tree and then settled beside Demeter like a well-trained dog. And little Demeter smiled at the silvery figure beside her.

The Patronus dissolved as Lupin wrapped his arms around Morgaine and broke her concentration. 'I knew you could do it, kitten,' he cheered. 'And a Wyvern ... Do you even realise how powerful a Patronus that is? You must have found a very happy memory, Morgaine. Tell me what it is. Has it something to do with Demeter?'

Morgaine smiled and shook her head. 'No, it's not Demeter. It's the tree.'

Lupin frowned. He did not understand. How could a tree create a happy memory?

But Severus understood. He and Morgaine had fallen in love under that very birch tree on the night of the harvest feast. She had been seventeen, and he had still been her teacher. He had held her in his arms that night to protect her from the cold. Her hair had smelled of sandalwood and honey, and had it been up to him, Severus would never have let go of her.

But they had waited. All they had shared that night had been a kiss goodnight, and over the next twelve months, they had kept their distance. Not until the night of her graduation had Severus embraced Morgaine once more. He had kissed her and taken her to his bed. And it had been the night he had first clasped the Wyvern pendant around her neck.

~ ~ ~

'Do you still wear it?' Severus asked once he had returned to the present. 'The Wyvern?'

Morgaine' hand went to her neck. 'I have never taken it off. I keep it right here beside my heart. Because that is where it belongs.'

She tilted her head and looked deeply into Severus' ghostly eyes. 'It might seem silly, but the Wyvern nestling up against Demeter meant the world to me. From the moment I had first laid eyes on our child, darkness had been tearing at my soul. There hadn't been a day when I didn't fear that either of us was evil. But when I created White magic and when that magic accepted our child ...'

Severus nodded. To him, Morgaine's sentiments it didn't seem silly at all. Before he had cast his first Patronus, he, too, had believed that his soul had been beyond rescue, that it was too tainted by the Dark to ever produce anything as pure as a Patronus. But Magic had seen beyond his mistakes, and it had let him cast the purest spell of them all.

'I don't know if Remus deliberately chose that place to practice, or if it were a mere coincidence that we ended up by the birch tree,' Morgaine continued. 'But that afternoon changed everything. I started believing in myself again, I started to love our child. And for the first time, I allowed myself to admit that I missed you. And when Dumbledore asked me to return to Hogwarts, I did not even have to think about it.'

~ ~ ~

'You know that I will gladly look after Demeter. But are you really sure that you are ready to return to the Wizarding world?'

Morgaine tucked Demeter in and kissed her daughter goodnight before straightening to look at her grandmother, who stood on the other side of the cradle. The look in her eyes left no room for doubt. She had made up her mind.

'To grow up here is the best thing I can offer Demeter. I was always happy here as a child, and I learnt of things that Wizard children can only dream of. I want Demeter to have the same chance. But I ... I cannot stay. I promised Severus I would be there when he needed me.'

'And does he need you?' Margaret asked. There wasn't a note of accusation in her voice. She only seemed concerned.

Morgaine nodded slowly. 'Severus' main task is to protect the son of the man he has hated since they laid eyes upon each other for the first time. And now one of his childhood nemeses is coming to Hogwarts to fill the position Severus has desired for so many years. And on top of everything, Sirius Black is on the run.' She smiled sadly and softly touched her daughter's black hair. 'There is only so much a man can take. Dumbledore fears Severus will wring Remus' neck before the Christmas holidays.'

'I don't doubt that you returning to Hogwarts will be good for Severus, poppet. But will it be good for you?' Now Margaret did seem concerned.

'The day I cast the Wyvern, it chased my demons away,' Morgaine started to explain. 'And I don't know why, grandmother, but it feels as if I need magic to exist.'

Margaret nodded. 'I have noticed. You are smiling again since that afternoon.' She reached out and cupped her granddaughter's chin. 'And I can see the longing in your eyes. Go to your Severus, child. You need him just as much as he needs you. As for Demeter, I will take care of her. I promise.'

'Are you ready?'

The two women turned towards Albus Dumbledore, who was standing in the door. He had arrived at the cottage shortly before dinner to tell Remus that he had been hired as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. And he had barely given Remus the time to answer, before he had addressed Morgaine and ask her to return to Hogwarts. Now, only a few hours later, he was already prepared to leave again. And he wanted Morgaine to go with him right away.

'I don't understand why there is such a rush, Albus,' Margaret chided him. 'It's bad enough that poor Remus had to leave without dinner in order to get his things ready. Why you insist on him taking the train tomorrow is beyond me. He could Apparate. And why everything on such short notice, Albus? Are you getting disorganised in your old days?'

Dumbledore just smiled benignly. 'At my age, one has the privilege of being somewhat eccentric, Margaret. But I do have my reasons.' Then he focused on Morgaine. 'Are you ready?' he repeated his question.

Morgaine drew a deep breath and looked pleadingly at her grandmother. 'If anything happens ...'

Margaret patted her cheek. 'Don't worry, child. Demeter is in good hands.'

'May I kiss her goodnight?' Dumbledore wondered and approached the cradle. But as he bent to kiss Demeter, the baby shrieked, and Dumbledore was cast backwards. He landed on his backside a few feet away.

Severus couldn't help but smirk at his daughter's first display of magic. She did obviously not appreciate to be kissed by just anyone, and had conjured a protective field around herself as Dumbledore had come near. And a powerful one, it seemed. Severus gloated. It served the old man right to be flung through the room by a toddler. Hopefully the landing had resulted in several bruises.

Severus grinned at the thought, and turned back towards the cradle where Morgaine had picked up Demeter to calm her. Neither of them ever saw the concerned frown on Dumbledore's face.