Then Finding Peace Again

Chapter 32: Then Finding Peace Again

Hermione opened her eyes and stared at a vaulted stone ceiling. Not since she'd been roused from Petrification had she been so relieved to awaken in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. At some point, the blood had been washed away, and she had been dressed in fresh clothes. She recalled nothing but the startled look on Poppy Pomfrey's face, then blissful, dreamless sleep. Her mind danced away from events prior to that, the terror in Lucius's office and the mind-numbing revelations in the laboratory.

She turned her head. Snape sat sprawled in a chair beside her bed, his rumpled robes evidence of the vigil he must have kept while she had slept. A shock of black hair fell across his face, and she wondered what dreams furrowed his brow. She wanted to touch him but contented herself with watching him sleep.

You could have ruined everything.

She had feared the worst when he'd spoken those words after her first trip to Arglist, certain he'd been hiding something from her. And he had been: an Unbreakable Vow. The implications of his secret hit her so hard her hands shook. She closed her eyes, but the Vow's tricky phrasing taunted her.

How many times had she unwittingly endangered his life? One little mistake...the wrong word spoken to Lucius or an ill-advised trip to the Ministry...and he would have been lost to her forever. She curled her shaking hands into fists. His image swam before her, blurred by tears that pooled in her eyes and ran down her cheeks.

He chose that moment to awaken. The instant he saw her face, he jolted from his chair. "What's wrong?" he demanded.

Poppy appeared at the sound of his voice. She poked her head inside the privacy curtain, but Hermione couldn't stop the words tumbling from her mouth.

"I love you," she told Snape.

"You've had a nasty shock," he replied.

"I'll come back," Poppy said.

She smiled past the tears. "I've had several nasty shocks, actually, but they've done nothing to diminish my feelings."

He watched Poppy seal the privacy curtain, then took the hand Hermione offered and sat on the edge of her bed.

"Can you ever forgive me?" she asked.

His face contorted. "I drugged you and stole your memories," he said. "It is I who must beg forgiveness."

"But I could have killed you just by speaking to Lucius," she said. "Each trip I made to Arglist put you at further risk." He did not argue, and her eyes filled again. "How close was I to revealing your secret?"

"Close enough." He withdrew his hand and massaged his wrist. "But there is nothing you need seek forgiveness for...you could not have known the risk. I, on the other hand, knew precisely what those memories meant to you. I knew how reluctant you were to remove them. If there had been any other way ..."

She reached for his hand once more and studied their linked fingers. The fog began to lift from her mind, but new questions glistened in its wake. Once again, the Minister was at the heart of them.

"There were seven Aurors on standby last night. Why didn't the Minister use them to stop Lucius when he tried to ... when I was in his office?"

His eyes burned so hot she would have flinched if she thought the fire was meant for her.

"The Minister monitored everything through a channelling spell...he was only privy to the sights and sounds I witnessed. Lucius would not be in Azkaban, otherwise."

She shivered. His voice was so cold and yet so flat. Final. She wondered if Lucius realised he'd be dead if not for the Minister's presence last night.

"What about Remy?" she asked. "Does he even exist?"

"Yes, of course."

"So altering my memories wasn't just a ruse?"

He shook his head. "As of two days ago, altering your memories was a viable plan."

"What changed?"

"You will recall Pitty delivered a message late Saturday morning, and I left the quarters before you emerged." He waited until she nodded. "I visited the library and Albus, as I told you, but I made another stop, as well."

"The Ministry?"

He nodded. "Gregor sent an urgent missive after one of Arglist's young wizard-scientists decided to pursue a hunch. We were lucky...the spy we had placed at Arglist was able to intercept him before he told Lucius of the breakthrough he'd made. But it was enough to scare Gregor."

"So the Minister decided we should forego the meeting with Remy."

"He was convinced it would take too long," he said. "When he learned you had already removed the memories, he insisted we act at once."

"And that's when you traded my unaltered memories for clemency?"

"Only after he refused my demands to debrief you on the investigation. He would not entertain any suggestion that required a reversal of the Unbreakable Vow...he seemed to think I would just take the Galleons and disappear. Gregor is not a trusting man."

"He certainly believed me capable of the worst." She rolled her eyes. "Spurned lover, indeed."

"Lucius was wise to invent such a tale." Regret flicked over his face. "Unfortunately, our involvement only confirmed Gregor's suspicions. By the time the Minister saw us together at the Christmas Eve ball, you had graduated from spurned lover to skilled enchantress."

She snorted at the notion. "Not bad for a witch with mediocre talent and average intelligence."

He winced. "One simple Obliviate, and I can erase yesterday from your mind."

She considered. It would be a relief to escape the inevitable nightmares her time in Lucius's office would bring. But she was tired of running away, tired of hiding bits of the truth to escape her mistakes. She shook her head. "I think I had best keep yesterday intact," she said.

"Are you certain?"

She nodded. "Perhaps it will serve as a reminder that I do not always know the best answer...or even the right answer. I've made a number of mistakes in my life, but I have never learned how to live with them. I suppose it's time I try."

He lifted her hand, brushed his lips across her knuckles. "Once you have mastered that, perhaps you can teach me."

"I shall." She smiled. "In the meantime, we should return to our quarters so I can continue to sully your bed."

"I'm afraid you shall not leave this wing until the nurse releases you."

He called for Poppy before she could protest. If the nurse found his presence throughout the examination odd, she refrained from commenting. Poppy removed the bandages from Hermione's neck and poured an assortment of potions down her throat. When her eyelids grew heavy, she refused to sleep until Snape promised to return to their quarters, eat, and attempt to sleep, as well. The moment he left, she closed her eyes and yielded to the insistent pull of somnolence.

A dreamless sleep potion kept the nightmares at bay. By the time Hermione awoke, darkness had fallen, and torches had been lighted throughout the hospital wing. She cried out when a pale face emerged from the shadows. Grey eyes watched her scramble for her wand, but his voice halted her movements.

"I didn't mean to startle you."

"Draco." She sank back into her pillow. "I thought you were ..."

The look on his face told her she needn't finish.

"I shouldn't have come." He backed away from her bed. "I'll go."

"No, please stay."

He frowned at the hand she'd reached out to stall his departure. Her fingers curled into a ball and sought refuge in her lap. She had dreaded this part. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't make matters worse...no excuse she could offer, no fresh perspective to bring comfort. Yet the unbearable silence had to be broken.

"I'm sorry," they said in unison.

She blinked. "Why are you sorry?"

"You have to ask?"

She raised her shoulders.

"I am sorry for everything he did," he said, "and for everything he tried to do. When I think what might have happened to you ..."

"But it didn't...I'm fine."

He looked unconvinced.

"I wish I could have found some way to tell you," she said. "I thought perhaps after the baby... But then there was the Ministry to contend with ..." Remembering the Unbreakable Vow, she was glad she had remained silent.

"I understand."

Somehow, that made her feel worse. "I'm so sorry for what this will do to your family," she said. "I hate to see you and your mother hurt again, and I'm sure this won't be easy for your children."

He sighed. "Those are things he should regret...not you." He pulled the chair closer to her bed and sat. "This is going to be difficult. I won't pretend otherwise, but I also won't have you blame yourself for his madness. From what Severus told us, you tried every way possible to stymie his efforts."

"You've spoken to Severus?"

He nodded. "He came to the Manor earlier today. The Ministry told us very little, but he filled in the missing pieces and answered our questions. I think it was important for Mother to hear the story from him firsthand."

It couldn't have been a comfortable discussion. How could Snape's involvement with the investigation be seen as anything but a betrayal? She wondered if Narcissa would be as understanding as Draco. Perhaps he favoured his mother more than his father.

"How is your mother?" she asked.

"Strong," he replied.

"Of course. And how is she coping?"

"With more grace and dignity than Father deserves. I believe she was appalled but not surprised. Luna and I suggested we move into the Manor for a time, and she seems eager to have us. She'll need someone to help run the estate, and Luna could always use a hand with the twins. It's a smart solution for both of them."

"No doubt the new baby will provide a distraction."

"Yes," he agreed, "it will be a far different situation than last time."

His gaze drifted away. So much had changed since Lucius's last stint in Azkaban. Unlike his previous incarcerations, it seemed unlikely he'd ever return to society this time. If only he'd cared more for his family than the blood of strangers.

When she realised Draco had been staring at her neck, she covered the scar with her hand. His eyes lifted to hers, as stark as a winter's plain.

"It's fine," she whispered.

He shook his head. The horror on his face spoke volumes.

She reached out again, and this time he did not frown at the gesture. He took her hand, then abandoned his chair and drew her into his arms. Her eyes stung, but before the tears could fall, a familiar voice spoke from outside the privacy curtain.

"I think she's talking to Draco." Even as a loudly hissed whisper, the voice was unmistakable. Harry.

"Just wait, then." And that was definitely Ginny. "We should let Madam Pomfrey know we're here first, anyway."

Draco released Hermione and rolled his eyes.

"Maybe we should just go in," Harry said.

"Maybe you should realise sound travels through fabric," Draco said and pulled the curtain aside.

"Hey, Draco," said Ginny. She kissed his cheek and hurried to the bed.

Hermione watched the men carefully. They had shed their enmity along with their youth, but old prejudices had a way of returning. She needn't have worried.

Harry shook Draco's hand. "How is she?"

Hermione huffed. "She is not an invalid, and she can answer questions for herself, thank you very much."

"See?" Harry pointed at Hermione but spoke to Ginny. "I told you she'd be fine."

Ginny squeezed Hermione's shoulder. "Dad is friends with some of the Aurors who were there, and they made it sound pretty bad. Everyone thought you had died." She glanced at Draco, as if unsure whether she had said too much.

"She might have, if Severus hadn't acted so quickly," Draco said.

The faces watching her were far too serious, so she smiled and said, "Saved by the prince, naturally. My life just continues to be one long fairy tale."

"Hey, speaking of fairy tales," said Harry, "is there any truth to the rumours about you and our resident Sleeping Beauty?"

Ginny hissed a warning, but Hermione just snorted. She supposed the Sleeping Beauty reference was appropriate, given Snape's fourteen-year slumber at St Mungo's. "The rumours are true, Harry."

He looked ill.

"Why is that so disturbing?" she asked.

"It's not." Ginny moved to stand beside her husband. "Harry is thrilled you've found someone who makes you happy. We both are." She jabbed her elbow into Harry's side. "Aren't we?"

"Absolutely." He swallowed so hard the sound echoed through the empty hospital wing. "Like Ginny said, whatever makes you happy. Even if it's, well ... Snape."

"Professor Snape," she reminded him.

As if summoned by the mere mention of his name, Snape appeared behind Harry and Ginny.

Hermione smiled. "But perhaps if you ask very nicely, he'll permit you to call him Severus," she told Harry.

Snape's jaw clenched. "Why not?" he said and seemed to enjoy the Potters' startled expressions as they whirled around. "I am told the name has become quite popular with certain parents."

It had been many years since Hermione had seen Harry turn so red. His greeting was almost painful to watch, but Ginny's was eloquent enough to make up for it. Before the conversation could grow awkward, Poppy appeared and clucked her tongue at the number of bodies clustered around the bed.

"Too many visitors!" she exclaimed. "This is far too much excitement. The patient needs her rest."

"She's right," Snape said when Hermione instantly protested.

Poppy made shooing motions with her hands, and Snape said, "Everyone, out."

"That goes for you, too, Severus," Poppy said.

He folded his arms. "I shall remain."

"She needs to sleep."

"I will see that she does."

"Alone!"

"Not tonight."

Poppy fisted her hands on her ample hips. "You cannot stay here."

"You cannot force me to leave."

"This is my hospital, Severus."

He pointed to Hermione. "And this is my ... my ..."

Hermione shrugged when he looked to her for help. The appropriate term seemed to elude him in the presence of so many onlookers.

"She is my ..."

"I'm his woman," Hermione offered, but it didn't appear to be the designation for which he'd been searching.

He drew himself up until he towered over the nurse. "I would not advise any attempts to dislodge me."

Poppy narrowed her eyes, but before she could respond, the headmistress's voice rang forth.

"Severus, please do not threaten the staff."

The headmistress ignored Snape's affronted protest and addressed the nurse. "Poppy, the hospital is empty save for Hermione...surely you can accommodate Severus tonight."

Poppy's disapproval was obvious in the way she folded her arms, but she offered no further remarks.

Minerva turned her attention to the others. "Potter, I need to see you in my office. You too, Ginny. And Draco, you..."

"I was just leaving." He held up his hands before she could bark an order at him. After a quick wink for Hermione and a promise to return soon, he bade the others farewell and departed.

The headmistress had watched their exchange closely and offered Hermione a nod of approval. "You've obviously had enough for today," she said. "I will return tomorrow to check on you."

"Thank you, Headmistress," she said.

"Come along, Mr and Mrs Potter." The headmistress strode from the room, and Harry and Ginny followed her after a hasty goodbye.

In the distance, the door to Poppy's office closed on her muttered protests, and all was quiet.

"Alone at last," Hermione said and patted the bed.

Snape pointed his wand at the mattress. It hummed beneath her, then stretched on each side to accommodate them both. He lay atop the bedcovers and pulled her into his arms.

"So, what new questions have you crafted in my absence?" he asked.

She had thought her mind would have been plagued by questions, but most of the answers were simple to work out, and the rest seemed unimportant. There was only one thing she wanted to know now. "Is it really over?"

He stroked her arm where it laid draped across his chest. "The trial will be difficult, but I think it is safe to assume the worst is over." He kissed the top of her head.

Just hearing him speak the words made them easier to believe. She drew air into her lungs and felt as if she could breathe deeply for the first time in months. Her limbs turned fluid, the muscles more than eager to relinquish their stiffness. She melted into his body and fought to keep her eyes open. Beneath her head, his chest rose and fell. She let the rhythm carry her, let the steady beat of his heart convince her peace was within their reach. Even if the world stopped spinning, there was nowhere she would rather be.

He whispered into the darkness, his voice so faint she strained to hear the words. "Promise you will never leave me."

Perhaps she'd already fallen asleep, and the command was nothing more than a dream. She didn't care. "I promise."

His arms tightened around her, and beneath her ear, his heart thudded louder.

"Now you," she said softly.

"I promise." For once, there was no hesitation in his reply.

Darkness nurtured hope, encouraged the tender dreams too fragile for the light of day. It wouldn't matter if she'd forgotten them all by morning. Within the shelter of his arms, she could hold fast to a world where anything seemed possible. Even fairy tales.

I am indebted to my darling betas, Karelia and Little Beloved, and to Melenka for alpha-reader suggestions.

Only the epilogue remains, and I will try to post that quickly, as I am already six days behind in my NaNoWriMo output. Can. Not. Multitask.

This story has been nominated for Favourite DH-Compliant Fic in the upcoming SS/HG Awards! I offer my tremendous thanks to everyone who took the time to submit a nomination for it. I cannot express how honoured I am by this recognition, especially given the competition. Wow seems inefficient, but yeah ... WOW!

Don't forget to vote for your favourite stories! Voting ends 5-Dec, 2009. http://community.livejournal.com/sshg_awards/30206.html#cutid1