Part 9

Part Nine

Ginny waited for him in the garden, watching the gnomes, and his breath caught in his throat. Had she always been so beautiful? Harry walked closer and kneeled down in front of her, only then noticing the tears in her eyes. With a sigh, he placed his head in her lap and felt her hands begin to caress him.

"I love you, Harry, you know that," she whispered passionately.

"I know. I love you, too, Ginny."

"I can't do this. I thought I could, but I just can't."

Harry lifted his head to look at her. "It won't be much longer. Things can go back to normal after."

She bit her lip and shook her head, reaching over to pull a copy of the Prophet towards them. "Look at this," she said calmly, no malice in her voice.

"We knew that Skeeter would write up something. Who cares what she has to say?" he said.

"Not her words, Harry." She pointed to the picture of him in Snape's arms when they'd danced. "All my life I've wanted to see that expression on your face, and now that I see it, it's not me who's making you feel that way."

"Ginny, I..."

She smiled through her tears and said, "This is so hard for me, but Mum says that when you love someone, you set them free, and if one day they come back, well, it's meant to be."

"That's rubbish," he said, suddenly afraid of losing her.

"I did it before. I let you go to date other people, and you came back to me."

"Well, then we're meant to be, right, if you believe that. I'm just confused. If I take some time to think things..."

"I've made a decision, Harry."

"No, wait, don't say anything."

"We're done, and I want you to know that I don't blame you for this." She sniffed loudly, trying to stave off more tears. "I know you didn't want this to happen."

"I love you, I do. It's just crazy in my head. I feel things I shouldn't." He frowned. "Can't we just wait..."

"No," she said firmly. "I will not keep waiting. What if you never come back to me, Harry? What if you keep falling for him? How many years would you have me waste waiting? Are you so selfish? Don't you know what this is doing to me, trying to walk away from you like this?" She took his hands in hers. "If we do this now, we can remain friends, but otherwise, I don't know what would become of us."

"There's no other woman who compares to you, Ginny."

"But there's a man who compares and exceeds, isn't there?" she said sadly. "I can't compete with that, and you know it, Harry. You looked so secure in his arms. I could never make you feel that way. You were drawing from his strength. I guess I've just never been strong enough."

"Bollocks! You're one of the strongest girls I know."

"Oh, sure, Harry, but I'm no Snape. Someone who attacked you would get through me much easier than they would him." She placed her fingers on his lips. "Maybe it's time that you were the one being taken care of instead of always trying to take care of us."

Sitting back on his haunches, Harry felt a shudder go through is body. He'd never meant to hurt her, didn't want to hurt her, and yet, part of him felt relieved...part of him felt that this was wrong.

"We can't end things, Ginny. There will be a way to..."

"I blame my father, you know. It was his idea."

"He didn't know this would happen."

"Are you having sex with him?"

"What? No! It's not like that at all. We sleep in separate bedrooms even."

She nodded, somewhat mollified. "I wondered about it after I saw you. You both looked so... How does Snape feel?"

Harry shrugged. "I think he cares about me, too."

Ginny held out her arms, and Harry didn't hesitate as he went to her, holding her as tightly as he could, noticing that his heart was breaking. He'd never be in her soft, warm arms again. Not caring what she thought of him, he joined her in tears, sobbing openly, for it felt as if someone were dying, and ironically, he wondered if part of him wasn't doing exactly that.

"Stop crying," she cooed some time later. "I know how badly it hurts, but I think, in time, we'll be all right."

"Hurting you makes me feel like shit."

"If it didn't hurt a little, that would mean that you hadn't cared at all, so I won't say I'm not glad that you feel badly, and it makes me feel better to know that if I wanted to stay with you, all I have to do is tell you."

"Of course, we could find a way..."

"I was just speaking hypothetically. I won't ask that of you. I wouldn't want you to live torn like that, and I wouldn't want to have live like this. I'd rather just try to move on somehow and be happy in knowing that you're happy."

"Just because you are ending things with me, it doesn't mean that Severus and I will ever truly be in a relationship."

"Maybe. Maybe not. I guess we'll see."

Harry frowned and stood up, dusting off his jeans. "Ginny..."

"Go home to your husband, Harry. It's where you belong now."

He looked up at the Burrow and felt his heart pound madly. This had been more of a home to him than Privet Drive. Inside this home was his family, something he'd always wanted to be a part of. How could he just throw that away for something he wasn't exactly certain about?

"They know that I'm ending things," she whispered.

"Oh?" His voice cracked.

"They understand and support my decision."

He nodded and looked down at his trainers.

"They said to tell you that you'll always be welcome here and still part of the family." She smiled and stood, embracing him. "I'll always love you."

"I'll al-ways love you, too."

"Now, please leave before someone spots you."

"I don't care about them."

"They're probably watching now and waiting to report back to the Ministry."

"So? I don't want..."

"Please leave for me then. This is hard enough. I just need some time, all right?"

"Oh. Right." He kissed her head and backed away. "Up," he said to his broom. It flew up into his waiting hand. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Ginny."

She waved him away and hurried towards the house. Harry was sure that he saw a curtain close. Molly had probably been spying on them. Heart and mind heavy, he mounted his broom and flew up into the clouds as quickly as his broom could carry him.

---------------------------------------

Severus could tell that something wasn't quite right the moment Harry walked through the door. "What's wrong?"

"I went for ride on my broom," he replied. "Have you read the paper?"

"I saw that it had been delivered, but no, I haven't read it. I'm not looking forward to what lies Skeeter might have written about us."

"Ginny saw it," Harry said, finally meeting his eyes.

He saw that Harry's eyes were red, as though he'd cried. "All right?"

"No." It was a soft whisper.

"What does it say? Shall I go and make things right? I'll tell her whatever it says is rubbish."

"She saw us dancing."

"Yes, I remember. I told you I saw her."

"What she saw wasn't just dancing. She's ended things. It's over."

He knew Harry was hurting and confused, so he stayed where he stood. "I'm sorry for you. Maybe she'll come around."

Harry nodded. "Maybe." When Severus could think of nothing else to say, Harry spoke again, "I'm going to go up for a shower, and then I might lie down for a bit."

"Of course," Severus said, waving him off.

Once Harry had left, however, he frowned and sat back down in his chair. This hadn't turned out the way he'd thought it would. He was certain that Potter would choose the girl, and he might have done just that, given the chance, but she'd ended it before he could.

He quickly went over to the desk in the corner and snatched up the copy of the Daily Prophet that the delivery owl had brought earlier. What was it that had bothered the girl so much?

Reading through Kingsley's comments made him cringe again. He'd been utterly embarrassed when the man had drawn all attention to their table, but inversely, he felt a little pleased with the words. He'd finally garnered respect, though not from everyone, but it was a start. He had Harry to thank for that, just another thing that gave him affection for him.

"Ah, Lily, what would you say about this?"

Severus wished he could go to the Forbidden Forrest and find the Resurrection Stone that Harry had left out there. He would use it to summon her and ask her how she felt. And what if she demanded that he leave Harry be? Could he do it?

Everything was just getting out of hand. He'd never been drawn to anyone but Lily before, not like this. Sure, he'd been with a few other women and had extended relations with Rosmerta, but there'd never been any emotional tangling, just physical. Without thinking any further, he quickly grabbed his cloak and hurried out onto the street, walking briskly towards the old playground where he'd first talked to Lily.

It was mostly overgrown now, as it was rarely used and not well kempt. The swings had long rusted, and he dared not sit on the wooden seat. He'd gone there to feel closer to her, and he couldn't capture the feeling he'd always felt there. Why? Where had it gone?

No... Lily, don't slip away, he thought sadly before Disapparating to Godric's Hollow. He knew the path to her grave well, having been there many times before. The cold wind whipped around him, which it always seemed to do, and it was the first time he'd ever been to see her that his insides didn't match the weather outside.

He was no longer cold and empty inside. There was a new spark there, and that was because of Harry and the possibilities. Things had moved so quickly. One day he'd detested him, the next he'd tolerated him, the next he'd enjoyed his company, and after that, he'd found that he cared for him a great deal.

A fraction of him worried that he'd only taken to Harry because he was part of Lily, but he couldn't fully embrace that any longer. It was getting harder and harder to close his eyes and imagine Lily's face or hear her laughter. Harry was engrained there now.

When he reached the tombs, he disregarded James' and sat beside Lily's, reaching out to touch the dead flowers placed there. "Lily," he said, "I don't know where to begin, but there's something I have to talk to you about."

He looked around to make sure that nobody was about. "It concerns Harry. Don't worry, I've kept him safe all these years. You probably know that already though. What you don't know is that he and I had to get married." He snorted. "Your bloody son thought he was being noble. I hated him for it at first, but now I realize that it was the best way possible to keep me out of Azkaban. I will be forever grateful to him."

Severus smirked. "Ironic, isn't it? How many years have I thought of him and loathed him, seeing only James, but when I finally got to know him, I knew that he was much more like you. And that drew me to him. Now that I know him, I see more than that. He's not James. He's not you. He's just Harry, and Lily..."

Taking in a deep breath, he finished what he wanted to say. "Lily, I would like to spend my life with Harry, or at least, I would like to try. It may not work out. Maybe we're both deluding ourselves here, but I want to try.

"I know you're remembering that he fell in love with a young lady, one who resembles you actually, but things are over between them. Great girl, Ginny Weasley. She would have been good for him."

Standing, he said, "I feel a little selfish, but I am glad that things won't work out for him. I'll have a better chance." Shaking his head, Severus added, "See? Doesn't seem I can change! I don't mean to say that I don't care if they're both hurting right now, I do, but it just feels like I might finally get a chance at happiness...the chance I wanted with you."

He straightened his spine and sucked in a deep breath. "If you object to this in any way, please find a way to let me know." He looked around. Not a single bird was in the sky or in the trees. The wind had eerily died down. "Is this a sign then?"

Nothing.

"Maybe a clap of thunder. Can you do that? Or show yourself. Move something." He looked around wildly, trying to see anything out of place. "Do you approve then? Is it all right to... to love him?

Silence reigned for a few moments, and then a lovely song filled the air. Having been around Fawkes for so many years, he knew it to be the song of a phoenix. He couldn't see anything, and the song was quite distant, but he was certain that this was the sign he'd wanted. He should be with Harry. The song faded, the wind picked up, and Severus bid his Lily farewell.

AN: Thanks go to blue_paris and Soul Bound for reading through this for me.