Mystery Man

Chapter 2: Mystery Man

Raleigh's was one of the new breed of bookstores which offered books, music, food, and occasional live entertainment. It was the live entertainment which brought Remus and me here on Friday night for our first date. He'd called the day after we met, apologized again for being unable to see me again until Friday, then suggested that we meet at Raleigh's for tea and guitar music. I was a bit surprised. It was a pleasant enough idea, but the truth was that I'd been hoping for more. In fact, he called just as I was making tentative plans to shop for a killer dress that would knock his eyes out, something black, slinky, and suitable for a candlelit dinner in some fancy restaurant. Black and slinky was definitely overkill for Raleigh's.

Low-key though it was, the date turned out to be delightful. We enjoyed our tea, listened to some passable New Age guitar music, and browsed the aisles of the bookstore. And we talked, again with the same easy rapport we'd established at the beginning of the week. And at the end of the evening, he again bundled me into a taxi with a chaste kiss on the cheek.

Our next date was an afternoon spent prowling through several art galleries. We discovered that our tastes in art were similar, and had great fun making fun of some pieces while admiring others. The conversation eventually turned to our respective histories. Remus was somewhat reticent about his, but I put that down to his work and whatever restricted information was involved.

The following excursion was a trip to some of London's many antique shops. I was mildly interested in antiques and collectibles (my grandparents had their fair share) and it was educational to see what the British antiques dealers sold in comparison to American shop owners. It was in one of these stores that something odd happened.

I'd been admiring a heavy silver pitcher and had put it back on the shelf, although too close to the edge. It was already tumbling off by the time Remus, standing next to me, could react and make a grab for it. I had opened my mouth to thank him when he winced in pain and released the pitcher at once. It fell to the floor with a clatter.

"Here now, mind the merchandise!" the shopkeeper chided, peering at us from behind the counter.

"Sorry," Remus said, while I picked up the pitcher and returned it to the shelf. As I did so, I noticed him cradling his left hand.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned.

He forced a smile. "Fine."

"No, you're not." Frowning, I pulled his hand toward me. I could see an abrasion, and around it, a large red welt.

"It's nothing," Remus assured me. "I scraped my hand this morning, and I suppose I grabbed the pitcher handle right there. I have a bit of a silver allergy."

"A silver allergy? Really?" I'd never heard of such a thing, but you could become allergic to just about anything. "Do you have some medicine with you? That looks kind of nasty."

"It'll be fine." Remus withdrew his hand from mine and moved on to look at something else in the shop.

At the end of the afternoon, we made plans to meet again in three days, this time for dinner at my flat. During those three days, I had plenty of time to reflect on my relationship with Remus Lupin.

From the very first day, I had felt more comfortable with him than any other man I'd ever known. It seemed to me that Remus and I acted – and interacted – more like old friends than new acquaintances. We had advanced to holding hands as we strolled, and the good-bye kisses had moved from cheek to lips. He was always the perfect gentleman. But was he too perfect? I kept waiting for a burst of passion, but it never came. Remus Lupin was an enigma. Apparently I was involved with the world's slowest romantic. Certainly he wasn't gay, I thought; all signs seemed to indicate that he was sexually attracted to me. Several times I'd found him gazing at me with what seemed like longing in his eyes. Yet something was holding him back.

Then there was the matter of his choice of activities. Fun and offbeat though they had been, I was struck by the realization that they were also inexpensive to the extreme. Remus had sprung for tea a time or two, but that was it in terms of spending money on me. No visits to the movies, the theatre, anyplace where there was an admission charge of any sort. I had to admire his resourcefulness, but did this mean he was dirt poor or delightfully offbeat?

Remus arrived for dinner precisely on time, again sporting the worn but spotless clothes, praising my apartment for its cosy comfort after a brief look around.

"Supper's almost ready," I told him, starting back towards the kitchen. "Why don't you have a seat? It'll only take me a couple of minutes to get things together."

He remained standing. "Kailin, could we talk?"

Surprised, I stopped in my tracks and turned around. "Sure. Let me turn down the oven before anything burns." Frowning, I adjusted the knobs on the stove so that the food would stay warm instead of turning a crisp black. Remus wanted to talk, and before we ate, at that. Surely that could mean nothing good, I thought grimly, and plastered a smile on my face before I rejoined him.

He took my hand and led me to sit on the sofa. Now I could see the nervousness on his face and feel the moistness of his palm. No, this wasn't good.

"Is there a problem?" I asked faintly.

Remus took a deep breath. "What are your plans, Kailin?"

"Plans?" I echoed blankly. "For this evening, you mean?"

"No. I mean, what are you plans in general? You intend to return to the States, I suppose."

"I suppose."

The question had caught me off guard, and I couldn't think where this might be leading. "I don't really know what I want to do, to be honest."

It was true. My vacation was half over, but so far I'd refused to consider what might come after. I knew that I'd have to give the matter serious thought some day. Arrangements would have to be made, notice given on the flat. But it was hard to get motivated when I had no idea where I wanted to go next or what I wanted to do.

I think that subconsciously I'd been expecting this trip to change my life somehow. I'm sure I'm not the only American who's trotted off to Europe with vague hopes of falling in love with royalty, or becoming part of some international intrigue. These were silly ideas and I knew it, but a part of me was still dragging my heels, waiting for the unexpected.

Besides, I wasn't sure what to do once I got back to the States. The travel nursing I'd been doing had lost much of its original appeal for me. I was in more of a mood to settle down now, but Where was a big issue. Home was the greater Chicago area, but for some reason I was reluctant to put my roots down there.

Remus had been studying me intently, and now he cast his gaze downward. "The thing is, Kailin, I've enjoyed our dates very much. Too much, possibly. I've become quite fond of you. But one of these days you'll be gone and I'll be just a memory in your scrapbook."

I started to protest that he was more to me than that, but Remus wasn't finished.

"I almost didn't come tonight," he confessed. "I thought perhaps I'd just cancel and get it over with."

"Get what over with?"

"Our relationship."

I was startled. "I – I don't understand. Why do we have to end? I've grown fond of you, too. I'm here for another three months, and after that – well, I don't know what after that. Remus, I'm from America, not another planet. There are such things as planes and telephones, you know."

I must have looked incredibly hopeful, for Remus smiled and squeezed my hands. "Let's eat, shall we? We can talk more later."

"No, I want to talk now," I said. "I want to know what the problem is."

An odd expression passed over Remus' face. "Kailin, it's not that easy..."

"Just tell me," I demanded. "You're married, aren't you? That's what this is all about."

Remus was stunned. "What? No, of course not. Do you think I would be here with you if I was?"

"What then? Are you gay? 'Gee, Kailin, it's been fun, but I'd like you a lot better if you had a beard'?"

A nervous laugh. "Not at all."

"What, then? Are you afraid that you'll get hurt, and ditching me now is better than getting ditched somewhere down the road?" My voice was rising steadily, as was my ire.

Remus was silent for a moment, and I wondered if I'd hit the nail on the head. Of all the nerve, I thought darkly. I'm good for a laugh for a week or two, but don't get too close to me or I'll break your heart.

"Kailin..." He looked searchingly at me, a silent plea for understanding. "There are complications. Trust me, I want us to continue. As friends, and possibly more. But there's so much about me that I simply can't tell you. Not now, and possibly not ever. That's just not fair to you."

I lifted my chin in indignation. "Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"

"I told you, it's not that easy. I wish I could tell you everything, but I can't. Can you honestly say that you would become seriously involved with someone who has gaping holes in his past?"

That silenced me. I'd never been faced with that question before. "I don't know," I stammered. "But you've never given me any reason to mistrust you."

"I'm glad to hear that, but you need to realize that at some point, that won't be enough to continue a romantic relationship," Remus said gently.

I frowned, deep in thought. Could I love Remus, knowing so little about his past? It was fair to say that I was in love with him now, but what if things became serious enough to consider marriage? I reminded myself of the old adage about crossing bridges before coming to them and took a deep breath. "Can I ask you a few questions then?"

He looked wary. "What questions?"

"Just some simple yes or no type questions. No details involved."

"I suppose."

"Well, for starters, are you involved in anything illegal? Do you have a prison record?"

Remus visibly relaxed. "I'm pleased to say no to both. What else?"

"Are you deep in debt?"

An amused smiled flitted across his face. "Not at all."

"Do you have an addiction of some sort? Drugs or alcohol or gambling?"

Remus shook his head.

"Pornography?"

"No."

I blinked, completely at a loss. Outside of mistreating his pets, there wasn't anything else worrisome I could come up with at the moment. "Remus, I feel ridiculous now. You're the perfect man. You just have – secrets."

He laughed at that, then sobered, reaching once more for my hand. "Tell me what you want me to do, Kailin," he said earnestly. "If you want me to leave, I would understand completely."

"No." I shook my head at once. "I don't want you to leave. That is, if you don't want to leave -"

"No." Remus squeezed my hand. "Believe me, I don't want to leave."

We sat smiling at each other like idiots. Finally, Remus reached up and, drawing my head gently forward, kissed me tenderly. I wished that we could continue like this forever, but with pots bubbling on the stove and a roast roasting in the oven, it wasn't going to happen.

Supper turned out quite well, and from the volume of food that disappeared from the table, I could tell that Remus enjoyed it. We went for a walk after dinner and chatted of inconsequential things. He left just after ten, but not until we made plans to visit a flea market on the weekend.

As soon as the door closed behind him, I sank down onto the sofa and wondered just what I'd gotten myself into. This was certainly the oddest courtship I'd ever been involved in. And courtship was indeed the right term. Remus was courting me in the best, old-fashioned sense of the word. He was moving slowly, deliberately, no rush to the bed or groping in the dark. He was learning all about me, trying my character and determining my limits. It was almost, I decided, as if he were testing me.

But testing me for what?