Part 7

Part Seven

Severus woke very early the next morning, despite the fact that he'd not slept very long. Something had definitely changed inside him. He knew without a doubt that he cared deeply for Harry Potter. Everything comfortable in his life had been turned upside down in the last few weeks. How could he grow to care about someone in such a short time? Someone he'd actually loathed at that!

And it wasn't just anyone either...no! It was Lily's son. What would she say about this? Would she be disappointed in him and feel as though he'd taken advantage of the situation somehow?

Nothing would come of it, he'd make sure of that, but it would scar him all the same. How would he feel when it came time to release Potter from his vows? Could he truly just walk away and give Potter and the Weasley girl his blessing? He shook his head at this thought. Things were complicated more than ever, for even Potter seemed to be considering the possibility of something more.

Taking a moment to peek inside Harry's darkened room, Severus felt his chest constrict. Only a few days before, he'd been into the room and had chosen to lie down on Harry's bed on impulse. Just the scent of Harry had overwhelmed him...making him feel secure and, for the first time in years, not alone in the world. The feelings that had overcome him then were nothing compared to what he felt now, for he wanted to go to Harry, lie beside him, and gently wake him with light caresses and confessed words.

Then he thought of Ginny Weasley's expression as she'd watched them dance. He was uncertain what she'd been thinking exactly, but he knew that she hadn't been pleased. He didn't blame her in the least. Harry was her lover...not Severus' lover...and while he was married to Harry in name only, he wouldn't like watching him being held by someone else either.

"What are you thinking about?"

He drew in a deep breath of surprise upon hearing the soft whisper. "I couldn't sleep," he managed to say finally. "I was just checking to see if you were still here before I went down."

"You were frowning just now. Why?"

"Harry," he said, sighing slightly, "you need your rest. We can talk later."

"I can't sleep. I've been trying to, trust me, just can't though."

"I was thinking about your Ginny."

"Me too," Harry confessed.

Severus nodded. "I could make some toast."

"All right. I'll be down after I use the loo."

By the time Severus set the jar of jam on the table beside the stacks of toast, Harry had joined him, yawning and scratching his head. Severus realized that he would never forget the feel of domesticity. All the years that he'd lived in the house with his parents and all those that followed, he'd never felt that way in his own home. And that was just it, wasn't it? Living there with Harry made it feel like more than a house; it was a home.

"I'm going to go talk to her today," Harry announced, snatching a slice of toast and crunching into it.

"You should," Severus agreed. "Please extend my apologies to her. I hate that she witnessed that, but it was a necessary action for us to take at the moment, what with Skeeter hounding us."

"Is that the only reason you did it?" The question was blunt, and it was obvious Harry expected an honest answer.

"No, but it was part of it."

Harry nodded. "I feel things I shouldn't."

It was this confession that had Snape looking up, heart beating wildly.

"How did this happen?" Harry asked, seemingly talking to himself. "I swear that I never intended for any of this to go on, but when I think of you, I feel..."

"You feel 'what'?"

"More for you than I should. You know, in that way." He tossed his half-eaten toast down. "I'm not gay."

"Nor am I!"

"Then what's this between us?"

"Two people who are simply at ease in each other's company?"

"No," Harry said vehemently. "There's more to it than that! If that were the case, I wouldn't want to...wouldn't think about it as much as I do."

"Think about what?"

"About this!"

Harry shocked Severus by leaning over and roughly pulling Severus' face towards his and pressing their lips together forcefully. Harry's hands slid cupped Severus' face briefly and then traveled up into his hair and held him more closely as his lips parted, his tongue inviting Severus to part his lips as well.

With a small groan, Severus obliged, his tongue snaking out to meet and tangle with Harry's before deepening the kiss, each tasting the other's mouth. A jolt of sensation spread through his body, warming and exciting him as it moved. The sounds of deep breathing and noises of approval were the only things heard in the kitchen. Neither noticed the jam jar hitting the floor or the slices of toast being strewn about the table. When they finally pulled back minutely and gazed into each other's eyes, Severus noticed that hot liquid had seeped into his robes: the tea he'd poured in his cup minutes before.

"I'm not sorry," Harry said, panting slightly.

Severus shook his head. "Nor I." It had been haunting him as well...the almost kisses, wondering what Harry's soft lips would feel like against his own. He hadn't been prepared for the whoosh of emotion that now flowed through his veins. Kissing Harry had been everything it should have been, and it was more powerful than any other he'd ever experienced...even with Lily.

He needed to think things through before anything more could occur, and he felt that Harry should do the same. There was a woman who loved Harry, who still lived and waited for his return. This, coupled with the fear that Lily would disapprove, prompted him to disregard his own needs and feelings.

Before he could second-guess himself, he said, "And I don't think it should happen again."

"Didn't you feel it? The electricity?" Harry asked desperately. "Tell me I didn't imagine that!"

"Yes." All the more reason for you to go to her, Harry, for if I kiss you again, confusion or not, I might just keep you for myself. He decided to be honest. "I won't lie to you. I've never had anything like it, but this...we...shouldn't be feeling this way or doing this. Think of Ginevra."

"I know," Harry agreed disappointedly. "I don't know what's got into me. I love her, Severus. I do, but... I want to be with you, too. I don't understand this."

Severus stood. "I have to change. Go to her."

"We should talk about this."

"We already have."

"But what do I say to her?"

"Nothing about this, that's for certain." Severus opened his mouth to say more, fleeing the room instead, not trusting himself. Some things were better left unsaid. He locked the bathroom door behind him and quickly discarded his clothing.

The mirror caught his attention in his peripheral vision, causing him to stop and look at his naked body. What would Harry think? He was a thin man with pale flesh and wiry muscles. A trail of dark hair guided the eyes down to a thicker thatch of dark hair that surrounded his genitalia. His legs had the same dark hair, as did his pectorals, though the hair was sparser there.

He was definitely nothing special. Severus felt old suddenly...more so than his near forty years. Why should someone as virile and young as Harry be tied down to one such as me? What could I offer him? We don't really have meaningful conversations, so it's definitely not that. And all I have is this, he thought bitterly, looking at his body again.

Severus turned away in dismay and decided to take a shower. The warm spray was an excellent way to rid himself of nervous tension. Without bothering to fetch a washcloth, he began lathering his body with Harry's bar of green soap, which reminded him of the fresh air of the woods after a morning rain.

A thought occurred to him when he neared his groin. Had Harry done the exact same thing with that bar of soap? He closed his eyes and was instantly assaulted with the image of Harry, naked and soapy, grasping his hard cock and sliding his soapy hands along the shaft...slowly at first, squeezing gently as he did so, a moan escaping his lips.

It wasn't his imagined Harry's moan. It was his own, for his hand had found its way down to wrap around his thick erection, moving in time with the picture in his head. What would it feel like to have Harry's hand grasping him? Another moan rent the air. Harry's hand would be soft, warm, slick, and firm in its grip. God, what would his mouth feel like...hot and wet...surrounding him, his tongue sliding along his length as he did so.

Severus' free hand slithered down and cupped his balls, rubbing them firmly, helping to bring him closer to the edge.

"I'm coming, yesss," he announced to himself moments later just before release found him. Weakened, he leaned his head against the tiles on the shower wall, breathing quickly. "Harry..." he whispered in resignation.

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Instead of a going directly to see Ginny, Harry decided that a flight on his broom was in order. There was nothing like the feel of cold wind ruffling his hair and hitting him in the face. He felt so free flying high above the ground, like he owned the world. Flying never failed to help him work out troubles in his mind.

Today he had three problems: Ginny, Severus, and himself.

Ginny, how he loved her and appreciated all she'd done for him in the past, how he appreciated her willingness to put her life on hold for him! How could he hurt her like this? What had he been thinking? Why hadn't he put up more of a fight when her father had suggested he take this route to save Severus from Azkaban?

Her brown eyes, misted with tears, flashed through his mind and made his throat tighten. There would never be any other woman for him. None could compare to her. Closing his eyes and plunging downward on his broom, he wondered if it wouldn't be easier for him to simply crash into the ground below. He wouldn't have to see that pained expression on her face again, wouldn't have to hurt her, wouldn't knowingly betray her.

As he thought of Severus, he opened his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. He couldn't do it. He couldn't leave him like his mother had. Tugging up on his Firebolt, he straightened and zoomed safely over the long weeds covering the frozen ground. Severus had never completely let go of his first love, and now that he seemed to care about someone else, it would devastate him to lose that person in such a way. Harry knew this and didn't want to hurt Severus any more than he wanted to hurt Ginny.

What gnawed at him now was why he wanted to be with Severus. When he'd thought that Severus had died in his arms, he'd been full of emotion...loathing, for he thought the man deserved his fate; regret, for he knew nobody should suffer that way; and wonderment, for why would he want to look into Harry's eyes as he died? Those things had been answered when he'd viewed the memories in Dumbledore's Pensieve.

He'd not had time until after the battle to truly think about what they had revealed. Oh, he'd boasted to Voldemort about his findings, but when all was said and done, he'd lain awake all night after eating a sandwich Kreacher had fixed him. His thoughts had strayed to Snape over and over again. The man had been so much more than he'd ever thought possible. The man had loved his mother. That was something very intimate, and no other of her friends that Harry had met...Lupin, Sirius, and Pettigrew...had ever been as close to her.

The tears Harry had seen him shed over her made him seem so much more human than ever before, and Harry had wished that he could comfort him somehow, that he could have saved his life instead of watching the light leave his eyes. When Harry finally had slept, he'd dreamed that nearly twenty years had passed. In that dream, he and Ginny were married with three children, and even Ron and Hermione were there with two of their own, all of them watching students board the Hogwarts Express.

It was everything Harry had ever wanted for his future: a scar that didn't burn, a family of his own, his friends, and a peaceful life. When he'd awoken, he'd thanked Merlin that it had only been a dream. There was so much living he wanted to do first, so many things he wanted to experience, being free for the first time. And an hour later, when it had been revealed that Severus Snape had been found alive, though barely, and was at St. Mungo's, Harry had felt a pull that couldn't be denied.

That was why he'd stayed at St. Mungo's as often as he could in the weeks following. Snape fascinated him. There were layers and layers of the man just waiting to be peeled away and explored. At first he'd told himself that he'd only wanted to honor the man who'd loved his mother...someone who could one day give him information about her, being the last of her friends left living...but it was painfully obvious now that he'd been slowly falling for the man, wanting to be the one the man thought of when he drifted off to sleep at night.

Most of all, he wanted Severus to want to look into his eyes, not just eyes that reminded him of Lily's.

And now he had that chance. This had to be why he hadn't put up much of a fight when Arthur had suggested a bonding. He'd known, deep down of course, that it would be his only chance to truly know Snape. The kiss they'd shared earlier had been proof that something was there between them, begging them to explore. He'd never had a jolt when kissing someone...granted he'd only kissed Cho Chang and Ginny. Shouldn't he have felt that with Ginny at least?

Harry had never been more confused in his life, for he did love Ginny, but now, he was falling in love with someone else. He wanted them both in his life, but he knew that he would have to choose. That was the biggest problem of all.

If he chose Snape, he'd hurt everyone he loved...his friends, the Weasleys, Ginny, and himself. But if he chose Ginny, he would only be hurting Severus and himself. He frowned. Severus would step aside and give him a chance at a life with her, or so it seemed he would from what he'd said.

But could he do it?

Harry spiraled down again, enjoying the explosion of adrenaline rushing through his body. He'd have to decide something soon.

AN: Thanks go to blue_paris and Soul Bound for beta reading this.