Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Snape and Hermione were sitting in the Hogsmeade Café. He had requested they be seated in the back room so they could have some privacy. They were the only two in this part of the café, and Severus was thankful that no one else was seated near them.

Snape could feel Severus' presence nearby. It was a bit disconcerting to have a chaperone on this date, but he knew that Severus wanted to watch. He looked nervously at Hermione, who was nursing a butterbeer and staring at him. He cleared his throat. Opening his mouth to attempt speech, he was thwarted by the hostess' appearance.

"Professor Snape, Professor Granger, how nice to see the two of you!" the hostess gushed.

Snape sneered, but Hermione smiled up at her.

"It's nice to see you too, Elaine, especially when there aren't a gaggle of students about."

Elaine laughed. "Do you know what you'd like?"

"I'll have the fish and chips," Hermione said.

"I'll have the same," Snape said, not looking up at the hostess.

"All right," Elaine commented as the order appeared on her notepad. "I'll have those up for you in a few minutes." She turned and went back into the kitchen to place their order.

Snape shifted in his chair. Hermione eyed him curiously.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"What?" Snape asked with a surprised tone.

"You seem a bit flustered. Did you have some problems with classes today?"

Snape sat back and crossed his arms. "As a matter of fact, Jacob Goodfellow exploded a cauldron and soaked half the class in burn paste."

"Oh, no!" Hermione cried. "Did you get doused too?"

Snape scowled. "No, I was one of the 'lucky ones.'" He accentuated his last words with his fingers forming quotation marks in the air.

Hermione giggled. Sobering, she looked at Snape lustfully. "I've been thinking about you all day," she said sultrily.

"You... you have?" Snape asked incredulously.

"Mmm hmm. I kept thinking of you kissing me. I was hoping we could continue where we left off last night."

Snape's mouth dropped open. He snapped it shut as his eyes widened. "Umm... uhh... yeah."

Severus felt a swift kick at his leg from an invisible source on his left.

Hermione's eyebrows knit together. "Are you upset with me?" she asked.

"Why would you say that?"

"You seem a bit hesitant. Do you regret what happened last night?" Hermione's gaze showed some fear as her lip pouted out.

"No... no... of course not. I'm just... I'm just not used to discussing such things in public."

Hermione relaxed. She gazed around the empty room and stifled a giggle. "Oh, I suppose you wouldn't be. I'm sorry. We should talk about something else."

"What do you suggest?"

Hermione shrugged. "I have no idea."

They stared at each other, neither one coming up with something scintillating to speak on.

"Oh, Severus, what's wrong with us? We can normally talk for hours about nothing in particular. Put a little romance into the mix, and we clam up and can't say two words to each other."

Snape leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "I'm sorry. This is all very new to me. As you know, the only other woman I cared about had no interest in me. I'm a bit awed that you deem me worth the time."

Hermione gazed at Severus for a while. Snape thought he saw a deep sadness within her eyes.

"Severus," Hermione said measuredly. "I have always deemed you worth the time. I wish that Harry's mother hadn't hurt you so. I wish you could recognize how wonderful you truly are."

Snape's eyes widened in amazement. Once again, he was interrupted by Elaine, who now arrived with their food. Severus was forced to straighten up as the plates were set down in front of them. Elaine asked if they needed anything else. As both parties shook their heads, Severus waved her off impatiently. Elaine shook her head, fully aware of the impatience of the male part of this couple, and left to attend to her other customers.

"You think I'm wonderful?" Snape asked as he leaned in toward her again. "I think you've lost all sense of perspective, if that's what you think!" Severus whispered to her.

Hermione narrowed an eye at him and tilted her head in a provocative way. "I think, sir, that you were forced to do so many terrible things during the war that you won't give yourself a break and find happiness. You're constantly waiting for the walls to come crashing down around you. Sometimes, Severus, good things happen, and they're not flukes, or things that should be happening to someone else. You deserve as much happiness as any other person in the world."

"You do realize I've spent most of my life as a Death Eater, doing horrible things?" Snape asked caustically. He felt another kick to his leg, but chose to ignore it.

Hermione sighed and looked to her plate. She grabbed a chip and took a bite out of it. Chewing, she eyed Severus in exasperation.

"Really?" she exclaimed finally. "I didn't realize that, actually. I've been living in a bubble all my life and had no idea that you were a Death Eater." She lifted her hands, feigning shock. "I didn't know you killed Albus Dumbledore either. I thought you were a saint... perfect in every way."

Placing her hands back in her lap, she continued. "Here I thought you were the kindest man on the planet who never gets annoyed or frustrated with anyone. How could you shatter my image of you like that?" That last bit had been punctuated with a cock of her head and furrowed eyebrows.

"Hermione," Snape said through gritted teeth.

"No, honestly, Severus, do you not think that I'm aware of everything you've done in your past? I'm well aware of it. I'm also aware that you are a git to most people on the earth. For some reason, I don't seem to annoy you like I used to as a student. I'm thrilled about that. I'm thrilled that you are attracted to me. I don't care what you were before. With the end of the war, you had a chance to live your life as you would see fit. Since then, I haven't noticed you on any Death Eater raids, nor have you struck anyone down in the name of the Dark Lord. Give yourself a break and put your past behind you." With that, she took a bite of her fish fillet and sat back with folded arms to await Severus' response to her rant.

Snape shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He kept his eyes on his plate, and his teeth ground together. At long length, he looked up to Hermione.

"You are trying to tell me that you are going into this relationship with your eyes open to who I used to be?"

She nodded curtly.

"And the things I've done don't bother you in the least?"

Hermione closed her eyes and lowered her head slightly. "The things you did when you first joined the Death Eaters do bother me, but you have more than repaid your debt for them." She leaned in toward the table. "Severus, you did what you had to do, and what you did do was phenomenal. You made it possible for Voldemort to be defeated."

Snape leaned in toward her. "I just don't want you to wake up one day and truly realize you are in a relationship with a murderer."

Hermione cocked her head at him. "How many people have you killed, anyway?" she asked as if it were a simple question about the weather.

Snape's shoulders sagged. "More than I would like to admit."

"Severus, tell me. If this is bothering you, I might as well know right off about it. Then you won't have to worry that I'll leave you when I do find out."

"You really want to know?"

Hermione reached her hand out to Snape. He tentatively placed his hand in hers, and she squeezed it reassuringly. "I do."

He looked down at the table and his plate again. "I killed one right after my initiation into the Death Eaters. I was part of a raiding party. We ambushed a family. They left the teenage daughter for last. I was certain they would do horrible things to her, so I killed her before the others could. I was so horrified by my actions that I couldn't sleep for weeks. When I did, I had horrible nightmares about it."

He gave a wry chuckle. "You would think that would have been enough to make me realize that I had picked the wrong side. No, it took the threatening of someone dear to me for me to understand what I had done to myself." Severus swallowed hard and stopped speaking.

Hermione squeezed his hand again, urging him to go on.

"I never killed again until the Dark Lord returned. Then, when I did, it was to save others from suffering worse fates from my colleagues."

"How many, including Dumbledore?" Hermione asked softly.

Snape winced and fixed his eyes onto his plate. "Five," he confided.

Snape didn't dare look up. If he did, he would see the horror in her face. He would see how his revelation would drive any respect for him right out of her. He would see her derision for his inability to do anything but kill.

"Severus?"

He didn't look up.

"Severus, look at me... please."

He shook his head tersely.

"Severus, please... look at me."

Slowly, his eyes met hers. The things he feared seeing were...not...plastered all over her face. Hermione looked at him seriously, but with no contempt.

"You did what you had to do. Those people would have been killed in any case, correct?"

Snape nodded.

"If you hadn't done it quickly, they would have been terrorized, right?"

Snape nodded again.

"Then you did the right thing."

His eyes went wide before he pulled his hand from hers. "How could you say that?" he spat.

Hermione gave him a determined look. "If I were in the same situation, I would have done exactly what you did."

"No, what I did was unconscionable. Instead of keeping my place amongst the Death Eaters, I should have saved at least one of those people."

"If you had, you would be dead and we would still be fighting this war. Don't you see, Severus, everything you did, from saving Harry's life umpteen times, to mercifully killing those hostages, moved the war to its close."

Horrified eyes met Hermione's. "How can you not think of me as a monster after learning that I killed five people?"

Hermione got up, moved around the table to him, and sat on his lap. She took her fingers and pushed his hair back.

"I have had a long time to come to grips with the fact that you probably killed people during the war, Severus. I can't fault you for easing suffering. I can't, and I won't."

"Hermione..."

His argument was silenced by her lips descending on his. His arms wrapped around her as she kissed him. He felt her passion for him. He could barely contain himself, but he pushed her away nonetheless.

"You're sure about this?" he asked cautiously.

"I am, and always will be."

This time he pulled her to him and kissed her. Her lips felt like satin as his pressed up against them. Groaning inwardly, he pulled her in closer. His fingers snaked through her hair. He felt her arm move around his neck. Pulling back a little, he saw that she was eager for him to kiss her more. He didn't disappoint.

Severus sat comfortably on the recliner. His legs were stretched out and crossed in front of him with his arms folded across his chest. He eyed Snape up and down. His twin sat in the middle of the sofa, glaring back at him. Severus mused that he was truly a disagreeable person. He'd have to do something about that.

"All in all, the date went well. Do you feel better about the whole situation?" Severus asked.

Snape gave him a curt nod.

Severus looked sheepishly at Snape. "Would you mind if I had one more date with her?"

Snape cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I know that things are going well, but if something doesn't work out... I would like to spend more time with her that I can truly remember, not just have memories of things that I wasn't even here for."

"I beg your pardon?" Snape asked in befuddlement.

"You know... time travel. I've come back to the past. When I return to my present, the memories that happen between now and then should come to me... but they will be like someone else's memories in relation to Hermione, I would suppose. All that you do with her will be new to me." He uncrossed his legs and sat at the edge of his seat, leaning toward Severus with an intense look on his face. "I would like to have at least one memory of a date where I was actually present."

"Technically, you'll be present for all of them."

Severus put his hands up to his head and scrunched up his hair. "You know what I mean!" he groaned.

Snape smirked at him. "So, the mighty one with all the answers has a favor to ask of me."

Severus glared at him. He knew himself too well to think that he wasn't in trouble. "What is it you want of me in return?" he asked in resignation.

Snape folded his arms and put his finger up to his temple. He tapped it for a moment. "Hmm, what could I ask of myself from the future. Ahh... you must tell me if I become Headmaster in the next two years."

Severus smirked at him. "What do you really want to know?"

"Nothing, actually. I doubt that knowing would make me feel any better or worse about anything. You have already told me how miserable I'll be without Hermione. I understand miserable. I live that every day."

"This is your chance to forgo feeling miserable and to find some happiness."

Snape rose and closed the gap between them. "Why do you think I'm doing this? Do you think I enjoy being lonely?"

"You forget that I am you. Everyone else may think you get off on your solitude, but I know better." He grasped Snape's arms. "We are close! We can do this."

"We are doing this."

"Yes, and if we can succeed, she'll never look to Weasley." Severus squeezed Snape's arm. "We will have won!"

Snape stared at Severus for a while. "You may have your date on the condition that you never tell Hermione that you came back here to change history."

Severus' eyebrows came together in puzzlement. "Why?"

"I don't want her to know, all right? I don't want her to understand what a fool I was before. She will lose all respect for me."

Severus thought for a moment. "Perhaps you're right. It might drive her away." He stuck his hand out to offer a handshake. "Agreed," he said as he pumped Snape's hand up and down.

Snape gave him a curt nod.

"One other thing... can we be alone?" Severus asked with a raised brow.

Snape cocked an eyebrow back at him. "What do you intend to do?"

Severus shrugged. "Nothing like what you're thinking. I just want a quiet and private night with her."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "The last time I left you with her, you went way past what we'd planned, and I was standing right there!"

"Then you should know that anything I decide to do, you wouldn't be able to stop it anyway."

"You will make a wand oath that you will be a gentleman." Snape pulled out his wand.

"You trust me so little?"

"I'm you, remember? Slytherin guile? Swear it, or we have no deal."

Severus huffed and pulled his wand out. He touched it to Snape's. "I swear that I will be the perfect gentleman on my date with Hermione. May my word be bound by these wands."

The wand tips glowed before the two men removed them from each other and stored them back up their sleeves.

"You may have your private date," Snape acquiesced.

Severus gave Snape a slight bow of his head. They spent the rest of the night planning what Severus would do for a date with Hermione.