Memories

Huge thanks to my wonderful beta, AmyLouise, whithout whom I could not have posted this chapter.

Hermione awoke with a start, her hand reflexively gripping at Lavender's throat. She released her as suddenly as she had grabbed her, the bleariness of sleep slipping away. Lavender stumbled back in fear, shaking fiercely.

"Lavender, I'm sorry – did I hurt you?" Hermione asked, concerned for her dorm mate.

"N-n-no," she stuttered as Parvati put a steadying arm around her shoulders.

"You were screaming in your sleep. Nightmare or something. You okay?" Parvati asked tentatively.

"Oh... uh, yeah. Thanks. Sorry again; it was just a reaction, nothing personal... sorry," Hermione replied, getting out of bed. She was not likely to get any more sleep anyway. She quickly made her way to the bathroom, starting a shower in hopes of chasing away the remnants of her nightmare, no... her memory.

She stepped into the shower, closing her eyes as she welcomed the warm rush of water over her tired body.

Hermione's eyes flew open in alarm as the water, mingling with her tears, began to turn cold.

'No. It will do me no good to remember... forget, Hermione, forget,' she thought as she finished her shower quickly. She stepped out and dried and dressed hurriedly, not sparing herself so much as a glance in the mirror; the sight that would undoubtedly meet her eyes was not one she wished to see. She pulled on her uniform and threw on her robes as she emerged, leaving the bathroom empty for the other girls. She grabbed her books and went down to breakfast, hoping to eat and get out before the boys arrived.

She finished her breakfast in peace, as it was far too early for most students to be up. Noticing that she had time to spare, Hermione decided to take a walk around the grounds. It was cold, and the bitter chill numbed her body, much as the dream had numbed her mind and soul. The grounds had a strange calm about them at this hour. They were untouched and serene. She slowly made her way towards the lake, and as she approached, she saw a lone figure staring out into the depths of the lake, deep in thought. The figure turned at the sound of her crunching footsteps.

"Granger." Malfoy nodded, rather indifferently.

"Malfoy," Hermione replied cautiously. "Where're your goons?" she asked.

"Hmph. Dreaming of sweets and cakes probably," he replied with a snort. "Where're yours?" he countered.

"About the same. Although they're probably dreaming about Quidditch more than sweets," Hermione answered good-naturedly.

"Yeah, well, at least someone in this school can dream of something pleasant," he said bitterly.

"You're telling me," she muttered under her breath.

"So, what terrible nightmare plagued your dreams, Malfoy?" Hermione asked, not entirely sure why she was still speaking to him. Goodness, she hadn't had this lengthy a conversation with even Harry in weeks, so why Malfoy? Hermione wondered idly.

"My father," he answered honestly, sending her a sideways glance. "You?"

"Same," Hermione replied softly.

They lapsed into mutual silence, both acknowledging the cause of the other's nightmares. After ten minutes, he suddenly pushed off from the tree he was leaning against.

"Well, I'm freezing, and the other students will be up soon. Catch ya later, Granger," he said, heading back towards the castle.

"Uh, yeah. Later, Malfoy," Hermione replied, somewhat confused about what had just happened.

Since when am I friendly with Malfoy? My God, have I forgotten what his father did? she mentally berated herself. Ahh, but he isn't his father, and he's been hurt by Lucius almost as much as you have, her conscience countered. Oh, whatever, I'm freezing; might as well get to class now... being late won't help my situation any, she thought, turning to head back.

She made her way to Transfiguration, meeting up with the boys along the way.

"Morning, 'Mione," they mumbled in unison.

Hermione merely nodded at them. This had become rather normal, and they didn't say another word till they reached the classroom. The rest of the day passed in a blur. Hermione had been oddly silent all day, and by dinner, Harry's curiosity was driving him crazy.

"You okay, 'Mione? You've been awfully quiet today," he said softly.

"I'm fine, Harry," Hermione replied, as normally as she could. All day her thoughts had been plagued by random flashes from her nightmare, each one more painful than the last. All of this, on top of the confusion of her early morning encounter with a certain blonde Slytherin. It was enough to drive her insane!

"If you're sure... you know I'm always here for you, right?" he persisted.

"Yes, Harry, thank you, I'm fine... Look, I've got to get to my lesson; I'll see you in the common room later, all right?"

"Sure, 'Mione," he replied, defeated.

"See ya later, Hermione!" Ron said when he noticed her leaving.

*****

Hermione wandered the halls aimlessly, lost in her own thoughts. Dinner wouldn't be over for another half-hour, and she didn't want to simply sit and wait in the Room of Requirement. She wandered up to the Astronomy Tower, sitting idly as she allowed her thoughts to consume her. She was caught up in her own little world and failed to notice the four Slytherins that were approaching until it was too late to make an escape.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Mudblood Granger," Pansy Parkinson sneered.

"What's wrong, Mudblood, miss your mama?" Theodore Nott Jr. baited her as Crabbe and Goyle grunted and laughed from behind him.

Hermione flinched slightly before saying in a cool tone, "Go to hell – maybe then you can have a little family reunion." She then made to go around them, but Crabbe and Goyle blocked her way.

"I suggest you tell your thugs to move unless you all want to be on the receiving end of my wand," Hermione threatened dangerously.

"Heh, yeah, we're terrified, Mudblood; what're ya gonna do? There's four of us and one of you, and from what I hear, you don't put up all that much of a fight either," Nott replied.

"Would you really like to test that theory? 'Cause that's all it is. I'll show you reality," she answered in a deceptively calm voice.

Then, just as a duel was about to break out, Professor Moody appeared.

Impeccable timing, Professor, Hermione thought sardonically.

"And just what is going on here? Four against one? Typical cowardly Slytherin behaviour. I might have known. Twenty points from Slytherin! Now get out of my sight before I get really angry," Moody growled menacingly.

The Slytherins scampered away, but not before sending Hermione one last threatening glance. She would have to watch her back from now on.

"All right there, lass?" Moody asked gruffly.

"Fine, sir, thank you," Hermione replied politely. "If you'll excuse me, I believe I have a lesson in a few minutes."

"Of course, of course. You watch out for yourself; those Slytherins are nasty pieces of work."

"Yes, sir," she replied, giving a polite nod before she made her way down to the Room of Requirement.

*****

Hermione was frustrated to note that she was no less distracted in this lesson than she had been on Sunday. Snape refused to go easy on her, and this was not something that she objected to, for it was his constant pressure that provided her the motivation and drive to strive higher. However, on one of his probes he happened to come across the memory of her dream from that night. The memory was so strong that he found himself unable to pull out of her mind and was forced to watch the horrors unfold before his eyes. When he was able, he pulled out of her mind abruptly; disgusted, shocked and pained by what he saw. Hermione, however, had a glassy look in her eyes as she was once again forced to relive those moments.

"My sincere apologies, Miss Granger; I had no intention of invading your privacy in such a manner," he apologized sincerely.

Hermione remained silent, as though she had not heard a word he said. She seemed to be lost in her memories. Severus knew that the mind was a delicate thing, and he knew that a person in such a state should not be shocked out of their memory. It could be disastrous. It was for this reason that he approached her carefully and calmly tried to break her trance.

"Miss Granger? It's all right; you are in Hogwarts," he said in an uncharacteristically soft manner.

"You are safe," he continued as he gently touched her shoulder.

She flinched slightly, but showed no sign of emerging from her trance-like state. This worried the Potions master, as it was clear she had withdrawn into her mind and was trapped in the memories of her tragic summer.

"Miss Granger... Hermione, they cannot harm you here," he persisted soothingly. He knew that the only way to safely draw her from her memories was to coax her out.

He continued in a similar manner for nearly thirty minutes when all of a sudden, as though a veil had been lifted, she snapped back into the present with a shuddered gasp of pain. Hermione gasped and trembled in a mixture of pain, anguish and grief, silent tears cascading down her pale cheeks. Her eyes looked haunted as she tried desperately to gain a firm grip on reality once more.

Severus, knowing that this stage was critical, continued his soft, gentle assurances and kept his hand lightly on her shoulder, as if to ground her to the present with his mere touch.

Hermione suddenly lurched forward and clutched onto Severus as though he were a lifeline in her bottomless pool of pain. Severus was shocked by her sudden motion, but slowly and carefully put his arms around her, shushing her as she cried herself to exhaustion. After several moments and even more tears, Hermione finally quietened. By this point she was tired... physically, mentally and emotionally, but she regained her bearings and flushed with embarrassment as she pulled away from her professor.

"Professor Snape, I am so sorry, I didn't mean to accost you like that; I don't know what came over me..." Hermione apologised, showing a glimmer of her former self.

"It's all right, Miss Granger. It is not an unusual reaction for someone who has suffered such trauma," Severus replied stiffly, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Thank you, sir," she said softly, knowing how awkward he must have felt.

"Indeed. I believe that will be all for today."

"I think it would be best if we acquired a Pensieve for you during these lessons. It would be both dangerous and foolish to risk another withdrawal like the one you just had."

"Yes, sir. Good night."

Severus merely nodded as he watched her walk out of the room. He followed shortly, but could not get the images of her torture out of his head. He had seen torture, participated in it, been subjected to it; yet for some reason he could not get her anguished screams out of his head. He felt responsible on some level, and guilty... for not doing enough; for having been foolish enough to have joined the Death Eaters in the first place. Severus had a long, not-so-healthy relationship with guilt and regret, and it seemed as though this last occurrence merely added to the long list of reasons why he had said relationship. It was with these last thoughts and images that he went to bed, knowing that the memory he had witnessed would fill his nightmares for the days to come.

Thanks for reading. Leave a review please!