Step Three. Show Him the Meaning of Dating

Step Three. Show Him the Meaning of Dating

Disclaimer: All characters and concepts of Harry Potter's universe belong to J.K. Rowling; I just borrowed them for a little while.

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"Viktor, why don't you just try to understand? This process is taking more time than I expected; it's not as if I'm doing it on purpose or something like that."

"I know, Hermione, but you are not trying hard enough. I vanted you to meet my parents this veekend. Ve haff planned it, and now, you just can't go."

"I know, and I'm sorry, really. Please try to understand; this is my future. The rest of my life."

"And vot I am, Hermione?"

Well done, Hermione... She sighed to steady herself before answering him. "Viktor, this is not the time to discuss that. You know what I think about a change in our relationship at this moment."

"I know, but it does not change vot I feel and vot I vant."

"I'm too young and..."

"Do not vorry," he interrupted her, knowing that it was better to avoid that conversation right now. He knew that it would only cause her to get angry with him. She had avoided that conversation several times. Bringing it up at that moment...during a Floo conversation...wasn't a good idea. Besides, it would make her feel pressured. "I vill tell my parents you haff an emergency, and you could not depart England this veekend."

"Thank you."

"It is all right. I must go now. Ve vill talk later."

"I'll Floo next week so that we can arrange to have lunch together."

"I vill be vaiting. Luff you."

"Me too, Viktor."

With that farewell, his face disappeared from the fire. Hermione felt terrible after their discussion, but she had to cancel the dinner with his parents in Bulgaria. She was so close to finishing this stage of her experimental potion, and it was definitely more important to her than attending a dinner, which could be organised perfectly another day.

But this potion was a major breakthrough. It was her first attempt to create a brew of her own design. She had worked countless hours to find the perfect blending of ingredients, the perfect timing for adding each of them, the exact amount of time she had to stir, and the precise movements that had to be done. Due to the complexity, she had to dedicate all of her time to it. Why couldn't he see that? She was annoyed and resented the fact that he wasn't really interested in her work. He thought that she had to focus on her personal life, that her apprenticeship was just a secondary aspect. For Hermione, this apprenticeship was a part of her life that was as important as her romantic life. She normally refused to set levels of priorities between it and Viktor, but this time, the apprenticeship had the top hand.

Besides, her relationship with Viktor was becoming tiresome for her. The last few times they had met, there had been nothing special to do or talk about. They only met for lunch or at times spent a weekend together...each immersed in their own activities. In all honesty, their conversations were only about their daily activities, and neither was truly interested in what the other had to say. She had never been a Quidditch fan, and having to hear her boyfriend talking about it as the only available topic wasn't the ideal way to spend her time. Of course, he wasn't that thick; he was a very talented wizard, and at the first stages of their relationship, they'd had wonderful academic conversations. However, he didn't like Potions, and after a while, they ran out of conversations. Hermione stayed updated on every subject they'd discussed, and she would have loved if he had done the same because that way they could have continued their great conversations. He wasn't able to do so because Quidditch took all his time during the weekdays, and during the weekends, he had to divide his time between Hermione, his family, and his friends.

He had always been a loving and caring boyfriend with her, but recently, he would get upset when he noticed that she wasn't paying attention to him or when she didn't respond to his caresses as she had when they first started dating. At the beginning, they couldn't keep their hands off each other and didn't miss the chance to be together, but now, the sparkle was fading. She just didn't feel the same for him. She was beginning to feel like one of those old married couples. Their time together seemed as if it was only a mere routine while all the emotions they used to share were gone.

He was trying; she knew that, and it made her feel worse. He suggested the dinner as a way to make their relationship a more formal commitment. He truly believed that it would fix things between them if he could bring their relationship to another level. But she was too young to get committed. She still had to finish her apprenticeship and pursue her professional life. It wasn't as if he was asking her to get married, but he was asking her to become a serious couple, which would eventually lead to that step.

Hermione stood, trying to distract herself from that train of thought; she really didn't need to start analysing her feelings right now or any time soon. She skilfully ignored her problems with Viktor, as she had learned to do, and moved to the table to continue the stirring of her potion before adding the next ingredient. She was focusing on the task when suddenly she heard a low voice behind her, nearly causing her to jump.

"Miss Granger, why are you having those annoying personal chats in my laboratory? Next time, make sure you are in your own chambers, unless you want everybody knowing about your personal affairs."

"I'm sorry, sir. I needed to talk with Viktor, and since you weren't here, I thought that maybe I could use your Floo." I've been his apprentice for almost two years, and he hasn't changed a bit, still the same git.

"No, Miss Granger, you cannot use my Floo. You are here to work, not to socialise." He didn't know why, but it annoyed him to hear her talking with Krum or about him. He kept telling himself that it was because it was causing her not to focus on her work.

"Sorry, sir." She didn't want to continue with this topic. It was obvious that Snape didn't like Viktor, but she was sensible enough to avoid the subject even when she thought that her relationship wasn't any of his business.

"Make sure it never happens again." Severus turned and left his laboratory. He had a class to teach, and he had only come to retrieve a book.

Hermione sighed. Since she'd come to work with him, she'd learned more about the person behind the sour Potions master's façade, but he still refused to be friendlier with her. Sure, he was polite and sometimes let her see the man he was, but these times were only a few brief glimpses. She was sure that if he would let her get closer to him, they could have something more than a master-apprentice relationship; he could see her as an equal, as a colleague. They both shared the same thirst of knowledge and kept themselves learning something new everyday. There was no way she could get bored with someone like him. He wasn't a pleasant man, but whilst getting to know him, she'd discovered that he was passionate from the way he talked about Potions or the Dark Arts, his favourite subjects. He also craved perfection or to achieve the impossible just like she did. He even had a sense of humour. Okay, maybe dry wit would better describe it, but it was there.

"If only Viktor were more like him." She was startled after hearing her own admission. Where did that come from? She was loath to admit it, but she would be so happy with someone like Snape...someone with so many appealing qualities. Most people didn't notice he had other qualities because he never allowed them to see another side of him. Apparently, he was one of a kind, and the only Severus Snape would never see her as anything more than the former Gryffindor know-it-all who had become his apprentice. Hermione sighed again more heavily. If only he could see beyond that...

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"I don't understand it, Hermione. Why didn't you go to the dinner to meet his parents? If I were you, I would be more than excited. It means that he's quite serious about your relationship."

"I don't know, Ginny. At that moment, my project was more important for me. I know it was a horrible thing to do, but it seemed like the right thing to do."

"Answer me honestly. Do you love him?"

Do I love him? Really love him? "Why do you ask me that? Of course I love him. I mean... he's my boyfriend."

"You hesitated. Besides, the fact that he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you love him."

"I honestly think I love him...if what we have is love. We get along fine and don't interfere with each other's lives; he has his Quidditch, and I have my apprenticeship. We understand each other and have reached a comfortable closeness. I know he loves me, and I have learned to feel satisfied with that love and to love him back. When we are together, it's nice, and when he hugs me, I feel protected. I had always thought that love was different, that it was an overwhelming feeling that makes you want to scream and give your life for your partner. Something that makes you feel complete and not just complemented. Perhaps love is just this practical kind of relationship we have."

Ginny looked at her trying to understand at which point Hermione lost her idea of love. She was settling for contentment instead of looking for happiness. "Hermione, who are you trying to convince? Yourself or me? Love is indeed an overwhelming feeling, not just a nice arrangement of coexistence between two persons. I think that is all you have with Viktor. I suggest that you analyse your feelings, and if you don't feel completely sure, you must break up with him. It's not fair to either of you if you don't. If you really want to be practical, then try to ask yourself some questions about Viktor. Find out if you really picture yourself with him for the rest of your life, if you still feel the same emotions each time you see him, or if you feel that you can tell him everything and trust him with everything. Ask yourself if you feel more like yourself when you are with him, if you are comfortable around him. And most importantly, ask yourself if you truly love him. Answer honestly, and if all your answers are positive, stop torturing yourself and just be happy with Viktor."

"You're right, Ginny, I need to do that. Why am I always good at understanding other people's feelings whilst mine are all messed up?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's that when it comes to our own feelings we just can't see the full picture from an objective angle. Oh, it's almost seven o'clock. Sorry but I need to go, Hermione. Harry is coming soon, and I need to get ready. Remember, you owe me a lunch in Diagon Alley."

"I know. We'll talk later to settle a date. Ask Harry to owl or Floo me soon. I haven't heard from him for weeks."

"I'll tell him. Take care, Hermione."

"See you."

The red-haired girl disappeared from the Floo, and Hermione remained seated on the rug beside her chamber's hearth. It was so hard to get a chance to see her friends since being cloistered at Hogwarts; the Floo was her only means to keep in constant contact. Her head was aching. That happened every time she faced something she couldn't quite work out or that seemed beyond any logical thought. Why did Ginny have to make her question her feelings? She hated when someone else pointed at something she was trying to conveniently ignore.

Do I love him? I know that I feel comfortable with him and that we have reached a quite stable relationship, but I wonder if it isn't only because I'm used to him now and relish the feeling of security he gives me.

Hermione remembered perfectly how it all began two years ago. It'd started when he'd invited her to travel around Europe. I vant to show you the vorld. He had always liked her and took his chance when she graduated. At the beginning, it had all been a novelty, and she'd felt happy. When he'd invited her to dinner to a fancy restaurant in London for her nineteenth birthday, it had been so easy to accept his desire to start a relationship with her. After several months, the emotion started fading, and she'd only been left with the routine of a nice relationship that didn't seem to have anything else to offer her. Only Viktor's feelings for her kept her there, trying to adjust to the situation. But the question remained: did she love him?

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They had arranged to see each other for lunch at Hogsmeade. She'd arrived earlier and was waiting for him outside of the Three Broomsticks. How am I going to tell him? I don't want to hurt him, but I know that if I stay with him we both will be hurt worse. Hermione was brought out of her reverie when she felt two arms wind around her waist from behind. Turning, she saw Viktor, who kissed her in greeting. Hermione smiled at him, but her smile had a sad quality that worried him.

"Vot, Hermione? Are you not happy to see me again?"

"Of course I am. How have you been?"

"I haff been missing you terribly, luff."

Great, can he just make things harder for me? That's all I need now.

"I... we need to talk, Viktor. Can we go inside?"

That alarmed the young wizard. "All right, but I do not like your tone. Vot is going on?"

"Let's go inside."

They sat at a table in the farthest corner to avoid being disturbed. "Now tell me, Hermione. Vot is this about? You are making me feel vorried, and I do not like it. You know you can tell me anything."

"I know, Viktor. It's just that... I mean..." She bit her lip nervously trying to find the words, and when she found them, they came abruptly from her mouth. "Are you happy with this relationship? I mean really happy, not just content. Because they are different concepts, you know? When you feel content, it means that you're accepting a given situation, but being happy means more. It means that you feel completely, utterly overwhelmed and yet thoroughly satisfied. I know we feel comfortable with each other, but I have been thinking about it for a while. I have been remembering how it has been during these two years, and I don't know. It's so hard between Quidditch and my apprenticeship. We have so little time, and we have simply fallen into a routine, used to the demands of the other's life. But if you try to understand the subtle differences, maybe you will see..."

Viktor placed his hand over hers in an attempt to soothe her; she always tended to ramble like that when she was nervous about something. It worked because she stopped talking and looked at him with big brown eyes that were filled with sorrow.

"Hermione, vot are you trying to tell me? That you are not happy vith me? Is that it?"

"I... I..."

"Please be honest, as I haff alvays been honest vith you, and I vant you to do the same for me." He was quite serious with a wary look in his eyes; he definitely didn't like this situation.

She sighed and looked down...not daring to face him. "I'm not, Viktor, not completely. I know that I love you, but I don't know if I'm in love with you. The kind of love that conquers all and that gets you lost. Can you understand it? Because I know that sometimes I can't myself." She looked up at him and immediately regretted it; his face was a myriad of emotions, a mixture of a deep sadness and anger. She knew that she was about to break his heart, but this was only the beginning.

"Vot are you talking about? Vare is that coming from? Did you wake up this morning haffing an epiphany? Because if it vos not like that, I just cannot get it, Hermione. You are going to tell me the truth. I vant to know right now vot is happening."

"Nothing is happening, Viktor. This is something I have been feeling for a while, but in the last few days, I have just given it more thought. I was finally able to put a finger on what was making me feel that way. I have never been dishonest with you about my feelings or anything else."

"Can you svear it?"

"Are you questioning my honesty, Viktor? I can't believe you can even suggest it. I am trying to explain how I feel!"

"I am sorry. I should not haff thought vrongly of you, but if you think about it, vot else can I think? Ve vere fine. Ve vere happy together, and ve haff plans for the future. You know my intentions. I vant to be vith you as long as it is possible. You are everything I effer vanted, and I vant us to be together to form a family in the future. I am villing to try and make it vork. Do you not feel the same? Do you not vant it to vork?"

"It's not a matter of wanting to make it work; it just doesn't work, Viktor. The point is that it doesn't feel right anymore."

"You realise what you are saying, Hermione? You are trying to end our relationship. If you decide to finish this now, there von't be a coming back. Think about vot you vant." He was trying to keep his voice still, but it wasn't working. His eyes were suspiciously bright, and his breathing was heavy.

"I'm sure about this, Viktor. I can't stay in this relationship." She was trying to keep herself controlled; crying wasn't going to help her with this situation.

"I do not accept this, Hermione. You cannot just come here and say it is over just because you haff realised you do not luff me anymore. Something must haff happened that you are not telling me. I do not deny that the last couple of months vere not the better ones in our relationship, but you are making a hasty decision. Ve can and vill make this vork." He grabbed her arm, pulling her close to him in a desperate attempt to keep her with him.

"Viktor, let me go! You are hurting me! You've never been like this! We can talk about this, but you have to let me go." She was getting scared. He had never been violent or had hurt her in any way, but he had a haunted look that she had never seen before.

He loosened his grip on her arm when he saw her fearful expression. He was desperate, having to hear and see the woman he had always wanted attempting to walk away from him. But he would never dare hurt her or make her do something she didn't want to do. He also knew Hermione. She wasn't someone who made a decision without thinking about every single factor and every single outcome. If she'd decided to talk with him about this, it was because she was sure about it, and nothing would change her mind.

"Vy, Hermione? Vy now ven I vanted to take the next step in our relationship." He was speaking more calmly, his anger lessening, only to be replaced by sorrow.

"I didn't plan this, Viktor. When realisation hit me, I knew that I had to finish before we could get hurt further."

"More hurt? Do you think I could feel vorse than this?"

"No, Viktor, I mean that..."

"Do not try to explain something that does no haff an explanation. Just answer something for me: Did you effer luff me?"

"I did, Viktor. I still love you, but it's just not in the way you want."

He came to sit beside her and hugged her tightly, knowing that it was likely the last time. He turned her face to him and looked into her tearful eyes. He needed to know, although this conversation was hurting both of them, so he asked her, "Then vy, Hermione? Vy did you stay in this relationship vith me for so long?"

This was harder than she'd ever thought it would be; she was now crying despite how she had promised herself that she wouldn't. The man beside her was on the verge of tears. She had never seen him cry, and knowing that such a strong man was this vulnerable because of her was making her heart ache with sadness and guilt. What am I doing? Why does doing the right thing hurt so much?

She bent her head down again, a tear falling over her hands crossed in her lap. "You know that I did love you, and we were getting along so well. When we first started dating, it was wonderful, and we were doing fine. But at some point on the path, we got lost from each other and grew separately as persons, just not as a couple. When that started, I thought that it was part of settling down, but now, I know it wasn't that."

She turned to look at him and saw the couple of tears that had spilled from his eyes. She knew his heart was broken. "It is done," he said as if he had just realised it as an absolute truth. "Hermione, I vant you to be happy more than anything in my life, and if I haff to let you go so you can be happy, I vill do it."

"Viktor, I'm sorry. I..."

"Don't say a vord. Please spare me that pain. You deserff somevun who can make you luff him the way you vant, and clearly, I am not that man." He released her from his embrace and retreated from her slightly. "I haff to go now. I cannot stay any longer. Do you mind if ve cancel this lunch? I do not know if I vill be able to see you any day soon, but I vill let you know." Seeing his pain was one of the worst things she had ever had to endure, but she could also see in his eyes that he did love her and that he would do anything for her, even let her go.

He stood and kissed her lightly on the lips before leaving. He whispered into her ear, his tears now running onto her cheek, "Goodbye, my luff. Know that I vill alvays luff you and that all I had ever vanted is to see you happy." With that last farewell, he left her there immobile and oblivious to the world around her. Time passed, but Hermione didn't feel it. She was in shock and felt as if it had only been a surreal dream. When it started to darken, she reacted and stood to leave the place, feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. She didn't notice that someone was following her closely.

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It was the last week of the summer break, and being a Saturday, Severus decided to get out from the castle for a change. He had to get out so he could think clearly about strange thoughts that had been haunting him, all related to his apprentice.

Since the beginning, they had worked fine together, and soon after, the tension between them had lessened. Without noticing, they'd grown more comfortable each day, even though he had not allowed himself to let her come close. His reasons were partly because he didn't want to cross the boundaries of the apprenticeship, letting her become familiar with him, and partly because he didn't know how to let someone close. So he decided to remain distant since it was the more travelled way for him, and it would save future problems.

Despite his decision, the sense of comfort developed naturally between them, letting them spend large amounts of time together without bothering each other or feeling awkward with their silence. Sometimes he discovered himself looking at her face while scrunched in concentration as she studied a particular book with interest. When he'd realise that he'd been staring, he'd look somewhere else quickly. Time spent with her was pleasant, and their working sessions were quite stimulating, especially when they started debating ideas, new theories, or results of their experiments. She even managed to deal with his bad moods and bitterness graciously, and she knew exactly what to do to avoid them and just let him be.

After two years, they had achieved a comfortable working understanding. She wasn't the annoying Gryffindor that she used to be. She certainly was the only one worthy of being his successor, and he was sure that she would be a brilliant Potions mistress very soon. She had everything needed to do so. He had to admit that her knowledge had grown as she matured, giving her an air of confidence. Part of him even admitted to himself that her beauty was growing with her. Of course he would never acknowledge that out loud. No one would ever know how much he now enjoyed the time they spent working together and how much he liked looking at her.

He entered the Three Broomsticks and immediately regretted his decision. Sitting near the back corner of the place, he saw a couple that made something twist inside of him. The only thing he couldn't abide about Hermione was her relationship with Viktor Krum. He was about to leave when he saw the young wizard grabbing her arm in a tight grip and pulling her to him. Just when he was about to go hex him, the boy lessened his grip. Severus realised they were in the middle of something important. He stood there, considering leaving again when he saw her face...the tears forming in her eyes and the sadness she reflected. He never cared about others' feelings; they were not of his business, but something about Hermione made him feel her distress deep within him and prompted a foreign feeling of protectiveness. He wanted to cross the room, take her into his arms, and keep the pain at bay. He stayed to watch her closely and to be assured that she was fine.

The exchange between the couple continued for some minutes, and Severus grew more concerned about her with each passing moment. He felt a surge of strong emotions when Krum hugged her close, and the emotions intensified when the boy stood and kissed her, whispering something into her ear. Severus' gaze also followed him as he exited the place and did everything possible to conceal any pain from his face. Turning to look at Hermione, all his anger subsided when he saw the haunted look on her face. A part of him wanted to go to her and comfort her, taking away her pain, but the stronger part of him didn't allow him to do something like that...mostly because it would mean baring himself in front of her. In addition, he simply didn't know how to comfort a woman. He stayed there waiting for her to do something. She wasn't moving, and he was growing more concerned about her. After a few hours, she seemed to come out of it and stood to leave. She was in bad shape, so he decided to follow her.

She was walking distractedly on shaky legs; her mind had shut down to block the pain of it all and refused to function correctly. When she felt strong arms holding her, preventing her from almost falling, the realisation of what had just happened hit her full force, and she started crying.

"Miss Granger, are you all right?"

She couldn't stop the onslaught of emotions; she was crying and shaking in his arms. Severus didn't know what to do. He had never had to devise a course of action in a situation like that, but deep in his heart, he knew that he wanted to comfort her, to make her feel better. He cared about her, and he wanted her to know that he would be there if she needed him.

"Miss Granger, listen to me. I am going to Apparate us to the gate at Hogwarts; you are too weak to walk there by yourself. Do you understand me?"

She didn't answer but nodded slightly. With that sign of agreement, he Disapparated them both and carried her to her chambers, knowing that she could not reach them herself. He summoned food from the kitchen and offered it to her.

"Eat something. You are in this state because you are experiencing very strong feelings on an empty stomach, and that only aggravates your shocked state."

She took the offered food and ate in silence whilst he left to retrieve a phial of Sleeping Draught from his chambers. When he returned, she had finished her food and had stopped crying. However, she still had a haunted look upon her face.

"Drink this; it will help you to sleep peacefully. You will feel better tomorrow with a clearer mind."

She drank the potion and curled in her bed, closing her eyes. He stayed there until he thought she was sleeping and covered her with a duvet. He extinguished most of the candles, and when he was reaching for the doorknob, he heard her whisper, "Thank you. I don't know what I would do without you."

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That evening seemed to change the tone of their entire relationship. During the following months, they developed a comfortable relationship and a familiarity that they hadn't had in the two years prior. They even started calling each other by their given names. Slowly, they started talking about themselves, each day becoming closer and moving onto more personal topics. They also adopted the custom of having dinner together outside Hogwarts each Friday evening.

"Hermione, I am sorry, but we cannot go to dinner this Friday. I have to attend other business that will keep me out for the weekend. I am sorry, but I will compensate you next week."

"Oh, I have gotten so used to our regular dates that I will certainly miss it."

"Dates? What dates? What are you talking about? We are just having dinner out so we can talk more freely."

"Severus, we go to have dinner every Friday away from Hogwarts to talk about our personal lives and to get to know each other in a different and more comfortable environment, and it seems to me that we are moving towards something more. That is called dating..."

Lorraine's Notes: It was hard to get rid of Viktor, I'm sure he loves her, and I like him very much. Knowing that there's no way we can have Hermione and Severus together in canon, I secretly wish Hermione would choose him above Ron.

Now, Severus has to face a completely foreign concept for him. It will be interesting to see how he'll react to Hermione's affirmation about dating.

I want to thank Magic who helped me with the first version of this chapter. Also thanks to Ginny W for her advice about the break up scene. And finally, but more importantly, thanks to the best beta any writer could have, Southern Witch.

Southern's Notes: I felt sorry for Viktor, but I am quite happy that Snape was there for her.