Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Hermione slammed her door and stalked over to the couch. She threw herself into it and tapped her foot. Pulling her wand from her robe, she lit a fire in the fireplace. As she tossed her wand down next to her in frustration, her foot continued to tap furiously on the floor. Eyeing the flames, she let them take over her thoughts. She stilled her body and stared at the crackling fire, not moving, until she became lost in the depth of the flames. Her mind thought of nothing but the licking swirls and the snapping that came from the burning wood. Her thoughts calmed, her frustration seeped from her. She let all of it wash away. The flames hypnotized her, and it was a long while before she came back to herself.

Having calmed herself, she was able to look back on the previous conversation with the Snapes more objectively. The anger still welled in her, though.

She felt like a yo-yo. Unwittingly, she'd been tossed to and fro by both Snapes. They had shared her without her even knowing it. Like she'd told them, this whole thing appeared to be a game to them. She was not some ball to be tossed around a court. She was not some prize to be bandied about. She was a woman. A woman... who was madly in love with an infuriating man!

She thought of Severus and her dancing together. She pictured herself with the younger Snape as they flew about Hogsmeade. Thinking about the two of them, she noticed some slight differences in their actions toward her. The older Snape seemed a bit more assured of himself, the younger, a bit more tentative.

She groaned inwardly. They were both so appealing. In a moment of clarity, she could see the progression of their relationship. The Severus of now, with his endearing tentativeness would eventually become the incredibly sure-of-himself, older man who had traveled back to try and win her heart. But did she want her heart to be won? Hadn't the future already been determined with a different outcome? Hermione frowned.

How can he do such a thing? How can he mess with time simply because he doesn't like the first outcome? Why am I so upset about it anyway? Shouldn't I be flattered? He came back just for me. But how can he know what is the best outcome? It was a selfish reason for returning.

"Who am I kidding?" she muttered to herself. "That was one of the most romantic things I've ever heard."

Truly, mustn't he love her to return to the past for her? Her heart soared at the thought that someone would care enough about her to try to right his perceived wrongs. She grimaced and beat the feeling down. The man is messing with time. He knows better. Why didn't he do something before, when he was back in this time?

Hermione threw her hands up in resignation. "What is my problem? Do I really want a relationship with Ron?"

Ron. Her friendship with Ron had always had its ups and downs. From infatuation practically all through school, to the searing kiss they had given each other at the end of the war, there had always been tension between the two of them. Once everything resulting from the war had calmed down, Ron and she had begun a tentative relationship. Things had been good for the most part. She'd loved Ron dearly, and he'd loved her. They still did. Unfortunately, there had always been a lack of spark with them. They had both noticed, but had chosen to ignore it for a while. After about two months of passionless kisses, they had admitted that their love for one another could only go so far. They weren't 'in' love.

Each had moved on happily. Both had dated others. Hermione had dated several men who were attracted to her. She had spent a good deal of time with all of them, but most had not held any spark for her either. Then her eye had fallen on Severus. Even without a romantic relationship, he'd electrified her. She'd done all she could to attract his attention... to no avail. She had been about to give up when he'd finally acknowledged his attraction to her.

"But that was all a ruse, right?" Hermione had a habit of talking to herself when she was reasoning something out.

Hermione's lip pursed. He said he loved you.

"But does he really?" She frowned. "Is he serious?" Her hand came up to her face, and she tapped her finger on her lips. She put her hand down again and shook her head. Her thoughts were everywhere. "Has he confused obsession with love? Is this more than just a game to him? What about Ron? . . . Could we possibly work things out?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Was I just settling when I married Ron in the future?"

She bent her head low and massaged her temples. How will I ever know what to do?

Sitting back, she folded her arms in front of her. "Do you want to start up with Ron again? What good will it do? You've already established that there's no spark. We're too different."

Their interests were polar opposites. He loved Quidditch and did nothing but talk about it. She enjoyed watching a good game, but didn't believe the world revolved around the sport. Ron had always been appreciative and supportive of her interests, but he shared none of them, and found it difficult to converse with her about them. She bored him, and she knew it. He bored her, too.

Do you really think you'd be better off going back to that situation?

"What was I thinking to even reconsider dating Ron?"

She thought back to before this wonderful week with Severus. What had been her mental state? She'd been depressed. She'd wondered if maybe being seen with another man would jog Severus into making an advance at her.

"So, that's where that brilliant idea came from. I must have paraded Ron in front of Severus to make him jealous." She chuckled. "I should have known better."

Some time after that, Ron and she must have fallen in love. She'd have never thought it possible.

Wonders really never cease, do they?

Falling in love with Ron was not something she would have foreseen for herself in a million years.

Do I want that future? she asked herself. Would that make me happy? Wouldn't I be happier with Severus?

It was as if Severus' mouth was on her. His kiss seared into her lips. No kiss with Ron had ever felt like that. Could it ever?

Who am I kidding? If Severus had shown interest in me in his reality, I don't think I would have ever given Ronald Weasley a second thought. I settled. I must have. I saw no future for Severus and me, so I settled for loving a man who is a good man, but doesn't set my heart on fire.

She glanced at the fire crackling in the hearth. "Don't I deserve more happiness than that?" she said aloud. "I suppose that's the real question, isn't it?" She paused and let the flames captivate her once again. "Come on, Hermione, you know you deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy. Who will make you happier? Do you even have to ask such a question?"

But he's trying to run your life.

"He's trying to fix his own. He said himself that he'd back away if we didn't work out."

Shouldn't he have left well enough alone?

"Probably, but he didn't. Shouldn't I be thankful that he didn't? Shouldn't I be kissing his feet for saving me from Ron?"

You're letting him win.

Hermione grimaced. Realization dawned on her. Her stupid pride was trying to force her to give up on Severus. She was so consumed with being independent that she was risking throwing him away so her independent thought would not suffer a blow.

"Relationships are about sharing things and making decisions together."

But he made this decision all on his own.

"He had no choice."

He's a Slytherin. They have agendas.

Hermione smirked. "True, but it seems that our agendas agree in this circumstance."

You're letting him win.

"Maybe I want him to win."

Her inner voice shut up for once. Who could argue with that? Hermione lay down on the couch and thought of the last few days. How wonderful they had been! Did she really want to give that up because her sensitivities had been bruised? Was she really that shallow?

She imagined Severus' lips touching hers again, and she groaned with the thought of his kiss. Then he was pulling her to him as they danced. Their bodies were pressed together, and she marveled at how wonderful he felt against her. She had known with that dance that she would never find another man who excited her like Severus Snape excited her. Why would she want to throw that away?

Pulling herself up, she rose from the couch and wandered into the bedroom. After changing for bed, she gazed at her reflection in the mirror.

"Hermione Weasley," she muttered as she looked at herself. Her face scrunched up. It just didn't sound right.

"Hermione Snape," she said more forcefully. She smiled. That was much better.

She thoughtfully went over to the bed and slid under the covers. She would talk to Severus and Severus tomorrow. She had made her decision.