As Straight as a Dog's Hind Leg

As Straight as a Dog's Hind Leg

Disclaimer: I love them dearly, but would love the money better.

Severus flinched as the young witch grabbed his hand. A sharp tingle of magic rippled across his skin. He drew in a sharp breath and snatched his hand away from the woman's grasp.

"Merde! Did you feel that?" Hermione asked, opening her eyes and looking directly into the startled eyes of the witch in front of her. "That was a bit of a shock, wasn't it?"

"Indeed, Miss Granger." He frowned, feeling rather exposed. By being shorter in Megansdochter's guise, the younger witch could look at him eye to eye. He had managed to change the body, but the eyes were still his own, dark and intense.

With a faintly quizzical look, Hermione continued. "I don't like to be rude, Madam Megansdochter, but can we get on with the briefing? I find this place a little disconcerting after my last visit here, you understand."

"Certainly, please follow me." Snape wobbled slightly on his heels as he walked to the edge of the room. Pushing an unmarked door open, he immediately realised his mistake. He should have taken Granger to Megansdochter's office, not his own. Too late now.

Hermione followed close behind him as he stepped into the room.

*

The office smelled reassuringly familiar to Hermione. She breathed in the calming scents of parchment and masculine spices and began to feel more at ease, despite the niggling anxiety of being deep in the bowels of the Department of Mysteries.

Settling herself in the comfortable seat, the other witch had indicated, Hermione's gaze drifted over the room before returning to the smiling woman in front of her. There was something which didn't quite ring true, and Hermione's concerns did not abate completely. Something stirred in her memory... something familiar.

*

"Miss Granger..."

"Please, call me Hermione."

"Certainly, Miss... Hermione."

"Just Hermione is fine."

"Indeed."

"You know, this is my first assignment, and I'm a little nervous about going undercover."

"You're a competent witch, aren't you?"

"Oui. Although I've been out of the country for a while, people may still recognise me in Britain."

"As the renowned heroine from the Golden Trio?"

"Exactly. It's not easy to hide this wild hair and my propensity to be..."

"A hand-waving know-it-all?"

"I have matured a little in the years since I left school."

"No need to huff. I'm sure you have."

"No need to sneer, Madam Megansdochter."

"I'm not sneering, merely stating a fact. Besides which, it's unlikely you'll meet many people who will recognise you."

"Oh good. Am I going overseas?"

"No. We are sending you somewhere much closer to home. You are familiar with time travel, I believe?"

"As a concept, yes..."

"Hmm."

"Don't give me that look. All right. I admit I have used a Time-Turner in the past."

"I knew it! Dumbledore denied it, but I knew it."

"Bien. So, you know I've time travelled before. Madam..."

"Please, call me Se... Jo."

"Se-Jo?"

"No, just Jo, dammit."

"Jo?"

"Yes, Miss... Hermione. Jo will do just fine."

"Shall we discuss the assignment?"

"Your skills as a Poisons and Charms Mistress are required. Your assignment is to help me... to help Remus Lupin."

"I have to time travel?"

"Yes."

"And I get to meet Remus again?"

"Please, calm down and stop hyperventilating, Granger."

"I can't believe I'll see Remus. I've missed him these last few years."

"As have I."

"You knew him too? I thought you were from Australia."

"Australia? I have been here in Britain for some time."

"So how did you know Remus? The Department of Mysteries deep in the Ministry of Magic is not the most likely place for that werewolf to be – a pub in Edinburgh or a chocolate shop in Hogsmeade, perhaps."

"I get out sometimes."

"My parents live over in Australia, you know."

"Do they?"

"Yes. Sydney."

"Sydney. I know it well."

"So which part of Sydney are you from, Jo?"

"Um... Darwin."

"I thought that was in the Northern Territory."

"Northern Territory, Sydney."

"Quoi?"

"I am jesting, Miss Granger. Jo comes from Darwin in the north of Australia."

"Do you always talk about yourself in the third person?"

"No."

"Where is Jo tonight?"

"She had to go home early and asked me to give you her apologies."

"So, you aren't actually Madam Megansdochter."

"Did I say I was?"

"No, you didn't, now I think about it. You look like the photo she sent of herself, so I just assumed you were."

"Exactly, Miss Granger. Do not make assumptions."

"Is there anyone else I may know when I go on my assignment?"

"Sirius Black."

"Really? Harry would love to see him again."

"I'm sure he would. Black was a faithful dog with a certain affinity for Potters, but not a particularly likeable man."

"You're sneering again."

"I am not. I'm merely stating my opinion."

"I happen to agree with you. I always warned Harry about him. There was a persistent wildness about him, and he was particularly unpleasant to an ex-professor of mine."

"You appear a little bit pensive, Hermione. Do you have some qualms about taking on this task?"

"I have to admit I have a twinge of concern about travelling back in time in case I divulge someone's future to them, or interfere with something I shouldn't, or cause some sort of paradox. I mean, what would happen if I were to save a life, or fall in love, or something major like that? It might affect what happens in the future – now."

"Nonsense, Hermione. You know from your previous escapades that anything you do won't change the course of the past. If it was going to happen, it has already happened. Do you understand my meaning?"

"Vaguely. Is there anyone else I may meet?"

"Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall... Snape."

"I'm going to Hogwarts?"

"Please, stop jumping about and clapping, Granger."

"Wait. I'm not going to have to go back as a student, am I?"

"Would that be so terrible?"

"No, but I don't really want to go back to school robes, inter-house rivalry and detentions. Oh, and teenage boys. Eww!"

"If you do not wish to work with teenage boys, we may need to find another operative."

"I'm sure I'll be fine. I'll have Remus Lupin and Severus Snape to help me keep them in line."

"They are the teenage boys you'll be assigned to help."

"Professor Snape will still be at school?"

"Yes."

"Don't sigh and roll your eyes at me, please."

"I'm just trying to imagine what kind of use you could be to him. I can't recall why we chose you."

"Perhaps I was his favourite teacher or his first love."

"Did you see yourself in his memories at his trial, Miss Granger?"

"No."

"Well, then. Let's focus on your job, not your bizarre flights of fancy."

"How would you know I wasn't in his memories? He's a legendary Occlumens. He could probably hide anything from us in plain sight, like the consummate spy he is."

"I would know. I would remember you, Miss Granger. Your riotous hair and energy are hard to forget."

"You weren't at Hogwarts, and I don't remember you being at his trial. How do you know what memories he has of me?"

"You are going off on tangent. Can we get back to business?"

*

Hermione frowned slightly as she concentrated on the finer details of the plan. It didn't sound too difficult, really. Get Snape and Lupin to work together, help them improve the Wolfsbane, then leave once the Timeportkey was reactivated and returned to her. She already knew the formula for Wolfsbane. How hard could it be?

Looking up from the paperwork, she caught the other witch observing her. Hermione smiled. Wasn't it just typical of the Department of Mysteries to have a mysterious spokesperson? She wondered who the smiling, but evasive, witch really was.

*

Severus watched Hermione as she worked. She had matured since she had left school and had turned into a vibrant, confident young woman. Magical energy radiated from her. His palm still tingled from the surge of it when she had touched his hand.

Her hair was not quite as wild as it used to be. It hung in tumbling, lustrous waves. His fingers yearned to reach over and feel the silken locks. He wondered if he would feel the same rush of magic touching her curls as he did when he had touched her hand. Maybe it needed skin-to-skin contact, or maybe it was like static electricity and was only a one off transfer of energy.

He brought his errant thoughts back to the job. At least he would be rid of the witch soon. He would send her on her way, back into the past... into his past. It was interesting he couldn't remember meeting this young woman at all. She certainly wasn't his teacher or his lover like she had suggested. He would have remembered that, surely.

Perhaps she handed the information to Dumbledore and returned straight away. In which case, he would have to hang around the Department tonight, waiting for her return. He had been looking forward to a quiet night at home with a glass of Firewhiskey.

He took a deep breath and sighed. At least she smelled pleasant.

His mouth twitched up into a smile, a little wider than he expected. She looked up at him, and he tried to stop smiling, but found the sight of her made him want to grin even more.

Her soft, brown eyes held a questioning humour, as if she was trying to figure him out. Severus found he couldn't stop his mouth from turning up at the edges. It wasn't normal. Damn this woman's body he was disguised in. Idly, he wondered if his eyes twinkled when he smiled.

"Shall we finish this final paperwork? Then you can send me on my way."

Snape cleared his throat, trying to bring his thoughts back on track. How had his attention drifted so easily? After years of being a double agent, surely he could maintain his concentration properly. He tried to focus.

"What do we have left to do?"

"As far as I can see all I need is a Portkey. Do you think I should use a pseudonym?"

"A pseudonym?"

"You know, a ..."

"I know what a pseudonym is, Miss Granger, and I think the word you're looking for is an alias, unless you are planning on becoming an author. Then, you can choose something as bizarre as you like. For an alias, however, you'll need a name similar to your own, so that you won't get caught out or forget it. May I suggest you use your fianće's surname."

"I'm not engaged."

"I had heard you and the Weasley..."

"You heard wrong."

"Your boyfriend's..."

"I'm single. As if it's any business of yours," Hermione huffed.

"Your mother's maiden name?"

"Hermione Genevieve Ramsbottom-Smythington. Maybe a little too ostentatious?"

"Perhaps." Severus smirked.

"Why don't you get the Timeportkey whilst I'm thinking."

"The Timeportkey?"

Hermione sighed. It was like dealing with the boys when their minds were on Quidditch and not on the task at hand.

"The object that sends me away and brings me back," she prompted.

Consternation washed over Severus. Joanna had left all the paperwork but no object. He would have to cast the spells himself on something. His mind raced over the things in his office. What could he give her she could carry inconspicuously? Something she could tuck into a pocket.

He looked around the room, but failed to gain any inspiration. Books were too obvious, and, if she took one back twenty years, the condition or edition might not be right. A paperweight? No, that was far too clumsy. How would she explain carrying a paperweight with her at all times? He needed something smaller.

He opened the drawer of his desk and gazed in at the clutter it held. A paperclip? Too easily lost. As he rummaged, his hand closed on something perfect. Withdrawing the object from the drawer, he held it up.

"My handkerchief," exclaimed Hermione.

"Is it yours?"

"Well, technically, no. I gave it to Severus Snape several years ago at Remus's funeral."

"These aren't your initials on the monogram."

"No, they're Remus Lupin's."

"Why did you give Lupin's handkerchief to Snape?"

Hermione frowned. "When Remus gave me his memories for Snape's defence, he gave me the hanky at the same time. He said I was to give it to Severus, then I'd have to ask him for it back when I needed it. Well, I guess I need it now. So, can I have it back, please?"

Snape's fingers curled around the small piece of material he had carried with him for the last few years. He rubbed a thumb over the monogram on the corner and lifted it to his nose smelling the familiar but fading scent. "I don't know."

"I'm sure it will be fine. It's not like it's anything important, is it? When I gave it to Snape, he sneered at it, so I'm certain he wouldn't miss it. Actually, he said it was a charming gift for a beloved professor, and then he sneered." Hermione shrugged. "I don't think he ever realised how much I respected him."

"Charming! It was soaked in tears and snot!"

Hermione stared at the witch sitting behind the desk.

Severus cringed and cleared his throat again. "I'll just finish the spell work. Then we can get you on your way, Miss Granger. We need to go through to the Time Room for this. Follow me."

As he stood up, the woman's shoes pinched his feet. The Transfiguration spell must be wearing off. He would have to work fast to complete the Timeportkey and get rid of Granger before he transformed back into himself again. Kicking the shoes off under his desk, he walked barefooted ahead of Hermione.

As he walked, he ran her words through his head again.

Remus gave her the handkerchief to give to me, in order for me to give it back to her again.

It didn't make sense, but it did trigger a faint memory, something to do with a hanky and the witch McGonagall had named.

What was the name again? Charming... no Charmaine.

He stopped abruptly, and Hermione nearly barrelled into the back of him. "Charmaine!"

"Charmaine?"

"Your name. It's Charmaine."

"That'll do. It's close enough to Hermione for me to remember. What about a surname?" she asked as they entered the Time Room.

"Let me make the Portkey first," Severus answered as he completed the intricate incantations and wandwork. When he was finished, he handed her the handkerchief. "This will activate soon. I'm sure young Snape and Lupin will appreciate all the help you can give them. Take care."

"My name?"

"Mademoiselle Charmaine Bien-Aimée." Snape's voice cracked slightly and deepened as he started to return to his normal form.

The Portkey activated, and Hermione faded from sight.

"Severus Snape, is that you? I thought I could smell you." Her voice echoed as if from a distance.

She was gone.

A/N: Sunny33 does the beta stuff in between her work and ballroom dancing. Isn't she magic?